The Secret to More Energy Isn't What You Think

Happy business coworkers celebrating

You probably have some go-to strategies for when you need more energy, from listening to upbeat songs to squeezing in an extra workout to hitting your favorite coffee shop.  

Have you thought, though, about the energy you surround yourself with? The people we're around regularly have a huge effect on whether we feel lively and productive or depleted and crabby.

Researchers Rob Cross and Robert J. Thomas study how people succeed or fail based on their networks. They’ve found that "if those around you are enthusiastic, authentic, and generous, you will be, too. … Energizers bring out the best in everyone around them, and our data show that having them in your network is a strong predictor of success over time."

But Cross and Thomas also warn of de-energizers: "And our own research suggests that roughly 90% of anxiety at work is created by 5% of one’s network—the people who sap energy."

That's why I recommend taking an "energy audit" of the people in your life. Ask yourself these three questions:

1. Who are the people you spend the most time around?

2. How does each person on that list affect your energy? Do you feel more energy or less after spending time with your boss (for example)? Or is she more of a neutral person?

3. What cumulative impact do these people have on your energy? Do the energizers counteract the energy drainers, or do you have an energy deficit?

With the results of your audit, you might decide to take one or both of the following actions to give yourself more energy.

1. Distance yourself from de-energizers. This has been a major change in my own life, especially during key periods where I know I need to maintain as much energy as I can. I've gotten a lot more selective about who's in my inner circle.

2. If you can't escape from someone who drains your energy, develop strategies for dealing with that person to protect and replenish your energy. If, for example, you have a colleague who's always negative, accept that she isn't capable of showing up with positivity. Knowing that, how do you want to engage with her? Can you limit your time with her or put a stop to her habit of swinging by your office every afternoon to complain? (This blog has some good strategies for dealing with a complainer.) What can you do before or after seeing this person to replace the energy she takes from you?

This week, pay attention to how others fuel or drain your energy. Surrounding yourself with people who bring out your best is key to your success. The small changes we've talked about here minimize the effects of the people who drag you down – and free up time to spend with people who fire you up.

I'll be speaking on how to get more energy on May 11 at a luncheon presented by the Plano Chamber of Commerce Women's Division. You can find additional tips in "Staying Engaged" and "Building a Powerful Network," two titles in my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

A Leadership Roadblock People Are Afraid to Share

Some high performers have a surprising blind spot.  

They excel in many areas. They advance and get raises. But a gap in their people skills holds them back from being as successful as they could be.

We're not talking about major tantrums or tirades here. Instead, a pattern emerges over time in their daily interactions. They become known for their harsh tone or words, for their lack of respect, for feedback that shames others instead of empowering them.

And they're not setting out to be bullies, either. High performers who fit this pattern usually aren't aware of these problem behaviors or their impact — both on their colleagues and on their own careers. Their intent is typically to deliver high-quality results, and to do it quickly.

As an executive coach, I see this issue more and more as resources shrink and stress grows at most workplaces. What’s worse is that most people feel too intimidated to give you the feedback that you need to notice and correct the behavior. To determine whether you need to further assess or adjust your leadership style, ask yourself these questions:

• How often do you deliver individual feedback in group settings? When you give team members negative feedback in front of others, it can embarrass them and erode the trust in your relationships. Wait until you have some one-on-one time.

• How consistently do you demonstrate respect with colleagues at all levels? Some people interact well with senior leaders and peers, but then take on a less respectful tone when they talk to their direct reports. Remember to model the behavior you expect from others.

• How often do people approach you in the hall or linger after meetings to talk? If this happens infrequently, it may be a sign to take a look at how you engage with others. Simply pay more attention to the other person’s body language and tone during your interaction.

• How often do others push back on your ideas? If everyone typically goes along with whatever you propose, that's not always a good thing. Rather, take a look at how comfortable people seem in voicing their feedback or ideas, especially ones that may be different than yours

• How often do you work more than 55 hours per week? When you work that much, the odds of you operating from a place of stress and exhaustion increase. This can deplete your patience, making it harder for you to communicate constructively.

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In answering those questions, did you discover any red flags that your style may be harsher than you intend? If so, there are a couple of steps you can take to course-correct.

When you're abrupt or disrespectful to others because of stress, step up your self-care. What can you do today to help maintain your energy — and sanity — while still accomplishing what you need to do? Start by evaluating how much sleep and rest you’re getting. If you’re running short of sleep, bump up your daily total by 15 minutes as a starting point. If you’re plowing through each day without stopping, even a one- or two-minute break here and there can do wonders.

Next, think about what you want to be known for — in other words, what you want your leadership brand to be — and examine how consistently your behavior reflects that. Check out the story of one of my past clients and how identifying her values as a leader helped her stop acting in ways that diminished others. You can also find more advice and ideas in my Leadership EDGE Series^SM booklet, "Building Executive Presence." Remember: You bring a lot of value, so don't let a harsh tone or demeanor take away from that.

Six Types of Difficult People and How to Deal with Them

We all encounter difficult people or situations that leave us frustrated, especially as we’re trying to get more done with fewer resources. Fortunately, you get to choose how you want to show up regardless of how others show up. Keeping this in mind can ground you and keep you centered when you need it most.  

Let's look at six common situations you might find yourself in with difficult people and some communication strategies for handling them. Customize your response for the situation at hand, but look at the intent of each suggested response below to help you find the words that work for you.

The Naysayer

Behavior: Always tells you why your ideas can't work.

How to respond: "I understand your concerns and appreciate your perspective. What would it take to make this idea work?"

The Complainer

Behavior: Has a knack for seeing the glass as half empty and complaining instead of resolving the problem.

How to respond: "Take five minutes to vent so you can get it all out, and then let’s focus on finding a solution." (NOTE: You may want to actually time it or look at your watch so you can convey that you're serious about it).

