My Top 8 Life Lessons — What Are Yours?

We all have life lessons buried in our years of experience, living life and watching others around us. When was the last time you took a few minutes to distill yours?  

If it's been a while for you, you're not alone. I often discover some of my most important lessons as I am coaching someone. When this happens, I find myself wondering whether the words I just said out loud were just as valuable to me as they were to the leader I was coaching at the time. It always leaves me feeling like the "Twilight Zone" music should be playing in the background and Rod Serling might pop out any minute.

Despite any "aha" moments we might have, most of us don't write the lessons down unless something prompts us to do so. For me, it's typically when I am asked to speak at conferences or companies, or if I am on a plane where no one can call or email me. For others, it may be when a major life event occurs and they are trying to make sense of it. It's the rare person who makes reflection about life lessons a regular part of her leadership development without someone (like a coach or mentor) suggesting it.

I hadn't planned to generate a list of life lessons on my flight as I headed to the Grand Canyon recently. I was actually trying to take a nap. But I guess my head was too full, and this list came oozing out.

1. It is OK to want what you want. Admit it to yourself, stop judging and get started.

2. You get what you give. Be generous.

3. Accept support no matter how tough and self-sufficient you are. It makes others feel good.

4. Stop overthinking and go with your gut. It will be OK.

5. Your body knows when you are taking a wrong turn. Don't ignore your insomnia and pain.

6. Decide what kind of leader you want to be, regardless of how others are showing up.

7. Be good to yourself. Empathy isn't just for other people.

8. Own your value. It is the first step in creating a ripple effect, that positive impact you want to have on others.

As you read that list, what resonated most with you? I want to challenge you to identify the biggest lesson for you this year. It might be one you've learned before but needed to be reminded of. I would love to hear from you.

Need a Change? Here's Where to Look First

Does it feel like time for a change in your career? There's one simple strategy for career shifts that many of us overlook. It’s one I didn’t consider early on in my career but that I used three times during my 14 years at Deloitte.  

It is really this simple: Explore the possibilities at your existing company. Too often people jump to options outside their organizations first.

Just Ask

When I left Deloitte in 1995, I had convinced myself that the career options I wanted just wouldn’t be available at the firm. And as I have coached leaders over the years, I’ve heard them share stories of employees who don’t give their managers or other leaders a chance before they decide to leave. They often convince themselves that the company could never give them what they want — whether that's a better salary, a more flexible schedule or a different role.

But trust me, in a competitive job market, companies can get creative and make things happen. If you have consistently performed and demonstrated value, most companies will work hard to retain you because it makes a lot of business sense. I learned this lesson after I got recruited back to Deloitte in 1997, and went on to work there for 10 more years (switching groups three times during that period). Remember that it starts with you — your willingness to simply ask for what you want.

Focus on Your Intent

So, if it really is this simple, what gets in the way? Usually it’s what you value. For example, you may worry about how others will view you or how a move might affect your work relationships or your reputation.

Recently, one of my clients thought about switching jobs within his company but was concerned that his boss and other leaders would question his loyalty and commitment. I could certainly relate. When I changed groups at Deloitte, I felt strongly about not burning any bridges. To help my client overcome his fear, I asked him to focus on his intent, which was to find a way to pursue his passion and to leverage his skills in a way that felt impactful. By incorporating this language into his approach, he became more confident about having the conversation in a positive way.

We also discussed how to frame the conversation to clarify that his decision was about moving toward a role that was a better fit for him, rather than trying to leave a bad situation or group behind. Finally, we thought through how he wanted to show up in the conversation. This helped him better reinforce his key messages with his tone and body language.

So if you're looking for a change in your career, consider giving your current company a chance first before you jump ship. Your company may surprise you. And you can make the move in a way that's true to who you are and what you value.

The Most Effective Ways to Move Past Fear

We all run up against our fears from time to time. Recently, I've been helping clients work through fears around transitions. For some clients, the fear is around wanting to leave their current company, and what might happen if they did. But that same fear can come up even when you’re considering a new role within the same company.  

Moving past fear is a critical leadership skill. As an executive coach, I help clients reframe their fears so they can achieve their goals. I do this from a place of understanding, from my experiences coaching others and from my own career transitions. In 2008, I walked away from an executive position at Deloitte to start my own business. This meant tackling a couple of big fears that are common among high performers. The first was a fear of failure. I had worked hard my entire life to be successful, so taking a huge chance on something that might not work was a big deal for me. The second issue, one of self-doubt, I dealt with early on in my career. In 1995, I left my job without having another one lined up. At the time, I felt confident about my decision. But I totally underestimated how others would view my choice. They questioned and challenged me, and I began to wonder if I had made a big mistake.

What got me through my fears was the power of the vision I had for my life and the steps I took to address each fear. I realized that I cared more about achieving my vision than what others thought of my choices. If you haven't already, try the visioning exercise featured on the blog recently. The answers to this exercise can really help ground you and help you reconnect to what's important when you find yourself hesitating or feeling afraid.

Take a look at some of the strategies that I use to help my clients when they're experiencing fear or anxiety, and see what resonates for you.

• Talk back to your gremlins. Many of us engage in harsh self-talk, especially when we expect a lot of ourselves. Maybe you're thinking about leaving your company for new opportunities, but your inner voice keeps saying, "You'll never find a job that is better than this one. You’re crazy to leave this well-paid position and start over somewhere else." It's important to realize that this inner voice isn't always reliable. Usually it's simply your fear of change trying to be heard.

