How the Most Successful Leaders Build Their Presence

This is the second part of a series on Purpose, Presence and Power: three key areas that get results — like raises and promotions — again and again for my executive coaching clients. Last time, we talked about leading with Purpose. Today, I'll share three strategies that successful leaders use to build a confident, authentic Presence that makes them more effective:

1. Tastefully toot your own horn in a way that's relevant and fits who you are. Many people hesitate when it comes to self-promotion because they view it as self-centered. When done correctly, it can have a big impact. Your boss is responsible for leveraging your talent for the company and helping you develop. To do those things, she needs to hear about your strengths, talents and successes. They key is to focus on information that's relevant and useful to others as you self-promote. For tips, check out my videos on tasteful self-promotion.

   1. Proactively manage your energy to stay productive and avoid burnout.Being reactive and stressed out (or, on the other hand, disengaged and unenthusiastic) doesn't do much for your effectiveness or executive presence (two big reasons why leaders have to be vigilant about managing their energy). When things are crazy-busy, you might be tempted to just power through, but it typically has the opposite effect, diminishing your productivity and how others perceive you. Be more intentional about infusing energy into each day. This could be as simple as taking more breaks during the day, going to sleep even 15 minutes earlier if you are sleep-deprived, or taking a quick walk after a draining meeting or conversation. Focus on the quality of the activity, not the quantity of time you spend on it.

   2. Consistently connect your ideas to the bigger picture.Remember that others will draw conclusions about what you say and do using their own filters – and they may take away something different than you intend. Even if something seems obvious to you, take a moment to explain the connection between your words or actions and how they advance business goals.

Proactively focusing on your Presence will help you build more credibility and ultimately help you achieve better results. This week, choose one of the three key facets of presence to focus on. And be sure to stay tuned to for the third part of this series, where we'll talk about Power.

How to Lead With Purpose and Have More Impact

As a leader, you're always striving to grow and improve. But there's a lot of leadership advice out there — how do you sort through it all? As an executive coach working with major companies, I've found that focusing on three areas — Purpose, Presence and Power — gets results time and again for my clients. Today, I'm kicking off a series of articles to help you put them into play more powerfully in your own life.

So let's start by talking about Purpose. I define Purpose as working strategically on the areas that drive results leveraging the unique ways that you add value as a leader.

Purposeful leaders consistently do three things:

1. They focus on the right work. Spend your time on your "Big 3": the top three areas where you can have the biggest impact on the business. Make sure you and your manager are on the same page about these areas. Once you've ensured alignment about your Big 3, take a look at how you currently spend your time. How well does your schedule sync up with your priorities? Look for ways to redirect your time from less-critical work to your Big 3.

2. They articulate what defines their leadership. Too often, high performers set the bar so high for themselves that they don't really notice how much they have to offer. Take a minute to identify your top three strengths, and the “so what?” of each. In other words, what does each strength allow you to do that other people cannot easily do? How does it really make a difference? For example, if you listed "approachability" as a strength, the "so what?" could be that you can get to the heart of issues and resolve them faster because people feel comfortable telling you what’s really going on.

3. They track their accomplishments weekly so they can share them with others. Another common trait of high performers is that they often rush from one project into another without taking the time to notice their successes and what led to them. If this sounds like you, taking even five minutes to identify your personal best practices after completing a project will allow you to more intentionally use those practices going forward. And by sharing your accomplishments and practices with others, others can learn from you and will know more about how and when to engage you.

When you lead with Purpose, you maximize the impact of your unique talents and skills. This week, choose one of the three areas above to focus on. And be sure to stay tuned to for the second part of this series, where we'll talk about Presence.

The Power of Saying, “It Is What It Is”

Have you ever had a day that made you wonder " Hmm, what the heck is going on?!"

I experienced one recently. It all started when my flight got canceled. Then my new flight had mechanical issues, and bad storms were brewing between Houston and Dallas.

A few hours later, when I finally got back to Dallas, I discovered that the airport valet had lost my car key. The staff were frantically running around trying to find it. When they finally did, somehow my black convertible had turned into a red Infiniti. When they really found my car, they said it had died in the valet lane midday and still wouldn't start.

So, I pulled the jumper cables out of my trunk, and fortunately the car started after a little boost. I drove to my dealership a few blocks away, knowing it was closed. What did I have to lose by driving over? A security guard happened to be walking outside, took pity on me and let me park inside — after I reminded her that hail and tornadoes were coming. I called an Uber and quickly crammed my bag with things from my car, including a water bottle. When we arrived at my house, I picked up my bag to get my wallet. Water was seeping out of the bottom — it had spilled all over my laptop and papers during my Uber ride home. Minutes later, my whole bathroom had sheets of wet paper laid out to dry. To top it all off? A couple of days later, I lost my driver's license.

As all of this weirdness was unfolding, I just kept thinking, "What should I be taking from this?" That one little question made a huge difference for me in the moment. It reminded me that this series of events was out of my control but that I could still choose how I responded. By repeating “It is what it is” and asking “What should I be taking from this?,” I stayed calm and curious about what was happening. As I've written before, true resilience means paying attention to your thoughts and feelings and realizing that you can make a different choice.

