3 Ways to Build Your Personal Leadership Brand

A couple of years ago, many of us were adapting to remote work. Now we’re experiencing another period of transition. Some organizations are bringing employees back to the office full or part time. Others are making remote-work arrangements permanent. Whether you are working at the office, at home or some combination of the two, now is a good time to notice the messages you are sending other people about your personal leadership brand. 

Photo by Rebrand Cities

We tend to overlook that while we know everything we’re saying or doing at work, others don't have a full picture of what our performance looks like. They just see little snapshots of us here and there. Today, I want you to think about the snapshots that you're showing other people and how you can be more strategic about them.

1. Pay Attention to Your Body Language

Effective leaders know that body language is key to executive presence. What are you saying without speaking a word?

Working at the office: If you’ve been working remotely, you may not think much about your body language outside of video calls. But now that you are back in the office, remember that leaders are always in the “invisible spotlight.” People pay attention even when you think they are not. 

If, for example, you’re sitting in a meeting with an intense expression and arms folded, others might think you are closed off and unreceptive.  Or if you’re always rushing around the office, others could assume that you can’t handle what’s on your plate. 

As you return to the office, pay special attention to your body language and whether it conveys the messages you want to send about your personal leadership brand. This might take some extra effort at first, but should soon become second nature again.

Working from home: Your body language sends messages even through video calls. Have you fallen into any bad habits, like scheduling back-to-back Zoom meetings that leave you feeling drained? Take some time this week to focus on what your energy level looks like (slouching, yawning, difficulty focusing) and how that impacts the perception of your engagement and confidence. 

Having the right chair, desk and computer setup in your home office makes it easier to manage physical fatigue from sitting and will help you maintain a polished and professional posture on video calls. Take time to evaluate what you need.

2. Focus on Eye Contact

Eye contact is an aspect of nonverbal communication that deserves special attention. We automatically look at others’ eyes to figure out what they’re thinking and feeling and whether we can trust them.

Working at the office: If you frequently look at your phone when talking to others, it could convey a lack of interest and respect. Looking down or away can imply low confidence. On the other hand, holding direct eye contact for too long can feel intimidating.

So, what’s the right amount of eye contact to enhance your personal leadership brand? Researchers from Michigan State University recommend maintaining eye contact 50% of the time when you are speaking and 70% of the time when you are listening.

Working from home: It’s easy to forget about the importance of eye contact when you’re interacting with others on video calls instead of in person. But it still makes a big difference in how others perceive you.

Look into your webcam when speaking. When you’re listening, it’s more obvious than you might think when you sneak a peek at another screen. If the other screen is brighter, the lighting changes on your face. And if you wear glasses, they may even see the reflection of the other screen and know that you’re not paying full attention to the meeting. If you do need to look at another screen (for example, to find an email that’s relevant to the conversation), you can let others know what you’re doing so that they don’t assume you’re multitasking.

3. Be Intentional About Your Appearance

Think about the people you know who always look put together. That becomes part of their leadership brand and something that distinguishes them. How are you leveraging your appearance?

Working at the office: Are you getting used to waking up earlier and commuting again? It can be a tough transition. Give yourself enough time in the morning to get ready. Showing up at the office half-baked won’t exactly inspire confidence in your abilities.

As you head back to the office, you may also discover that your work clothes from a couple of years ago don’t fit as well or look dated. You can use this as an opportunity to evaluate your business wardrobe and align it with your personal brand as a leader. Do you want to show others that you’re creative, innovative, or ready for a promotion? You can reinforce these qualities in how you dress, accessorize, or style your hair.

Working at home: Part of presenting yourself professionally is understanding the norms of your organization, which may be different for video meetings vs. in-person work.  Look to your managers for clues about the new “dress code.” For example, perhaps you and your colleagues previously wore suits at the office. But now your managers wear polos or button-down shirts or blouses for video meetings, but not T-shirts. Use that information to guide your choices.

You can also look more professional during video calls by improving your home-office setup. Quality lighting helps you look more awake and energized. The distance you sit from your camera can also affect how you look.

Like it or not, the way you present yourself plays a big role in how others perceive your personal leadership brand. But it's also one of the easiest areas to make positive changes – and you can have fun with it. What is one step you will take this week to be more deliberate about the snapshots that you show other people?

Want more strategies like these? This article was adapted from our New Lens app for leadership development. New Lens delivers bite-size lessons and immediately useful action steps so that you can make learning a part of even the busiest workdays. Schedule your demo now.

Add Some Zen to Your Leadership Style

These days, it might feel like the only certain thing in our lives is uncertainty. In this atmosphere, how you show up as a leader can make all the difference for your team.  

I’m coaching a couple of leaders who excel in showing up in a calm, positive way. Very Zen indeed. Their presence works wonders to help ground and center others. I’ve seen it in action, and it’s powerful. It not only benefits their organizations, but also differentiates them as leaders.

Image by Schäferle from Pixabay

So, I want to do my part to help you notice how you are showing up. Your presence as a leader matters even more right now in the midst of work environments full of stress and change.

Take a quick look at the list below and rate yourself from 1 (for things you never or almost never do) to 10 (for the things you always or almost always do).

_____ My tone of voice reflects positive energy.

_____ The pace of my speech is evenly paced and calm.

_____ I take a moment to personally connect with others before discussing the topic at hand.

_____ I let others finish speaking without interrupting.

_____ When I respond, my response reflects that I heard what the other person said.

_____ I am fully engaged and present during in-person or virtual meetings; I don’t multi-task.

_____ I notice the stress level of others around me and adjust my style accordingly.

_____ I thank others and recognize them for their contributions.

Now that you’ve assessed how you’re doing, identify one area to prioritize for the next week. For example, to minimize distractions during meetings you might turn off email and instant message notifications. If you need to look at something urgent on your device during a meeting, consider letting other attendees know. (“It looks like Greg just emailed me the report we were waiting for, so I have to take a quick look.”)

To help you address any root causes that keep you from feeling grounded and centered, take a look at some of my past blog articles below. After all, it’s a lot easier to exude calm and Zen when you feel calm yourself!

• How to Stop the Loop of Negative Self-Talk

• Maintaining Focus in the Midst of Chaos

• Crazy Day? Here’s How to Get Centered

• How to Overcome Negative Feelings

• 4 Ways to Keep Your Busy Life from Taking Over

And if you’re ready to take the next steps in building your leadership presence, I invite you to consider executive coaching with me or explore my self-paced tools, including the award-winning New Lens app.