• Dig deep. Find out what's really behind your fear. When you can zero in on what's scaring you, it's much easier to overcome. In 2008, when I realized that my fear of failure was holding me back, I realized that I had to start by defining success.

• Turn mountains into mole hills. A big decision like a job transition can feel so overwhelming that you may start procrastinating. To help you move forward, turn your big goal into smaller, achievable action steps. Just remember that you don't have to make that big leap and climb that mountain all in one day. Small steps lead to big results.

• Imagine the worst-case scenario. This might seem counterintuitive, but imagine your worst fear playing out. What would happen? How bad could it really be? Then ask yourself what you would do if that worst-case scenario started to happen. Chances are, when you really think it through, you'll realize that you would survive just fine and would take action way before life got that miserable. When I played out my fears about what would happen if I failed at my own business, I realized that the worst that could happen is that I'd have to go back to consulting, possibly start traveling again and be well-paid. That wasn't my dream at the time, but it really wasn’t so bad.

• Get a cheering squad. We all need our fans around us when we go through change. Surround yourself with and ask for support from people who care about your success, from family and friends to mentors and coaches.

It's natural to feel some fear or anxiety from time to time, especially when big changes are on the horizon. These strategies will help keep you from getting stuck in uncertainty. Choose one to try this week, and let me know how it goes.

Time to Boost Your Self-Awareness

600w052515blog

When you have some down time, let me encourage you to use that time to check in and take your self-awareness up a notch. Just pausing to notice what's going on with your career and what might be holding you back in your leadership development can be the first step toward some big breakthroughs. Use these questions to stimulate some ideas.

• What one thing do you want to be different in your life right now?

• What's standing in the way any changes you'd like to make?

• How is your mindset helping or getting in the way?

• What messages are you telling yourself?

• How much are you thinking about what could go wrong (and making yourself anxious or overwhelmed)?

• If you could let go of one thing, so you can move forward, what would it be?

Keep these questions in mind as you go through your week and jot down your answers. In upcoming posts, I'll give you some specific tips on working through fear and overwhelm.

4 Breakthrough Insights from Ali Brown's Event

Last week was a big one for me.  

I participated in a two-day conference with Ali Brown, a self-made multi-millionaire who works with women entrepreneurs. I did this because I wanted to learn more about the challenges and strategies at that level and to be with a peer group of women who want what I want — to make a bigger difference, break the mold and lead the way.

The attendance at this conference, Repower, was limited to only 35 entrepreneurs with high six- or seven-figure businesses. FYI, only 2 percent of all women-owned businesses have revenues of $1 million or more, so you know there were a lot of smart, successful women in the room.

NeenaNewberryAliBrown

I decided to invest in Repower for my leadership development because I realized that I’m not someone who is just here to build a business. I want to have an impact on the world — in a big way. And this was my first step to really own that.

Many of my clients are incredible leaders who also want to make a big difference. So, in that spirit, I want to share my takeaways. Hopefully, this will get you thinking about a next step for you.

Trust your gut

You should know that, going into this event, I had been in the thick of trying to implement a strategy for my business, one that I thought I had to, to take my company to the next level. It has been so frustrating and has sucked the life out of me for months now. No wonder I just couldn’t seem to get it over the goal line.

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am a go-getter and get things done fast, especially when I know it’s the right thing to do. I initially thought my hesitation was because I was entering unchartered waters, but now I realize that it was the wrong approach for me and my business.

If you keep resisting to something in a big way, pay attention. I fell into the trap of ignoring my resistance and rationalizing my approach. My advice to you: Get out of your head and listen to your gut, that intuition that you have developed over a lifetime.

Break the mold

One of the reasons I stuck to the wrong strategy for so long is that I overemphasized other people’s definitions of success, the models that seem to be working in the marketplace. In fact, I did it so much that I discounted my 20+ years of experience developing business strategies, restructuring operations and developing strong leaders. In retrospect, what was I thinking?

Well, I now know that I was simply overthinking. Just because many others have grown their businesses using one model, it doesn’t mean that I have to. This is my golden opportunity to shake things up and do it another way, and stand out from the pack.

It’s easy to get caught up in how others define success or how something “should” be done. Next time that happens for you, ask yourself whether it’s time to break the mold, solve the problem in a new way and be a thought leader. (If you need to get back in touch with your own "true north," try the vision exercise from last week's post.)

Go where your energy is

As I mentioned, the past few months have felt heavy despite the fact that I really love what I do. I get unbelievable gratification from helping high-performing leaders bring out their best, especially knowing how one leader affects so many lives. I realize now that what gives me the most energy is being part of that ripple effect.

I have decided that I will pour myself into where my energy is and put aside all the “should’s” in my head that suck the life out of me. There’s something exhilarating about pursuing a strategy that plays to my passion and strengths — and, by the way, makes more sense for my company!

Surround yourself with the right people

I have wanted to challenge myself to do more and have a bigger impact for a while. I now know that I needed some validation, motivation and inspiration to do that. So, one of the most valuable aspects of the Ali Brown event was meeting the amazing women in attendance. Although we’ve gone our separate ways and live in different parts of the country, I know they will continue to challenge my thinking and give me the support I need from a place of understanding.

I strongly encourage you to make sure you have that kind of support for yourself in your leadership development. Shake things up a bit, go outside your industry and the people you have had in your circle for a while. It is so worth the investment.

