What I Know Now

In the past month I have had the opportunity to speak, teach, coach, and meet several accomplished leaders. So, today I want to share a few words of wisdom that come from these recent interactions. I hope they will serve as important reminders for you.

“Don’t take things personally.”

Remember that someone else’s behavior is more about them than it is you.

“Don’t create your own ceiling.”

Don’t limit your opportunities today as you think about decisions you might make in the future. Forge ahead. You can decide which path you will take when the time comes.

“Keep an open mind.”

Approach things with a sense of curiosity. You know what they say about the word assume.

“Know yourself. Find the right environment.”

Fit matters. Find a professional setting and company in which you can thrive.

“Don’t compromise personal integrity.”

Stay true to your core values.

“If not you, then who?”

Take ownership and provide leadership. Don’t be afraid to step up and out.

“Never underestimate the power of investing in relationships.”

Invest in relationships like they are worth their weight in gold.

As you reflect about these quotes and what you have learned in 2012, what one piece of advice would you give to someone else? Take 5 minutes to think about it and share it with someone. Don’t underestimate the power you have to make a difference with what you know now.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Reflections from the River Thames

I just returned from four days at the ICF Conference in London. Although it rained a lot, on two mornings I went for a run along the banks of the River Thames. I deliberately left my iPod at the hotel so I could clear my head and soak in the experience. As I passed beautiful historical buildings, watched teams rowing in the water, and thought about what I had heard at the conference, three important reminders came to mind. They are the inspiration for my article this week.

Recharge

Whether you start your day with a run, yoga, or reading the paper; do something that energizes or centers you so you can be more fully engaged. Remember that even if you don’t have time to go on a real vacation right now, you can still keep your batteries charged if you focus on proactively managing your energy. Taking time to get away can do wonders for your energy level and perspective. And that escape can be short and sweet - even 10-15 minute energizers throughout the course of a day. Remember that the quality of the renewal matters far more than the length of time.

Express Gratitude

When I travel to other countries, I can’t help but think about how easily we can take things for granted in the microcosm of the world we live in. With a seven-year-old son adopted from Guatemala, I often think about how different his life would have been had he remained there. When I extend this thought to my career, I can’t help but recall the mentors, friends, and family who have had a huge impact on my journey and what I learned from them along the way.

Take a minute to think about who has shaped your path, and let at least one of them know the impact they have had on you. In case you don’t know, research shows that giving positive feedback can energize you. The more specific the feedback, the more energy you get.

Celebrate

The day before I left for London, one of my closest friends called me to tell me she had won a big award. She truly earned it through months of hard work and tenacity, and she inspires me to do even more. When I got to the ICF Conference, this theme of recognizing results continued with three organizations winning the global Prism Award for their impactful coaching programs.

As I thought about these awards, I realized that every day leaders do things that make a difference to their companies and teams. It may not be award-winning, but it does matter. Before you gloss over your achievements and move right on to the next thing, take five minutes to identify something you’d like to celebrate. It will help you notice how you are making a difference. If you can make a habit of doing this, you may be surprised at how much you truly do accomplish.

As you look to the rest of this week, I urge you to identify at least one thing you will do to recharge, express gratitude, or celebrate. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Be Still But Keep Moving

I had a chance to hear Bill White, a community and business leader in Dallas, speak. For years, he has been a strong supporter of the United Way. His quote is the inspiration for my article today: “Be still but keep moving.” This really stuck with me, and reminds me of two important things that can be easy to forget as we rush through life.

Be Still

As I reflected about the first part of this quote, several things came to mind. First, there are times in your life where you need to stop pushing so hard and just let go. You know, those moments where you need to take a leap of faith and trust that you have done all that you can.

Sometimes, that brief pause can allow important lessons to surface that you might not otherwise notice in the midst of it all. Or it can create space for others to step up or things to unfold in ways you hadn’t expected.

Second, being still emphasizes the value of taking time to reflect and understand where you are. So when you do move forward, it’s strategic and deliberate. Strong leaders have mastered this practice.