What to Do When You Can’t Get a Response

You have a simple question. Or at least that's what you thought. But, for some reason, the colleague you are asking keeps saying they'll have to get back to you. Or perhaps they do respond to you, but their answer isn't relevant to what you need to know.

Image by Ernesto Eslava from Pixabay

When someone isn’t responsive to your questions, you might feel frustrated or even invisible. Getting the information you need while maintaining a good relationship with the other person takes both strong communication skills and emotional intelligence.

Clarify the Core Message

One reason the other person may not respond is that they may be getting lost in the details. Whether you're asking a question in conversation or via email, remember to present your "headlines” first. In other words, directly ask about what you want to know. Save the backstory and details. The other person will ask for more information if they need it.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Perhaps more than ever, many of us spend our days in a state of stress and distraction. When we're busy, our listening skills suffer. So even if you are clearly stating your question, the other person may not be processing what you are really saying. Consider your audience and tailor the approach accordingly.  What tends to work best? How can you make things easier?

Maybe They Just Don't Know

Some people are reluctant to say "I don't know" out of fear of coming across as incompetent or incapable.

Usually, the leaders I coach have already tried different strategies to make sure they are understood. But they often don't pick up that the other person is uncomfortable admitting they don't have an answer — especially if they themselves have no problem saying they don't know something.

Consider whether this might be going on in your situation. What does the evidence tell you about whether the other person actually has an answer to your question? Don't let their title or level distract you.

If you suspect they don't have an answer, you may have to help them figure one out in a way that spares their ego. For example, give them a couple of ideas to consider and get their reaction.

If you'd like to learn more strategies for leading confidently in any situation, check out my WOW! (Women on the Way to peak performance) Program℠. I've delivered WOW! at top corporations, and now it's available as a self-paced program that you can complete on your own, with a colleague or through your own informal learning circle.

How to Speak Up in Meetings (Best of the Blog)

Meetings can be tricky to navigate for anyone. But women often have some extra challenges that men don't face. Researchers have found that women speak less than men do at meetings, and, as a result of this, their contributions are often underestimated. But they can also be judged more harshly than men if others perceive that they speak a lot.

Today, I want to give you both the confidence and the practical strategies you need to be heard.

What Keeps You From Speaking at Meetings?

In your next meeting, pay attention to your comfort level voicing your ideas and opinions. If you find yourself not saying much, take a few minutes to reflect about what's really holding you back. Here are some common reasons I see time and again in my work with leaders. Which ones resonate with you?

• You feel like you don't know enough about the topic or that you know less than everyone else. This is not your area of expertise.

• You're not comfortable speaking off the top of your head.

• Putting your idea out there feels risky. What if they reject it?

• You hesitate to speak up around people with more experience or tenure than you have.

• You feel that it's rude to talk over or interrupt others, especially if they're more senior than you are, and that’s what it would take to share your idea in this setting. Or you don't want to seem pushy.

How to Speak Up More

Now that you have a better sense of why you don’t speak up in meetings, you can work on reducing your hesitation. For many people, this involves shifting their mindset and expectations of themselves.

If you're not comfortable speaking off the cuff or putting your ideas out there, realize that you're expected to do both more and more as you advance as a leader. Consider making these areas a focus of your leadership development, and look for safe ways to practice, such as volunteer opportunities.

If talking over others or interrupting feels rude to you, remember that you can be heard while still honoring your value of respecting others. First, hone your ability to read the room (even if the "room" is on video) and adjust your style accordingly. In a meeting where everyone is being loud, passionate and outspoken, you can "amp up" your typical approach without stepping on others' toes. In a meeting with this kind of crowd, it can be helpful to make your points early before everyone really gets charged up. 

Also consider whether any beliefs from your culture or your family might impact whether you speak up. For example, "I should always defer to people who are older and more experienced" or "No one likes women who talk too much." These ideas can be so deeply engrained in you that you're not even aware of them until you start reflecting about your underlying assumptions or values.

One of the biggest shifts you can make is realizing that you can add value to a meeting even when you don't have expertise or experience in the area being discussed. Sometimes your fresh perspective is the very thing that makes you valuable. When everyone else has been immersed in a topic, they may be unable to "see the forest for the trees" the way that you can as a relative outsider. 

You don't always have to have the answer or solution, either. Others can benefit just from hearing how you think about the problem. Your approach might be one that they had not considered. You can even add value just by synthesizing and summarizing what you are hearing. When you make statements like "Here are the key opportunities and roadblocks I'm hearing …" or "Kevin, it sounds like you and Debra actually have similar goals here, but you're just stating them a little differently …" you help keep meetings on track and focused.

Don't Go It Alone

As with so many other aspects of developing as a leader, speaking more in meetings gets easier when you enlist an ally in your cause. Ask a trusted colleague to help you enter the conversation. They can say something like "Mona, you've handled situations like this. I'd love to hear your insights."

I also have a variety of products and services to help you build your confidence around speaking up. A great starting point is the title "Communicating With Impact from my Leadership EDGE Series℠. 

Fed Up With Someone? Ask Yourself These 3 Questions

Have you lost your temper with a colleague recently — or had someone lose their temper with you?

Stress has a lot of us on edge lately. On top of that, remote work can make it more challenging to address conflicts before they boil over.

So how can you maintain your professionalism and protect your relationships when it seems like everyone is pushing your buttons? Let's take a closer look at what might be happening and how you can find a less stressful way to work.

Why Are Things So Tense?

First, please know that you're not alone. Communication in a dynamic, uncertain environment has its challenges. 

With added pressures and workload, many people are moving rapidly and less thoughtfully. Your colleagues may have gotten worse about looping you into discussions. Or perhaps your boss has started dumping more tasks on you at the last minute. 

Another factor is that we're missing out on a lot of the nonverbal communication that happens when we work face to face. Over email or instant messaging, we can't read each other's body language or tone of voice. As a result, we can come off as harsher than we intend. It's also harder to tell if we've offended someone else because we don't see them bristle or frown at our words.

Finally, it's easier to defer difficult conversations when we don't see the other person face to face everyday and when there's so much else going on. Although you might be thinking, "It's just not worth bringing this up right now," ignoring the issue won’t stop resentment from building up. And, eventually, it's going to blow.

How to Communicate Constructively

If an issue with a colleague has been nagging at you, stop ignoring your feelings. Instead, ask yourself these three questions:

1. What is this really about for you? 

When someone gets on your nerves, it can be less about what they did and more about them violating a value that you hold near and dear. If your boss's micromanagement drives you crazy, that's a sign that you value trust and respect. If you strongly value professional growth, your boss's failure to coach you and give performance feedback can feel out of sync.

