Fantasy Football: Time-waster or Team-Builder?

How is your fantasy football team doing? If you don't play fantasy football yourself, chances are you've heard colleagues who do talking about their lineups and trades at the office. The outplacement consulting firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas estimates (with tongue somewhat in cheek) that all the fantasy football talk at work costs employers $13 billion a year in lost productivity.

Does that mean that workplaces should banish fantasy football? Let's call a timeout and talk about the issue a little more.

Team Players

Fantasy football (if managed well) can actually benefit a workplace. It brings a dose of fun and positive energy, and it strengthens relationships by helping co-workers get to know each better.

Allowing some football talk at the office also sends a message that leaders are flexible and trust employees to deliver quality results without micromanaging how and when they work.

All of that is important because it contributes to employee engagement. Deloitte Human Capital Research concluded that workplaces where employees are engaged and thriving share qualities including autonomy and a flexible, fun environment. And when your employees are engaged, your business is more successful.

By the way, what I'm saying here about fantasy football also applies to any other nonwork activity that helps your team bond, whether that's rehashing awards show fashions together or trading info on Black Friday sales.

Playing Fair

Of course, there are a few things to be mindful of if your team spends time on fantasy football or similar activities at the office. Keep an eye on whether deadlines or work quality suffer. If productivity problems do come up, look at whether they're an issue for the whole team or just certain individuals. Finally, make sure that the people who aren't part of the activity don't feel overtly excluded.

If you'd like to explore this topic more, check out my radio interviews on fantasy football at the office on KURV (McAllen, Texas) and WHBC (Canton, Ohio). And you can find more tips on strengthening your team in my new Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet, “Building a Stronger Team.” Sometimes the little touches, like giving employees enough flexibility to enjoy fantasy football or other fun activities at the office, can lead to big payoffs in engagement.

Working With Men and Women

Think about these two questions:

1)    Are you happier working with people of the same gender, or would you rather work in a group that includes both women and men?

2)    Do you think the best work gets done in same gender groups, or groups that include both women and men?

A recent study has some interesting findings about both those questions, and those findings have implications for you as a leader.

Alike and Happy

For the study, researchers from MIT and George Washington University looked at employee data and survey responses from a professional services company with 60 global locations.

They found that men were more comfortable and cooperative when they worked only with other men. The same was true for women who worked only with other women.

In some ways, this makes a lot of sense. Men-only or women-only work groups have more common ground, and there's more of a shared sense of what "the rules of the game" are.

Diverse and Productive

But the same study found that offices made up of all men or all women aren't as productive or innovative as those where men and women work together. Bottom line: Gender diversity drives more revenue.

Why is this the case? When you're in an environment where people act and think alike, they're less likely to challenge things or bring different ideas and perspectives to the table. There's a lot of value in having different skill sets and different points of view.

So, What Does This Mean?

As a leader, it's your job to bring out the best in your group, no matter its makeup. The MIT/George Washington study sheds some light on how to do that.

• The study found that even if you don't have a diverse workplace yet, simply communicating that you value diversity is enough to make employees more collaborative and satisfied.

• When you are leading a group that includes both men and women, you'll get the benefits of better ideas and greater productivity that come with gender diversity. It also means, though, that you may have to do more team-building. Establish the norms and ground rules of the group, and help your people navigate conflicts or differences of opinion.

• Work on your ability to understand others' points of view, find common ground and communicate clearly.

• Always treat people as individuals and not based on stereotypes about their gender.

You can learn more about the study and my workplace tips on my YouTube page, where I've posted a radio interview I did on the subject — it's a hot topic! My challenge for you this week is to use these insights in your own workplace. If you work in more of a single-gender setting, think about how you can push yourselves to overcome "group think" and consider more ideas. If you work with both men and women, take time to listen and look for common ground the next time you find yourself in a disagreement or conflict. Remember that small steps can lead to big results. In this case, they can change how effectively your team works together.

The Real Way to Get a Raise (Hint: It's Not Karma)

It's been almost a month since Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella suggested that women who don't ask for raises earn "good karma," and the fallout continues. Nadella has apologized for the remarks, and now says he was "completely wrong." I agree! (Listen to one of my radio interviews on the controversy here.)

The upside of his remarks is that it initiated more conversations about the pay gap between men and women. Did you know that a recent Glamour magazine survey found that 39 percent of women ask for a higher salary when they land a new job, compared with 54 percent of men? The same survey found that only 43 percent of women have ever asked for a raise in their current jobs. For men, that figure is 54 percent.

Additionally, Nadella's advice to leave their pay up to karma may be sending some women in the opposite direction. Alexis Fritzsche, who works in sales in San Francisco, told the New York Times that Nadella's remarks are spurring her and her friends to ask for raises.

If you're feeling fired up to go after your own raise, I've got some strategies to help you succeed.

Why We Don't Ask — and Why We Should

Unfortunately, Nadella isn't alone in his views about women who ask for a raise. Researchers found that women get penalized more severely than men when they try to negotiate for higher pay.

That study shows that women's fears about asking for a raise — that we'll be seen as greedy, aggressive and not "nice" — aren't baseless.

But, at the same time, it's more necessary than ever to ask if you want the pay you deserve. Believing that "good work speaks for itself" won't get you too far in today's busy workplace. Even if your boss has the best of intentions to notice and reward everyone's accomplishments, she also has a lot of other demands competing for her time and attention.

How to Ask for (and Get) a Raise

Know your value.

