5 Leadership Behaviors That Drive Employee Engagement and Retention

How can we improve employee engagement and retention? I don’t know a leader who isn’t focused on that question. There are good reasons for that: Every year, employees who aren’t engaged cause $8.8 trillion in lost productivity globally. In the U.S., voluntary turnover costs companies $1 trillion annually. As a company focused on leadership development, we think about engagement and retention in terms of the effect that leaders and managers can have. We’ve identified five leadership behaviors that have a big impact: 

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1. Promoting wellbeing. When employees are physically and emotionally spent, they can’t fully engage in their work, and they’re more likely to leave.

2. Encouraging flexibility. Employees want to work in a way that fits the rest of their lives.

3. Enabling growth and development. Helping an employee learn shows them that they are valued.

4. Delivering clear expectations. If employees don’t know what success looks like, they have a harder time engaging with their work.

5. Showing respect — always. Demonstrating care for employees is an essential, not a “soft skill.”

Let’s explore each of those behaviors, and how they affect engagement and retention, in more depth.

1. Wellness: The Foundation for Engagement and Retention

In the wake of the Covid-19 pandemic, more organizations are recognizing the importance of employee wellbeing and making it a priority for leaders and managers. And with good reason: Gallup reports that wellbeing is top of mind for employees when they consider whether to look for a new job.

Employee wellbeing isn’t the sole responsibility of managers, of course. In the U.S., 80% of companies with more than 50 employees have wellness programs. But leaders and managers still have a huge impact on employees’ physical and mental health. They set the tone for so much — including how long employees work, whether they take enough breaks, and whether they feel the psychological safety to express themselves, take risks and make decisions with confidence.

Promoting wellbeing can take many forms. Teams can open their meetings by doing a wellness activity together, like a quick mindful breathing exercise. During one-on-ones, managers can encourage employees to talk openly about the employee’s stress levels and what steps to take (like reducing their workload) if their stress is getting out of hand.

2. Flexibility: Leadership Is Different in a Hybrid Environment

It’s no secret how much employees value flexibility, especially after the pandemic showed that many professionals don’t have to be in the office to work successfully. But flexibility can also be a flashpoint between leaders and employees, as we’ve seen most recently with Amazon’s return-to-office mandates.

Managers in companies that allow remote or hybrid work should get up-to-date on the best practices for leading remote teams. For example, employees who take advantage of these flexible schedules should be evaluated the same way as their in-office counterparts, and must be kept in the loop on communications. This isn’t instinctive. Even if managers went through extensive leadership training before the pandemic, they need a new set of skills for our new work environment. According to Gallup, however, 70% of managers have not been trained on how to lead a hybrid team.

Even if a team has fully returned to the office, there are still opportunities to grant flexibility. For example, allow employees who pick up their kids from school to leave early and then catch up later that evening.

3. Development: Learning Opportunities Dramatically Affect Retention

Employees want to work at companies where their leaders and managers care about their growth and development. In one survey, 94% of employees said they would stay at their company longer if it invested in helping them learn.

Companies can make this investment in their employees’ development even when training budgets are tight. Giving more regular, and more useful, feedback is a great start. Employees want to know how they are doing and expect their leaders to tell them. Even if it might be hard to hear in the moment, most people value getting practical, actionable feedback.

Delegating with growth in mind is another underutilized tool for growth and development. I’m a big fan of this strategy because it leads to learning in the flow of work, which is more likely to stick. I’ve also found that connection strengthens learning, whether it happens through mentorship, cohort learning or ERGs.

At Newberry Solutions, we’re especially excited about the potential for high-tech options, like our New Lens® platform, to make learning and development more affordable and more accessible. As I’ve written before, opening up leadership development to more employees helps companies identify more potential leaders and keeps ambitious, growth-minded employees from jumping ship.

4. Clarity: Communicate Clear Expectations

I frequently hear from the professionals I work with that they get frustrated because their bosses don’t set clear expectations for their work or define what success looks like for their roles. I also hear from employees who get frustrated because their bosses send conflicting messages: They say one thing, but their actions seem to  indicate something completely different.