Meanwhile, my laptop is perfectly fine, my car is fixed after three more trips to the dealership and I made some new friends in line at DPS when I went to get a new driver's license. But the biggest surprise? My doorbell rang a few days later, and someone had found my original license (I had dropped it while I was out on a run) and stopped by to return it. What a great act of kindness.

To prepare for the next time your day throws you for a loop, remember that it is what it is. The question is, “What do you want to do about it?” This week, notice what you’re thinking and feeling and make a deliberate choice about how you want to show up — a choice that reflects the person you want to be.

The Big Impact of the 'Second Shift'

With Mother's Day coming up, I wanted to call your attention to some research about the challenges that women and families as a whole face.  

I was struck by an article that my sister shared with me recently: "Study reveals that women are literally working themselves to death." The article discusses research showing that long work hours increase the risk of heart disease, cancers other than skin cancer, arthritis and diabetes. But here's the really shocking thing: "For women ... the side effects of working long hours were much more dire. For example, working 60 or more hours per week tripled the risk of diabetes, cancer, heart trouble and arthritis in women."

Researchers theorize that this is because women work a longer "second shift" tending to home and family responsibilities than men do.

Consider these findings from Pew Research Center:

• 56 percent of dads say chores are split evenly between parents, but half of moms say they do more around the house.

• Moms spend twice as much time on childcare as dads do.

• Mothers are more likely to interrupt their careers to attend to family needs than fathers are. Thirty-nine percent of mothers said they had taken significant time away from work to care for a family member.

• Women are twice as likely as men to say that responsibility for caring for a seriously ill family member falls primarily on women.

• 40 percent of working moms say they always feel rushed.

• 56 percent of working mothers (and 50 percent of fathers) say it's hard to balance family and work responsibilities.

What Leaders Can Do

Let these statistics serve as a reminder to pay attention to what's going on with your team members, both women and men. Are any of them facing challenges in caring for children or other family members? Keep in mind your employees might not be revealing the full picture of what's happening with them. Some people might feel that they should just "soldier on" and not share their situation or ask for help.

But if you can offer help to employees overburdened by their second shift, you're both improving your team's effectiveness in the short term and helping your employees succeed in the long term. One possible starting point: looking for ways to offer more flexibility. According to Pew, a flexible schedule is the quality that working moms value most in a job.

This week, look at how the second shift impacts your staff. You can find more ideas on helping your staff members thrive in Building a Strong Team, part of the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

How to Give Feedback to Your Boss

Delivering feedback is one of the most challenging and most important things leaders do. Usually we think about feedback in terms of our direct reports, but your boss may need some, too. After all, your boss has a big impact on how you and others work. Today, we'll look at three kinds of bosses who can make your job more difficult. We'll look at how you can help your boss make some important tweaks, without it feeling awkward or painful. These strategies can show your boss the impact of his behavior while reinforcing that you're on the same team. As always, the goal is to take the discomfort out of feedback by making it more about working together toward shared goals.

The MIA Boss

Some bosses are great at delegating and empowering others. You might appreciate the level of trust and independence this boss gives you. But the downside is that giving employees feedback is the exception, not the rule, for him. In fact, you may only hear from him when something goes wrong. That means you could be missing opportunities to address problems earlier or to leverage your strengths more fully.

Don't expect this boss (or any boss, for that matter) to suddenly change his style. He's busy, and may not be skilled at giving feedback because he doesn't do it that often. So, if you want to know how you’re doing, take the initiative to schedule time to talk and facilitate the conversation. For example, you can go into the meeting with a one-page bulleted list of your accomplishments and results, feedback you have received from others and what you're working on to further develop your skills. Asking your boss to react to something like that can be far less daunting than asking him, "How am I doing?"

The Micromanager Boss

On the other hand, some bosses constantly look over your shoulder. Although it may not feel like it, their intent is usually positive: ensuring high quality work and supporting you. But they may get bogged down in minute details, or take over part of your responsibilities or decision-making authority. An employee with a boss like this often feels mistrusted and gets frustrated by the redundancy between their roles.

When giving feedback to this kind of boss, acknowledge her intent and show that you are aligned with it. Let's say your boss values responsiveness to senior executives. You could start your conversation with her by acknowledging the importance of this and then making suggestions: "I know we need to make sure we're being responsive to senior executives. If you can share the turnaround time and the relative importance of each key area, I can do more of the critical legwork before getting you involved. This will help me make more progress on my own, take less of your time on the detailed work, and allow me to leverage you more for a high-level review."

The 'Fire Drill' Boss

Then there are the bosses who are focused on showing their responsiveness to their own boss — and they expect the same level of responsiveness from you, even at the expense of larger priorities. They're so reactive that they don't have a sense of the big picture. A typical behavior: They don't start a presentation early enough to undergo the needed levels of review and then try to cram everything into a really tight time frame. They don't think about the impact that habits like that have on their team.