The Derailer

Behavior: Finds ways to distract others from the core issue at hand.

How to respond: "I appreciate your comment. Just so I’m clear, please help me understand how it ties to what we’re trying to accomplish?"

The Person Lost in the Weeds

Behavior: Gets bogged down in details and loses sight of what's really important.

How to respond: "Let's take a look at the bigger picture to make sure we’re considering the 'what' before we get into the 'how', and that we’re meeting our objectives."

The 'Yes' Person

Behavior: Creates a bottleneck by taking on too much and getting overwhelmed.

How to respond: "If you take on this work, how much time will it entail? How does that fit in with other priorities you already have? What support might you need?"

The Master Delegator

Behavior: Keeps sending things your way without considering your existing workload.

How to respond: "I understand that you want me to complete this additional project. How important is this relative to other things I am working on? What would you like me to put lower on the priority list, or push out further, to create capacity for this?"

Keep these communication strategies in mind as you go about your week — I’m sure you’ll find an opportunity to use at least one. You can learn more about how to convey credibility and get your ideas heard in "Communicating With Impact," part of my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

Tap Into the Power of Passion to Create Your Ripple Effect

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When I left Deloitte, I was mentally and physically exhausted and knew I needed some space to figure out what was next. I am so grateful for each of my 14 years at that company, which helped me develop invaluable skills for the work I do today.  

As my wave of fatigue lifted in mid 2008, I began to reconnect with my passion and ultimately launched my leadership development company, right before the economy tanked. Yes, perfect timing! What I learned from building a business in a downturn is to never underestimate the power of passion. Not only does it fuel creativity, initiative and tenacity; it helps people overcome fear and roadblocks. When I started my company, I knew I wanted to use my experience and skills to have a bigger impact – to create a ripple effect. I just didn’t know exactly how. Today, I’m doing it, and my company continues to grow and have a broader reach.

But I’m certainly not the only one. Every day, I see people who want to make a difference in the lives of others, regardless of whether they are recognized for doing so.

For example, I recently attended a screening of an independent film called "I Dream Too Much." This was especially meaningful to me because I facilitated a strategy session with the team that made this movie a reality, The Pantheon of Women. The team reached out to me very early in their process, as they were strategizing about how to best use their passion for portraying women and girls differently in the media.

Pantheon of Women includes the CEO of a chemical company, a successful attorney and other successful businesswomen with limited experience in filmmaking. Despite this, their passion ignited their resourcefulness and they assembled a strong creative team to help them make it happen. Now they have a successful film to show for it, and are well on their way to making their second one. I was so excited to see "I Dream Too Much" with my dear friend Donna Cole, one of the key leaders who brought it to fruition.

As you go back to your day, think about one small step you can take to create a ripple effect. Perhaps it’s simply lifting someone else up, providing some words of encouragement or advice or moving forward on an idea you have been sitting on. And remember, small steps lead to big results.

Top 5 Gifts That Raise Your Game [neena review]

5. Why Your Underperformer Isn't Changing

This year's No. 5 post deals with a common frustration for leaders. It also brings up a topic you'll see again on this list: the importance of honest and specific feedback

Give yourself the gift of pausing. When an employee is stuck in underperformance, take a few minutes to look at your mindset and what role you might be playing. How can you shift the way you show up with the employee in a way that will help you work together toward a solution? Learning more about effective feedback may also take some stress out of the situation for you. "Building a Strong Team," part of my Leadership EdgeSM series, has more tips on giving feedback.

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4. Early Morning Habits of Successful People

Are you resolving to become a morning person in 2016? This blog post lays out some compelling reasons for rising early.

Give yourself the gift of being intentional. Getting up earlier will give you time to review your priorities and set a plan for the day. Need help identifying the areas where you can make the most impact? Try the strategies in the Getting the Right Work Done module in the WOW! Women on the Way to Peak Performance ProgramSM.

3. How to Communicate Negative Stuff in a Positive Way

The same message can come off as negative ("I’m bored or frustrated in this job.") or positive ("I want to more fully utilize my skills to support the business and have a bigger impact."). It all depends on how you frame it.

Give yourself the gift of clarity. When you get clear about what a situation is really about for you, you can communicate about it in a more positive way. Don't assume that others know what's motivating you to voice concerns. Instead, help them see that you're dedicated to the bigger picture. For more tips, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on "Communicating with Impact."

2. Making Awkward Feedback Easier

This is the second post about feedback that really struck a chord with readers this year. It gives some advice about an especially tricky kind of feedback: Talking with an employee who has a behavior, habit or mannerism that isn't affecting her performance, but is damaging how people perceive her.

Give yourself the gift of transparency. Simply acknowledging that this conversation is an awkward one for both of you can go a long way toward defusing the tension. In addition to the tips on feedback you can find in the Leadership EdgeSM series and the WOW!  ProgramSM, you can also get ongoing support for your leadership challenges through our executive coaching offerings.

1. Crazy Day? Here's How to Get Centered

As packed as our days are, it's no surprise that this post was the most popular one of the year. And it's timely reading during the hectic holiday season. One tip from this article may come in just as handy at your family gatherings as it does at the office: Think about the people or situations that set off negative emotions you have trouble letting go of. Then decide how you want to show up when you encounter them. Taking just a few minutes to mentally rehearse your response can make a big difference.

Give yourself the gift of self-care. When you take care of your own basic needs, it's a lot easier to stay calm and centered when things are chaotic around you. Set reminders to take a few deep-breathing breaks during the day or shift your routine so that you can get more sleep. To satisfy your need for personal development and enrichment, you don't have to wait until your schedule calms down. (When does that ever happen anyway?) My WOW! Highlight AudioSM delivers quick but powerful lessons on leadership that you can listen to any time you have a spare moment and put to use immediately.