2. What do you want this relationship to look like? 

To address these types of issues, get clearer about what you want and expect from the other person and yourself. For example, do you want to feel heard, respected or appreciated? 

And how do you want to show up in this relationship? What do you want the other person to understand about your leadership? For example, you may want to come across as calm, professional and reasonable — even under pressure. 

3. How can you provide "feedforward"?

I'm not going to recommend that you schedule a Zoom call with the other person so that you can share your frustrations. Instead, try Marshall Goldsmith's approach of providing "feedforward" instead of feedback. Frame the conversation in terms of the behavior you want to see and your positive intent. For example: "I appreciate how involved you are in my work and know that you're really busy. To maximize your time and give me an opportunity to grow, I am happy to take the lead on this project and schedule periodic check-ins to get your input and share the progress."

Business communication might look different these days, but fundamentals like clarity and respect still hold true. I want to challenge you to identify and address one communication sore spot this week. For additional strategies, pick up "Communicating With Impact" from my Leadership EDGE Series℠.

Does Your Communication Style Show That You're Ready for a Promotion?

The way that you communicate at work sends big messages about your capabilities as a leader. Do your messages elevate your competence or undercut it? Let's take a closer look at your communication style and how it affects your career. In particular, I want to help you recognize and overcome a common communication mistake that trips up even the smartest professionals.

When it comes to deciding who gets promoted, who gets a raise or who lands that high-visibility project, your boss is looking for someone who can communicate strategically. But what exactly does that mean? A strategic communicator consistently links ideas to the big picture, tailors the message for the audience and demonstrates empathy.

By contrast, tactical communicators can get "lost in the weeds" — often in the world of their subject matter expertise. Their passion or desire to be thorough or educate others can bog them down in the details when they share ideas and suggestions. And pretty soon, people have lost interest.

Are You Strategic or Tactical?

Here are a few examples of how strategic and tactical communicators handle things differently:

Tactical: Is often “waiting to talk” vs. listening. Starts thinking about how to respond even before the other person has finished asking a question. They have a lot to share and they're eager to get it out!

Strategic: Takes time to notice and understand what is being asked, including the question behind the question. Provides information the other person really needs, even if it goes beyond the scope of the original question.

Tactical: Gives exhaustive answers to questions to demonstrate competence or because they believe the other person needs all that information in order to make a decision. Ideas are often presented sequentially, building up to the conclusion or direct answer.

Strategic: Responds with the one or two points that are most important to understand and allows others to ask for more details if they need them.

Tactical: Focused more on what they know. Sees things more from their own perspective and what they want others to understand.

Strategic: Keeps the audience in mind and how to tailor the message accordingly. Understands the fine balance between what they care about and what's relevant to others.

These two styles of communication create very different perceptions of your leadership ability.

If you tend to be more tactical and “in the weeds,” people may tune you out and miss valuable parts of your message. Instead of appreciating your expertise, they may become impatient and irritated. They may even start working around you and turn to others who can provide input more concisely. Worst of all, you risk developing a reputation as someone who is a deep subject matter expert but can’t take on a higher-level, more strategic role.

On the other hand, if you can communicate strategically, people are more likely to think that you understand business priorities and can advance the organization’s goals.

This week, pay attention to the way you communicate with your colleagues. How do they respond to you? And what does your communication style convey about your leadership? To further build your communication skills, pick up a copy of "Communicating With Impact" from my Leadership EDGE℠ series.

How to Keep Your Cool and Communicate Clearly

Have you lost your cool at work lately? Or been on the receiving end of someone else losing their cool?

You're not alone. These are stressful times (to put it mildly!). And when we're under stress, it's harder to communicate effectively. Showing up the way you want to with your colleagues takes some extra intention, especially during difficult conversations.

How Stress Undermines Communication 

Even if you normally communicate with ease at the office, you might notice that it's more difficult lately.

That's because your brain can shift into a totally different mode under stress. Instead of being calm, creative and empathetic, you may be in "fight or flight" mode. So if you surprised yourself by using a sharp tone and harsh words during a recent encounter, this is probably what was happening.

If the person you are talking to is also stressed, it compounds the issue. They will have more trouble processing what you're telling them and are more likely to get defensive. For example, maybe your direct report failed to do something that you requested even though you thought you had explained it clearly more than once. Or perhaps they acted offended after you made a seemingly neutral statement.

On top of stress, many of us are communicating more via phone and video calls these days instead of in-person meetings. This makes it even harder to understand and be understood. More than half of communication comes from body language. So we're losing a lot of important cues even on video calls.

Do Others Hear Your Words or Your Tone?

You can see all of this play out in a recent coaching call I had with a client.

She needed to have a conversation with an employee who hadn’t completed critical, time-sensitive work. It's one of those talks that nobody looks forward to, even in less-stressful times. So we decided to role-play the conversation to help her prepare.

When we acted out the conversation together, her tone has such an edge that I couldn't even hear what she was really saying. Her annoyance and frustration clouded the entire message. It didn't feel like she wanted to understand what might have happened. Instead, it felt like my client had already made up her mind that the employee couldn’t possibly have a good reason.

I asked my client to go through the role-play again, this time from a place of curiosity, truly seeking to understand what had happened from the employee’s perspective. Her tone was more neutral this time, but she shared so much detail that I got lost.

On the third try, I asked her to keep the same tone but to focus on the "headlines" first, and then details. This time she nailed it. When we debriefed, she laughed, telling me that she simply repeated what she had said in our first role-play. The difference was that this time I “heard” her, because her tone was more open and not so accusatory.

This exercise was eye-opening for my client. She realized that in her drive for results, she doesn’t always stop to evaluate her approach and how it could affect the relationship with her employee.

If you find yourself on edge a bit more lately, a role-playing session like the one I had with my client could help you prepare for a difficult conversation. It can help keep those strong emotions in check and prevent things from escalating.

Before you move on with your day, I want to challenge you to identify one action you will take this week. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Assess your patience level on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being high. Self-awareness can do wonders in helping you make a shift.

• Find a safe place to vent your frustrations. And, no, that safe place is not at work. Remember that handwriting your thoughts (uncensored) on a piece of paper can quickly do the trick.

• Identify one action you can take to reduce your stress level and infuse some positive energy into your life.

Review the key principles of clear communication, which are more important ever right now. My guide "Communicating With Impact," from the Leadership EDGE℠ series, is a great starting point.