Because this kind of boss probably doesn't notice the damage he's doing, it can help to frame this in the context of what you want to achieve. To the boss who always rushes presentations, you could say: "I've noticed we often have a short turn-around time on presentations, which makes it difficult to ensure the level of quality that you want. So, I have some suggestions that may help.”  This positions you as a steward of quality, not a critic of the boss. From there, you can suggest improvements like establishing a timeline and milestones for the presentations.

This week, take 10 minutes to think about your working relationship with your boss. What could he or she do to help you achieve the results that are important to you both? What one small tweak can you make to frame the feedback in a way that guides your boss’s behavior while protecting your relationship? You can find more advice about managing all of your work relationships — bosses, peers, directs — in my book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. Leadership Through a New Lens. And you can download five free chapters on my website.

Best of the Blog: 4 Qualities All Influential People Share

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To lead well, you need influence. Over the years, I've found that truly influential people have these four things in common.

1. They Demonstrate Credibility

This is the big one. Influence starts with credibility. Without it, you can’t effectively influence, no matter what approach you take. If you’re not sure whether others see you as credible, seek some feedback. If you hear questions about your credibility, correct them by helping others see your strengths and the value you bring. If you’re like many high performers, you may underestimate the positive impact you have. So, take the time to identify and share examples of how you consistently add value, in a way that’s relevant for the audience.

2. They See the Big Picture

Influential people are known for bringing a lot to table — intelligence, insight, etc. But you also have to be known as someone who’s not just in it for yourself. Connect what you do to the big picture of what’s right for the organization. If you speak just about your (or your department’s) goals and priorities, others may wonder whether your motivation is self-serving. That can quickly erode your credibility.

3. They Build Relationships

All organizations have formal leaders whose power ties to their positions. But they also have informal leaders who shape what really gets done. Your influence depends on the strength of your relationships with both formal leaders and informal leaders. Take a few minutes to review and assess these.

4. They Act Strategically

Influential people are strategic about how they leverage and engage others. For example, how often do you hold the “meeting before the meeting” to get buy-in from others and avoid surprises? Have you thought through the right messenger for advancing your goals? Sometimes it isn’t you. Look at what you do today, and small tweaks you could make to bring others along more effectively.

To learn more about building influence and other key career skills, check out my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

Best of the Blog: Build Resilience in Just 2 Steps

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Have you ever caught yourself wondering why you can’t get over a setback, a mistake (yours or someone else’s), a conflict or a big change? Sometimes we easily shrug off frustrations or difficulties. Other times, they really get under our skin. We may stay stuck in frustration even as we push ourselves to move forward and show more resilience.

People often misunderstand resilience. It doesn’t mean that we will move past roadblocks effortlessly or just have to find a way to survive them. Instead, true resilience requires delving into our thoughts and feelings and taking a look at successes and failures – so we can learn from them and make different choices.

Recently, I worked with an executive coaching client to help her navigate a tough situation. Someone at her office “threw her under the bus” in a meeting by doing exactly the opposite of what he had committed to doing. Not only did his behavior fall short of my client’s expectations, it also felt dishonest and disrespectful.

She kept telling herself, “Fine, it happened. I’m not happy about it. But I need to just get over it.” Instead of allowing herself to fully explore her feelings, she kept trying to set them aside like they didn’t matter.

As you might expect, she just couldn’t. She kept replaying the scenario in her head again and again. Does this sound familiar? When you are stuck in anger or frustration for days, it’s typically an indicator that a core value that you hold near and dear is involved. By taking the time to identify which specific value was violated (in this case, honesty) instead of ignoring it, my client figured out how to work through this challenging situation. She gave the other party constructive feedback about what happened and how it affected her, which finally allowed her to move on.

To help her further develop her resilience, we used a simple two-step process. Here’s how it works.

Step 1: Increase Your Self-Awareness

Although it might seem counterintuitive, it’s important to ask yourself, “What am I feeling? Let it all out, uncensored. It’s OK to feel how you feel, even if you’re not feeling very kind in that moment! Acknowledging and naming your emotions, whatever they are, will go a long way toward helping you process them.

The next question to ask yourself is “What am I thinking?” Are you falling into any thinking traps, such as assuming you know what others are thinking or downplaying positives while exaggerating negatives? Notice the story you are telling yourself about what happened in this situation. Take a few minutes to write your specific thoughts and feelings down. It may help you make connections you otherwise might not notice.

Next, ask yourself “How am I framing the situation?” For example, maybe you’re framing a colleague’s lack of enthusiasm for your idea as dismissive or disrespectful. Look at the evidence to better understand how you’re interpreting the situation, and whether or not your interpretation is accurate. You might realize that your colleague’s behavior had nothing to do with you.

Step 2: Make a Different Choice

Once you’ve identified your feelings and thoughts, and how they are helping or getting in your way, you will notice more options in front of you. And remember that you get to decide how you want to show up in this situation, regardless of how others are showing up. You may still decide to let all your frustration go and just move on, but that’s very different than just “sucking it up” and repressing your feelings. Treating yourself with compassion and gaining more insight about yourself and others will serve you well. You’ll also be a lot happier and more effective without those repressed feelings threatening to bubble up at any moment.