Be generous to yourself and others this holiday season by putting at least one of these ideas into play. And remember small steps can lead to big results.

The Secret to Creating an Engaged, Committed Team

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What's the No. 1 leadership quality when it comes to engaging employees? Providing lots of feedback? Inspiring them constantly with your vision? Implementing generous recognition or training programs?  

Actually, it's something much simpler. In her research, Christine Porath, an associate professor at Georgetown University's McDonough School of Business, found that treating employees with respect trumps all else.

"No other leadership behavior had a bigger effect on employees across the outcomes we measured," she writes in Harvard Business Review.

My own experiences as an executive coach echo her findings. Treating your team members with respect takes employee loyalty and engagement to a whole new level. Here are three ideas for infusing your work style with more respect.

Respect the Roles that Others Play

One of my clients works with a boss who micromanages her. But he doesn't stop there — he also micromanages employees a couple of levels below her. As you'd expect, it's driving everyone crazy.

Although his intent is positive (to help drive high quality work and provide input and guidance), his style indirectly conveys disrespect for the knowledge and expertise his team members bring to the table, as well as their roles. As a result, his direct reports feel mistrusted because he doesn’t allow them to do their jobs without his constant intervention and input.

Sometimes letting go can be difficult, so try some of these ideas to help your team members grow by delegating with development in mind. Just remember that when you give employees the leeway to figure out how to tackle their work, they typically gain more confidence and develop skills faster (not to mention the fact that it takes work off your plate when you decide not to get so involved). They may make some mistakes along the way, but that will also accelerate their learning.

Choose the Right Setting for Feedback

How and where you give feedback often matters just as much as the feedback itself. Giving negative feedback in a group setting, whether it’s a meeting or conference call, can leave the recipient feeling embarrassed and disrespected (and her level of respect for you might drop a couple of notches, too). This doesn't mean you should hold back on giving feedback. Just choose the right time and place, and deliver it in a way that conveys how much you want to help the individual be successful.

Watch Your Tone

Although most of us know that little things can affect executive presence in big ways, we may not stop to think about it for ourselves. Leaders are always in the “invisible spotlight.” As you contemplate your communication style, think about how much respect you convey with your tone of voice and body language. To get a better sense, notice how others respond to you. In particular, pay attention to how often your team members seek true coaching and advice vs. approval (there is a difference, so don’t mistake one for the other). Remember that if employees don't feel respected, they may still comply with your requests — they just won’t have a strong level of commitment, which is key to taking performance and results above and beyond.

This week, look for opportunities to put at least one of these three strategies into action. And remember that respect is just one part of helping your team members achieve their best results. You can find many more strategies in "Building a Stronger Team," part of the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklets.

What's Keeping You From Asking For What You Want?

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Here's a situation I run into a lot with my executive coaching clients: A client wants something at work, whether it's a raise, a new leadership role, a coveted assignment or the go-ahead to launch a new project. She knows that what she wants is reasonable and workable.  

But she won't ask for it.

Vanessa K. Bohns, a professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University, says this fear about asking may come from how companies are structured.

"Because most companies emphasize the rigidity and formality of their hierarchies, employees tend to assume that their influence is dependent upon their roles or titles — that if they lack official clout, they can’t ask for anything," she writes in Harvard Business Review.

And women tend to have more issues around asking than men do.

“Women don’t ask,” Jean Clemons, a lecturer at Wharton on management communication, told attendees at the school's Women in Business conference last year. “Men ask for things — whether it’s jobs, raises, projects, engagements — two to three times more than women.”

If the idea of asking for something at work makes you nervous, take heart: You can become more comfortable with making requests, and increase your odds of getting a "yes." These tips can help.

It's All in How You Show Up

Worries about how they'll be perceived can stop women from asking for what they want. They're concerned that the person on the receiving end of their request will think that they're too assertive, aggressive or focused on themselves. If this keeps you from asking for something, think about how you want to be perceived —in other words, how you want to show up.

Let's say you're concerned that your request will make others think you're self-centered. Before you ask for what you want, think about what you can say and do to help others understand that your request is about something bigger. How can you connect what you want to what benefits your team, your department or the business as a whole? What kind of language would convey that message?

Protecting the Relationship

Another fear that can hold women back from asking for what they want is that the request will damage their relationship with the other person.

To get past that anxiety, first think about the kind of relationship you want with that person. For example, do you want a partnership, or are you focused on conveying respect? The kind of relationship you want will determine how you make your request. What words or supporting materials convey your approach to the relationship?

Losing Your Fear of 'No'

Sometimes you might talk yourself of out of asking for something by assuming that the other person will say no anyway, so it isn't worth putting yourself out there.

But, according to Bohns' article, you probably have a better chance of getting a positive answer than you think.

"It’s often harder for people, even bosses, to say 'no' than 'yes,'" she writes. "Because we’re not attuned to others’ motivation to help us, we limit our ambitions."

Of course, though, you might get a "no." And I find it helps to go into a request knowing the range of possible answers— from "yes" to "maybe" to "we need more information" to "no."

Consider all the possible outcomes, and think about how you could use each one to move things forward. Even if your request gets turned down, it could still give you the opportunity to get a point across, build support for an idea or gather information that could help you turn a "no" into a "yes" eventually. "No" isn't a personal rejection or attack. And it's not "no, forever."

This week, think about something you've been hesitant to ask for. Use these ideas to help frame your request, and let me know how it goes. If what you're asking for is a raise, you can download my free tool "How to Negotiate a Pay Increase" by signing up in the box just below this post.

The High Cost of Not Being Direct

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As a leader, are you clear with others?  

Are you sure?