Asking Vs. Informing: The Unwritten Rules for Leaders and Managers

After a promotion at work, there’s so much to think about. One of the most important things to remember is that the workplace behaviors that got you where you are may not be the ones that will help you keep moving forward.

That’s especially true when it comes to your communication style, particularly around decision-making. All too often, I see new managers or leaders undermine their credibility by continuing to ask permission on decisions as if they are still in their previous role.

Why is this such a big deal? Regularly asking for permission conveys that you lack confidence. And that, in turn, leads to others losing confidence in your ability to lead.

The solution? Shifting from asking to informing. This is one of those “unwritten rules” of work. It doesn’t get talked about a lot, but it makes a big difference in how effective a leader is. Whether you're navigating a new leadership role yourself or you’re managing or mentoring someone who's just gotten promoted, understanding this unwritten rule is essential.

What's the Difference Between Asking for Permission and Informing?

At first glance, the distinction might seem subtle, but the impact on a leader’s personal brand can be significant. Read these two statements and notice your gut reaction to each one.

• I've explored several options, and I have identified the best one to resolve our budget issue. Are you OK with it? Can I move forward?

• I've explored several options, and I'm confident that I have identified the best one to resolve our budget issue. I'll move forward with this unless you have any major concerns.

While both messages convey the same basic information, the tone and implied confidence levels are very different. The first scenario positions the asker as seeking approval, which potentially undermines their authority. The second demonstrates their capability to make decisions while still respecting the organizational hierarchy.

The Risks of Too Much Asking

It's common for newly promoted leaders to err on the side of caution by frequently asking for permission. This behavior comes from a positive place. The asker may want to show deference to the leaders above them or demonstrate that they are open and collaborative. This can be a good approach in some situations. But when asking is overused, it can backfire. Constantly seeking approval before acting can have several negative consequences:

• Damaged credibility. Others may start to wonder whether the leader can, in fact, make independent decisions. Team members might even start going around them to the "real" decision-maker.

• Entrenched micromanagement. Constantly asking a micromanager for permission just adds fuel to the fire of their unproductive behavior.

• Stalled progress. Waiting for approval on every decision can slow down processes, hurt productivity and lead to missed opportunities.

How to Shift from Asking to Informing

Whether you’re the one who needs to inform more and ask less or you’re helping a team member through this transition, here are some strategies that can help. You can use these steps yourself or make them part of coaching conversations with your team member

• Reflect. Think about your recent interactions. How often did you ask for permission around decisions instead of simply informing others?

• Pause before asking. When you're about to ask for permission, stop and consider whether the decision falls within your authority. If it does, how can you rephrase your communication to inform rather than ask?

• Provide clear rationale. When informing others of your decisions, concisely explain your logic. This demonstrates that you understand the big picture and that you've thought through the implications.

• Express confidence. Use language that conveys your confidence in your decision-making ability.

• Invite feedback judiciously. Instead of asking for permission, you might say something like, "Unless you have any major concerns, I'll proceed with this approach."

Examples of Informing Statements

What does it sound like to inform others while maintaining your respect for their role? Here are some phrases that demonstrate both consideration and decision-making capability:

• I've analyzed the situation and determined the best course of action. I'll move forward with this plan unless you see any significant issues I might have overlooked.

• Given our current priorities, I've decided to allocate resources as follows ... Please let me know if you need any clarification on this approach.

• After careful consideration, I'm confident this is the right direction for our team. I'll begin implementation next week and keep you updated on our progress.

• I know we have a lot going on, and I want to be respectful of your time. I've done the groundwork, feel good about the direction, and am ready to move forward.

Supporting Your Team's Growth

If you're managing someone who's recently been promoted, you can play a crucial role in helping them start informing more and asking less. This is beneficial for both of you. Your team member will improve their ability to communicate with confidence and impact. And you’ll free up more time in your day when you don’t have to sign off on all of their decisions.

Here are some ways that you can support their growth and independence:

• Set clear expectations. Let your team member know that you expect them to make decisions within their scope of authority.

• Provide feedback. When they ask for your permission unnecessarily, talk about how they could have informed instead and what they can do in a similar situation next time.

• Delegate for development. Give them chances to make decisions on their own and support them, even if the outcome isn't perfect.

• Set an example. Demonstrate informing (rather than asking) in your own interactions with your superiors.

• Spark reflection. Encourage them to think about how their communication style affects how others perceive them as a leader.

Developing Leadership Skills: What's Next?

Mastering the art of informing rather than asking permission projects confidence, demonstrates decision-making competence, and establishes leadership credibility. But honing a new communication style is just one of the many adjustments involved in taking on a new role.

If your organization is looking for innovative ways to support and train new leaders and managers, I invite you to explore Newberry Solutions’ New Lens® learning platform. New Lens is a Capability Academy that focuses on core leadership strategies — like impactful communication — that have helped over 75% of our clients in Fortune 500 companies get promoted. To schedule a demo or learn more, visit https://www.newlensleadership.com. You can also join in the conversation about this article on my LinkedIn page. Share the communication strategies that worked for you as a new manager or leader, and let me know if there are more unwritten rules of leadership that you’d like me to cover in an upcoming blog article.

Can You Really Afford Not to Ask for Help?

One of the common themes I find in coaching high-performing women managers and leaders is their reluctance to ask for help. This shows up in their personal and professional lives. As you know, women are socialized to take care of others, so naturally it can be easier to put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.

In the working world, this can limit a woman’s ability to take her performance and career to the next level. When combined with the added demands of a family, especially a two-career family, it also dramatically increases the risk of burnout. This has huge implications for women, and their employers.

Below are four common traps that women often fall into, and suggestions on how to reframe them so that they don’t get in your way.

1. "I should be able to do this."

This trap is all about having high expectations and standards for yourself, which has pros and cons. On one hand, it can drive you to consistently deliver high-quality work. On the other hand, it may cause you to overlook how you can empower others, develop them to contribute more, and help them feel important. Next time you fall into this trap, ask yourself what you are indirectly communicating to others when you choose to take it all on yourself.

2. "I like things done a certain way, so I'd rather just do it myself."

Is the pursuit of perfection getting in your way, whether it’s about how your spouse loads the dishwasher or how a PowerPoint presentation is formatted? We all have our preferred ways of doing things, but at what cost? In the big picture, how important is it for this task to be done perfectly, and to be done by you? What higher-priority items should you spend your time on instead?

3. "It will take more time to explain this task than it would to do it."

This trap is all about the short-term vs. long-term trade-offs. In other words, it may take more time to delegate and explain this task this time, but the next time you need help it will go much faster. By investing time now, you can set the stage for getting ongoing help with this and other tasks.