You can't sell others on why you're a valuable asset unless you're crystal clear about your unique skills and contributions. Identify your key strengths and how they make a difference to the bottom line.

Share your value regularly.

Make it a habit to tastefully self-promote. You are not bothering people or being a showoff by letting them know what you've accomplished – as long as you do it in a way that is relevant and useful to them. As I said earlier, your boss is busy and may not know all the great things you are doing. Part of her job is to best utilize your talents, so you're helping her out by keeping her informed. Check out my video series for more ideas on the right way to self-promote.

Make it a win/win.

The way you frame your request is key. An ultimatum will put your boss on the defensive. Instead, communicate your commitment and your desire to provide value and feel valued.

Practice!

Your tone and confidence make a difference, too. Rehearse ahead of time in front of a mirror, especially if you know it's hard for you to ask for what you want, so that you can get used to hearing and seeing yourself ask.

Plan for obstacles.

Know how you might get in your own way during the negotiation and plan for that. Decide on what you will do if your boss says no to your initial request. What alternatives can you offer?

You'll find more ideas on the right way to ask for a raise in this Miami Herald article I was part of and this radio interview.

The good news is that the Glamour survey I mentioned earlier found that 75 percent of the women who ask for a raise get one. You can, too! Let me know if you use these strategies and how they worked for you.

Check In on Your Relationships

In October, we've been working with the theme of relationships. In our first post of the month, I challenged you to identify your most important relationships at work and focus on improving the ones that were a little rocky. How did that go for you? Using the approach below, let’s take a look at your progress:

• First, list the priority relationship(s) you wanted to improve. For example, maybe you focused on your relationships with your boss and with one of your direct reports.

• Next, for each person, jot down what has improved.

"My boss is taking more time to understand my ideas instead of cutting me off or multi-tasking when I speak." "My direct report has gone from complaining to me all the time to now beginning to offer some productive suggestions."

Remember, relationships take time to cultivate. Even small changes can be positive indicators. Notice what has happened as well as what doesn’t anymore. For example, you may no longer be having difficult conversations with the person.

• Then, identify what worked. The third step is the most important one. Here, list what worked. Notice the actions you took that improved the relationship. With your boss, maybe the difference-maker was engaging in strategic self-promotion or strengthening your relationships with her trusted advisers so they could share positive feedback about you (the messenger does matter). With your direct report, maybe you saw changes start to happen when you made the effort to find out what was important to him, limit the time he was allowed to vent, and help him remove barriers in the way of his goals.

By taking the time to notice what helped you strengthen these relationships, you will more proactively put these strategies into play. In effect, these are your personal best practices and leveraging them is a powerful strategy that many often overlook.

I hope that you'll take away some new insights on your relationships from our work this month, and I challenge you to keep investing just a few minutes each week. It doesn’t have to be time consuming, but your focus on relationships should be consistent. You'll find ideas on how to do that in my new Leadership EDGE SeriesSM e-booklets "Building Influence" and "Building a Powerful Network." And remember that small steps can lead to big results!

What Hillary Clinton Shows Us About Leadership

Will she or won't she? The intense speculation continues about whether Hillary Clinton will run for president. Recently, I talked with WBAP radio in Dallas about Clinton's leadership style. A lot of what we discussed has relevance to female leaders everywhere, especially when it comes to relationships, the theme of our posts this month. Today, I wanted to expand on that radio interview to talk more about what women leaders can learn from Clinton — and from how the public perceives her.

Beyond Competence

The foundation for any leader, from the head of a small business to the president of the United States, is having the baseline competence to do the job. Clinton looks strong on this front. She's been secretary of state, a senator and first lady. She's shown she can get things done, and she has weathered tough situations. Because she's been in politics a long time, she knows how this world works.

Besides basic competence, leaders also have to get things done with and through others. They have to be great at relationships. So how does Clinton do here? Through her past positions, she's developed a network of relationships that she could draw on as president. But how she relates to others could also be a stumbling block for Clinton in some ways.

Making a Connection

Leaders must be able to inspire and create a vision others want to follow. That's an area where Clinton has trouble, especially when you compare her with her charismatic husband (as voters inevitably will).

Another key quality for a leader is being someone whom others want to work with. Here, too, Clinton may falter. Her image is that she can be aggressive and unapproachable. This could affect her success working with other leaders.

That image also affects her relationship with voters. A leader has to have a style that people relate to. They need to feel connection with the leader. One big question mark around a potential Clinton candidacy is whether she can create that sense of connection with voters. Admittedly, Clinton, and all female leaders, get judged on this likability factor differently than men do. For example, male leaders seem to have more leeway to show strong feelings that would get a female leader labeled "overly emotional." Of course, that double standard shouldn't exist, but it has been and will continue to be a factor in Clinton's success as a leader.

The Takeaways for You

• Remember that leadership requires more than competence or "hard skills." It's about how you relate to others, too.

• Learn how to connect your agenda to what's important to others. Get to know them and what they value. Finding common ground between what you want and what they want will help you inspire them and win their support.

• Show that you are open to working with others. If, for example, you tend to shoot down a lot of ideas, work on your phrasing. There's a big difference between “There’s a lot that could go wrong with this idea” and “I really like Points A, B and C of this idea. And let’s also consider these other aspects…”

This week, see what you can learn from other female leaders and how you can apply it in your own career. Pay attention to what works and what doesn't for both the leaders you know and leaders such as Clinton who are in the public eye. You can find more ideas and tips like the ones in this post in my new Leadership EDGE booklet "Building Executive Presence."