This week, give yourself a little more space to process any setbacks, changes or frustrations that come your way. Take time to notice what you’re thinking and feeling — it’s the first step toward true resilience. And remember that small steps can lead to big results.

4 Key Strategies to Prepare for the Changes Ahead

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We never know exactly what's ahead. But I can tell you a couple of things for certain: First, you'll deal with change in some form in your job this year. But you can still have an impact no matter how much changes if you follow these four strategies.  1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

The key to managing through change is managing yourself. If the changes you're going through stir up strong emotions, you may think you just need to "suck it up" and soldier on. But that's not the most effective strategy.

Instead, take a timeout and ask yourself “What am I feeling?" Find a safe way to let it all out, uncensored. It’s OK to feel how you feel! Acknowledging and naming your emotions, whatever they are, helps you process them and move forward.

2. Analyze Your Stories

It's also helpful to notice what stories you're telling yourself about this change. For example, maybe you've created a story that your boss doesn't care about you because she hasn't reassured you about a restructuring at your office.

The next step is looking the evidence to better understand your stories and whether they're accurate. When you step back a little, you might realize that your boss hasn't been as supportive as she usually is just because she's overwhelmed.

Taking this time to work through your emotions and examine your perceptions should give you a greater sense of control about how you handle the changes in your workplace.

3. Keep Your Energy Up

When you're in the midst of change and transition, it's more important than ever to manage your energy. If you have tasks and events on your calendar that you know will drain your energy, plan to counter them with some activities that will help you recharge.

You can also get positive energy from your connections to others. Cultivate a support system among your colleagues to lift each other up.

4. Remember What's Constant

Finally, it helps to reconnect with a key truth that we often overlook when work gets tumultuous. Even when a lot is changing, some things will remain constant. It can help to focus on those (and, if you're a leader, to help your team focus on them as well). For example, maybe your company is changing its leadership structure, but the values and priorities that drive your work remain the same.

Whatever 2017 brings for your career, I'm here to help you navigate from a place of purpose, presence and power. Our leadership development products can show you how to meet any challenge and get where you want to go as a leader faster.  

Leave the Baggage Behind and Take the Gems with You

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As we end this year, I want to leave you with two questions that I ask my clients:  

• What do you want to leave behind from 2016?

Is there something you experienced this year that taught you about something you should steer clear of going forward? A type of situation you don’t want to find yourself in again? Or a painful but invaluable lesson that you learned?

• What do you want to take forward into 2017?

Building on our last post, what enabled you to achieve the successes you did?  Of those practices, what do you want to put into play in a bigger way? What do you want to teach others, so that you can have a bigger ripple effect? What kind of work motivates you? What kind of people?

We all have important lessons from this year. Take a few minutes to remember them, and make a conscious decision to take them into 2017.

How to Stop Tolerating Underperformance

It's a trap I see leaders fall into all too often. They have a team member who just doesn't deliver. But they keep tolerating it.  

What holds them back?

“I just don’t have the time or energy to deal with this (the problem employee) right now.”

“There are bigger issues to deal with! I’ll get to this later.”

“I don’t know where to start to solve this problem.”

As the situation drags on, it creates bigger issues. The quality of the team's work suffers, other team members begin to grow resentful and the team member fails to get much-needed feedback and coaching. Or, even worse, you begin to lose credibility as a leader.

If all this sounds familiar, I've got a game plan to help you get the situation back on track.

What's The Real Issue?

To address your employee's poor performance, start by identifying the root cause of the problem. This may take some detective work. Does the employee lack some core skills or experience? If you’re not sure, find out by creating opportunities for him to take on tasks or projects so you can better assess his capabilities. Pick opportunities that minimize the risk for you and the company, but that will help you gain clarity about what’s really going on.

If you discover that a skills gap is the primary issue for the employee, create a development plan. It could include giving exposure to projects to develop critical skills, opportunities to work with peers who have strengths in areas the employee needs to develop and more real-time coaching and feedback from you. And don’t forget to identify formal training opportunities for the employee. (My WOW! Highlight AudioSM enables even the busiest people to squeeze in career development training.)

Emphasize the Impact

Of course, underdeveloped skills or lack of experience may not be the problem. Another common reason for underperformance is lack of self-awareness. If you, or the employee’s prior managers, haven’t clearly communicated the derailing behavior along with at least three impacts of that behavior, the employee may consider your feedback a mere difference of opinion or simply nitpicking.

So, when you deliver the feedback, help the employee understand the consequences of his actions. This will ensure that he understands what he is communicating to others when he exhibits this type of behavior. For example, instead of simply pointing out that the employee missed a deadline, explain how that missed deadline affected you, the team as a whole and the quality of the work.

Other Reasons Employees Underperform

There are a couple of more factors to explore as you evaluate your employee's performance issues.

First, does she clearly understand the expectations for her role? Make sure the two of you are on the same page about what success really looks like for her role. This could include a conversation about priorities, the quality of the work and timelines.

And don’t forget to examine one of the most important factors: your own role in the employee's underperformance. Have you fallen into the trap of micromanaging (which keeps her from growing), being too hands off or relying on others to deliver feedback that you should?