4. "Everyone's already so busy. I don't want to overload them."

This is the classic trap of deciding for others before you even give them a chance to weigh in on the decision. Who knows, you may find that others are too busy help. But then again, you might not. People may want to help you because they think what you’re working on is interesting or challenging, or they see it as a chance to demonstrate their capabilities. To them, it may be worth taking on more work to have that opportunity. Trust that they will let you know if they can’t help.

In the long run, taking it all on yourself can limit your success and the success of your team. Just remember that there is an implicit trade-off in the choices you make. Keep these traps in mind so that you make those choices consciously.

Are Your Headlines Getting Lost in the Details?

No matter how high up you go in an organization, communication can be a challenge. As a manager or leader, there’s a fine line between sharing too much information and not enough. Too much detail can leave others with the impression that you can’t see the big picture or focus on what really matters because you are bogged down in minutiae. Or people may think you are defensive when you dive into details in response to a question or comment, even if your intent is to merely explain or inform. On the other hand, not sharing enough detail may leave others thinking that you don’t fully understand the situation or issues at hand.

Wherever you are on the scale of detail-orientation, the most important thing is to make sure that the people receiving your communication get the “headlines,” the two or three key messages you really want them to understand.

Here are some guidelines I use with my executive coaching clients to help them focus on what to say and how to say it.

1.Consider the kind of impression you want to leave, and how you want to be viewed.

Taking this into consideration will help you determine the best method(s) to use for your communication (e.g., call, email, meeting, etc.), how to frame your message, and how you “show up.” Remember that how you communicate can reinforce or detract from the leadership brand you want to build.

2.Map out the two or three key messages that you want your audience to leave with.

If you had only 60 seconds to get your message across, what are the most critical things you want your audience to know? Once you’ve figured that out, think about how you can make those messages stand out, and connect your supporting information back to them. For example, if you are putting it in writing, using color and bold can help. If you are presenting the information in a group or one-on-one, you can use your handouts/material to reinforce your key messages.

3.Practice sharing your headlines first then filling in the details to ensure understanding.

Sometimes we can fall into the trap of providing all the information to support our point of view and then concluding with our summary of what it all means. Most leaders expect that you have done your homework — especially if you are high performer — and will ask you for more information if they need it. So, if you assume they want all the detail, you may lose their attention. Of course there are some leaders who are very detail-oriented, so adjust your style for your audience.

Either way, I would encourage you to start with the headlines and then provide more information as needed. This would work whether you are communicating something for the first time or merely responding to someone else.

Often, minor tweaks in your communication can make a huge difference. Just make sure you aren’t losing your audience in all the detail.

How to Keep Your Good Idea from Being Shot Down

Have you ever found yourself frustrated because you have a good idea that doesn’t go anywhere? No matter how big or small the idea, we’ve all faced this at some point. After reading John Kotter’s book Buy In — Saving Your Good Idea from Getting Shot Down, I thought it would help to share some of his strategies to “save” good ideas.

Take stock.

Start with being crystal clear about your idea. Can you explain your idea in a short elevator ride? If not, you need to distill it down to the essential elements and keep it simple. Don’t let yourself get bogged down in giving so much context or justification for your idea that you lose your audience in the details. Think about the basics of what they need to know.

Next, think about who might support the idea, and which likely supporters you should talk to about the idea before sharing it more broadly. During my years at Deloitte Consulting, this strategy was invaluable for getting buy-in and for identifying potential attacks, and from whom they might come. Remember to think about how you can engage your supporters to respond to naysayers, and ask them about when and how you should communicate to key stakeholders. If you do it right, the decision-making meeting should be a non-event — because you had all the right meetings before the meeting.

Finally, role-play the meeting or conversation in advance, anticipating and responding to attacks or objections. Sometimes it can really help to have someone brainstorm with you.

Anticipate the four basic attack strategies.

Although the book lists 28 attack strategies, at the core they are all about the following four basic attack strategies:

1. Fear mongering – This strategy aims at raising anxieties of the group to prevent a thoughtful examination of the idea. It gets people responding irrationally and emotionally.

2. Death by delay – You may have experienced this frustrating strategy first hand. This is where so many meetings or steps are proposed that you completely miss the window of opportunity for the idea.

3. Confusion – This tactic muddies the water with irrelevant facts, convoluted logic, or so many alternatives that a productive dialogue gets stalled.

4. Ridicule and character assassination – This is what I call playing dirty, whether it’s through verbal or nonverbal communication. The attacker may raise questions about your competence or preparation, redirecting the conversation away from the idea itself.

Develop your responses in advance.

So, what should you do to respond to these attack strategies? In a nutshell, Kotter recommends doing the unexpected, taking the high road, and staying focused. Here are the four elements he suggests you integrate into your response.

1. Let attackers into the discussion and let them go after you. Kotter suggests doing this because it gets people’s attention. Without their attention, you won’t have a chance to explain the issue or your proposed solution.

2. Keep your responses clear, simple, crisp, and full of common sense. Don’t get mired in explaining all the logic and facts, which can make any audience glaze over.

3. Show respect constantly. Don’t fight or collapse or become defensive. By treating others with respect, you draw an audience emotionally to your side, where they are more likely to listen carefully and sympathetically.

4. Focus on the whole audience. Don’t be distracted by the detractors.

Remember that it’s about winning the hearts and minds of the majority, not the minority.

At the end of the day, it’s all about preparation. You can use these concepts to prepare before you pitch any idea – no matter how big or small because the basic approach is sound. Just don’t try to wing it, even if your idea seems bulletproof or you expect a friendly audience. A few minutes of preparation can go a long way.

The Fine Art of Influence

Influence has so many implications, from getting your ideas heard to getting the support and resources you need to implement them. For some, the fine art of influence comes naturally, but for most it requires concerted effort.

Let’s start by taking a look at a common definition of influence:

Influence is the capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others. (Source: dictionary.com)

Well, who wouldn’t want to be a compelling force that affects what others think or do?! You might be thinking that this sounds more like manipulating others to get what you want. However, what I’m referring to is learning how to develop win/win scenarios that allow you to get traction by being authentic, considering what is important to others, and doing what’s right for your company.

For example, I have a client who is trying to take the performance of her organization to the next level but keeps getting tangled in a web of politics. She needs help from another group to get the results she wants, but hasn’t been able to influence them to collaborate. Her focus is not self-serving. She truly has the organization’s best interest in mind.