Keep Moving

Now let’s think about the second part of the quote: “Keep moving.” To explain what he meant, Bill compared life to a bicycle. He said, “You have to keep moving to keep it in balance.” In other words, if you allow yourself to stay still too long, you will falter and won’t achieve what you want. You won’t get to the other side. So, you can’t allow yourself to stagnate or keep tolerating what doesn’t work for you. Sometimes you just need to do something and allow yourself to learn from it. Often taking even one small step can give you the insight, motivation, or information you need to take the next one.

There are times when you need to be still and other times when you just need to keep moving. Both are important to achieving your goals, personal and professional. So, what one step will you take to put this into play for yourself this week?

What Seeing Things in Black and White Can Do for You

I realized that I received five journals as gifts this year from various conferences at which I have spoken and events that I have attended. Seeing that stack of journals reminded me about the power of writing things down. It seems like such a simple thing - so simple that many underestimate its value.  So, as you wrap up the year and begin thinking about the next, take time to write down these three things:

1. Your goals

Writing down your goals has tremendous power. Once you put them on paper, you will find yourself applying more scrutiny to them, refining them, and thinking about how you will achieve them. Often that step to get the goals out of your head and onto a sheet of paper is the most important one in making that commitment to achieving them.

What are your top 3 goals for the next six months or year? Be specific.

2. How you define success

People tell me all the time that they expect to be past a certain point by now, whether they are talking about their careers, a particular project, or something related to their personal lives.  “Come on, shouldn’t I be there by now?!”

When I dig deeper, I usually find that they haven’t defined where “there” is.  In other words, they don’t really know what success looks like. So, of course they never get “there.” And even if they did get “there,” would they know it?

In situations like this, most people don’t realize that their definition of success may have become a moving target tied more to their feelings in that moment rather than their progress against clear measures of success.

So, what is your definition of success for the next six months or year? How will you know when you have achieved it?

3. Your accomplishments

I find that high performers usually underestimate or overlook their successes, quickly moving to the next thing on their lists without taking the time to notice or celebrate what they have actually accomplished.

Having a list of your achievements handy will not only help you recognize your achievements, but also arm you with the information you need to regularly provide “strategic snapshots” of your performance to key stakeholders.

What are the three accomplishments you are most proud of from this year? Who will you share them with? How will you track your accomplishments next year so that you can keep them front and center?

I hope this week’s article has gotten your wheels turning. I urge you to look at your calendar, and find some time to answer the questions I posed. Remember that you don’t have to do it in one big chunk of time. Just do it in a way that works for you

Do You See the Choices In Front of You?

In my role as an executive coach, I have the privilege of working with my high performing clients on so many different challenges and opportunities. It’s one of the things I really love about what I do. In particular, I really get excited when I can help my client see an open door or window that helps them move forward. Helping them get to that “aha” moment is priceless. So, today’s article is inspired by one of those important “aha” moments. In my coaching sessions, I often see my clients failing to see the choices right in front of them or failing to see the indirect choices they are making day-to-day. And both significantly influence their level of success.

To explain what I mean, let me share an example. I recently worked with a senior executive whose board suggested he work with a coach. To give you some context, he is an incredibly talented individual who dramatically turned around the financial performance of his company within a short timeframe. Given his unprecedented business results, he questioned the value of working with a coach. But his board felt he needed to adjust his working style despite his results.

The first time we talked, I remember wondering if he would see the choice and the opportunity in this situation. I could tell he was frustrated and going through the motions because he had to “check the box” for the board. And I think it may have been a bit of a blow to his ego – like there was something that needed to be “fixed.” So, I asked, “Whether or not you agree with the board, how can you turn this into an opportunity?”

I wanted him to understand that he had a choice sitting in front of him, to fully take advantage of the resources in front of him or not. His frustration had kept him from even seeing this as a choice or opportunity. I have to say that he is one of the most fun clients I have ever worked with. Once he viewed this situation less as a risk and more as an opportunity, he was so willing to take a hard look at himself and take action.

Let me give you another example. I have another client who has been very successful in her career, getting promotions at an unprecedented pace in her company. However, like most, she hit the natural place in her career where her pace of progression slowed down because there were skills she needed to further develop to take it to the next level. However, she was so focused on getting that next promotion that she didn’t see the opportunity or choices in front of her...and she was frustrated.