I'm always surprised at the number of companies where their culture is to communicate indirectly. A recent survey of 1,000 U.S. workers about communication issues that hamper leadership found something striking: 57 percent of respondents complained that their leaders do not give clear directions. That was the second-most-cited issue in the whole survey. Other common complaints also show employees' dissatisfaction with leaders' lack of directness. Just over half of respondents said leaders simply refuse to talk to subordinates. And 39 percent said their leaders fail to offer constructive criticism.

Confusion and Missed Opportunities

In my work as an executive coach, I've seen similar issues play out at many companies. People who have a more direct, transparent communication style can have trouble in such an environment, and are often asked by others to "soften their message." They struggle with knowing what they can bring up and how to do it in a way that fits in with the culture.

I also hear from employees who get frustrated because their bosses send conflicting messages or don’t clearly state their expectations. A boss may say he expects one thing, but his actions indicate something completely different.

Leaders with an indirect style often miss opportunities to give their team members valuable feedback. When employees don't understand specifically what others value about what they do and how they do it, they underutilize their strengths – which has an impact on them and the company. On the other hand, some leaders shy away from giving constructive feedback because they worry about damaging the relationship with the employee. But, as the results from the employee survey affirm, the real damage comes when leaders aren't open and honest enough to tell their team members what's holding them back.

How to Navigate through a Culture of Indirectness

I advise clients who work in a culture of indirectness to pay attention to what others are doing, not just what they're saying. If your boss doesn't give you feedback, you'll find ideas in this blog post to help you succeed despite a lack of specific direction.

I also have an earlier blog post with tips to help leaders be direct when delivering difficult feedback. Just remember to offer the feedback in the spirit of generosity and to frame it in a way that shows how much you care about the employee's success ("If I were you, I'd want to know this …"). When you offer this kind of feedback, you build trust and strengthen your relationship with your team members.

This week, challenge yourself to be just a little more direct in your communication style by acknowledging that what you are sharing is valuable to the other person — and that it can be done with care and concern. By simply asking yourself “How do I want to show up in this conversation?” you’ll notice what’s most important to you and will focus on how to convey that. And for more tips about effective communication that helps you succeed, be sure to check out my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out." You can read an extended free sample on my website.

5 Simple Shifts to Build Your Executive Presence

Whether you're looking for a job, aiming for a promotion or simply cultivating improving your leadership effectiveness, you need executive presence. People define executive presence in so many ways — but we definitely know it when we see it. Strong executive presence means that you "show up" in a way that showcases your value as a leader and aligns with the qualities people associate with strong leadership.  As an executive coach, I've seen how clients inadvertently undermine their executive presence. Changing your behaviors in just one area that's been holding you back can make a big difference in how others see you. Take a look at this list to see where you can strengthen your executive presence and then pick one of these shifts to work on this week.

1. Shift to the bigger picture.  

You probably already know that I'm a big proponent of tastefully tooting your own horn. But even if you aren't shy about sharing your accomplishments, you may be leaving out a key step in strategic self-promotion. It's not just about making others aware of your strengths and what you do with your strengths. It's also about tying what you do to the big picture of what's right for the organization. If you leave out this step, you can come off as self-serving. Instead, show that you understand the greater good and are working for it. The connection between what you're doing and the value it creates for the company might be clear to you, but it always helps to connect the dots for others.  

2. Shift to looking “the part.”  

I had a client whose demeanor detracted from her competence. She was always on top of things but she didn’t look or sound like it because she walked fast, talked fast and often "vented" about challenging situations. If that sounds familiar, look for ways to add more self-care or stress-reducing strategies to your life to help you stay centered, grounded and positive. Manage your emotions so that you can become known as a calming force in any situation.  

3. Shift to playing “the part.”  

If you've recently taken on a new role, you might be undermining your executive presence if you're still practicing habits from your last position. Think about how your behaviors need to evolve to match the way you want to be seen now. Even something as simple as the way you take notes in a meeting sends messages about your confidence and capability.  

4. Shift to noticing what's working.  

I frequently work with clients to help them notice what worked well for them in their latest successes. Sometimes as high performers we're in such a hurry to move on to the next goal that we forget to notice what works for us. But when we do take the time to notice, we can put our strengths and passions into play more powerfully. You can even turn a past setback into something positive when you take a look at what helped you get through it.  

5. Shift to demonstrating more confidence.  

Executive presence takes competence and confidence. And, as Claire Shipman and Katty Kay write in their book "The Confidence Gap," the disparity inconfidence between men and women affects women’s success in the workplace. Luckily, self-confidence isn't something that you're either born with or you're not. It can be learned. Check out some simple confidence-building tips in my blog post on "The Confidence Gap."   To help you further build your executive presence, a title in my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM is devoted just to that topic. It has many more ideas for shifts like the ones in this post that will accelerate your career goals.

How to Choose the Right Executive Coach

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A key theme I have found with high performers is a thirst for self-development. Throughout your career, you will have a variety of options to boost your professional growth. So what makes sense for you given the investment of time and money? During my 14-year career at Deloitte, I attended top-notch training programs year after year. I got tremendous value from each of them, but, after a certain point, I needed something tailored to my situation and needs.  

I vividly recall my first experience working with an executive coach. I was a director leading a politically charged global initiative, so it was invaluable to have access to someone who could give me perspective from the outside looking in. At the time, I didn’t fully understand what to look for in a coaching relationship. So, I want to arm you with some key criteria to consider as you forge ahead in your career.

In case you are wondering, there is a tangible ROI for coaching. This is not about just talking through things with an executive coach. According to a survey by the International Coach Federation, an investment in coaching pays off in a big way for both companies and individuals, with results including stronger performance, more cohesive teams, improved relationships and greater work-life balance.

Because the world of coaching has relatively few barriers to entry, do your homework when choosing a coach.

What kind of formal training or certifications does the coach have?

With over 20,000 members worldwide, the International Coach Federation advances the coaching profession by setting high professional standards, providing independent certifications and building a network of credentialed coaches.