As you think about where you are today in your life and career, remember to invest in what’s going to help you take things one step further. Check out the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM or my book — Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. — to get you started. And remember that small steps can lead to big results.

How to Stay Committed to Any Goal

Did you try the life wheel exercise we talked about in last week's blog post?

Using what you learned from the wheel, you've probably been setting some goals related to areas you'd like change in your life.

Setting a goal is only the first step, though. To keep moving toward your goals, you've got to feel emotionally connected to them.

That's why I take my executive coaching clients through exercises to help them visualize achieving their goals, and feel what it would be like.Getting a taste of those satisfying emotions can help them push toward what they want to achieve even when things get tough. Having detailed goals has been linked to future success. You can try something similar with any goal you are working toward right now. I want you envision, in as much detail as you can, what your future will be like after you've achieved your goal. To get started, answer the questions below. You can write down the answers or talk them through with a coach or someone else you trust.

• What is happening in your life now that you've achieved this goal? This could range from where you work to what you do outside of work.

• What do you spend your time doing? Think about what a typical workday and weekend looks like for you in this future, especially the most enjoyable parts.

• Who is part of this future? Visualize your colleagues or clients, and other important relationships.

• What's going on with your family in this future? Picture how you spend time together and what's changed about your relationships with them.

• What's different about your life after achieving this goal? Imagine even the smallest details from your commute to your work environment.

• How do you feel after achieving this goal vs. how you feel today? Think about any differences in your stress level, energy, and happiness and how that impacts your life.

I just recently did this exercise with one of my clients who was ready to make a career change. Let’s call her Michelle. In the future she envisioned, Michelle saw a life that fit more closely with her priorities, one that allowed her to pursue her passion at work without sacrificing her personal life. She had also transitioned from a larger organization to a smaller one that offered more freedom and flexibility. Michelle had also received additional certifications to further build her expertise and credibility in her field. But most importantly, she felt more energized and excited, and so much “lighter” knowing that she was doing the right thing for her career and her family.

In my WOW! Women On the Way to Peak Performance Program℠, I take you through the process of defining concrete goals and overcoming the roadblocks that may prevent you from achieving them. This week, I encourage you to answer the questions in this post or to get started with the WOW! Program℠ if you’re ready to dive deeper. You'll find that the time you invest will pay off. We’ll help you use what you learn in this visioning exercise in my other posts this month.

The First Step to Feeling More Calm and In Control

Maybe you're feeling just the opposite of calm and in control right now. And maybe you've assumed this is just how things are — that with all the demands we deal with every day at work and at home, feeling stressed or anxious is just par for the course.

I get how you feel — I've been there, too. But I've also proactively used some simple solutions to help me come out on the other side, and I’ve helped my clients do the same.

The first step when you're feeling off-kilter is to look at the big picture, by identifying where things are in or out of sync in your life. I take my clients through a “wheel of life” assessment to help them quickly notice where they need to make shifts. Use the blank wheel below and label each of the six sections with one of your top priorities. Then rate yourself on each area using the 0 (low) to 10 (high) scale. See the completed example for reference.

If you rated yourself a perfect 10 in all areas, you would have a smooth, round wheel. Most of us, however, find that our wheel is bumpy and far from perfect. In this example, the wheel shows a very low score in health because this person is burning the candle at both ends and not getting enough sleep, rest or exercise.

If your self-assessment shows more than one area for improvement, start with the highest priority for you. Tackling too many priorities can set you up for failure. Likewise, don’t go overboard in trying to change too much at once. Simply identify the first step you want to take and exactly when you will take it. Once you have accomplished that step, define the next step. Trust me, I have learned the hard way that if you attempt to tackle it all at the same time, you will likely get overwhelmed or stuck. So, keep my mantra in mind: Small steps lead to big results.

This week, take five minutes to complete the wheel to help you take charge and start closing the gaps between where you are now and where you want to be. Giving yourself some time to check-in and map out some steps to self-care is a great way to reach success.

What a Classic Rock Band Can Teach Us About Success

Empty asphalt road towards cloud and signs symbolizing success.

Sometimes career inspiration comes when we least expect it. For me, it came from some classic rock. I got in my car and turned on the radio to the song "Don't Look Back" by the band Boston. Remember that one?

I was a huge rock fan when I was a teenager, so this was very nostalgic for me. I cranked up the volume and sang along.

Maybe it's because I hadn't heard the song in a while, or maybe it's because I was hearing it at the right time, but the song's lyrics really hit me:

Don't look back

A new day is breakin'

It's been too long since I felt this way

I don't mind where I get taken

The road is callin'

Today is the day

I can see

It took so long to realize

I'm much too strong

Not to compromise

Now I see what I am is holding me down

I'll turn it around

I think Boston got it right: There will always be something that isn't going exactly how you want. But everything that has happened to you so far, good and bad, has led you to where you are. And you’re exactly where you are supposed to be.  

Think about where your focus is. If you are dwelling on the regrets of the past, look for what you learned from those experiences and how that opens up possibilities for the future. On the other hand, if you tend to "fast forward" in your mind, try to bring yourself more into the present moment. It's great to make plans and look ahead, of course, but you don't want to overlook opportunities that are available right now (and that includes mini-epiphanies from listening to the radio!). Remember to be open to those little moments that re-energize you in big ways.

Three Kinds of People to Be Grateful For

Gratitude is one of the most powerful ingredients in your recipe for happiness and success. One thing that has really hit home for me lately is the power of having a regular practice to give thanks and appreciation. I started making that shift last spring when a couple of injuries derailed me from my usual activities. And I got a great reminder of what a consistent gratitude practice can do for us when I recently attended my first Tony Robbins event.