Take a look at the questions I asked her, and her responses. These may help you the next time you feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, and don’t think you really have a choice.

1. How do you see the situation? What are your underlying assumptions?

“This situation is unfair. I deserve a promotion and I’m ready for it.”

“I have all the right skills, but this is a tough environment and I just don’t have the right team.”

2. What is outside your control?

“Although I can influence their perceptions, I can’t change who makes the decision about my promotion. Several team members do not have the level of commitment or work ethic that I think is necessary, but my boss disagrees with me. So, I have to make it work with this team.”

3. What is within your control?

“My own attitude, thoughts, actions, and performance.”

4. If you can assume for a moment that you are in this situation for a reason, what choice can you make right now that will help you make the most of this situation?

“Although I disagree about whether or not I am ready for a promotion, putting that aside will help me focus more on what I can control. At the end of the day, that’s all I can do.”

I have to say that this client has achieved, and continues to achieve amazing results. Her leadership team views her so differently today, and her next move within the organization is in the works.

So, I want to leave you with this. Just remember that we all have choices in front of us – even in the most difficult, frustrating, or demanding situations. The question is, “Do you see them?”

Can Coaching Really Make a Difference?

Are you intrigued by the thought of working with a coach, but skeptical about whether it can really make a difference? I know I was the first time I had an executive coach. At the time, I worked at Deloitte, one of the largest professional services firms in the world. The organization was in flux (so politics were running high) and my new leadership role was stretching me in ways I hadn't anticipated. Recognizing this, my firm invested in my success by offering me an executive coach. Although I wasn't sure what to expect, I jumped at the chance. I can tell you that I have participated in many training classes and leadership development programs over the years (and even designed some myself), but none could have taken the place of a coach - an objective third party with an approach tailored to my needs and goals.

Consistent with what my clients tell me, one of the most valuable aspects of the coaching was having dedicated time to reflect and to be much more strategic about my choices and business results. Like many professionals who work with coaches, deep down I already knew what I needed to do to achieve my goals. It was just taking me longer to see it, because I was getting caught up in the whirlwind and stress of each day. So, I remember being really surprised by how even as little as 30-45 minutes of coaching twice a month helped me get clarity and accelerated my results.

Another key piece was selecting the right coach, someone who I could really open up to and trust. After defining my criteria, I reviewed three bios and talked to two coaches before deciding. I chose my coach not only for her coaching credentials and business experience but also because of the personality fit - which is SO IMPORTANT. Our coaching relationship truly was a partnership, where she brought the coaching expertise and process and I brought the expertise about me, my situation, and goals. Together we turned that into insight, action, and results over a six-month period. Had she just told me what to do, rather than help ME discover my own answers through thought-provoking questions, I would have lost most of the value of the coaching.

Finally, the most important ingredient was my own commitment - to defining clear goals for the coaching, making time for coaching, being open to different perspectives, and turning the insight I gained with the help of my coach into action. Without that, IT JUST WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED.

So, I can honestly say that coaching made a huge difference in my career by helping me see my blind spots, make change more quickly and take my performance to the next level. It ultimately helped set the stage for my next leadership role.

I have no doubt that coaching can do the same for you if you set it up for success - by selecting the right coach, setting concrete goals for the coaching, co-designing a partnership between you and your coach, and committing to making the most of the coaching process.

Is the Economy Taking a Toll on Your Career Plans?

The economy is taking a toll on finances, but does it have to take a toll on your job satisfaction? I have talked to so many people who want to make a change in their careers or jobs or switch companies, but are "staying put" until the economy improves. It's reasonable to expect that a major economic downturn would make anyone think twice about their timing; even more so if they are telling themselves:

"I just have to stick it out. I should feel lucky to have a job." "It's too risky to make a change right now." "I'd be crazy to do something now. After all, I am still getting a decent paycheck."