Check to see whether the coach you're considering has formal training from an ICF-accredited program or an ICF certification. There are three types of ICF certifications: Associated Certified Coach (ACC), Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and Master Certified Coach (MCC).

What is the coach's background?

Research shows that when organizations hire coaches, they often look for people with strong consulting or business backgrounds. Ask whether the executive coach you're considering has successfully coached people facing similar issues to yours and whether she can relate to your business environment. Review the coach’s website or LinkedIn page for testimonials, representative clients and results.

What is the coach's philosophy?

Before engaging an executive coach, learn more about her philosophy and whether it will work for you. For example, I approach coaching as a partnership where the client and I each bring our collective experiences and expertise to the table. This helps us develop various options to tackle the situation at hand. As a former executive, I also have a bias toward simplicity, so I can make it as easy as possible for my clients to take action and get results.

What results can you expect to see?

Coaching is all about getting results, whether we're talking about hard dollars or soft skills. Look for a coach who will work with you to set concrete goals and outcomes for the coaching and has a proven track record of success. From working with high performers over and over again, I know the common themes that come up and I have a methodology to work through them. Ask any coach you're considering about her approach. But remember, you own the results. If the coach is taking more ownership of them than you are, the coaching won’t result in long-term change.

Is the coaching tailored or "one size fits all"?

When you look at it through the lens of lasting change, coaching has a much higher ROI compared with development methods like books or seminars because it is tailored to your specific situation. Executive coaching can feel like a big investment, especially if your company isn’t paying for the coaching on your behalf. Ask yourself what would have to happen or what you would have to achieve to make the investment worthwhile for you.

Is this coach a good fit?

Clients get the most out of the coaching when they feel that they can truly be open. If you feel judged, it will hold you back from sharing important information. Remember that even when working with a coach on business-related issues, it’s natural for personal issues to surface.

What happens after coaching ends?

I close out coaching with a client by coming full circle to review progress against the original coaching goals. Over 50 percent of my clients get promoted, so we usually have plenty to be excited about! We also identify their personal best practices (in other words, what really worked for them), and identify ways to sustain the progress on their own after coaching ends.

To learn more, visit the About Coaching page of our website. If you're looking for a coach, a couple of great next steps are consulting the ICF directory and exploring our own services for individuals and organizations. Got more questions about coaching? Get in touch via email, Facebook or Twitter to let me know what you'd like to see covered in future blog posts.

Fast, Easy Ways to Give the Recognition Your Employees Crave

Are you leveraging the power of recognition? Giving your team members feedback about what they're doing right and celebrating their achievements are simple but powerful leadership tools. 

And employees definitely notice when leaders fall short in offering recognition. In a recent poll, "not recognizing employee achievement" ranked first on a list of communication issues that prevent effective leadership. Sixty-three percent of the survey respondents in the poll said it was a problem for leaders at their company. Why is that number so high? Sometimes high-performing leaders tend to go without a break from one project to the next, not stopping to celebrate what everyone has achieved.   It takes only a small time investment, though, to make regular recognition a part of your leadership style. Here are a few ideas to try.

Use meetings to share successes.

Start team meetings by asking people to share their recent successes or what's been going well. This doesn't take long, and it makes people feel good because they start noticing what they're actually getting done. Your employees can emulate this practice in meetings with their own direct reports, which helps build a culture of recognition throughout your company. Besides boosting everyone's energy, getting into this habit gives you more information and insight about what is working.

Debrief often.

You don't have to block out time for a meeting to give employees feedback and recognition. Pull your team member aside for a few minutes after a meeting to talk about what she did well while the specifics are still fresh in your mind. Having these conversations is easier if you build a little breathing room into your schedule. Avoid back-to-back meetings so that you'll have time for these informal but valuable feedback sessions. You'll reap the benefits because employees will better understand what you value and want to see more of.

Write it down.

One of my coaching clients blocks out a few minutes every Friday to send a note praising someone for actions that were effective or that made a difference that week. My client even gives himself reminders to rotate the notes among different groups of employees so that recognition gets spread around. Think about how valued and motivated you could make your own team members feel with thoughtful emails or handwritten notes like the ones my client sends.

Recognize yourself, too.

Start keeping a log of your own accomplishments, no matter how small. Be sure to jot down the impact of each one so you recognize the “so what.” High performers frequently overlook their own value, so having strategies to help you notice your own is important. Use this information to proactively share your successes in a tasteful way. And take a look periodically to see what themes you notice. Reviewing this information can be a pick-me-up, especially when you don’t have a boss who gives you much feedback.

This week, choose one or more of these strategies to recognize your team members for their achievements. Even if you can invest only a few minutes, you'll start to see the impact quickly. For more ideas for your team, check out "Building a Strong Team," part of our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM. In this quick read, you'll find more easy-to-implement strategies.

3 Communication Strategies to Boost Your Executive Presence

The way you communicate is the cornerstone of your executive presence. The words you choose and the way you frame your ideas have a big effect on how others see you. That's why I teach my executive coaching clients that success doesn't just depend on doing great work. It also hinges on how you communicate and how that communication shapes your relationships with others. Try these three ideas for communicating more clearly and effectively. I think you'll find that even small tweaks help others hear what you're saying — and that, in turn, helps you make an impact with your leadership.  

Make your intent clear.

Don't assume that other people understand why you're acting, speaking or responding the way that you are or that they've made the connections you want them to make, even if you think it should be obvious to them. Maybe it would be obvious to others in a stress-free, static environment, but I don't know anyone in that situation!