I've also noticed how a gratitude practice has impacted my son's life. We started out by talking every night about three things he was thankful for that day. He then started keeping his own gratitude journal. And let me tell you: This kid is on fire about gratitude. Even on difficult days, he goes to his journal and writes down the good things that happened despite all the stuff he would change. This has helped show him that even "bad" days aren't all bad, and he's able to end the day on a positive note.

I want to share a simple practice that can help you bring more gratitude to your life. Think about being grateful for these three kinds of people:

1. Your supporters and advisers.

   Who have you turned to again and again? How will you let them know what a difference they've made in your life? One idea: Positive psychology pioneer Martin Seligman recommends "Gratitude Visits" as a way not only to honor that special person but also to improve your own well-being.

2. Your high performers.

   How and when will you recognize and reward the people that deliver time and again? In the hustle and bustle of life, sometimes we leap from one project to the next without taking time to celebrate successes. Or we may take our high performers for granted as we redirect our time to underperformers who need more help to get the job done. Don’t forget that when someone feels appreciated, it can affect their engagement, morale and productivity.

3. The people who have tested you.

   At first, you may not see any reason to be grateful for your abrasive boss or difficult colleague who puts everyone on edge. But, whether you realize it or not, these individuals have taught you a lot about your values and who you are as a leader. I suggest writing thank-you notes (not to be sent!) to the people who drive you crazy. This practice can be liberating and help you identify the positives in a difficult situation.

When you express gratitude and appreciation to others, you’ll notice that it will give you a boost of positive energy too. Consider the three categories above and identify at least one person you will express appreciation to this week. A small shift toward gratitude will yield powerful results for you.

The Gift of Time and Space

In the hubbub of your holiday season, I hope there's been room for one very important non-material gift you can give your yourself: the gift of some time and space to get clarity.  

I'm a firm believer in downtime, but that wasn't always the case. In my first few years as a consultant, I bought into the idea that it was a badge of honor to not take all my vacation time. Everyone around me left unused vacation days on the table.

Then I realized that was simply crazy.

So I started making changes. I began taking more of my vacation days, but often stayed plugged in while I was gone. When I felt that I had built up enough credibility and earned trust from others, I began to unplug more and more on vacation. I quickly learned that the sky wouldn't fall without me at work, and that others would willingly step up.

From there, I began to make a stronger connection between down time and how it impacted my productivity. I began to view my time away as an important strategy to boost my performance, and I started to communicate how much getting away and recharging helped me do just that. I continue to honor a practice I put into place years ago, work-free weekends.

650self-reflection

At four different points in my career, I also took extended sabbaticals when I faced major life changes. During those sabbaticals, I made a point not to think about the big decisions waiting for me when I got back. Instead, I focused on doing what I enjoyed most and what energized me. I'm convinced that this kind of down time, the kind that reconnects you to who you are, truly unlocks our insights and guides us to the right answers.

Today, as a mom and business owner, it's much harder to take off for an extended break. I'm sure you can relate. But it's still important to regularly take time and space for ourselves, and the good news is that it's achievable. Here are a few ideas.

• Schedule time to reflect. This is one of the best habits you can establish to increase your productivity and lower your stress. Start by scheduling just 15 minutes once a week to prepare for upcoming meetings and reflect on ones you've already attended. I'm betting that you'll see results quickly, which will inspire you to add even more strategic reflection time. Learn more about getting started with strategic reflection in the post "The Real Secret to Being More Productive and Effective."

• Make time for what you love. While you're scheduling reflection time on your calendar, also block out some time for what you love. Think about the things that give you energy — time with friends and family, a massage, exercise, meaningful volunteering — and make sure they get time on your schedule.

• Set regular practices. Keeping a log of your accomplishments or a gratitude journal will remind you to step out of the fray and think about the big picture more regularly.

• Need more time and space? Listen to your gut: Is it time for a more extended break like a vacation or sabbatical? Start planning now to make it happen in 2015.

How we give ourselves “space” changes throughout our lives, but its importance never goes away. Take a few minutes this week to think about how you can create some space for yourself both during the holidays and in the year ahead. (My Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet "Staying in the Driver's Seat" can be a helpful tool as you do this.) Whether you can set aside a few minutes or a few weeks, know that this investment in yourself will deliver big results.

The Real Secret to Being More Productive and Effective

We're all looking for the edge to be more productive. And I have good news: Over and over, I've seen one simple technique make a huge difference for my executive coaching clients when they try it. 

If you're ready to step up your game from simply doing well to truly excelling, it comes down to creating time to reflect.  

I'll give you the same advice that I give my clients about implementing this practice: Start by putting just 10-15 minutes for reflection on your calendar. Use this time to think about the meetings you'll be attending. What do you need to do prepare? What do you anticipate coming up at these meetings? What does success at this meeting look like for you?  

Also take some time to review the meetings you've been to recently. What happened? What were the dynamics in the room? How do those things affect what you should do next? Who else might you need to engage, to achieve the necessary results?  

As you begin tapping into the power of reflection, the first step is to simply schedule the time to think on the calendar and protect it. To set yourself up for success, pinpoint the days and times on your calendar when competing demands for your time are least likely to pull you away.  

Start with scheduling 15 minutes of reflection time once a week; then work your way up to 15 minutes several times a week. Eventually aim to take an hour multiple times per week. As you increase the time you dedicate for reflection, also start designating how you will use that time. In other words, specify the topics you will focus on.  