In this situation, there are two very important elements at odds with each other: the need for financial security and the need for more job satisfaction or fulfillment. This might lead someone to feel like they are trapped in a no-win situation. If you are in this predicament, here are three steps to help you work through it:

1. Assess your mindset

Are you starting each day with dread or some other draining negative feeling? If so, how could you start it in a way that would give you a more positive mindset? What energizing activities could you incorporate into your day whether it's exercising, having lunch with someone whose company you enjoy, or something else that's worked well for you in the past? Just remember that these don't have to be time consuming activities (e.g., reading something funny or inspirational), but they should energize you and make you feel more positive.

2. Focus on what you CAN do

Although there are many things beyond our control, we often overlook what we can do to improve our own situations. Start by identifying one or two things that would make working in your current role or company more satisfying. For example, you could volunteer for a project in an area you find exciting. These don't have to be huge changes, but should be changes in a direction that is important to you. What would it take to make those things happen? If you are not sure where to start, find someone who could help you brainstorm. Focusing on these things will make you feel more positive and empowered.

3. Take steps towards what you really want to do

Identify steps you can take right now that will make it easier for you to make a transition when you are ready to make a change. They don't have to be big or risky steps, but they do need to help you make progress towards what you really want. For example, you might focus on increasing your visibility internally in the company, networking with people who work in areas in which you have an interest, or saving more money.

We all know that the need for safety and security are essential, but it doesn't have to come at the expense of being miserable day-to-day. Small steps combined with even a small shift in your mindset can make a big difference.

Can Others Really Read Your Mind?

When you are a high performer and working in a fast-paced environment, it's easy to fall into the trap of "moving too fast." Because you have already thought through the issue at hand and the best way to address it, you might inadvertently leave out some important information in your communication - because YOU KNOW what you mean and how you got there. But the person on the receiving end may need clarification about your conclusion, assumptions and supporting data. They can't read your mind. Let me give you a really simple example. The other day I coached someone through her frustration about her relationship with her board. She couldn't understand why her board wouldn't step up to help her with fundraising. Her board chair explained what he needed from her to give her more support, and she responded by saying she needed something else. So, her board chair left with the distinct impression that she disagreed with his request, when in fact she agreed with most of what he asked for. However, she never said she agreed with him. Instead, she skipped over that important statement because she knew what she was thinking - and quickly moved on to her own ideas.

Had she said, "I agree and to build on that, I also think we need....," it would have shifted the entire interaction. This broken pattern of communication had been playing out between the two of them time and again, leaving both of them frustrated.

I am also working with another talented leader whose good intentions are often misunderstood. His team observes his actions, and draws their own conclusions about what they think his actions demonstrate. When I interviewed his direct reports to get feedback about his effectiveness as a leader, the gap between what he intends and what they take away from his actions became crystal clear.

So, what should you do to remove mind-reading from the equation? Here are three tips to get you started:

1. Remember that each person has their own filter

People typically filter through information and draw conclusions based on their life experiences and their relationship with you. So, take time to think about the other person's perspective and they might interpret your actions, especially if they have a strong opinion about you. Often, people are evaluating each of your actions against their hypotheses or conclusions - to validate what they believe.

2. Notice people's reactions

Notice how your actions and words are "landing" on others. Pay attention to their body language, tone of voice, energy level, and other reactions. What did they say in response? Really listen, instead of focusing on how you will respond. You may start to notice patterns and clues about how they interpreted your actions.

3. Be more transparent

Think about the one or two things you want others to know, to put your specific action, decision or behavior in the right context. Be careful not to get into too much detail, so they can hear your key messages or headlines. Remember that just because YOU KNOW what you are talking about and what you mean, it doesn't mean that others will!!

By making slight tweaks to make your thoughts and intentions more transparent, you can vastly improve communications and relationships...and we can all get out of the business of mind-reading.

Making the Most of Transition

Over the years, I have worked with many individuals and organizations to help them transition through major changes - even more so in this economic climate. So, whether you're personally dealing with change or leading your organization through change, this article has tips to help you work through it more effectively. William Bridges, author of bestseller Managing Transitions - Making the Most of Change, has a simple but powerful way of framing change and understanding what it really takes to make transition happen. He distinguishes change from transition, explaining that change is situational and external (e.g., getting a new boss, role, etc.) while transition is internal and refers to "the psychological process that people go through to come to terms with their new situation."