Misunderstanding about intent was at the heart of a conflict I helped a client with recently. A colleague had asked my client for help with something. Her way of helping was to start asking questions to understand more about what was going on so that she could help with a solution. But the other person misunderstood my client's intentions and thought that she was challenging her, not helping. I helped my client see how she could create different outcomes in future scenarios like this one by taking a moment to acknowledge what the other person is saying and to explain her response. In this case, she could have said something like, "I am asking a lot of questions so I understand how I can best help you in this situation." Frame your words and actions to help others understand where you are coming from and what your intentions are. "Connecting the dots" for others is a valuable habit for any leader.  

Show that you get the big picture.

Part of your executive presence is showing others that you understand what's truly important. Communicate in a way that helps them understand the "so what?" of what you're saying. For example, when you're telling your boss about a decision you've made, describe your conclusion first, not all the details that led up to it. There'll be times when it's appropriate to dive in to details, but first show that you can summarize and synthesize at a higher level and that you have a firm grasp on business priorities. Reinforcing that you're someone who works for the broader benefit of the organization is one of the most powerful things you can do to build your influence.

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Demonstrate your focus on the solution.

Let's say your team is having trouble working with one another. There's a big difference between telling your boss or colleagues "I'm frustrated by how they don't collaborate" vs. "I’ve been thinking about how we can work more effectively together." When you're talking about a problem, one of your main goals should be to convey that you are focused on finding solutions. This doesn't mean that you single-handedly have to find the right answer — you just want others to know that you're on top of things and have a mindset and attitude that will move things forward. Instead of framing things in terms of solutions or opportunities, some people highlight the risks or frustration. To avoid coming across as someone who may be emotionally hijacked, practice pausing before you speak and think about how you want to show up. This will allow you to frame your responses in a positive way.

This week, pay attention to how you communicate and then start implementing the strategy that will make the most difference for you. To develop your communications skills even more, read "Communicating with Impact," part of my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

Put Your Passion to Work for You, Not Against You

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Passion motivates us to work hard, to innovate, to drive changes and to accomplish more than we ever thought we could. However, when overused, it can intimidate or drive people away. Is your passion working for or against you?  When Passion Pushes Others Away   A recent executive coaching client is smart and very passionate. Erin (as I'll call her here) is a huge advocate for the people, ideas and solutions she believes in.   The irony was that her passion was working against the results she wanted to see. As I began coaching Erin, I learned that her communication style had a lot to do with it. When she was passionate about something, she would talk a lot about it. In fact, she took so much air time that others felt like she only cared about her own agenda. Because she had such a strong sense of conviction about what she was communicating, she also had the tendency to frame things as, "You're either with me or against me." As you can imagine, others felt put off by her style. Even though her passions were about helping others and doing the right thing for the company, Erin came off as self-centered because she talked more than she listened. And her "me against the world" tone made colleagues feel as if they were always in win/lose situations with her. Few even recognized that her passion drove a lot of her behavior.   Is This the Kind of Leader You Want to Be?   To leverage the power of Erin's passion, I started by helping her get clear about what she wanted to be known for — her desired leadership brand. She loves to teach others, bring innovative ideas forward and build strong relationships (i.e., she is passionate about all of these things). Although these elements influence her approach and decisions on a daily basis, she didn’t convey that in how she showed up with others. Realizing that she was out of sync, Erin started to make some changes.   Make Your Passion Work for You   If your passionate style has been more of a stumbling block than a catalyst for your own leadership, try some of the strategies that I helped Erin implement.

• Clarify your intent. Help your colleagues understand what this is really about and the intended outcome. Avoid setting up options as "right" or "wrong."

• Be curious. To foster buy-in, you have to know where others are coming from. Listen more. Ask more questions. Seek to understand.

• Consider relationships. It’s not just about getting others to say yes or agree with you. It's also about strengthening your relationships with them.

• Change the venue. Talk to people one-on-one instead of in a group setting where your style may make them feel more defensive.

Powerful Results   The changes I worked with Erin to put into action have made a huge difference in how she is perceived and, consequently, her impact. Her boss told me that he, other senior leaders and her peers now see her as more credible, confident, capable and ready to take on more. Erin is still her passionate self — she's just expressing that passion in a way that works.   If Erin's story resonates for you, I want to challenge you to notice how you communicate when your passion runs high — and how others react to you. Or simply try one of the strategies I mentioned this week. For more advice on how to make sure your messages are in line with your desired personal brand, check out my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out.”

Catch Up on 5 of Our Most Popular Posts

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In the hustle and bustle of life, things can get lost in the shuffle. That's why I wanted to make sure that you hadn't missed any of these five posts that have been a hit with our readers. Each one is short and sweet and delivers powerful ideas you can immediately put into action.­­

Early Morning Habits of Successful People

How do you start each day? The answer can make all the difference in how much you accomplish.

Simple Steps to De-Stressing

When you're overwhelmed and stressed, it can be hard to figure out how to start digging your way out of it. This article can help.

Why Your Underperformer Isn't Changing

It's one of the most frustrating situations a leader faces: A team member who isn't performing as you need him to — and shows no signs of changing. But you can deal with this issue in a way that helps you and the employee get better results.

Are You in the Moment?

Have you ever had the "perfect storm" of stress heading right for you? Learn how staying in the moment can get you through.

4 Powerful Questions to Get You Moving Forward

If you’re feeling stuck, frustrated or tired of dealing with the same problems again and again, you may be overlooking simple solutions right in front of you. These four questions can help clear away mental roadblocks so you can move forward.   Need more high-impact, quick hit strategies to take your career one step further? Explore these topics in depth with my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out." It also has many more strategies to take your career to the next level.

How to Communicate Negative Stuff in a Positive Way

One of my clients reached out to me recently because he is unhappy with his new job. He hasn’t yet developed a strong relationship with his boss and doesn’t want to come across as whiny.

He is struggling with how to have the conversation, especially since he isn’t ready to throw in the towel. Keeping a positive tone in a difficult, high-stakes conversation like this one is a key leadership skill. In my work with this client, we talked through several strategies that can make a big difference when you're in a situation like his.  