What I’ve observed is part of a larger issue. A survey by Gallup found that only 44% of respondents strongly agreed that they know what’s expected of them at work. Even worse? That figure is a 15% drop from 10 years ago.

So why are leaders seemingly getting less clear? I believe factors include heavier workloads, more distractions (there are more than four times as many smart-phone users as there were 10 years ago) and managers and leaders who aren’t skilled communicators, especially when working with remote employees.

To give employees the clarity they want, managers and leaders should “connect the dots” between an employee’s work and the big-picture goals of the organization, as well as between the manager’s own goals and actions. It also helps to slow and be a little more thoughtful and deliberate when communicating expectations. 

5. Respect: Engage Employees by Showing Authentic Care

Respect is the theme that unites everything on this list. While so much has changed in our workplaces over the past several years, one thing remains the same as ever: People want to be treated like people. They want to work for leaders who care about them and honor their humanity. In fact, the Center for Creative Leadership has found that “treating people with respect on a daily basis is one of the most helpful things an individual leader can do.”

Unfortunately, though, employees feel less cared for at work than they did four years ago. With all of us so busy, even the best-intentioned leaders can overlook the important behaviors that demonstrate their respect to employees. However, this is a pattern that leaders can start turning around quickly. Just one meaningful conversation per week with their manager makes a difference in an employee’s performance. That conversation can be a chance to do some of the other things on this list: Check in on the employee’s wellbeing; clarify any questions they have about expectations; ask them about their goals and the development opportunities they need to achieve those goals.

Another way to show respect is balancing results and relationships. “In most situations, this only requires making small exceptions for people (when kids get sick, accidents happen, or someone needs a mental health break), but the impact on satisfaction and engagement will be significant,” leadership development consultants Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman write in Harvard Business Review.

An anecdote that Zenger and Folkman shared in their article has really stayed with me, and I want to leave it with you as an example of how leaders can demonstrate respect. In explaining why he appreciates his boss so much, an employee said, “He calls me when he doesn’t need anything.” 

Isn’t that the kind of leader we all want to be?

Next Steps

If you’re ready to improve engagement and retention at your organization, there are a couple of ways that our New Lens platform can help:

1.  Delivering the learning opportunities that employees crave. New Lens is a Capability Academy built on decades of leadership success and in-the-field learning from proven business leaders. It's designed to be affordable, scalable and customizable, allowing you to expand access to leadership development training, personalize learning, enable growth in the flow of work and even build relationships

2.  Developing leaders that employees love working for. New Lens emphasizes the skills, such as communicating with impact and developing a high-performing team, that managers need to really move the needle on engagement and retention.

Schedule a demo today to see what New Lens can do for your organization. Visit www.newlensleadership.com or contact us at info@newlensleadership.com to learn more and get started.

What Does It Mean to Coach Your Team?

Over the past year, we have been delivering a coaching workshop globally to help leaders build critical thinking skills of their teams. We’re seeing a huge demand for this topic, and it’s no mystery why. A survey by the Association for Talent Development found that 90% of organizations expect managers to coach direct reports. At the same time, though, more than half said that a lack of coaching skills stood in the way of their goals.

To become a better coach to your team members, the first step is understanding what coaching really is — and isn’t. And that’s what I want to explore with you today.

Photo by Christina Morillo

Coaching ISN’T Advice or Feedback

I’ve found that many leaders think they’re coaching when they are actually advising or giving feedback. Developing your team members involves all of these activities at one time or another. But they aren’t the same thing.

Advising is defining or directing the action an employee should take to solve a particular problem or issue. Advising is the best option sometimes — for example, in a high-stakes or crisis situation under a tight deadline. But it’s also easy to overuse, since solving an issue for your team member is often the quickest way to get it off your plate.

Delivering feedback is describing past performance with a focus on acknowledging strengths and ways to improve. Meaningful feedback is crucial to keeping your team members engaged. Like coaching, delivering feedback can fall by the wayside when things get busy. But it doesn’t have to be time-consuming. Get in the habit of sharing what you noticed a team member doing as soon as possible after you observe it. Even a couple of minutes after a meeting to point out what worked well and what would have been more effective can go a long way.