The Key Work Relationship You're Probably Overlooking

This month, we're talking about strengthening your leadership by building your relationships. That topic may get you thinking about how you interact with your boss, your peers and directs, but there's another relationship that has a huge impact on your success — and it's one you may be ignoring. I'm talking about your relationship with yourself. The way you view yourself affects how you influence others.

The experiences of one my clients really drive this point home. Julie is in a new role, but is not new to her organization. She has a unique skill set and a lot to offer.

But Julie’s view of herself is "I have to prove that I earned this promotion."

Her belief really affects how she works with others. In tough situations, she feels that it's on her to "fix" everything. This keeps her from taking a more balanced approach, thinking about what she can do and expecting involvement from others. Indirectly, she's giving away too much of her power, which will make her a less effective leader.

The stories you tell yourself always affect your actions, even if you think you are keeping negativity under wraps. If your relationship with yourself needs some work, here are three strategies to try.

1. Send yourself the right messages. What does your self-talk sound like? Are you telling yourself to push harder, prove yourself or do better? Start by identifying one positive message to replace a negative one, to help you bring your A game. Another tactic is to notice your strengths and how they drive results. Identify some specific examples of how you have leveraged those strengths to make a difference in the past few months, whether it’s personally or professionally.

1. Check in with yourself regularly. If you can pause to really notice what's going on for you in the moment, you can act more effectively. For example, if, like Julie, you feel compelled to prove yourself in meetings, take a minute to notice your mindset before you walk into your next one. Take a few deep breaths to center yourself and think about how you want to “show up.” Remind yourself of the importance of shared ownership in driving commitment and results, and that you do have something valuable to offer.

1. Remember self-care. Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally isn't selfish. In fact, it's the most essential thing you can do for success. If you expect high performance from yourself, that requires getting enough sleep and exercise, managing stress, celebrating successes and feeding your spirit.

This week, notice how your relationship with yourself affects your relationships with others. Use one of these strategies to make internal shifts that can help you improve your mindset and performance. If this article hit home for you, you'll also enjoy my new Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklets "Building Executive Presence," "Building Influence" and "Strategically Standing Out." All are filled with more ideas for small steps that can lead to big results.

Strengthen Your Leadership by Building Relationships

This month, we'll be talking about how to build strong relationships, an essential for any leader. As you advance in your career, your success becomes more tied to the quality of your relationships because leaders have to get things done with and through others.  

As we start this discussion, I want to challenge you to focus on cultivating your own relationships this month. Today, I'll help you identify your most important relationships and give you some ideas for improving the ones that are little rocky. At the end of the month, we'll check back in on what you accomplished. Ready to get started?

Your key relationships

Among key stakeholders in the company, who really impacts your ability to get results? Remember that their influence may be through formal power that comes with their position or informal power as an opinion leader in your organization. Make a list of these individuals, putting them into one of three categories: high, moderate, or low impact.

Next, consider their level of supportiveness toward you and your goals. Who is an advocate, who is neutral, and who could be a derailer? Confirm your assessments with people that you trust — especially individuals who can give you insight based on direct interaction. Once you have completed this exercise, identify who has a high impact on your results and is either neutral or a potential derailer. If you identify several people, choose 2-3 to focus on first.

It’s important to understand that some of these individuals may have formed their perceptions about you through others, not through direct experiences with you. For example, a few months ago, one of my clients learned that a key executive wanted her out of the company even though he had never worked with her. Through our coaching process, she turned his perception around by consistently demonstrating her value, building a strong leadership brand, and developing stronger authentic relationships with his trusted advisors. That same executive is now a strong supporter, although the level of direct interaction with my client is still minimal.

Strategies to improve rocky relationships

Now, armed with your list of priority relationships, how do you make the rocky ones better? These three strategies are a good start:

1. Have the right mindset. The No. 1 thing you can do to improve a relationship is to start from a place of acceptance. I realize that can be tough when you dislike certain things about her behavior or how she deals with you. If you expect her to show up as she always has, it will be less of a derailer in your conversation. Just contemplate what would happen if you approached her without expecting that anything will change, and with the assumption that she's doing the best she can.

1. Find common ground. Take the time to consider what's most important to the other person. Look for clues in how he invests his time, what he says and does. What overlaps with what is important to you? Even if you dislike each other personally, you can improve your interactions by emphasizing where you are aligned – whether it’s your passion for growing the business or interests you have outside of work.

1. Avoid triggers. Take a few minutes to consider the other person’s hot buttons. For example, if she gets defensive every time she hears "no" or other words that sound like resistance or disagreement, how can you rephrase your message? ("Yes, I understand, and let's also consider …")

This week, I want to challenge you to identify at least one high priority relationship and one step you will take to strengthen it. I'm looking forward to sharing more ideas and strategies with you this month, and to checking in with you at the end of October to see how your relationship-building work has gone.

You can find additional ways to strengthen relationships in my new Leadership EDGE booklets "Building Influence" and "Building a Powerful Network." Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

The Real Secret to Being More Productive and Effective

We're all looking for the edge to be more productive. And I have good news: Over and over, I've seen one simple technique make a huge difference for my executive coaching clients when they try it. 

If you're ready to step up your game from simply doing well to truly excelling, it comes down to creating time to reflect.  

I'll give you the same advice that I give my clients about implementing this practice: Start by putting just 10-15 minutes for reflection on your calendar. Use this time to think about the meetings you'll be attending. What do you need to do prepare? What do you anticipate coming up at these meetings? What does success at this meeting look like for you?  