Use Positive Language  

When my client and I first talked about his unhappiness with his new job, this is what he told me:

• “This role isn’t what I was expecting. My skills are underutilized, and I’m bored and frustrated.”

• “I’m not sure where this experience is really going to lead me or my career.”

• “I want a better relationship with my boss, but he is so different from other bosses I have had. My last boss was so supportive. I’m not sure where I stand with this one.”

Sharing this information with his boss using words like the ones he used with me seemed risky, given the situation. After all, this is a conversation that will set the tone for my client's relationship with his boss. The choices he makes about how to handle the conversation will have a ripple effect throughout his time at this company.   That's why I gave my client this strategy: Even if you’re feeling negative, share it in a more positive way. The easiest way to do this is by first clarifying your underlying intent. In other words, stop and ask yourself what this is really about for you.   Here’s how my client used his intent to communicate the situation to his boss:

• "I value my relationship with you and the company, so I want to be transparent about what is going on for me."

• "I want to more fully utilize my skills to support the business and have a bigger impact. Here’s where I see an opportunity. …"

• "I am committed to the company and want to better understand the career path."

Can you see how those words would land very differently with his boss than how he originally described the situation to me?  

Focus on How You Want to Show Up  

The second way to find the right words is by focusing on how you want to show up vs. how you don't want to show up. For example, if you want to come across as proactive and positive vs. whiny and negative, what words, tone and body language would convey that? Practice speaking out loud and in front of a mirror so you can make sure these three things are in sync.  

Work on the Relationship  

Finally, consider one of these options to develop a stronger relationship with your boss over time:

• Pay attention to what he cares about and how he communicates. This helps you position things more effectively.

• Ask others whom you trust, and who know him well, how to best engage him.

• Get to know him as a person.

• Tell him how to best work with you. Many leaders have a hard time figuring this out on their own, so make it easy for them. For example, tell him what management style works well for you (hands on or hands off) and the most effective communication approach (e.g., direct, face-to-face, etc.) and ask what works best for him. This will allow the two of you to co-design your working relationship.

• If he doesn't give feedback, offer your own self-assessment and ask him what he thinks.

I’ve shared a lot of different ideas here. Which one resonates most with you? I challenge you to pick a strategy and get started Let me know how it goes!

For more resources to help you get going, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on Communicating with Impact or go even deeper with the WOW! WomenOn the Way to Peak Performance Program℠.

Are You Taking the Right Steps to Build Influence?

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Influence: You know you want more of it, but do you have a plan for building it? Last week, we talked about the different facets of influence, a key leadership skill. I asked you to pay attention to how you're doing in four areas: credibility, connection to the big picture, relationships and processes. Today, I want you to take what you noticed about yourself and use it to complete this assessment tool. Your results will point you toward the actions you should take to build your influence.

Take a look at the following statements related to the different aspects of influence. On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being "very true"), think about true each statement is for you right now.

Credibility

• I recognize my strengths and the value I bring.

• I consistently share examples of my strengths and how I add value with others in a way that's relevant for them.

Connection to the Big Picture

• I consistently help others see the connection between the value I add and what's best for the organization.

• I speak in terms of the organization's goals and priorities, not just those of myself or my department.

Relationships

• I know who holds both the formal power (power connected to a role) and informal power (power not connected to a role).

• I cultivate relationships with both formal and informal leaders.

Processes

• I engage others and create buy-in in a way that is authentic to who I am as a leader.

• I recognize when to leverage others to deliver a message, even if I could deliver it.

So what did you discover in this self-assessment? Look at the statements where you gave yourself the lowest numbers. Developing your skills in those areas should be the heart of your plan to build influence. If you want to bring up your numbers across the board, start by focusing on your credibility. That's the root of influence.

To help you put your plans into action, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on Building Influence or get the complete set for bigger savings.

What do you think makes someone influential? Let's continue the conversation in comments or on social media.

The 4 Essentials of Influence

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To lead well, you need influence. And this month we're talking about how to build it. Last week, I took you through an exercise to help you figure out what influence looks like for you. This week, I'll help you better understand influence — and how to increase your own — by breaking it down into four key components.

1. Credibility

This is the big one. Influence starts with credibility. Without it, you can’t effectively influence, no matter what approach you take. If you're not sure whether others see you as credible, seek some feedback. If you hear questions about your credibility, correct that by helping others see your strengths and the value you bring. If you’re like many high performers, you may underestimate the positive impact you have. So, take the time to identify and share examples of how you consistently add value, in a way that's relevant for the audience. 2. Connection to the Big Picture

Part of being influential is being known as someone who brings a lot to table — intelligence, insight, etc. But you also have to be known as someone who's not just in it for yourself. Connect what you do to the big picture of what's right for the organization. If you speak just about your (or your department's) goals and priorities, it can leave others wondering whether your motivation is self-serving. That can quickly erode your credibility.

3. Relationships

All organizations have formal leaders whose power ties to their positions. But they also have informal leaders who shape what really gets done. Your influence depends on the strength of your relationships with both formal leaders and informal leaders. Take a few minutes to review and assess these.

4. Processes

The final part of the influence equation relates to the processes you use to build influence. In other words, be strategic about how you leverage and engage others. For example, how often do you hold the "meeting before the meeting" to get buy-in from others and avoid surprises? Have you thought through the right messenger for advancing your goals? Sometimes it isn't you.  Look at what you do today, and small tweaks you could make to bring others along more effectively.

Next week, I'll have a tool to help you gauge how you're doing in developing your influence. To get the most out of this assessment, make a point this week to notice where you currently stand in each of these key areas. And to learn more about building influence and other key career skills, check out my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM. Pick what’s most relevant for you or invest in the complete set of eight for a 20% savings.