Coaching involves listening, asking thought-provoking questions and acknowledging the employee’s perspective, which empowers them to problem-solve and take action. Each part of that definition is important:

• Active listening helps you understand what’s really happening with your team member and the situation.

• Asking questions helps your team member develop their own solutions. A common mistake here is asking leading questions that nudge the employee toward what you would do. Leading questions negate the benefits of coaching.

• Empowering your team member means that you are laying the groundwork for them to handle situations on their own in the future instead of coming to you for answers.

Empowerment is at the heart of why coaching is so important. Your team members will never develop to their full potential without coaching that challenges their thinking, broadens their perspective and helps them get unstuck. Learning and growth enhance performance and engagement, which is good for employees themselves and for the organization.

But coaching also benefits you. As we touched on earlier, giving employees solutions when they come to you with a question or issue might save time in the short run. But, in the long run, you’re setting yourself up for spending yet more time “putting out fires.”

This week, think about how often you are taking advantage of coaching moments with your team members and start looking for more opportunities. I also invite you to check out our New Lens® app, which we designed to arm your team members with high-impact strategies and facilitate manager coaching. Bimonthly one-on-one meetings between managers and participants are part of the program, and we make it easy by providing a discussion guide for managers to use.

Free Leadership Development Event

Since we’re talking about ways to develop your team members, I wanted to remind you about our upcoming Micro Summit: 4 Core Leadership Strategies for Success. This is a rare opportunity to get insights from four dynamic and accomplished business and HR leaders, all in just a couple of hours and for free. The Micro Summit happens 11 a.m.-1 p.m. CST on Wednesday, October 25. Please sign up while we still have open spots. You can register here and share this link with your team members and other colleagues. I’m looking forward to seeing you there!

How to Develop Your Team When Time, Budgets Are Tight

As a leader, one of your most important responsibilities is helping your team members develop to their full potential. But that raises a big question: How are you supposed to accomplish this when all of you are busy and your training budget is small? Today I want to give you some quick, affordable and easy ideas to encourage your team members’ learning and growth. Be sure to read to the end of the article, where I’ll tell you about a free leadership development event you can share with your team.

Photo by Christina Morillo

Leverage What You Already Have

It’s easy to forget about the existing learning and development opportunities at your organization, especially when your schedule is full. But this is a great place to start when you’re looking for ways to develop your team. For example, does your workplace have a cross-training program? Are there affinity groups? What about tuition reimbursement? If you’re drawing a blank, get together with other leaders so you can pool your knowledge about current resources.

Help Team Members Learn from Each Other

So what’s your #1 existing resource? Your people themselves. Take a moment to think about the strengths of each of your team members. You’ll probably be impressed by the depth and breadth of knowledge and experience on your team! Now consider how you can tap into each person’s expertise. Some options include lunch-and-learn events and peer-to-peer coaching.

Build Learning into Every Day

All too often, we think of learning as something that happens in addition to our regular jobs. But some of the most powerful learning actually happens through our work experiences.  Leadership expert Josh Bersin calls this “growth in the flow of work,” and research has shown it delivers real results. According to Camille Preston, a business psychologist and leadership expert: “The most innovative leaders and organizations are seeking ways to integrate leadership development into everything they do.” You can help your direct reports grow by helping them join a cross-functional team, present in front of senior leaders or take on a special project, just to name a few examples.

Coach and Give Feedback

I get it: You’re really busy. But you can provide more coaching and feedback without taking too much time out of your day. Get in the habit of sharing what you noticed about your team members’ behavior right after you observe it. Even a couple of minutes after a meeting to point out what worked well and what would have been more effective can go a long way. If you want to start coaching more but aren’t sure how to begin, I contributed to an article for Forbes Coaches Council that provides some “baby steps.”