Also take some time to review the meetings you've been to recently. What happened? What were the dynamics in the room? How do those things affect what you should do next? Who else might you need to engage, to achieve the necessary results?  

As you begin tapping into the power of reflection, the first step is to simply schedule the time to think on the calendar and protect it. To set yourself up for success, pinpoint the days and times on your calendar when competing demands for your time are least likely to pull you away.  

Start with scheduling 15 minutes of reflection time once a week; then work your way up to 15 minutes several times a week. Eventually aim to take an hour multiple times per week. As you increase the time you dedicate for reflection, also start designating how you will use that time. In other words, specify the topics you will focus on.  

From my experience with my executive coaching clients, once they start setting aside even a little time for reflection, they quickly see results like these:  

• They have a better sense of what success and their desired outcomes look like.

• They get more mileage out of meetings.

• They more effectively anticipate obstacles.

• They delegate more often, maximizing their own productivity and better leveraging their team.

All of those positive outcomes motivate them to set aside even more reflection time.

The key thing they realize, and that you'll realize when you start building in your own reflection time, is that when you're constantly in reactive mode, you're always a step behind. Taking the time to reflect and strategize is essential to being more proactive.

Today I challenge you to block out even 15 minutes for reflection on your calendar and to pay attention to the difference it makes in your week. Remember that big improvements in your productivity and effectiveness start with small shifts like this one. Ready for more ideas? You'll find them in my new e-booklet "Staying in the Driver's Seat." It's part of The Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

How to Change How Others See You

Do others' perceptions of your leadership match the way you want them to see you? If your personal brand could use a tune-up and you aren't sure where to start, I have a strategy that will help you identify the shifts you should make.

You'll need to have conversations with three people, so start by identifying the colleagues, mentors and others you trust and whose opinions you value.

In each conversation, ask these three questions:

1. What should you start doing? Sometimes there are leadership opportunities that we have trouble seeing for ourselves. An outside perspective can help open our eyes.

2. What should you stop doing? These answers may be harder to hear, but it's important to identify the habits that make you less effective and that keep others from seeing your full potential as a leader. For example, maybe you have trouble letting disagreements drop.

3. What should you continue doing? The people you talk to may be able to tell you about things that you are doing well and that you should do more often. We tend to underestimate the importance of our strengths and skills, which keeps us from putting them into play as fully or as powerfully as we could.

When you finish those three conversations, you'll have some solid information to work with. To help you identify the ideas you should act on first, consider what you've learned about yourself in the context of what you want your brand to be. What are the three things that you want others to say when they describe you? (For example, perhaps you want to be known as decisive, calm and strategic.)

Now, look back at your "start/stop/continue" conversations. What feedback did you receive that will help you build the three aspects of your brand? Prioritize those actions.

This week, start putting your "start/stop/continue" conversations on the calendar. You'll come away from the process with at least one meaningful change that will help bring others' perceptions of you in line with your desired brand. To learn more about this topic, check out my new e-booklet "Building Executive Presence." It's part of The Leadership EDGE SeriesSM  and will give you more ideas for small changes that lead to big results in cultivating your personal leadership brand.

Getting a Leadership EDGE

How often has this thought crossed your mind? “I can’t afford time away to attend training and don't have the bandwidth to read yet another leadership book that may or may not help. I already have more than enough on my plate.”

We hear this all the time from people who want to get better results but struggle with finding the time to invest in their own development. So, today, I'm excited to announce the launch of the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM of booklets — a new tool to help you succeed.

We designed the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklets to give you what you need in a way that works for your busy schedule. Each booklet gives you practical, relevant information in manageable chunks to quickly help you get noticed, get results and get the edge.

Based on our experience advising and coaching leaders in Fortune 500 companies for over 20 years, we understand the challenges and skills that affect your ability to move up. No matter where you are in your career today, you'll come away with strategies you can use right away.

Choose which booklets make sense for you, based on your specific needs:

Building Executive Presence — Do others see you as someone who has leadership potential? Is your presence in sync with what you want others to notice about the value you bring? Use these everyday strategies to raise your self-awareness and quickly strengthen how you show up as a leader.

Strategically Standing Out —Do you wonder what others really think of you, and how that image hurts or helps your career and effectiveness? Do you want to get recognized for your contributions but just don’t know how to tastefully do so? This booklet will help you stand out among your colleagues and get the recognition you deserve.

Communicating with Impact — Does your communication style help others see you as someone with leadership potential? With valuable insight and information to share? Does your approach instill confidence in others? Learn how to send the right message, one that strengthens your brand and has a positive impact on business results.

Building Influence — As people move up in organizations, they have to get more done with and through other people to be successful. This requires understanding how to effectively build relationships and navigate organizational dynamics to create positive outcomes. Use the strategies in this booklet to minimize conflict and get faster results while building your credibility.

Staying Engaged — Are you losing that passion that helped you get where you are today? Are you ready for something to change, but don’t know exactly what or how to figure it out? Are you starting to feel disengaged? Gain more clarity and rediscover your passion so that you can get back in the game.

Staying in the Driver’s Seat —Do you have difficulty proactively creating the life that you want? Is how you invest your time and energy in sync with what matters most to you personally and professionally? Use these tools to get more of what you want personally, while moving forward in your career.

Building a Strong Team — Do you lead others, formally or informally, and want tools to help you manage and elevate their performance? Do you want to build more trust and promote more collaboration? This booklet has simple, effective strategies to help you do just that.