So, we zeroed in on one critical relationship that could influence my client’s results dramatically. Below is a list of questions that I asked her in the context of influencing a specific person to take action. These questions may help you the next time you want to exert more influence.

What are you really trying to accomplish?

First, be clear about what you want and why. It will help you better understand and communicate your underlying intent. For example, you may want someone to invite you to a specific leadership team meeting. On the surface, it might seem to the other person that you just want to schmooze, but in reality you have and want to share key information with the group so that they can make better business decisions. Clarifying and sharing your intent will lead you to make the request in a way that will help the other person understand the “so what.”

How are you perceived by the other person?

Your credibility and reputation impacts whether the other person notices or really hears what you want. So, take time to reflect about what the other person thinks of you and how her “filter” might affect what she thinks of your request.

In my client’s case, the other person thinks of her as smart, direct, and focused on doing the right thing. However, they don’t know each other well, so my client may need to reinforce some of those attributes in her communication.

What is important to the other person?

Asking this question will help you zero in on what motivates the other person. It could range from looking good to his boss, to wanting to get promoted, to achieving a specific goal, to working less. If you don’t know the answer to this question, talk to others who might.

Where is the common ground for you both?

This final step brings it all together by combining your intent with what matters to the other person. People tend to be much more receptive if they view your request as aligned with their goals and objectives. Think about how you can frame your request or what you want in this context.

By taking even a couple of minutes to think through these questions, you can dramatically shift how you frame an idea or make a request — and your influence on the outcome. It can be the difference between sounding nitpicky and self- serving vs. sounding focused on something that matters to you and the other person involved, and that brings value to the organization. Give it a shot and see what happens.

Do You Provide “Strategic Snapshots” of Your Performance?

If you’re like most people, you have a sense of what you want to accomplish when each day begins—and then the day “happens.” You may get diverted by unplanned issues and be left wondering, “What the heck happened?!”

No matter what is going on in your day, I urge you to think about the countless opportunities you have to showcase what you’re doing to add value and make a difference. I like to call this providing “strategic snapshots” of your performance. In my signature presentation “Getting the Visibility You Want” (aka, “Tastefully Tooting Your Own Horn”) and in my coaching, I offer a range of strategies on how to do this in a way that works for you.

Before I dive into giving you my tips, I want you to consider the following points as important context.

• We are all busy—usually too busy to notice how others are adding value and contributing on a day-to-day basis.

It’s not that we don’t want to notice; it’s just that our attention is divided. And your boss is probably no different from you in this respect. So, you have to help your boss notice how you’re making a difference. I’d like to say a mid-year or year-end discussion as part of your formal performance management process is enough—but it just isn’t. When I led Performance Management & Career Planning at Deloitte, I came to fully appreciate how often people are out of sync with their boss’s view of their performance.

• This isn’t about bragging.

At the end of the day, this is about sharing important information that can add value to your company and shape the direction of your career. Remember that as someone who has a personal stake in your performance and development, your boss needs to know how and what you’re doing. And others in the company can benefit from learning about how you overcame specific challenges and what led to your success.

So, here are three suggestions on how to provide “strategic snapshots” of your performance:

1. Be clear about what you want to be known for.

Your desired brand/reputation serves as important context and a filter for what to share with others. So, take the time to get clear about the 2-3 things you want people to think of when they think of you. This isn’t about trying to be someone you’re not. It’s about helping others understand what differentiates you and why that matters.

2. Notice the opportunities in front of you.

Before you go into a meeting, have a call with someone, or write an email, ask yourself, “How can I demonstrate how I’m adding value, or reinforce my desired brand in this interaction?” Every interaction may not afford this opportunity, but asking yourself this question will lead you to provide “strategic snapshots” of your performance more often.

3. Find an approach that fits your style.

As you know, some people have no problem telling others how they are adding value while others struggle because they don’t want to come across as arrogant, or self-promotion doesn’t fit with their cultural norms. So, don’t just adopt someone else’s approach. Take the time to think about what fits your personal style.

As a first step, think about a couple of accomplishments you’d like to share and how and why they have relevance and value to others. By going through this thought process you will present the information differently—less like bragging and more like information that others really need to know.

Remember that it’s up to you to consistently share and reinforce what you want others to know about your contributions (i.e., provide “strategic snapshots” of your performance) no matter how your day unfolds. And it doesn’t have to involve a huge effort or time commitment. You should know my mantra by now: “Small steps can lead to big results.”

Are You Keeping Your Gold Mine of Ideas to Yourself?

If you have a useful idea and no one knows about it, does it really have any value? Well, I would argue that it doesn’t. If you find yourself holding back, what makes you reluctant to speak up? It usually starts with that fleeting thought that goes through your head.

Let’s take a look at three thoughts that might prevent you from sharing your views, and what you can do about each of them so that others can benefit from the value you bring.

“What I have to say is nothing earth shattering.”

If you fall into this category, take a second to ask yourself what others could gain from your perspective. Recognize that others don’t bring the same experiences you do, and what you see may not be as obvious to others (especially if they’re immersed in the issue/topic).

You may be dismissive when you have truly mastered a skill (i.e., you are unconsciously competent in performing it) or have deep expertise, because you know it like the back of your hand. Don’t underestimate the value you bring. While you may feel like you’re speaking for the sake of it, remember that others may find your comments insightful and relevant.

Whether or not you say anything new or insightful by your own standards, I want to remind you that there is tremendous value in being able to:

• Summarize: This can help others in the room get refocused on what has been accomplished in the discussion and what still needs attention.

• Bring people back to the big picture: Helping them connect the dots can refocus on what’s most important to the discussion at hand (especially if it’s been meandering).

• Help a group see common ground: Noticing the alignment and common goals can help the whole group move forward, particularly when a range of perspectives have been shared.

"My idea is not ready for prime time.”

You may hear this from people who prefer to reflect before they share their ideas with others (often introverts). Unlike extroverts, who typically think and process out loud, introverts often want to be more thoughtful about what they say before they say it. At times this can be misconstrued as holding back ideas that could be of value to others, or perfectionism. If any of this sounds familiar, trust me that you’re not alone.

I would recommend that before you walk into a meeting; anticipate what might come up. What might they ask? What challenges may come up based on who will be present in the room? How would you respond? Taking even five minutes to prepare ahead of time will help you step out there a little sooner than you typically would, and with a stronger sense of conviction and confidence.

“Is this really worth my time and energy to share my views?”

Yes, we all have those moments where we are just ready for a meeting to be over. Of course you wouldn’t dare bring something else up because it may drag your unproductive meeting out even longer (and it’s already been going on long enough)!