Our Free Leadership Development Event

I hope the ideas in this article will help you create more development opportunities for your team members. Making learning more accessible is one of our key values at Newberry Solutions. That’s why we created our award-winning New Lens® app. And it’s why I’m so excited about our upcoming Micro Summit: 4 Core Leadership Strategies for Success. Like New Lens, this virtual event is easy to fit into busy schedules. In just a couple of hours, you’ll gain valuable, actionable strategies for success from four incredible business and HR leaders. It all happens 11 a.m.-1 p.m. CDT on Wednesday, October 25. I invite you to register here, and to share this link with your team members and other colleagues. 

How to Deal with Challenging Team Members

As a leader, you probably have at least one team member who has a knack for pushing your buttons. Your challenging team members may be high performers in many ways. But their negative behaviors still make life harder for you and the rest of your team. Today I want to share some ideas on how to address a difficult team member, as well as some specific responses you can use in the moment to redirect them.

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Give Timely Feedback

It’s easy to delay giving feedback, especially when you’re busy. But the cost is high — for you, for the rest of your team and even for the challenging team member — if you put off addressing the issue. Remind yourself that you are offering feedback out of genuine concern for everyone involved. Remember also that your team member probably wants the feedback because they know it’s important for their career development.

Focus on Impact

Once you’ve decided to offer feedback about a team member’s challenging behavior, the next step is thinking about how to present that feedback effectively. Help the employee understand their behavior by identifying it, providing information on when and where you’ve noticed it occurring, and sharing its impact. For example, maybe their habit of shooting down ideas surfaces primarily in meetings with a key stakeholder group. Talk about the effect, from what you see or what you’ve heard from others. “I know this isn’t what you intend, but I’ve heard others say that your communication style leaves them with the impression that you are resistant to their ideas.”

Next, offer ideas about what your team member should do more often or less often. Sometimes it can be very powerful to ask the employee to focus on how they want to show up in interactions with others. In other words, by helping them identify what they do want others to notice about them (for example, openness to ideas), they may stop engaging in the other limiting behavior.

You can supplement your own coaching and advice by connecting your team member with development resources like our award-winning New Lens® app. An assessment within the app helps them identify their developmental needs.

What to Say in 5 Challenging Situations

In addition to making a plan for giving feedback and providing development opportunities, you can also think about what to say when your team member engages in the problem behavior in a setting like a meeting. When others are present, it’s not appropriate to deliver the same kind of feedback you would one on one. But you can make statements that help your employee course correct and that keep the larger conversation on track. Here are a few examples.

• Challenging behavior: Naysaying. Your team member always seems to focus on why ideas will not work.

How to respond: "I understand your concerns and appreciate your perspective. What could we do to make this idea succeed?"

• Challenging behavior: Complaining. Your team member has a knack for seeing the glass as half empty and griping instead of resolving the problem.

How to respond: "Let’s take a few minutes to vent and then shift to finding a solution." 

• Challenging behavior: Derailing. Your team member distracts others from the core issue at hand.

How to respond: "I appreciate your comment. Just so I’m clear, please help me understand how it ties to what we’re trying to accomplish?"

• Challenging behavior: Taking on too much. Your team member has a habit of volunteering for tasks during a meeting, but then getting overwhelmed and creating a bottleneck.

How to respond: "If you take on this work, how much time will it entail? How does that fit in with other priorities you already have? What support might you need?"

• Challenging behavior: Getting lost in the weeds. Your team member gets bogged down in details and loses sight of what's really important.

How to respond: "Let's take a look at the bigger picture to make sure we’re considering the 'what' before we get into the 'how,’ and that we’re meeting our objectives."

This week, pay attention to your team members’ habitual behaviors and how they affect you and the rest of your team. Are there opportunities for feedback and coaching? And how do you want to respond when these behaviors surface?

Five Things Employees Want from Their Leaders

Have you heard the old saying that “employees leave managers, not companies”? As turnover rates remain elevated (one in five employees said they were extremely or very likely to leave their companies this year), the stakes are high for developing the kind of leaders that employees don’t want to leave. But what do employees actually want from their leaders? This list will give you some insight and aligns with what I see as an executive coach time and again.