Building a Powerful Network — Do you understand the importance of a strong network, but struggle with finding the time or strategies that will work for you? Do you wish you had some simple tools to help you make progress? Learn how to develop lasting, genuine relationships that will help you get results for your career and the business.

Get immediate access to the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM of booklets, along with the other leadership tools we offer, in the Shop section of our website.

Step Out to Close the 'Confidence Gap'

Did you read the recent article "The Confidence Gap" in The Atlantic? The authors, broadcast journalists Claire Shipman and Katty Kay, explore the disparity in confidence between men and women and how that affects women's success in the workplace.  "Compared with men, women don’t consider themselves as ready for promotions, they predict they’ll do worse on tests, and they generally underestimate their abilities," Shipman and Kay write.   And they add, "A growing body of evidence shows just how devastating this lack of confidence can be. Success, it turns out, correlates just as closely with confidence as it does with competence."   But there is good news: Confidence can be learned, Shipman and Kay write.   A confidence makeover doesn't happen overnight. Instead, I believe that you start to build confidence as soon as you take just one small action to "put yourself out there" more than you have in the past.   Are you ready to take that first step toward more confidence? Here are a few ideas:

• Ask for something you want.

• Make a suggestion that you believe in, and that might meet with resistance.

• Speak up in a setting that’s less comfortable for you, such as meeting with senior leaders.

• Volunteer for an assignment that will require you to stretch beyond your comfort zone.

• Reach out to a leader you admire and respect but have hesitated to contact before.

After you've decided on what your action will be, try to get to the heart of what makes it challenging for you. What has held you back from actions like this in the past? Maybe you've worried you might lose credibility or even fail on that "stretch" assignment, or that you were wasting a senior leader's time by asking her for advice.   Once you clarify what's held you back in the past, consider the kind of support you need to make your bold move this time. What words of encouragement would you need to hear? Who do those words need to come from? You or someone else, such as a mentor or a former boss?   Finally, find a way to hold yourself accountable for your confidence-building move. What do you need to do to make sure you carry out your plan for putting yourself out there? Perhaps it's just scheduling time in your calendar to take action, or a follow-up call from someone you trust.   This week, identify the first step you want to take toward "stepping out" in a more visible way. Each small step will help you close that "confidence gap". And remember, small steps lead to big results.

Simple Steps to De-Stressing

It's not your imagination: People are feeling more stress these days. High performers, in particular tend to live packed lives and often work in dynamic, demanding environments. As you may have personally experienced, too much stress can hurt both your job performance and your health. And when you're overwhelmed, it can be hard to identify a first step toward finding a way out of your stress – especially if it feels like you have to make big changes to get there.

That's why I wanted to share three simple ideas to try the next time you are stressed. Choose any one of these to help you start getting centered again.

1. Just breathe.

This is one of the simplest, most effective strategies you can use. Under stress, we tend to take shallow breaths or even hold our breath more often. But by practicing diaphragmatic breathing (in other words, taking breaths that make your stomach rise instead of your chest) you can avoid "fight or flight" mode and trigger your body's relaxation response. Try this exercise when you're feeling stressed: Breathe in to a count of 3, exhale to a count of 6.

You can also practice this exercise proactively a few times a day to help keep your stress levels manageable. You can even do it in the middle of a meeting. And don't worry — you won't sound like Darth Vader!

2. Check in.

Schedule reminders on your calendar to check in with yourself regularly about how you are doing and what you need in that particular moment — whether it's to grab some lunch, drink water, stretch your stiff muscles, or to put on a sweater to be more comfortable in your chilly office. When our schedules are packed, it's easy to ignore to basic physical needs like these. Noticing and tending to them will help keep stress in check.

3. Get a boost.

Do a quick activity that will energize you. Maybe that's taking a walk outside, listening to your favorite music, stopping by the desk of the co-worker who always makes you laugh, or just being in a different environment for five minutes. Tony Schwartz, CEO of The Energy Project, advocates taking "renewal breaks" not only to be happier, but also to do your best work. Research shows that the quality of the renewal, matters more than the length of it, and it can dramatically impact your engagement and results.

This week, try one or more of these strategies the next time your stress levels rise. Or even better, proactively build these strategies into how you work. When things seem overwhelming, taking one of these small steps will help you stay calm and grounded. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

The Power of One Conversation

Have you ever had one of those moments when someone tells you that something you said made a real difference in his or her life? Maybe it's a conversation you don't even remember, but it helped the other person make a change or shift perspective. As busy as we all are, it's important to realize how much you can affect another person with a single conversation. Just making someone feel validated, supported or heard makes a big impact and takes only a few minutes of your time.

We all have those times when we feel stuck or frustrated and need to talk through a challenge. To be a great conversation partner when someone needs a sounding board, you don't have to have all the answers or come up with an action plan. He may be in a frustrating situation that he can't change in the short term, but even helping him shift his attitude about the situation can be extremely valuable.

The key thing is just to be fully present for the other person. Take in what she's saying, both with her words and with her tone and her body language. That kind of deep listening is a gift. Take time to reflect what you notice: "You sound very upset about this." “You sound drained.” "You just don't seem like yourself."

These three questions can be helpful to ask the other person move forward:

• How do you feel right now?

• What do you really need right now?

• What do you most want right now?

(They're also great questions to ask yourself when you're feeling frustrated or stuck.)

The first two questions can help the other person identify her emotions and think strategically. Perhaps she feels disappointed and needs to feel appreciated. Sometimes we tend to stay "in our heads" about tough work challenges, so also getting in touch with our emotions can help us find the best solutions.