What Does Influence Mean to You?

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We're talking about building your influence this month. Last week, I explained why you need an influential network. This week, I want to help you zero in on what kind of influencer you want to be. "Being influential" can mean different things to different people. These questions will help you take stock of what you want your influence to look like in the context of your own leadership style.

1. What do you want others to say about how you influence others?This is a variation of the question I ask clients when I help them define their leadership brand. What are the top three things you'd want someone else to say if they were describing your influence style to someone else? A few examples to spark your thinking: You are thoughtful (you bring relevant information forward). You focus on win/win approaches. You have the other party’s best interest at heart.

1. What kinds of decisions do you want to influence? We all have our strengths. What types of decisions could you more easily influence today based on how others view your strengths? These could include shaping vision, defining strategies, making changes to business operations or staffing decisions. What types of decisions would be harder for you to influence?

1. Whom do you want to influence? In addition to clarifying your realm of influence, take time to define whom you want to influence. In other words, do you want to be viewed as more of an external thought leader with clients or other leaders in your industry? Or do you want to influence others inside your organization such as peers, direct reports and company leaders? Even if it is a mix of both, defining your target audience will help you build influence faster.

1. What are your goals as an influencer? Whether you want to build influence in an area where others don’t see you as a key influencer today or one where you are already recognized as an expert, it helps to set concrete goals. For example, how long would it realistically take you to build the knowledge and track record needed to exert the influence you want to have? Whom do you need to engage along the way? To focus your efforts, define two or three small steps along with deadlines. Once you’ve completed those steps, define the next two or three. This will help you move forward without feeling overwhelmed.

Spend some time this week thinking about these questions and how to show influence in a way that fits your own leadership style. To help you further build your influence at work, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on Building Influence or get the complete set for bigger savings.

How Influential Is Your Network?

Influence is a key leadership skill, and we'll be talking about it throughout April. I want to kick off the discussion by looking at a blind spot some women have around influence: the power and influence of their network. As an executive coach who specializes in working with high-performing women leaders, I've noticed that women often don't think about whether their networks include the right influencers to help them achieve their business or professional goals.

This involves taking a step beyond creating a network of leaders who support you. It's also making sure that people with the power and influence to help you advance your goals are in this group.

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Think about the business results you have committed to delivering or how you want to take your career to the next level. Who needs to be on board to make your goals happen? Be strategic about making sure that your network includes those people.

This approach can make some people uncomfortable, so I want to stress something. Being strategic about who's in your network does not mean you have to be disingenuous. Sometimes women get stuck here because they assume that they can't strategically build their network and still be authentic.

I help the leaders I work with learn how to add key influencers to their network in a way that’s true to who they are. I'll tell you what I tell my clients: Start by clarifying your intent around your network-building. In other words, how would it benefit the organization and your team, even if you will personally benefit? With that in mind, what words would you use to engage someone while keeping your values and leadership principles in mind? If you are someone who is always focused on doing the right thing for the business or adding value, below are three examples of what you might say to initiate a conversation.

“I want to learn more about the priorities and challenges in your part of the business so that my team knows how to best work with you and develops solutions to meet your needs. Can we schedule 15 minutes to talk?”

“I want to keep expanding my knowledge of the business, so I better understand where my skills and experience can add the most value. Can we meet for a few minutes?”

“I’m committed to growing and learning, so I can fully leverage my skills at the company. Can we meet for a few minutes so I can ask you what’s made the biggest difference in your career?”

This week, I challenge you to identify and engaging one influential person in a way that aligns with your values. Let me know how it turns out.

If you want to go deeper on the topic of Influence, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on Building Influence or my book, Show Up. Step Up. Step Out.

How to Turn Conflict Into Teamwork

It isn't enough to talk about peace, one must believe it.And it isn't enough to believe in it, one must work for it.                                                                             - Eleanor Roosevelt

One of my clients is in a predicament that will feel familiar to a lot of leaders. On her team, two peers aren't collaborating, and they keep escalating their conflict. When she tries to intervene, they just dig in deeper.

This situation is an example of how a leader can set the tone. That's a theme we've been looking at throughout March in honor of Women's History Month. In this case, your leadership skills can make the difference in whether a conflict drags on (draining everyone's productivity) or gets resolved (boosting your team's results).

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If you have a couple of team members who just can't seem to work together, try these ideas to get everyone back on track.

1. Look at your role. How might you be enabling the conflict to continue? Has communication gotten fragmented between your quarreling team members because you've put yourself right in the middle of things? Remember that you can be supportive without being in the middle. Make it clear to the team members that while you can offer help, they own the problem and its resolution.

1. Establish the big picture. One good way to help without getting stuck in the middle of the conflict is by giving your team members a perspective check. Let's say that one of them is accountable for creating the highest margins for the company while the other is accountable for customer satisfaction. The two of them are being rewarded for very different things that can lead to different business decisions, which might explain one of the sources of conflict in the first place. As a leader, you can remind them to think in terms of the company's overall success and how both goals can be met, not just how well their individual area performs.

1. Help them see everyone's place in that picture. Talk with the team members about how they both fit into the company's larger goals, even though they are accountable for different things. Help them see how the big-picture success of the company might involve balancing their two individual goals. In our example, that could mean helping your team members understand that while margins are important, prices can't be so high that they run off customers. On the other hand, happy customers are vital, but so are sustainable margins. Sometimes as leaders we feel that employees should "just know" things like this and instinctively do what's right for the company. But you might have to help them connect the dots.

This week, take a look at whether there are any conflicts on your team that might come from team members being too focused on their own areas and not enough on the bigger picture. How can you help your feuding team members see beyond differences and align with higher level goals? This is a great opportunity to make a real impact with your leadership skills. In my online store, you can find many more resources to help your team members' leadership development, including the WOW! Highlight AudioSM.