Photo by Rebrand Cities

Appreciation

According to a survey by McKinsey & Company, employers underestimate how much employees want to feel valued by both their manager and their organization. They also underestimate how much feeling valued affects whether employees stay with the company. Providing the appreciation that employees crave doesn’t have to be expensive or time-consuming. Here’s one idea you can start using right away: Start your next team meeting by asking people to share their recent successes or what’s been going well so that you can all celebrate your wins together. This doesn’t take long, and it makes people feel good as they start noticing what they’re actually getting done. Bonus: Besides giving your team members a lift, this appreciation exercise also gives you more information and insight about what is working well with your team.

Clarity

A survey of 1,000 U.S. workers about communication issues that hamper leadership found something striking: 57% of respondents complained that their leaders do not give clear directions. That was the second-most-cited issue in the whole survey. As an executive coach, I have also personally observed this. I frequently hear from employees who get frustrated because their bosses don’t set clear expectations for their work or define what success looks like for their roles. In addition to sharing this information, it also important to “connect the dots”: Explain the reasons behind your actions, questions, or decisions so that others understand what you are thinking. As Brene Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”

Feedback

Employees want to know how they are doing and expect their leaders to tell them. Even if it might be hard to hear in the moment, most of us value getting practical, actionable feedback. However, a Gallup survey found that only about one in four employees strongly agrees that the feedback they get helps them be better at their job. If you always dread offering performance feedback, it can help to reframe how you think about it. Approach feedback with a spirit of generosity. You're not being the "bad guy" by criticizing. Instead, you're giving the employee valuable information to help them be successful. Wouldn't you be grateful if someone took the time to tell you what you should know?

Learning and Growth

Employees want leaders to care about their growth and development. Providing feedback is part of that, but so are recommending employees for training opportunities, delegating with growth in mind and exploring new ways your organization can promote ongoing learning. These efforts will pay off in engagement and retention. In a 2019 survey, 94% of employees said they would stay at their company longer if it invested in helping them learn. A study that year by Sitel Group found that 92% of U.S. employees said that learning increases their engagement and motivation at work.

Respect

There’s one critical factor that trumps everything else: respect. If you remember just one thing from this article, remember that employees want their leaders’ respect. In her research, Christine Porath, an associate professor at Georgetown University’s McDonough School of Business, found that treating employees with respect outweighs all else when it comes to making a leader successful. “No other leadership behavior had a bigger effect on employees across the outcomes we measured,” she wrote in Harvard Business Review.

What Can You Do?

As a leader, how are you doing across these areas? How is your organization’s leadership doing as a whole? What are the top one or two biggest opportunities to improve? Remember that Newberry Solutions has resources that can help you, including the award-winning New Lens app, our program to develop effective leaders at all levels in a way that is affordable and scalable. We would love to help you determine if it’s a fit. Schedule a demo now.

5 Ways to Recognize and Appreciate Your Team Members

As 2020 winds down, you might already be planning for 2021. One of the most powerful goals you can set for next year is giving your team members more recognition and appreciation.

Making employees feel seen and valued improves engagement and retention. And it doesn’t require a lot of time or money.

Image by Bob Dmyt from Pixabay

Here are five ideas for recognizing and appreciating your team members. Which ones are you already doing? Which ones do you want to try in 2021?

1. Be Deliberate About Giving Regular Feedback

Especially if your team is working remotely, it's all too easy to skip feedback in favor of other priorities. If you're doing this, though, your employees are missing out on valuable information from you that could make or break their future success.

2. Get Specific in Your Positive Feedback

Saying "Great job!" after a meeting might give your employee a mental boost. But telling her exactly what she did well and the impact of her actions will help her build on what she's doing right. Here's an example: "You asked great questions during that meeting, which allowed the team to notice opportunities we might have otherwise missed."

3. Use Meetings to Share Successes

Start team meetings by asking people to share their recent successes or what’s been going well. This doesn’t take long, and it makes people feel good as they start noticing what they’re actually getting done. Your employees can emulate this practice in meetings with their own direct reports, which helps build a culture of recognition throughout your company. Besides boosting everyone’s energy, getting into this habit gives you more information and insight about what is working.