Before you mentally disengage and start answering email on your phone, ask yourself what opportunity sits before you in this meeting. Remember that it’s up to you to see these moments as unique opportunities to accomplish something of importance to you and/or your team — whether it’s reinforcing your leadership brand, bringing direction to the group, advancing a relationship, or actually making productive use of an otherwise useless meeting.

I would ask you to identify one thing you need to keep in mind or do so that others can get value from what you uniquely bring. Don’t keep that gold mine of ideas all to yourself. Spread the wealth.

Networking for Results

When we expanded our business into the Dallas/Fort Worth area, several people commented on how quickly we plugged into the local business community and asked what we did to make it happen. Here are three simple strategies that have worked for us and our clients.

1. Get clear.

Networking can be a full-time job if you let it. So before you dive in, clarify what you want to accomplish personally and professionally. Developing specific goals will help you focus on who and what matter most, make the best use of your time, and make networking less overwhelming.

Let's take the example of Susan, a leader who told me that she really needs to start networking but finds it draining and difficult. Given her busy schedule, she just doesn’t know how to make it happen. I asked her what she was trying to accomplish. Susan explained that she is ready to take on a bigger role at her company, but that she cannot travel extensively. She admitted that her ideal role may be difficult to get at her company, so she will need strong sponsors to make it happen.

In particular, there are two leaders who could strongly influence her career path. Susan needs to make sure that they know who she is and how she is adding value. As a backup plan, Susan needs to build her external network to identify opportunities outside her company. Because we clarified Susan’s goals first, she could quickly develop a list of people she needs to network with internally and externally.

2. Be consistent.

Most people focus on their networks when they need something. They typically view networking as optional vs. core to achieving their goals. If this sounds all too familiar, I would urge you to set aside time each week to strengthen your network. Remember that it doesn’t have to be time- consuming. Even 5-10 minutes per week can go a long way. For example, in less than five minutes, you can send a quick email about an event or article of interest, make an introduction to someone your contact would enjoy meeting, or ask for advice or input.

As you develop your strategies, think about what would be of service to the person with whom you are cultivating a relationship. Whatever your approach, communicate regularly so that you stay top of mind.

3. Show your stuff.

The best way for people to get to know you is by seeing you in action. Volunteer for something that showcases your strengths, fits with your passion, and helps you develop strong relationships with the right people. When you get involved, others will notice how you think and the value that you bring — as long as you follow through on your commitments. Otherwise, you risk damaging relationships instead of advancing them. Again, you don’t have to invest a lot of your time, but be clear about how much time you can give and carve out something manageable.

Because networking can feel overwhelming, start by developing one achievable goal. For example, you could carve out ten minutes this week to clarify what you want to achieve through networking. If you already know, invest those ten minutes instead to reach out to someone with whom you want a stronger relationship. Remember to look for opportunities within what is already on your calendar (e.g., meetings, calls, etc.), rather than adding more to-do’s to your list!

Connecting the Dots for Others

There's one area that I always work on with my clients that they never realize they need to work on. It doesn’t come up in our initial discussions about their coaching goals, but it does affect their ability to truly lead with impact and build a strong leadership brand.

Let me explain. Usually, when I ask leaders about the most critical things they want to accomplish from a business standpoint, they rattle off a list of things. The same thing happens when I ask about their teams. Very few of them can easily articulate the two or three areas of focus that guide everything they do.

For example, I have a client who has the remarkable ability to dive into a completely new area of responsibility, learn what she needs to, and restructure the work to maximize results. On top of that, she empowers and develops her team to step up and sustain the performance. She has done this time and again, and can give me countless examples. Through our work together, she has come to realize that her primary focus is on creating sustainable value while minimizing risk for the business and developing future leaders. This is her beacon that guides everything she does.

By realizing this (i.e., Connecting the Dots for herself), she can now articulate a consistent message about her focus and intent. This provides tremendous value because she can give others a way to interpret what she says and does by constantly framing her actions and decisions in the context of her areas of focus.

Remember that others will draw conclusions about what you say and do using their own filters — and they may take away something different than you intend. Let me give you an example to further explain. I have another client (let’s call her Michelle) who has a strong focus on supporting her team. This means that Michelle invests considerable time coaching her new hires, but she also recognizes the need to get her employees working independently without her day-to-day guidance.

So she was surprised at her new hire’s frustration when she scaled back her one- on-one time with him. Michelle knew that pulling back was the best support she could give him because it would serve him well in the long run. However, her employee didn’t realize what she was doing. He didn’t Connect the Dots in the same way Michelle thought he would. In fact, he had drawn the opposite conclusion. By explaining her primary focus, Michelle helped him understand that she was supporting him and how. He now has a way to interpret her actions and understand her expectations.

Remember that Connecting the Dots for others is not a “once and you’re done” exercise. You have to do it again and again — and you can’t do it unless you have Connected the Dots for yourself. So take advantage of the unique opportunity you have to provide a framework to give others insight into what you think is important, what success looks like, and what will guide your decisions. It will also create a stronger sense of conviction for you — about what you want to accomplish, how you will get there, and what you want to be known for as a leader.

Do You Have Strong Peer Relationships?

The importance of peer relationships keeps emerging as a theme with my clients. Strong leaders recognize that their leadership must extend beyond managing up and down; they must also manage effectively across the organization. Although it may not be on your radar screen, peers play an important role in providing perspective on your performance, no matter how far removed they may be from your do day-to-day activities.

Even if you don’t need much of your peers’ involvement to achieve your business results, most companies expect you to care about and invest in their success. An investment in your peers demonstrates your willingness to go beyond what matters in your microcosm of the world, to think about how you can make a difference in other parts of the company.

Ask yourself the following questions to quickly assess your peer relationships:

1. How well do you know your peers?

Using a scale of 1-10 (with 10 the highest), rate the strength of your relationship with each peer. Do you know what challenges your peers face, pressures they feel, or what goals are most critical to them? Based on this information and the strength of your relationship, with whom should you invest more time?

2. What do your peers think of you?

Do your peers view you as someone who is willing to give them support? To quickly assess this, think about how much time you spend listening, problem- solving, or brainstorming with your peers and the degree to which you think beyond your scope of responsibility.

3. What value can you offer to your peers?

As you consider your strengths, background, and experience, how can you leverage them for your peers? What can you offer in the context of what matters to them? If you don’t know enough about their priorities, find out.