The "what do you want" question helps the other person start to take action to get centered again. That could mean getting positive encouragement from someone else, taking a break, getting some sleep, going for a stress-relieving run, or spending quality time with family.

This week, notice the colleagues around you who may need you to lend an ear or share your insight, and make yourself available for conversation. This small step for you can lead to big results for someone else.

What’s Next for You this Year?

As the year progresses or comes to a close, take a moment to step back and look at the bigger picture. As high performers, we’re always pushing to achieve and tend to leap from one goal to the next without a pause.

Taking some reflection time, though, helps you be more strategic. Here are five questions to consider:

1. What have you accomplished this year? What has most excited you? What have you been most proud of? Those answers will give you insights on how to put your strengths and passions into play more powerfully.

2. What has helped or hindered your progress? Revisit any goals you set for the year. Do you need to shift your approach in any way to reach those goals this year?

3. What have you learned about your leadership? As you consider the answer to this question, identify what you want to take forward into the rest of the year, and what you want to leave behind.

4. How will you celebrate what you've done so far? However eager you are to keep moving forward, remember to pause to celebrate. You'll give your energy a boost.

5. What's next? Now that you've taken stock of where you are, be deliberate about how you want to move forward during the rest of the year. Where do you want to focus your energy and effort, given what you have learned so far this year?

This week, set aside some time to reflect on these questions and set your course for the rest of the year. You'll find more ideas on becoming proactive instead of reactive in my video "Making the Most of Your Time." Even pausing for a few minutes can open the door to new insights. Remember that small steps lead to big results.

FlyGirl's Tips to Soar in Your Career

As I mentioned in a past post, I spoke last month at the 2014 Working Mother Media Multicultural Women's National Conference in New York. As one of the U.S. Marine Corps’ first African American female pilots and America’s first African American female combat pilot, Vernice "FlyGirl" Armour was one of the most-talked-about presenters at the conference.

The consultant, trainer, speaker and author delivered an energetic keynote speech. I want to share some of the key points I took away from Armour's talk at the conference. I think you'll find them inspiring and energizing, and many are aligned with how I coach leaders.

• Look and act like you're already at the next level.

  As I always say, “Think about how you show up.” Consider what it says about your capabilities and potential. By noticing and aligning your behavior – in an authentic way – with what is valued at the next level, others will see more potential in you. Learn more about the importance of how you show up in this video, and check out my new booklet "Building Executive Presence" (part of the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM) for more strategies you can quickly put into play.

• Make a decision.

  Don't sit on the fence. Trust me; it will hurt after a while. If you need some extra motivation, learn how to escape three traps that keep you on the fence instead of moving forward.

• Acknowledge the obstacle in front of you, but don’t give it power.

  This was one of Armour’s biggest messages. She talked about the importance of recognizing the roadblocks, but simply as a way to strategize around moving past them. People often put too much emphasis on the obstacle itself, giving it a life of its own. She encourages you to avoid making excuses; commit to the commitment; take action — no matter how minor it may seem; and review, recharge and re-attack.

• What is your flight plan?

  Without clarity around your direction, it’s hard to move forward. By taking time to get really specific about the action you will take, and writing the steps down, you will increase the likelihood of achieving your goals.

• You have permission to engage now.

  Stop raising your hand waiting for others to give you permission and just move forward. You are more empowered than you may realize. Recognize when you just need to take action and inform.

• As leaders, what seeds are you planting?

  Each of us has the opportunity to develop future talent. What are you doing to cultivate others? In my own work, I talk about the importance of delegating to help others grow. Another e-booklet in the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM. "Building a Strong Team," has more ideas on developing others.

• Who needs a runway? Take off from where you are.

  Sometimes you just need to take a leap of faith and go for it. I often hear stories of people who tie their commitment to taking action to another condition being met. At the end of the day, that may never happen. What would mean to you if you achieved what you want? What would be happening in your life? How would it feel? As you think through the answers to those questions, they will motivate you to take the first step.

What piece of Armour's advice resonates the most with you now? How can you put it into play this week? Remember, soaring like FlyGirl starts with small steps.

PhotoCredit - Wikipedia

A Busy Summer: Taking Things Up a Notch

This summer has been packed with new opportunities to speak and teach about leadership. Here's a little bit of what I've been doing. And stay tuned: There's another big announcement ahead! 'Finding Balance' Interview on CBS11

PepsiCo CEO Indra K. Nooyi sparked a lot of discussion with her remarks during the Aspen Ideas Festival."I don’t think women can have it all; I just don’t think so," Nooyi said. "We pretend we have it all.”

CBS11 here in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex invited me to give my own take on this topic. During a live studio interview, I said women can "have it all" but we have to look at it from a long-term perspective. At any given moment in your life, some things will take higher priority than others. Keep the bigger picture in mind, and what success looks like for you regardless of what others think. Everyone has an opinion about what makes a good mom, a good wife, a good leader. When you have clarity about your own definition of success, you can make choices in sync with it.

Fox News Radio Interview on Narcissism

Recently, I was asked to give my perspective on another topic in the news with Fox News WILS 1320 radio in Lansing, Mich. I was interviewed about a story in the Wall Street Journal that shared recent research on narcissism and other "bad" behaviors that can sometimes help people rise as leaders. I talked about the detriments and benefits of narcissism, and that we all have a bit of it. When taken to the extreme, narcissism can certainly cause disruption.

To work with someone prone to narcissism, look for ways to find alignment between what you want to achieve and what's important to him or her. And remember not to take a narcissist's behavior personally or let it push your buttons.