4. Give Your Team Members Visibility

There are many ways to accomplish this. Nominating your team members for your company's internal recognition or awards programs will boost morale and help make others aware of their great work. You could also recommend your team members for promotions or high-profile projects, share their successes with higher-level managers, invite them to present in front of audiences they don't typically get exposure to or introduce them to others inside or outside of the company who could mentor or guide them.

5. Take the Time to Check In

The gift of your time and attention is a form of recognition and appreciation as well. Have regular one-on-ones with your team members that aren't about projects. Instead, simply ask how they are doing and how you can support them. By relating to your team members in a warm and human way, you are showing how much you value and respect them.

For more ideas on guiding your employees through challenging times, pick up a copy of "Building a Strong Team" from my Leadership EDGE℠ series.

How to Stop Fixing and Start Coaching

As a high performer, you're good at solving problems. But do you ever feel too good at it?

I'm hearing from a lot of leaders lately that they're spending their days putting out fires, dealing with crises and answering questions for their team members. 

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

If that sounds a lot like your days, too, you may feel like you're stuck in this situation. Things are still busy and unpredictable. There's no end in sight for problems that need solving. But maximizing your impact as a leader does not mean always jumping in and coming to the rescue. Today I want to give you some alternate strategies that will benefit both you and your team.

The Downside of Solving

It's easy for leaders to get into the habit of being the fixer or the solver, especially in stressful times like these.

After all, you're a leader because you've proven that you can efficiently solve problems. When team members come to you with a quandary or crisis, you can probably identify a solution quickly. You really want to get this problem off your plate, and coaching your direct report through it seems a lot more complicated than dealing with it yourself. So, once again, you become the solver.

But while you are saving time and stress in the short term, you are setting yourself and your team members up for longer-term problems. When you regularly leap to solving instead of coaching or delegating for development, here's what can happen:

• You lose time for your most important work. As a leader, your priorities should include big-picture thinking and helping your team members develop. When you're neglecting these priorities to do the work your reports could be doing, you aren't adding all the value you can as a leader.  

• You get caught in an unproductive pattern. The more you solve for them, the more your team will ask you to solve. And the less time you will have for anything else.

• Your team members miss opportunities to grow. By over-relying on you, they're hampering their own career development.

• You sow discord on your team. If you're always solving problems for some team members instead of helping them develop, the rest of the team will notice — especially if their colleagues' underperformance creates more work for them. On the other hand, your direct reports who need development may not understand why others are your "go-tos" for important assignments.

3 Questions to Ask Yourself

So how can you balance the short-term concerns of getting things done quickly with the long-term concerns of strengthening your team, developing its members and maximizing your own leadership? Here are a few questions that can help you move from solving to coaching and developing.

• What is your role? Even if you complain about being "the solver," does your ego get a boost from playing this role? Becoming aware of this can help you get unstuck and start finding better ways to use your expertise.

• How do you want to show up? How do you want others to see you as a leader? If you’re always in the details problem-solving, you’re less likely to be viewed as someone with the capacity to move up and contribute more strategically.

• How capable is your team? If you feel nervous delegating to certain team members, is it because of their competence? If so, identify the need for additional training beyond coaching from you.

Making the Shift

With your answers to these questions in mind, what's one small shift you can make to go from short-term problem-solving to investing in your team’s longer-term development? For example, it might be as simple as pausing when someone comes to you with an issue and reminding yourself that this person has the ability to learn and that you can coach them.

As you do things differently, others might not know what to make of your changes in behavior. So remember to connect the dots for them by framing your actions, "I trust you and want to give you a chance to grow. I'm here to help, but I'm going to step back to let you own this project."

From time to time, you will find yourself in urgent situations where you need to jump in and take action. But you can still coach even in these cases. After the problem is resolved, meet with your team member to talk through what you did and prepare them to handle similar scenarios in the future.

As a leader, preparing your team members to lead is one of the most important things you can do. And it shows your own readiness for a bigger role. For more strategies like these, pick up a copy of  "Building a Strong Team" from my Leadership EDGE℠ Series.

Are You Missing the Two Most Important Steps in Giving Feedback?

Do you struggle with giving candid, constructive feedback? Read on if you answered, “Yes.”