As you contemplate your responses to the questions above, identify one peer relationship that you would like to strengthen in the next six months. Come up with a small step you will take this week to get the ball rolling, and remember that small steps can lead to big results

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Put More Power Into Your Communication Style

Women sometimes undermine their own power in how they communicate. I see this time and again with my coaching clients, and I have made some of these mistakes myself.

Women often don’t realize how their communication style gets in their way or impacts how others view their leadership. Although women may have good intentions, those may not be apparent in their communication. I think this quote drives the point home: “We judge ourselves by our intent, but we judge others by their actions.” So, remember that your actions may be doing you a disservice, no matter how positive your intentions.

Let’s take a look at three common communication traps to see if any of them apply to you.

1.  Getting into the weeds.

Women often make the mistake of building up to their conclusions, rather than starting with the two or three key headlines. They often don’t realize how this can diminish their credibility. By taking everyone through the details first, they run the risk of losing their audience in a sea of information, or giving the impression that they can’t see the big picture or get out of the weeds. Remember you can always provide additional information if others need it — so lead with the headlines.

2.  Holding back.

Have you ever been in a meeting and never said a word? Perhaps it’s because you agreed with what others said and you didn’t see a need to convey that. Or maybe you didn’t want to be rude and talk over someone to get your point across. Or perhaps you simply wanted to respect everyone else’s time and not prolong an already long meeting. Whatever your rationale, what did your participation (or lack thereof) convey to others? Did your presence really make a difference?

So next time, speak up! Before you walk into that meeting or jump on that conference call, take five minutes to anticipate what will be discussed and develop your point of view. This will make it easier to dive right in, contribute to the discussion, and get your voice heard.

3.  Treading too softly.

Women sometimes use a tone of voice or language that reduces their power and influence. Their voice may take on a higher pitch at the end of a sentence, giving the impression that they’re asking a question rather than making a statement with a strong sense of conviction. They may speak too quietly, or use words that communicate indecisiveness: “I think”; “I guess”; and so on.

So, pay attention to what you say and how you say it. To get a better sense of how your communication comes across, ask people you trust for feedback so you know what to watch for.

The good news is that you can address these issues through minor tweaks in your communication. Identify one small step you will take this week to put more power into your communication style. Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

The Value of Being “Speechless”

Once I lost my voice to the point of a whisper. It was truly a first for me. As an extrovert and someone who provides coaching and consulting services, it was so hard to refrain from talking. To add another interesting dimension, I also had my 6-year-old son solo that weekend, so writing down what I wanted to say wasn’t an option — unless of course I wanted to limit myself to simple three-letter or four-letter words!

So, between losing my voice and starting off that week teaching coaching skills to a group of leaders, it reminded me of two simple but important ideas relevant to leadership.

1.Notice themes in your nonverbal communication.

Sometimes we forget how much we communicate without ever uttering a word. Whether it’s that scowl on your face, the hand on your hip, or that big smile — you constantly send messages. And the nonverbal cues speak so much louder than words, carrying much more weight if there’s a “disconnect” between the two.

So, right now, take a minute to think about what you are communicating on a day-to-day basis. Do you constantly look rushed, stressed out, or too busy to stop and have a conversation? How do your nonverbal messages align with your leadership brand (i.e., what you want to be known for as a leader)? If you are unsure about what you’re communicating nonverbally, ask for feedback from people you trust.

2.Recognize how the simple act of listening can propel things forward.

During the session I facilitated, I helped leaders practice coaching skills that they can apply to any role or situation. As you might expect, we focused on listening as one of those critical skills. Through various coaching scenarios and interactive role play, the leaders focused on:

• giving their undivided attention

• being “in the moment”

• listening with genuine curiosity

• withholding judgment as they listened

As we talked about the experience, several leaders mentioned how listening in this way can make a huge difference because the other person feels heard. They went on to say how taking this approach generated more engagement, opened the other person up to exploring solutions, and ultimately helped them take action faster.

Think about this for a minute. As a leader, if your team members feel that you are willing to listen and care about their perspectives, they will get more engaged in solving their own problems — giving you more capacity to work on other priorities.

So, right now, look at the questions below to assess how effectively you listen:

• How often do you multi-task as others are talking?

• How much do you focus on how you would solve the person’s problem or what you would say next while the other person is talking?

• How much do you REALLY pay attention to the person’s tone of voice, energy, nonverbal cues, and words?

Hopefully these two simple reminders have made you pause, as I did that week, to consider a small tweak you’d like to make. I urge you to identify one small step you‘ll take in the next five days to align your nonverbal communication with your leadership brand or to fine tune your listening skills. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

The Power of Simply Noticing

Most of us are so busy each day, going from one thing to the next and shifting across the many roles we play (colleagues, leaders, mentors, or parents), that in the midst of it all, we may overlook the opportunities right in front of us. So, this week, I would like you to try the exercise of “simply noticing.” As you’re sitting in that next meeting or conference call, pay attention to the following:

1. How You Are Showing Up

What thoughts are running through my head?

You may be thinking to yourself:

• “I really don’t want to be here.”

• “These meetings are always run poorly.”

• I have way too much to do, and this meeting is a waste of my time.”

• “Maybe I can leave early. Will anyone care?”

How do those thoughts affect how I am participating?

Jot down what you’re doing or not doing:

• I’m watching the clock, doodling, and am disengaged.

• I am not giving any thought to how I can really add value and move the discussion forward. I just want this to end.

• I’m planning my escape.

What’s the message I’m indirectly sending others?

Whether you realize it or not, you are always communicating something. Sometimes it can be far from what you intend. Continuing with the scenario above, here are some potential messages you may be sending:

• My time is more important than yours.

• What you care about doesn’t matter to me.

• I am not willing to roll up my sleeves and get in the game. I just want to sit on the sidelines.

2. How Others Are Showing Up

In addition to noticing what you’re doing, paying attention to group dynamics can tell you volumes. To help you glean more information, ask yourself the following questions:

• Who are the informal leaders and influencers in this group?

• Who seems aligned with whom?

• What does each person seem to really care about in this discussion?

• What does the body language and energy level of each person tell you?

3. What It All Means

Now that you’ve had a chance to “simply notice” what’s going on around you, take the time to think about what it means – even if it’s just for five or ten minutes.

• What actions do you want to take as a result of your observations?

• In your next meeting, how do you want to show up instead?

• What can you do to reinforce what you want others to know about you and the value you bring?

• How can you maximize the opportunities in that next meeting, even if you do consider it a waste of your time?

This week, I challenge you to simply notice what’s going on around you, even if it’s in just one meeting, and identify an action step you would like to take. You may be surprised at how quickly it changes your perspective. Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.