Multicultural Women's National Conference

On July 16-17, I took part in Working Mother's 2014 Multicultural Women's National Conference.

At my session, I shared strategies to help attendees avoid burnout, stay engaged and be more fulfilled. In a lively discussion, we talked about how to maintain energy and focus when we're pulled in so many directions and we have high expectations for ourselves.

One of the major points I stressed was being mindful of your physical energy, especially when it comes to getting enough rest. However busy you are, it's important to take breaks, even if it's just to get away from your desk for a moment or to do a breathing exercise.

I'll share more about my own takeaways from the conference in a future post.

Liberty and Leadership at Bush Institute

I've written before about how much I love working with the George W. Bush Institute’s programs to develop and empower leaders. In July, I was honored to teach at a new program, the Liberty and Leadership Forum. The forum's first class is made up of young leaders from Burma. The program focuses on helping these democracy advocates, many of whom had been political prisoners, learn the skills they need to bring about change in their home country.

In my first session with them, I coached them on how to clearly and concisely articulate the value they offer. This excerpt from an article written by the Dallas Morning News reporter who sat in my session captures the experience.

“On one of the last afternoons of training, the young Burmese tittered as they took turns with their one-sentence speeches.

It helped that the 18 participants had grown close over three weeks. When one of them said he would someday run the country, the rest of the group teased him, calling him “Mr. President.” But they also eagerly gave one another feedback.

When Kyi Min Han’s turn arrived, his passion was unmistakable. Words tumbled out as he tried to explain his efforts to improve the skills of government workers. That, in turn, would strengthen government institutions and ultimately make the country more stable.

But he couldn’t distill it down to one concise sentence — key for focusing goals and capturing others’ attention. Try after try got him closer, as his peers urged him on. And then on what must have been his 10th attempt, he nailed it.

The room burst into applause.”

As I continue to do this type of work, it reinforces the fact that no matter where you are in the world, whatever your work is, it's critical to help others understand the value you bring in simple terms. Only then can they can connect you to people who can benefit from what you offer.

We ended the day by taking this concept one step further – discussing how to build and leverage their networks. Given their circumstances, many of the participants wanted more access to people with power and influence who could help them effect change. But equally important was their need for relationships that would give them critical support and encouragement to keep forging ahead.

I left that afternoon truly humbled to work with people who are fighting so hard for the privileges we often take for granted in the United States.

Coming Soon

In the next few days, look for an announcement about some exciting new offerings aimed at helping you fit leadership development into your busy schedule.

Escape These 7 Thinking Traps

As we talk this month about resilience, I want to share a resource to help you build your ability to bounce back.  These "Thinking Traps" were identified by the Hay Group, a global management consulting firm.   If we recognize when we fall into these traps, we can start to see new ways to move past a setback or challenge.   Take a look at this list. Which Thinking Traps have you experienced?  

Personalizing

When you personalize, you assume that a negative event — say, a meeting that went off the rails — is entirely your responsibility.   While you should always assess what went well and what you would do differently next time, routinely taking on all the blame may undermine your confidence and make you overlook the true root of the problem. Instead, try asking someone you trust to help you see the full picture of what happened and what action to take now.  

Externalizing

The other extreme, externalizing, means that you take no responsibility for a problem. If you externalize, you would blame the off-the-rails meeting on everyone else while overlooking how you contributed.   Passing the buck in this way can keep you from learning and growing and could block your success in the long run. Make it a practice to simply notice how others react, verbally and nonverbally, to what you say and do.  

Magnifying and Minimizing

Do you ever exaggerate the negative aspects of an event and ignore or downplay the positives? In our meeting example, perhaps you're overlooking that it was smooth and productive until the last few minutes.   As high performers, we have rigorous personal standards, but overemphasizing failure over success will limit your ability to put your strengths more powerfully into play. Take time to learn from your successes so you can repeat them. And you can't do that unless you first acknowledge them.  

Overgeneralizing

This means forming broad judgments about yourself or others without evidence. If, after one rough meeting, you declare that you're terrible at presenting, you're overgeneralizing.   By simply asking yourself what went well and what you should have done differently, you will begin to form a more accurate picture of your performance. This is another situation where it could help to get an outside viewpoint on how you're really doing.  

Mind Reading

When you fall into this trap, you assume that you know what someone else is thinking. You can psych yourself out when you believe the worst.   If you're prone to mind reading, make it a practice to ask more questions to confirm and clarify. You might be surprised at what you learn.  

Emotional Reasoning

This means assuming that your emotions are accurate indicators about the nature of the event, without looking for other evidence. Perhaps you're so upset about what went wrong at the meeting that you don't see what went well.   Get more information and evidence to make a more rational assessment. It also always helps to breathe and step back from your emotions.  

Catastrophizing

We've probably all been guilty of exaggerating the negative impact of an event: "The meeting was terrible — now I definitely don’t have a shot at getting promoted."   In this situation, bring yourself back to the here and now and out of your worries about the future. Simply ask yourself, "What is the first step I need to take after this setback?"   This week, notice whether you're falling into any of these Thinking Traps. What is one small step you will take to shift your thinking and make yourself more resilient? You'll find more ideas on building your resilience and effectiveness on my WOW! Program Highlight Audio℠. And remember, small steps lead to big results.