This week, I challenge you to tackle that employee performance issue that’s been lingering too long. Identify the first two steps you will take to either clarify the root cause or to address it if you already know what it is. The stakes are simply too high not to act now. You’ll be glad you did.

Do People Think You Play Favorites?

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Many executive coaching clients have expressed frustration recently that people think they're playing favorites. They didn't realize that how — and with whom — they spend their time sends powerful messages.

Leaders often forget they're in an "invisible spotlight." Their teams notice their choices, including who gets the most face time with them. I’ve seen situations where high performers may get less formal meeting time because they are self-sufficient go-getters, but their leaders may engage in far more informal hallway conversation with them or choose to sit by them in meetings.

Frequent access to a leader can be seen as a form of recognition. That's true even if the time is for legitimate business reasons: problem solving or coaching and advising that individual. But others may believe that the team member gets more of your time for other reasons.

Making two small shifts can help you use your time in the way that you need to, with fewer questions about favoritism.

First, proactively share your priorities and what’s front and center for you. Don't assume that your team knows why you're interacting more with some people than with others right now. A quick explanation — like "You'll notice I'll be meeting a lot more with the marketing team over the next couple of weeks while we make some important organizational changes" — goes a long way.

Second, even though you have certain priorities and issues that need attention now, still reach out to others on the team. Focus more on the quality versus the quantity of time you spend with them. It can be a quick check-in to see how things are going, to ask what they need, and to let them know what’s going on in your world. The point is to touch base without investing a lot of time, and to maintain an important connection. A regular cadence of one-on-one meetings with each of your direct reports can also help with optics and with allocating time to each person.

This week, think about how you've been spending your time lately and what signals you might be sending — directly or indirectly.

If you'd like more tips on managing the "invisible spotlight" and the messages you send as a leader, pick up a copy of my book “Show Up. Step Up. Step Out.” You can download five free chapters now.

Could This Mistake Derail Your Next Promotion?

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If you wanted to leave your job tomorrow for another opportunity, would someone on your team be ready to fill in the gap?  

The answer to that question matters not just to your employer, but to your career advancement.

With so much corporate emphasis on short-term results, succession planning often doesn't get the attention it deserves on a daily basis. But it plays a crucial role as companies constantly restructure and reorganize.

What if someone on your team (and that someone might be you) leaves a key position? What kind of ripple effect would it create? If you haven’t given this much thought, you may be putting business results and your next career move at risk.

If leadership lacks confidence in potential successors for your role, it will be hard to support a promotion or a lateral move for you until they feel like someone can adequately fill your shoes. And that timeline might get extended if they have to do an external search.

How to Start Succession Planning

As the first step in your succession plan, identify one or two individuals who could step into your role fully or take on key parts of your role. Get creative. This might include people outside your immediate department.

Next, think about the readiness of each person in the context of these three areas:

• Skill set. How well do their experiences and expertise fulfill the most critical requirements of the position?

• Credibility. Your potential successors don't just need the right skills. They also need a solid reputation within your organization. Do key leaders at your company know who they are and what they bring to the table? Do they support their transition into your role?

• Relationships. Effective leaders get things done with and through others. Your potential successors should have strong relationships with the people who influence decisions at your organization. What do their networks look like?

Prepare Your Potential Successors

Finally, create a plan that accelerates the process of preparing succession candidates.

• Seek out special projects or assignments to help them develop specific skills or gain business knowledge. Identify meetings they should attend with you to learn more about the business, certain processes and organizational dynamics.

• Look for natural opportunities, such as upcoming meetings or events, to give these candidates exposure to senior leadership. Take a look at the "Building Executive Presence" booklet in my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM for practical strategies to enhance credibility and gain visibility.

• Another Leadership Edge title, "Building a Powerful Network," is a great resource for potential successors who want to develop authentic relationships that drive results.

This week, identify one step you can take to put succession planning on your radar. It will help clear the way for your next career move and minimize the risk to your company.

4 Ways to Keep Your Busy Life from Taking Over

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The end of the third quarter is a great time to think about maintaining or even boosting your energy for the rest of the year. No one wants to feel drained and burned out a few weeks from now when they’re supposed to be filled with holiday cheer. But that can happen when you constantly push yourself without taking time to refill your tank. As high performers, we can easily fall into this trap.

You probably already know what helps you stay centered and energized. The trick is integrating those healthy practices into your busy life. Here are a few ideas that can help you get there.

Sleep

How many conversations have you had with co-workers lately about how little sleep you're all getting — or how much coffee you need to get through the day? That's not a badge of honor. A lack of sleep decimates your productivity. The CDC has even declared that widespread sleep deprivation is a public health problem. What one step can you take today to give yourself more time for some much-needed rest? How about getting to bed 15 minutes earlier tonight or putting your technology away sooner so your mind can unwind from the day (and you can get more restful sleep)?