From my experience with my executive coaching clients, once they start setting aside even a little time for reflection, they quickly see results like these:  

• They have a better sense of what success and their desired outcomes look like.

• They get more mileage out of meetings.

• They more effectively anticipate obstacles.

• They delegate more often, maximizing their own productivity and better leveraging their team.

All of those positive outcomes motivate them to set aside even more reflection time.

The key thing they realize, and that you'll realize when you start building in your own reflection time, is that when you're constantly in reactive mode, you're always a step behind. Taking the time to reflect and strategize is essential to being more proactive.

Today I challenge you to block out even 15 minutes for reflection on your calendar and to pay attention to the difference it makes in your week. Remember that big improvements in your productivity and effectiveness start with small shifts like this one. Ready for more ideas? You'll find them in my new e-booklet "Staying in the Driver's Seat." It's part of The Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

Getting a Leadership EDGE

How often has this thought crossed your mind? “I can’t afford time away to attend training and don't have the bandwidth to read yet another leadership book that may or may not help. I already have more than enough on my plate.”

We hear this all the time from people who want to get better results but struggle with finding the time to invest in their own development. So, today, I'm excited to announce the launch of the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM of booklets — a new tool to help you succeed.

We designed the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklets to give you what you need in a way that works for your busy schedule. Each booklet gives you practical, relevant information in manageable chunks to quickly help you get noticed, get results and get the edge.

Based on our experience advising and coaching leaders in Fortune 500 companies for over 20 years, we understand the challenges and skills that affect your ability to move up. No matter where you are in your career today, you'll come away with strategies you can use right away.

Choose which booklets make sense for you, based on your specific needs:

Building Executive Presence — Do others see you as someone who has leadership potential? Is your presence in sync with what you want others to notice about the value you bring? Use these everyday strategies to raise your self-awareness and quickly strengthen how you show up as a leader.

Strategically Standing Out —Do you wonder what others really think of you, and how that image hurts or helps your career and effectiveness? Do you want to get recognized for your contributions but just don’t know how to tastefully do so? This booklet will help you stand out among your colleagues and get the recognition you deserve.

Communicating with Impact — Does your communication style help others see you as someone with leadership potential? With valuable insight and information to share? Does your approach instill confidence in others? Learn how to send the right message, one that strengthens your brand and has a positive impact on business results.

Building Influence — As people move up in organizations, they have to get more done with and through other people to be successful. This requires understanding how to effectively build relationships and navigate organizational dynamics to create positive outcomes. Use the strategies in this booklet to minimize conflict and get faster results while building your credibility.

Staying Engaged — Are you losing that passion that helped you get where you are today? Are you ready for something to change, but don’t know exactly what or how to figure it out? Are you starting to feel disengaged? Gain more clarity and rediscover your passion so that you can get back in the game.

Staying in the Driver’s Seat —Do you have difficulty proactively creating the life that you want? Is how you invest your time and energy in sync with what matters most to you personally and professionally? Use these tools to get more of what you want personally, while moving forward in your career.

Building a Strong Team — Do you lead others, formally or informally, and want tools to help you manage and elevate their performance? Do you want to build more trust and promote more collaboration? This booklet has simple, effective strategies to help you do just that.

Building a Powerful Network — Do you understand the importance of a strong network, but struggle with finding the time or strategies that will work for you? Do you wish you had some simple tools to help you make progress? Learn how to develop lasting, genuine relationships that will help you get results for your career and the business.

Get immediate access to the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM of booklets, along with the other leadership tools we offer, in the Shop section of our website.

Simple Steps to De-Stressing

It's not your imagination: People are feeling more stress these days. High performers, in particular tend to live packed lives and often work in dynamic, demanding environments. As you may have personally experienced, too much stress can hurt both your job performance and your health. And when you're overwhelmed, it can be hard to identify a first step toward finding a way out of your stress – especially if it feels like you have to make big changes to get there.

That's why I wanted to share three simple ideas to try the next time you are stressed. Choose any one of these to help you start getting centered again.

1. Just breathe.

This is one of the simplest, most effective strategies you can use. Under stress, we tend to take shallow breaths or even hold our breath more often. But by practicing diaphragmatic breathing (in other words, taking breaths that make your stomach rise instead of your chest) you can avoid "fight or flight" mode and trigger your body's relaxation response. Try this exercise when you're feeling stressed: Breathe in to a count of 3, exhale to a count of 6.

You can also practice this exercise proactively a few times a day to help keep your stress levels manageable. You can even do it in the middle of a meeting. And don't worry — you won't sound like Darth Vader!

2. Check in.

Schedule reminders on your calendar to check in with yourself regularly about how you are doing and what you need in that particular moment — whether it's to grab some lunch, drink water, stretch your stiff muscles, or to put on a sweater to be more comfortable in your chilly office. When our schedules are packed, it's easy to ignore to basic physical needs like these. Noticing and tending to them will help keep stress in check.

3. Get a boost.

Do a quick activity that will energize you. Maybe that's taking a walk outside, listening to your favorite music, stopping by the desk of the co-worker who always makes you laugh, or just being in a different environment for five minutes. Tony Schwartz, CEO of The Energy Project, advocates taking "renewal breaks" not only to be happier, but also to do your best work. Research shows that the quality of the renewal, matters more than the length of it, and it can dramatically impact your engagement and results.