How to Discover Your Resilience

A client I've worked with about six months just got some great news: a promotion! I'm very proud of her, especially because she had just gone through an experience that had shaken her confidence. When a new role left her battling self-doubt, we worked together to get her "back to herself" so she could be a star performer again (and show this to others).  She's a great example of resilience, our blog theme this month. And the secret to her resilience was all in her mindset. She was willing to explore what had worked in the past to figure out what to do going forward. Together, we looked back at another time when she had been in a new situation and got up to speed quickly. This helped us discover strategies to use now.   If you need some insights on how to get through your own difficult situation, try working with the questions below. First, think of a challenge or setback you faced in the past and how you got through it. Then ask yourself:

• What was going on?

• What did you do in response?

• What worked?

• What mindset did you have? How you look at things makes the biggest difference in whether you're resilient. What were you thinking and feeling? (And how accurate were those thoughts and feelings?) How did you frame the situation?

• How did you engage others?

• What did you have to let go of? (For example, a process, a situation or a belief)

• What worked that surprised you?

• What skills did you use?

• What is one thing that you did then that could help you today?

My client found clues in her past that unlocked the resilience she needed today. This week, use these questions to gain insights from your past successes to help with a current challenge. For more ideas on finding your best success strategies, check out my WOW! Program Highlight Audio℠. Even taking a few small steps can lead you big results.

Spilled Drinks and Defining Leadership Moments

We all make mistakes at work — sometimes they're even really big, embarrassing mistakes. But no matter what happened, what matters a whole lot more is what you do afterward. I gave some impromptu coaching on this subject at a surprising time: after a waiter had just spilled a tray full of drinks all over me.

I was out with family members at a restaurant close to home when the waiter fumbled, giving me a sudden shower of iced tea and soft drinks. The spill was such a jolt that I jumped up out of my seat. But what was really surprising was the waiter's reaction: Instead of helping me or apologizing, he started to clean the table. I couldn’t believe I had to ask for a towel as I stood there dripping.

Luckily my home is close enough to the restaurant that I could dash back, change clothes and return to salvage the meal. Back at our table, though, the mess from the spill wasn’t getting cleaned up, and the waiter was MIA. When I got back, I called the manager over to take our order.

At the end of our eventful lunch, over an hour later, our waiter finally reappeared with the check and an apology. He said was used to being a strong performer and nothing like this mishap had ever happened to him before. He was so shocked that he just didn’t know what to do.

I told him that I wasn't mad about the initial spill – because it wasn’t intentional – but what did trouble me was how he reacted afterward. The fact that he completely avoided a difficult situation told me that he wasn’t willing to take ownership. And was that really the message he intended to send? I encouraged him to not let one slip-up define him because he knows he’s better than that.

By the time we finished our conversation, he looked like a new person. As I stood in the parking lot with my family as we said our goodbyes, the manager ran out to tell me the waiter was beaming and thanked me for taking the time to coach him.

At one point or another, we all find ourselves in this waiter's shoes. We mess up; everyone knows; we wonder how we'll ever recover. These times can be defining moments in our leadership. Like the waiter, we can be remembered for the mistake or how we respond and recover — it's up to us. And remember, if you’re the person on the receiving end of the mistake, you can help the other person grow and learn from their mistake.

This week, take some time to think about your last big goof and how you recovered. What would you do differently next time? You'll find more ideas on defining yourself as a leader on my WOW! Program Highlight Audio℠.

4 Powerful Questions to Get You Moving Forward

Our blog topic this month is resilience. How you bounce back from challenges big and small is one of the keys to your success — not to mention your happiness. Sometimes finding the way forward takes some self-reflection. If you're feeling stuck, frustrated or tired of dealing with the same problems again and again, there might be solutions right in front of you that you just can’t see.

These four questions can help clear away your mental blocks so that you can move forward.

1. What’s your mindset? Start by looking at your attitude about your situation. What are you telling yourself? For example, it could be:

• “I don’t have the energy to deal with this.”

• “Why try harder? It won’t really make a difference.”

• “Things will never get better.”

Your mindset may be the very thing that's holding you back, because it affects your choices and how you engage with others. If you find that your self-talk is negative, what messages do you want to replace the current ones with so that you can make more progress?

2. What are you tolerating that you need to let go of? We all have things, large and small, that we tolerate in our lives. When you hold onto them for too long, they can significantly affect your progress. Take a look at the list below to see if any of these apply to you:

• Being disorganized, resulting in unproductive time

• Failing to plan ahead, allowing lower priority work to take over

• Doing work that others should be doing because of a failure to hold others accountable or delegate

What one small change can you make to free up some energy, and create capacity to find a solution?

3. What choices are you making that are keeping you where you are? Things typically don’t just happen to us. Outcomes are usually the result of a series or choices that we and others have made along the way. When we make some choices over and over again, they form patterns that may not serve us well.

So, if you’re frustrated by what’s going on around you, ask yourself how you are enabling that situation to continue. The following questions may provoke some ideas:

• Do you keep trying the same approach, but expect a different result?

• Are you putting off a difficult conversation?

• Have your engaged others in solving the problem with you (e.g., escalated the issue that needs to be addressed)?

As you consider the questions above, what do you notice about your own behavior?

4. Are you burnt out? Finally, your physical health could be a surprising factor that's keeping you from making progress. Are you getting enough sleep? What does your diet look like? Feeling physically drained can lead you to make more emotional rather than rational decisions. Even getting 15 minutes more of sleep, making sure you don’t skip a meal, or taking five-minute breaks throughout the day can make a big difference.

If you are having difficulty answering any of these questions, ask someone to think through them with you. Choose someone who will be candid with you. Remember that small changes lead to big results. For more practical ideas and resources, check out my WOW! Program Highlight Audio℠.