Get Moving (Even a Little)

If you're tempted to skip your workout when things get busy, remember that exercise is the best thing you can do for your brain. When you keep your body moving, you're more creative and confident, you learn faster and you get sick less often. If you're an "all or nothing" perfectionist about exercise, cut yourself some slack. Yes, your week might be too busy to fit in a long workout or your usual number of runs or exercise classes, but most people can carve out 10-15 minutes for some physical activity. And even a few minutes of exercise can have real benefits. Just get started.

Tap into the Power of a Pause

We're always doing — but when's the last time you paused just to be? You've probably read about all the benefits of meditation, including reduced stress and a stronger immune system. You may also be assuming, though, that meditation will never fit it into your tight schedule. But, as with exercise, every little bit helps when it comes to mindfulness. One of my favorite tools to get centered and bring myself back to the present moment is diaphragmatic breathing: Inhale to a count of 3, exhale to a count of 6. You should feel your belly rising when you breathe, not your chest. This simple practice is enough to trigger your body's relaxation response, and you can even do it in meetings without sounding like Darth Vader!

Experience Nature’s Magic

It's amazing what a few brief minutes outside to appreciate the nature’s beauty can do for your stress level. Researchers have found that walking in nature protects us from depression by helping us stop obsessing about whatever's bothering us. A nature break also helps us focus when we do go back to our work. So find a good spot and take a 10-minute stroll to give your productivity an energy boost. If you absolutely can't get away from your desk, even looking at photos of nature can reduce your stress.

This week, identify one action you’d like to take – whether it’s implementing one of these strategies or one that has worked well for you in the past. You should see results quickly. For more ideas on how to thrive personally and professionally, check out my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out." You can download five free chapters now.

3 Keys to Effective Team Communication

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Do you ever feel like you spend most of your days communicating with your direct reports or others who need your support? It's a huge task, and it can affect your productivity if it takes too much time away from the “right work.” It also affects your team's productivity if they have trouble getting the information and feedback they need from you.  

Whether you're establishing practices with a new team or course-correcting with an existing team, you can manage communications in a way that respects everyone's time while still ensuring that essential information gets shared.

Maximize Meetings

One of the keys to effective team communication is setting a regular cadence of group and individual meetings.

For group meetings, get your team's input on frequency and what topics would be a worthwhile use of the team’s time. We all have plenty of meetings to go to already, so before you add new ones, make sure each has a well-defined purpose and that a team meeting is really the best way to serve that purpose.

  Group meetings work well if you need to share information across the team, get input or make important decisions. They can keep people from operating in silos and understand how what they do affects the team as a whole. On the other hand, status update meetings — which can eat up so much time— may not make the best use of the entire team’s time.

Use a clear agenda to clearly communicate the objectives and timeframe for each topic and keep the meeting on track.

Customize One-on-Ones

How often you schedule and approach one-on-ones may vary with different team members. With each team member, think about how hands-on he wants you to be — or how hands-on you feel that you need to be. How long has the team member been in his role, and how much coaching and support does he require from you? Experienced employees might need fewer meetings and less involvement.

Don't take your high performers for granted, though. Some leaders don’t invest much time with high performers because they are so self-sufficient. But everyone needs feedback, recognition and some degree of guidance.

Set Guidelines

When should team members call you, and when is it OK just to send an email? What warrants setting up a special one-on-one, and what should be discussed in team meetings? You and your team members may have very different ideas about the answers to those questions. So, take time to clarify the most effective ways to communicate, to reduce confusion and stay productive.

This week, review the communication practices and habits that are already in place for your team. What might you change or improve? For additional communication strategies to help you in any situation, pick up a copy of my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out." You can download five free chapters now.

Setting the Tone with a New Team

Asian Businesswoman Leading Meeting At Boardroom Table

One of my executive coaching clients didn't know what to make of the new team he was leading. They kept coming to him to ask for approval and guidance on things he felt they should be able to handle. What was going on here?  

Your first days as the leader of a new team — or serving in a leadership role such as project manager — set the stage for your working relationship over the long term. So it's important to communicate clearly and set a positive tone from the start.

These strategies helped my client better understand and work more effectively with his new team, and may help you the next time you're in a similar situation.

Get the Background

When you're leading a new team, one of the first things to do is to get a sense of the leadership style that they're used to. Ask about what the previous leader was like and how she worked with the team. In my client's case, he discovered that his predecessor was very hands-on and wanted to be involved with day-to-day decisions. My client's approach is totally different, so it's no wonder he felt surprised by how this team engaged him.

Manage Short- and Long-Term Expectations

The way that you operate at the outset of leading a new team might not be the same way you want to handle things over the long haul. For example, it's natural to focus on details and be more involved than you would normally be as you take on a new role. Remember, though, that your team is looking for clues about how you'll lead and may assume you'll always want to manage them closely. Give them a sense of where things are headed. You could say something like "I am more focused on diving into details now as I’m learning more about the team’s work and scope, but I'll back off over time."

Make Your Intent Clear

Let your team know how you like to work and communicate. Don't assume they should "just know," especially if the past leader had a very different style. Help them understand why you lead the way that you do. For example, my client explained to his new team that his style was more hands-off because his goal was to help them grow by giving them more responsibility and exposure and helping them develop new skills in a way they hadn't before.