This week, try one or more of these strategies the next time your stress levels rise. Or even better, proactively build these strategies into how you work. When things seem overwhelming, taking one of these small steps will help you stay calm and grounded. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

A Busy Summer: Taking Things Up a Notch

This summer has been packed with new opportunities to speak and teach about leadership. Here's a little bit of what I've been doing. And stay tuned: There's another big announcement ahead! 'Finding Balance' Interview on CBS11

PepsiCo CEO Indra K. Nooyi sparked a lot of discussion with her remarks during the Aspen Ideas Festival."I don’t think women can have it all; I just don’t think so," Nooyi said. "We pretend we have it all.”

CBS11 here in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex invited me to give my own take on this topic. During a live studio interview, I said women can "have it all" but we have to look at it from a long-term perspective. At any given moment in your life, some things will take higher priority than others. Keep the bigger picture in mind, and what success looks like for you regardless of what others think. Everyone has an opinion about what makes a good mom, a good wife, a good leader. When you have clarity about your own definition of success, you can make choices in sync with it.

Fox News Radio Interview on Narcissism

Recently, I was asked to give my perspective on another topic in the news with Fox News WILS 1320 radio in Lansing, Mich. I was interviewed about a story in the Wall Street Journal that shared recent research on narcissism and other "bad" behaviors that can sometimes help people rise as leaders. I talked about the detriments and benefits of narcissism, and that we all have a bit of it. When taken to the extreme, narcissism can certainly cause disruption.

To work with someone prone to narcissism, look for ways to find alignment between what you want to achieve and what's important to him or her. And remember not to take a narcissist's behavior personally or let it push your buttons.

Multicultural Women's National Conference

On July 16-17, I took part in Working Mother's 2014 Multicultural Women's National Conference.

At my session, I shared strategies to help attendees avoid burnout, stay engaged and be more fulfilled. In a lively discussion, we talked about how to maintain energy and focus when we're pulled in so many directions and we have high expectations for ourselves.

One of the major points I stressed was being mindful of your physical energy, especially when it comes to getting enough rest. However busy you are, it's important to take breaks, even if it's just to get away from your desk for a moment or to do a breathing exercise.

I'll share more about my own takeaways from the conference in a future post.

Liberty and Leadership at Bush Institute

I've written before about how much I love working with the George W. Bush Institute’s programs to develop and empower leaders. In July, I was honored to teach at a new program, the Liberty and Leadership Forum. The forum's first class is made up of young leaders from Burma. The program focuses on helping these democracy advocates, many of whom had been political prisoners, learn the skills they need to bring about change in their home country.

In my first session with them, I coached them on how to clearly and concisely articulate the value they offer. This excerpt from an article written by the Dallas Morning News reporter who sat in my session captures the experience.

“On one of the last afternoons of training, the young Burmese tittered as they took turns with their one-sentence speeches.

It helped that the 18 participants had grown close over three weeks. When one of them said he would someday run the country, the rest of the group teased him, calling him “Mr. President.” But they also eagerly gave one another feedback.

When Kyi Min Han’s turn arrived, his passion was unmistakable. Words tumbled out as he tried to explain his efforts to improve the skills of government workers. That, in turn, would strengthen government institutions and ultimately make the country more stable.

But he couldn’t distill it down to one concise sentence — key for focusing goals and capturing others’ attention. Try after try got him closer, as his peers urged him on. And then on what must have been his 10th attempt, he nailed it.

The room burst into applause.”

As I continue to do this type of work, it reinforces the fact that no matter where you are in the world, whatever your work is, it's critical to help others understand the value you bring in simple terms. Only then can they can connect you to people who can benefit from what you offer.

We ended the day by taking this concept one step further – discussing how to build and leverage their networks. Given their circumstances, many of the participants wanted more access to people with power and influence who could help them effect change. But equally important was their need for relationships that would give them critical support and encouragement to keep forging ahead.

I left that afternoon truly humbled to work with people who are fighting so hard for the privileges we often take for granted in the United States.

Coming Soon

In the next few days, look for an announcement about some exciting new offerings aimed at helping you fit leadership development into your busy schedule.

Spilled Drinks and Defining Leadership Moments

We all make mistakes at work — sometimes they're even really big, embarrassing mistakes. But no matter what happened, what matters a whole lot more is what you do afterward. I gave some impromptu coaching on this subject at a surprising time: after a waiter had just spilled a tray full of drinks all over me.

I was out with family members at a restaurant close to home when the waiter fumbled, giving me a sudden shower of iced tea and soft drinks. The spill was such a jolt that I jumped up out of my seat. But what was really surprising was the waiter's reaction: Instead of helping me or apologizing, he started to clean the table. I couldn’t believe I had to ask for a towel as I stood there dripping.

Luckily my home is close enough to the restaurant that I could dash back, change clothes and return to salvage the meal. Back at our table, though, the mess from the spill wasn’t getting cleaned up, and the waiter was MIA. When I got back, I called the manager over to take our order.

At the end of our eventful lunch, over an hour later, our waiter finally reappeared with the check and an apology. He said was used to being a strong performer and nothing like this mishap had ever happened to him before. He was so shocked that he just didn’t know what to do.

I told him that I wasn't mad about the initial spill – because it wasn’t intentional – but what did trouble me was how he reacted afterward. The fact that he completely avoided a difficult situation told me that he wasn’t willing to take ownership. And was that really the message he intended to send? I encouraged him to not let one slip-up define him because he knows he’s better than that.