So, why does this distinction really matter? Most of the time, when we talk about change, we focus on the ultimate outcome or result of the change (e.g., 20% cost reduction). Bridges argues that what enables the outcome is transition. Take a look at the overview of his three-step model below to understand how to put this concept into play:

Step 1: Recognize that transition starts with an ending

Every transition starts with an ending, so the first step is to really understand what you have to let go of as a result of the change. In other words, what is "the ending you will have to make to leave the old situation behind?" For example, even something positive like a promotion may mean leaving behind a peer group, a strong sense of security about your ability to do your job, or a work schedule you really enjoyed.

The same concept applies for organizational change. Use the following questions to help you identify who's losing what:

• What is actually going to change? Be really specific.

• What may be the ripple effects of the change?

• Who will have to let go of something as a result of these changes?

• What is ending for everyone?

Step 2: Understand the neutral zone

The second step is to understand the neutral zone, "the limbo between the old sense of identity and the new." Bridges explains that the neutral zone can be a place where we see tremendous creativity, innovation and revitalization. However, it can also feel confusing, discouraging or chaotic - making people want to escape it entirely. This is why we often see an increase in turnover in major organizational changes. The key is to recognize that the neutral zone has its place and is where old habits start getting replaced with new ones, setting the stage for a new beginning.

Step 3: Make a new beginning

The last step is to make a new beginning. New beginnings are what most companies emphasize when they make changes, often failing to recognize the existence and importance of the two steps above.

So, if you take away just one thing from this article, remember that every transition starts with an ending. Recognizing this will go a long way in helping you navigate through your own transitions and leading others through theirs.

Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman

I just read Play Like A Man, Win Like a Woman by Gail Evans, a senior executive at CNN. Because I specialize in working with high achieving women, the challenges she highlighted were all too familiar. I thought I'd share four pieces of advice that may be a valuable reminder to both men and women.

1. Ask for What You Want

Time and again, I coach women who are reluctant to ask for the raise, promotion, or assignment that they want. I recently interviewed a senior executive at a Fortune 500 company who remembers to this day how she got passed over for a promotion because her boss had no idea of her interest in the position (or the extent of her qualifications). Sometimes we delude ourselves into thinking that the boss already knows, or we might simply be afraid of rejection. After her painful lesson, she made sure that key stakeholders understood her capabilities and career goals. A few months later, a similar position opened up and she got the promotion. When you really want something, don't hint. Ask for what you want.

2. Toot Your Own Horn

I give presentations on this topic all the time, and I know that many women fall into the trap of thinking that their good work will speak for itself. Well, I'm here to tell you that in this 24/7 world, most people are just too busy to notice all the ways that you are contributing. So, it's important to proactively provide snapshots of your performance, in a way that works for you. Women often wrestle with how to tastefully self-promote (i.e., without seeming like they are bragging). One simple idea is to send your boss a concise email every week to let him/her know about your progress on an important project or what your team is doing. When you think about self-promotion as sharing important information, it's much easier to do it.

3. Sit at the Table

Imagine if you were in a situation where your boss has called a meeting, and there are fewer chairs at the table than the number of participants. However, there are other chairs along the wall. Would you take a seat at the table or would you offer it to someone else? The author, Gail Evans, asserts that women often sit in one of the peripheral chairs because they think "the table is for the boss, key people or those who would be disgruntled sitting anywhere else." Remember that if you want to be considered a key player, take a seat at the table.

4. Speak Out

Have you ever been in a meeting that you're well prepared for, but you just don't speak up because there's something you lack information about? Meanwhile, the man sitting next to you confidently shares his ideas and perspective although he doesn't have all the facts. Just remember that if you don't talk, no one will know that you're really there. So, before each meeting take a few minutes to think about what you will say, even if it's asking a thought-provoking question.

I'll leave you with the final thought from this book: remember to be yourself. Women can build genuine, lasting relationships by allowing the natural, nurturing side of themselves to be available. This can be a real advantage in the workplace.