Be Consistent

After you explain your intent, back it up with your actions. This will help build your team's sense of certainty about what to expect from you and what success looks like.

If you'll be leading a new team soon, take some time this week to get a head start by using these questions. To continue on the right track, pick up "Building a Strong Team," part of the Leadership EdgeSM series.

What Would It Take to Make You Unstoppable?

definition of unstoppable

Every now and then, I have an article pour out of my head. Today is one of those days. I’m about to launch a new app, and that’s what I should be working on during my three-hour flight. Instead, I’m writing this article. I’m trusting my gut that I should be doing this instead of being productive in other ways.  

I have been on an amazing journey over the past few months, really exploring how I can take things to the next level – for clients, my business and myself.  And I’m about to cross my next threshold.

It fills me with excitement and fear because I realize how much it means to me. At this stage of the game, it’s all about pursuing my passion — helping people really see who they are, truly own it and bring it in a much more powerful way to achieve unprecedented results —and it’s far less about hitting any type of financial target for myself. I am ready to have an even bigger impact, to create a huge ripple effect.

At times that feels daunting. When you feel like a lot is at stake, it can make you stop dead in your tracks. So, what does it take to keep moving forward, to be unstoppable? This hasn’t been an easy question to answer (especially as someone who’s been molded by the corporate world), and the answers may surprise you because they’re not focused on tactics like time management.

Get Out Of Your Head and Into Your Body

First, get out of your head and into your body. Regular exercise has been part of my life for at least 30 years, and continues to be a great way for me to relieve stress – whether it’s being outside playing baseball and basketball with my son, hiking somewhere or working out at the gym.

But this year, I’ve tapped into another way to get out of my head and into my body  – dancing.

Just cranking up a song that I love to dance to, whether it’s when no one is looking or when I’m driving my car, makes me smile and fill up with energy in less than five minutes. Yes, I often dance around like there’s no tomorrow (some of you have witnessed it – fortunately or unfortunately?). And, even better, I frequently start my day with a dance-athon in the kitchen with my son as we make breakfast. These simple moments of just being in your body fill you up with the energy you need to keep moving forward.

Get the Right Messages

Some of the most important words you need to hear will come from you – the everyday messages and stories you tell yourself. Notice what those are, write them down and replace them with more empowering ones. This takes practice, but it works.

You can also leverage the power of a song to pump you up. I recently came across a song by Sia called "Unstoppable." It has some of those key words that I need to hear when I feel stuck, and I listened to it as I wrote this article today.

Also be strategic about whom you allow in your core circle. That group affects your energy more than you realize. Over the past year, I have deliberately added more passionate, motivated people focused on making a difference and leaving a legacy. It has been so energizing. When you need that extra boost, your core circle will help keep you grounded and give you the encouragement you need in the way that you need to hear it.

Just Be

Being vs. doing?! Yes, this is one of the most powerful strategies of all so pay attention. A Type A personality like me (and most of my clients) can get so focused on charging ahead, especially when I’m focused on something I really care about. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve forged ahead and then hit a roadblock. Sometimes, I simply don’t understand what’s keeping me from moving ahead. In the past, I would have tried to analyze it or just pushed even harder.

Now, I do the exact opposite. I focus far more on being more present and open, by meditating or simply taking a break. It helps slow me down and notice the lesson I should be taking from what’s happening.  Every single time it helps me move forward faster, despite my fear that I’m losing precious time. Simply trust that things are happening for you, and that all you need to do is be more present to notice it.

I want to challenge you to try one of these strategies this week. You may be surprised by the results. I know I have been – and I’m achieving more than I ever imagined.

3 Keys to Catching Up After Vacation

Commercial jet flying above clouds.

Time away from work does wonders to help you recharge, keep things in perspective, and show up at your best. I recommend unplugging as much as you can while you're off.

The flip side of taking a break, though, is that feeling of being overwhelmed when you return to the office. That happened to me in a big way this summer. I had a week back home between two major international trips, and — wouldn't you know it? — I got sick during that time.     When I finally did get back to work, I was buried in emails and projects I was behind on. Here are the three strategies that helped me manage my stress and conquer the backlog.

1. Set Some Priorities

When you go back to work after a break, there's so much going on that it can be hard to know what to do first. If your mind is churning over everything on your to-do list, you might get overwhelmed and paralyze yourself into inaction. Remember that you don't have to do everything immediately. Start by identifying the top two or three things you should tackle first — where you can have the biggest impact. Once you get those done, you can worry about the next three.

1. Manage Your Energy

You just "refilled your tank" with some energy, so you don't want to drain it again in your first couple of days back at work! Even if you feel pressure to get caught up, take breaks. Don’t forget that the quality of the break matters much more than the quantity of time you spend taking it. Five minutes every hour and a half can do the trick (energy peaks and valleys go in 90-minute cycles). Even work you usually love can feel stressful if you're trying to slog through too much of it at once. Research shows that people who work 60-70 hours a week don’t have higher productivity. So, be mindful not to let fatigue set in because even simple tasks can take much longer to complete. Get that much-needed rest through breaks and a good night’s sleep.