By the time we finished our conversation, he looked like a new person. As I stood in the parking lot with my family as we said our goodbyes, the manager ran out to tell me the waiter was beaming and thanked me for taking the time to coach him.

At one point or another, we all find ourselves in this waiter's shoes. We mess up; everyone knows; we wonder how we'll ever recover. These times can be defining moments in our leadership. Like the waiter, we can be remembered for the mistake or how we respond and recover — it's up to us. And remember, if you’re the person on the receiving end of the mistake, you can help the other person grow and learn from their mistake.

This week, take some time to think about your last big goof and how you recovered. What would you do differently next time? You'll find more ideas on defining yourself as a leader on my WOW! Program Highlight Audio℠.

The Power of One

I just got back from an inspiring visit to Washington, D.C. and it left me realizing the Power of One – the difference one individual can make. As I stood at the US Capitol, I couldn’t help but think about the amazing men and women who laid the foundation for the freedom and rights we enjoy today.  Like the other community volunteers on this trip, I went to DC with United Way because I want to affect positive change and I believe in the impact one passionate individual can have. His or her passion can engage others, and quickly turn from individual to collective impact.

During this trip, we talked to legislators about partnering with them to address challenges around income, education and health in our community. As I think about the challenges I hear from the Tunisian women in the Bush Institute’s Fellowship Program who are working to catalyze change around the world, I realize how much access and influence each of us has in the US – if we choose to leverage it.

Although it’s still not an easy task to make big changes happen, we can make a difference one person at a time. By arming others with knowledge and tools they can pass on to others, and by helping them develop strong support networks, the Power of One quickly multiplies. In D.C., we did just that. We shared vital information and laid the foundation for collaborative relationships that will allow us to work together down the road to affect greater change.

So, I want to challenge you to think about how you currently use the Power of One in your own life. You don’t have to take a trip to D.C., or take on a big project or role to do this. Every day you have the opportunity to make a big difference through each and every individual you touch.

Whether or not you hold a formal leadership role, think about how much you advocate for the change and results you want to see. Notice how you:

• Show up, and how your energy affects those around you

• Use your passion to engage others in being part of a bigger vision

• Leverage your strengths and knowledge to build capability in others

• Help others build stronger support networks

As you consider these areas where you can demonstrate leadership, choose one to focus on and identify one small step will you take to put the Power of One into play this week. And remember that small steps can lead to big results.

What I Learned from a Sprained Ankle and Black Eye

It's been quite a spring! Nine weeks ago, I severely sprained my ankle. Then, five weeks into my recovery, just as I was transitioning from a boot to a brace with my ankle, I got a facial fracture and black eye playing baseball! At this point, I have six to nine months to go before my fracture fully heals and at least two more months to go on the ankle. For those of you who know me well, you know I am very physically active. And it’s not something I just do; it’s part of who I am. These injuries have taught me a lot about myself as I have been, and continue to be, stretched in new ways. As we explore our May theme of lifting up others, I want to share what I have learned on this subject from my journey.

Mindfulness as a Way to Build Resilience

First and foremost, I have been forced to be more mindful about everything as I have had to pay attention to the details of daily life in a way that I haven’t before. With a sprained ankle, things that I mastered long ago (like walking) became difficult and simple decisions more complex. What clothes would work with a big boot on my leg? Which shoe would fit with an ankle brace? How could I relieve stress without my regular runs? This experience has caused me to notice the simple pleasures in life, feel more gratitude for them, and to be much more intentional about helping others notice the positive aspects of their lives.

Beyond physical considerations, I am much more mindful about the energy I bring to a conversation. The more people ask about my injuries and feel sorry for me, the more my optimism kicks in. So, even though I have my ups and downs, I know this is a minor physical setback in the big picture, not a major disruption. I know that my energy, positive or negative, affects my resilience…and it is contagious. I fully recognize that others have far bigger challenges to deal with than I do, like life threatening diseases. So, I find myself being more deliberate about how I Show Up and the positive impact I want to have on others.

Staying in the Moment as a Strategy to Increase Patience

I know I still have more work to do before someone would say I am a patient person! I am usually ready to take the bull by the horns, so when it comes to limitations I focus primarily on how to get past them. In this case, I really can’t accelerate my healing process and I have a big hiking trip in the Grand Canyon coming up in 4 weeks. As I have wrestled with this, I realized that when can I focus on the “here and now”, I worry far less about what might or might not happen in the future. In other words, I noticed that the more I can stay in the moment, the more patience I have.This has helped me make the most of my current situation, and be more resourceful and creative as I do so. For example, without the ability to run, I found other ways to stay physically and mentally strong like lifting weights, cycling on a recumbent bike with one leg, and meditating more regularly.

Caring and Concern Works

Finally, the most surprising part of my experience was what I learned from how others reacted to my injuries. In the first few weeks, when I was wearing the boot, strangers and friends would immediately ask about the story behind my injury. But once I had a black eye to go with the ankle injury, people held back. It felt so odd when people acted like they didn’t see this blatantly obvious injury and, at first, I took it personally.

Then, I remembered how often someone’s behavior is more about them. In other words, people often want to avoid potentially awkward or difficult conversations. As I thought about this, I realized that when someone approaches a situation from a place of genuine care and concern, the questions feel more supportive than intrusive. Even saying something as simple as, “You look like you’re hurt. Are you okay?” can go a long way.