If you’re like most managers and leaders, you have the best intentions when you are giving feedback. You want to communicate clearly and constructively without damaging the relationship, ultimately improving performance. As you know, this can be easier said than done.

So, as a feedback provider, what can you do to set up the conversation for success? Well, as I’ve coached people over the years, I have noticed two areas that can make a big difference:

1. Describe what you observed.

When you are giving feedback, be sure to state the behavior you observed in objective terms. In other words, state the facts without interpreting them. This will make the person much more open to what you have to say and more likely to hear your underlying message.

Let’s use Jane as an example. From the past two team meetings you have attended you might think that Jane can’t control her temper when others don’t agree with her point of view. If you share your conclusion with her, it could immediately raise her defenses, resulting in a counterproductive argument.

Instead, focus on the sharing the facts without sharing your interpretation. For example, you could say, “In the past two team meetings, you raised your voice at Jim and Sue when they disagreed with your suggestions.”

2. Communicate the impact of the behavior.

Sometimes you can focus so much on communicating the behavior that you may overlook the importance of explaining its impact. So, challenge yourself to think about any quantitative or qualitative consequences, and come up with at least two or three to share. This will go a long way in reinforcing the importance of the feedback, and will offer clues about what may be required to resolve the situation at hand.

Building on Jane’s situation above, here are some examples: “Jim is embarrassed and does not want to attend future team meetings.” “Sue has concerns about working with you.” “The rest of the team does not want to bring up any ideas that you may disagree with.” “Other leaders have heard about these two meetings, and are questioning your management style.”

Although there are many other important steps involved in preparing to give feedback, I would encourage you to spend more time on these two. It can be the difference between a constructive and counterproductive conversation.

Making Awkward Feedback Easier

Whether you’re a new manager or veteran executive, there’s a certain kind of employee conversation that never seems to get any easier.

I’m sure you’ve been faced with it: An employee has a behavior, habit, or mannerism that’s giving people the wrong impression of her or diminishing her effectiveness. It’s not a performance issue, but it affects how the employee is perceived. And she probably doesn’t even realize she’s engaging in it.

I’ve worked with clients who dread these conversations and put them off. They’re worried that their feedback will be misunderstood, that they might damage the relationship or create needless drama. To help them take action, I remind them that as difficult as this kind of feedback can be to deliver, they are offering it out of genuine concern for the employee and a desire to help her succeed.

Here are three simple steps that can make these conversations easier.

1. Start with your intent

Remember that you’re having this conversation because you care about the employee and want to help her remove an obstacle that’s holding her back. You can always acknowledge that this is an awkward situation for both of you, but that it’s important to talk about the behavior. If you were in her shoes, you would want to hear the feedback. Expressing compassion and your own vulnerability can create a stronger connection in the moment and may help defuse the tension.

2. Communicate the impact

Help the employee understand her behavior by identifying it, providing information on when and where you’ve noticed it occurring, and sharing its impact. For example, maybe her sour expression surfaces primarily in long meetings with a key stakeholder group. Talk about the effect, from what you see or what you’ve heard from others. “I know this isn’t what you intend, but I’ve heard others say that your facial expressions sometimes leave them with the impression that you are resistant to their ideas.”

3. Be part of the solution

Offer ideas about what she should do more or less of. Sometimes it can be very powerful to ask the employee to focus on how she wants to show up in the interaction. In other words, by helping her identify what she does want others to notice or take away from their interaction with her (e.g., openness to ideas), she may stop engaging in the other limiting behavior.

After that, it’s a matter of finding tactics that work for her. That could mean using a visual reminder like a note with the word “open” on it, so she can see it during her meeting and pay more attention to her body language. If an employee is receptive to it, offer to help her monitor the behavior. That could involve giving a cue when the employee starts to engage in the distracting behavior during a meeting or setting aside time for feedback after the meeting.

This week, consider whether there’s an awkward conversation you’ve been putting off and decide how you will approach it with the mindset of helping your employee succeed. While it may be a difficult moment for both of you in the short term, ultimately you will find that it strengthens your relationship and builds trust in the long run. Remember, small steps lead to big results.