1. Remember What Works For You

You probably already have some go-to time management or productivity strategies that consistently get results for you. But when we feel overwhelmed or stressed, our best practices can go straight out the window. Before you dive back into work, think about what has worked well for you in the past to get through hectic times. How can you put at least one or two of those practices into play now?

Keep these tips handy for the next time you return from time off. Some small steps in the right direction can make catching up a lot easier and keep that post-vacation glow going just a little longer. You'll find more tips on always being at your best in my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. Leadership Through a New Lens."  

Vulnerability as a Leadership Tool

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Recently, I had the chance to see Brené Brown speak about her well-known book, "Daring Greatly." She talked about vulnerability, which she defines as allowing yourself to be "seen" when the outcome is uncertain.  

This really resonated with me, especially since I coach executives on how to show up with authenticity and strength. Putting yourself "out there" can inspire others to do the same.

It doesn't always mean you have to take a massive leap into uncertainty. For example, sometimes vulnerability is allowing others to give you input and acknowledging that you don't have all the answers. Instead, you are relying on your team to find the answers with you.

I was coaching a client who shared how much he admired the way his boss showed vulnerability. He had no idea that he was doing the same, and that he had mastered it. His team viewed him as a strong leader because of his willingness to put himself out there as someone who doesn't know it all.

What Stories Do You Tell Yourself?

Brown also talked about the stories we tell ourselves — especially when we are vulnerable and things don't go our way. She explained that the brain looks for a story to make sense of things when something difficult happens. In fact, the brain chemically rewards the story, even if it is incorrect.

So be mindful of what you are telling yourself. Use powerful questions — like "What else could be going on?" or "What does the evidence really tell me?" — to help you take a broader view. Ask others who will be candid with you for input and perspective. My son is 10 years old, and we already do this together. It's never too early or too late to start.

Feedback and Appreciation: Our Best Advice

Group of friends showing feedback on speech bubble

Feedback and appreciation are some of the most requested topics. Here is a collection on giving feedback.

• Why is it so hard to give feedback? If you struggle with giving candid performance feedback, take a look at your mindset.

• Making awkward feedback easier.Have you been putting off talking to an employee about a behavior, habit or mannerism that's giving people the wrong impression of him? This article can help.

• Fast, easy ways to recognize employees. Giving more praise and appreciation doesn't have to be time-consuming.

• The two-part feedback formula. This process can take a lot of the emotional charge out of giving feedback.

• Feedback and respect. Respect is closely tied to job satisfaction. And the setting you choose for delivering feedback can convey respect or disrespect.

• Develop others (without draining yourself). Sometimes the team members who need the most feedback are the very ones who sap your energy.

• Directness is key. If you shy away from telling team members what's holding them back, you're ultimately hurting them.

• Lead by helping your team grow. One of leaders' main jobs is developing others. Feedback is part of that process.

• How to help a 'stuck' employee. Have you ever been frustrated with a team member who isn’t performing as you need — and who’s showing no signs of changing?

• The power of celebrating successes. It's essential to do this for your team members — and for yourself!

You can learn much more about giving feedback and other ways to help your team succeed in my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. Leadership Through a New Lens." Follow the link to download five free chapters!

What Most People Forget Before Negotiating

Businesspeople in a meeting

Plenty has been written about how to come out ahead in negotiations. But there's a key step that doesn't receive much attention even though it can be the difference between getting what you want and walking away empty-handed.  

That "missing link" in the negotiations process is preparing for how you might get in your own way.

Asking for what you want can trigger fears or anxieties that work against you when you're negotiating. That's why it's worth taking time before your next negotiation to think about how you've reacted during similar situations in the past.

When someone pushes back during a negotiation, how do you typically respond? Some people sabotage themselves by backing down immediately. Others react too quickly, immediately firing back with counteroffers when they'd be better served by simply pausing and letting the silence work for them. And some get so focused on one option that they forget to generate other options that could lead to an agreement.

You might also get in your own way during a negotiation if you worry too much about what others will think of you or that you might damage the relationship. I once had a client who feared that her manager would think she was greedy for asking for a raise because she was already well-paid — even though she was notably underpaid relative to her peers.

Finally, if you tend to assume the worst, you may not even be willing to ask for what you really want. For example, another former client assumed that when she asked for a nontraditional work schedule that her company would simply tell her to leave if she wasn't happy. This kept her from noticing that her company was clearly willing to go to great lengths to retain a high performer like her.

Once you've identified how you might get in your own way, plan in advance the adjustments you’ll make. For example, you can decide now that if you start to back down in your negotiation for a raise, you'll pause, take a breath and remind yourself of all the ways you add value.

Every single client I have worked with to prepare for a negotiation, including both of the examples I mentioned, got everything they wanted in their negotiations. And you can, too.

To download our free tool “Preparing to Negotiate a Pay Increase”, complete the form below. And if you're in the Houston area, I'm speaking on "Negotiating for What You Want" for the Women's Energy Network Houston Chapter on May 18.