Although life isn’t quite back to normal, I'm thankful for the self-awareness and insight I have gained. So, I want to leave you with the following questions to help you get as sense of how you lift others up.

• How often do you help others see how the glass is half full versus half empty when they face adversity?

• What kind of energy do you usually give to others? Positive or negative?

• How often do you stay in the moment, increasing your patience and resourcefulness?

• How often do you defuse or get past potentially awkward or difficult situations by demonstrating genuine care and concern?

As you answer these questions, pick one area that you would like to focus on this week to lift others up. And remember small steps can lead to big results.

What is Your Unique Energy Pattern?

I was having a low energy day last week and wondered why. I was not ill, and nothing terrible or even unpleasant had happened. We’ve all had days like that. But it prompted me to think about energy patterns and how they affect our daily work lives.  

Our bodies change daily. Hormone levels, hours of sleep and our emotional and physical well-being all affect our energy levels. You can assess your unique energy pattern with this method developed by Joseph Michael Levry, a yoga and self-healing expert.

For one week, monitor your energy level every couple of hours. Keep a log of this information. At the end of the week, take a look at the data to see:

• What days were you the most energetic? And what hours during the day did you tend to have the most energy?

• What days did your energy dip, even if you hadn't done anything unusually strenuous? What times of day were the least energetic for you?

• When did you most feel like communicating and collaborating with others?

• When did you most feel like being alone and contemplative?

If you see patterns in your energy levels, think about what can you do with that information. Are you more energetic and social in the morning? Try to schedule your challenging meetings then. Does your energy slump midday? Be mindful of your actions in team settings.

You may even want to consider tracking your energy over several months. Many people who struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder are not aware of its impact on their work life.

Getting to know your own energy patterns is part of noticing how you show up in different situations. You can explore this topic further in the WOW! Highlight AudioSM, which contains strategies to give your productivity an energy boost and strategies from all six of the modules in the full WOW! Program SM.

Finding Your Career Temperament

This month, we're exploring what makes you unique and how to boldly “own” it. Although there are many tools and resources available to raise your self-awareness, today I want to share some information about the Keirsey Temperament Theory. Dr. David Keirsey, noted psychologist and personality theorist, introduced his Temperament Theory in the early 1970s. The assessments developed from this Theory are still used by many global companies today and Keirsey’s books have become international best sellers.

Dr. Keirsey asserts that your temperament reflects traits which are observable in your behavior (i.e., in your communication, attitude and values), your personal needs, and how you want to contribute.  The four primary temperaments are Guardians, Artisans, Idealists and Rationals. Each temperament shows up in everything you say and do, offers something of value, and has its challenges.

Guardians keep things running smoothly and pride themselves on being dependable, trustworthy, loyal, and hard working. Follow through is important to them, and they take their responsibilities and rules seriously.  Finding membership and belonging within their work surroundings is important. The keys to Guardians' sense of well-being and success include contributing to society and having a sense of security and confidence in their abilities.

Artisans tend to focus on the here and now and are typically fun-loving, optimistic, and realistic. Often seen as risk-takers, they pride themselves on being unconventional, bold, and spontaneous. Artisans are usually in the middle of the action, seek variety, and thrive in positions that afford them independence. Some seek leadership positions.

Idealists are passionate about developing themselves and helping others realize their potential. An Idealist values authenticity and integrity and does not want to copy someone else, but rather be seen as unique and valuable.  Individuals with this temperament are the most attuned to values and seeking the greater good.

Finally, Rationals excel at complex problem-solving and will work tirelessly to achieve their goals.  Grounded in logic, they seek to understand how things work and how to make them better. Rationals commonly have a vision of the future along with the ability to make it come true, making them strong candidates for leadership roles.

Each and every one of these Temperaments offers value. After reading the descriptions, which one most closely describes you?  Which one would be second?  As you review the characteristics and skills, I want to challenge you to identify one that you would like to put into play more powerfully, and just one action step will take in the next week to do so.  Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

Are You in the Moment?

“What was I thinking when I agreed to do all this stuff?”  

My client definitely had a lot going on, and she was pouring out her stress about all of it to me. From her point of view, the perfect storm was heading her way. Besides some major projects converging at work, she was dealing with her spouse’s transition to a new job, some unanticipated travel and volunteer duties, among other things.

She couldn’t help but fast forward beyond her current worries to other challenges she feared would come up in the future. On top of that, perfectionist tendencies were in the mix. She was determined to meet her own high expectations through all of this without letting any of the many balls she had in the air drop.

My advice to her? Take a few deep breaths and focus on what is right in front of you. Staying in the present moment can help relieve the pressure. When you feel overwhelmed and your mind starts racing through the laundry list of work ahead of you, you can become paralyzed. You can lose touch with your ability to generate creative solutions or notice how others can help.   Instead you may focus on frustration, negativity, or the obstacles ahead.

By returning to the here and now, you can create the mental capacity you need to deal with what’s happening. The next time you find yourself overwhelmed by what’s on your plate, ask yourself, “What is the first step I need to take?”  A simple question like this can take help you get the ball rolling.

For some of you, that first step should be to help you relieve your stress so you can take action. In other words, you may need to get centered or grounded before you try to do anything else. Some of you may want to start directly tackling the issues at hand, so your first step could be to simply block time on your calendar to develop a plan of attack.  Once you have completed the first step, define the next. By making it manageable, you will build the momentum you need to get unstuck and start making noticeable progress.

So, the next time you find yourself worrying about the future, take a deep breath and bring yourself back to the present moment.