A Little Bit of Inspiration

The work I do is all about helping people see their value, step out and own it in a way they haven’t before. Along that journey, we all hit bumps in the road – and I’m certainly not spared from those bumps. Over the years, I have filed away some quotes that give me inspiration – some from songs, poets or writers, and some of my own. Take a look and see what resonates with you, or jot down a quote of your own – something you want to keep at the forefront.

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” – Nelson Mandela

“When you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.” – Leanne Womack

“In life, you will realize there is a role for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, and some will teach you. But the ones who are truly important are the ones who bring out the best in you. They are the rare and amazing people who remind you why it’s worth it.”  – Unknown

“No matter how others show up, you get to decide how you want to show up.” – Neena Newberry

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” – Unknown

“Vulnerability is the willingness to show up and be seen by others in the face of uncertain outcomes. There’s not a single act of courage that doesn’t involve vulnerability.” – Brene Brown

“Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.” – Unknown

“Don’t shush your inner voice. It’s who you really are.” – Unknown

“Still. I rise.” – Maya Angelou

“I’ll see it when I believe it.” – Deepak Chopra

Celebrate to Amplify

Most of the go-getters I work with rarely celebrate success – and I’ve been just as guilty over the years. Two years ago, I was honored by the Dallas Business Journal with a Women in Business Award. I barely told anyone, let alone invite them to celebrate with me at the awards luncheon. Other than people who see my bio, most people would have no idea that this year’s award was the 12th for me and my company’s products and services.

As someone who belongs to a family of overachievers, I have gotten so used to expecting a lot of myself. And my career choices have kept that bar high. In my 14 years at Deloitte, I was surrounded by smart, competitive, capable people. So it was easy to say, “What’s the big deal?” when I accomplished something significant. Like many of my clients, my definition of “average” performance became skewed. I would “check the box and move on” when I accomplished something.

Earlier in my career, I didn’t realize what was really at stake with this approach. Over the years, as I worked with companies to develop top talent, I realized the significance of helping others recognize what they do well — and how they do it. For example, in my executive coaching, I frequently help my clients reverse-engineer what they do to get consistent results because they don’t even notice. It’s second nature for them. Once they realize what they’re actually doing and how, they can more easily teach others to do the same. And that’s when they can really start to have an impact on a larger scale.

Where does celebrating success fit in? It is an important first step to creating that bigger ripple effect. In other words, when you acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, you have to acknowledge the value that you bring. And if you’re motivated by making a difference, you’ll start to more intentionally use your strengths to do so. That could be through your own work or by teaching others what you know.

I am trying to practice what I preach. This year, when I was honored with the Dallas Business Journal Minority Business Leader Award, I stretched myself to buy a table and invite clients, friends and family. Although I felt awkward, I’m glad I did it. It helped me see how much amazing support I have in my life, and it reminded me that I’m here to make a bigger difference with my work and community involvement.

Before you move on with your day, identify one thing you will celebrate. Don’t put any judgment around what it is or compare yourself with others. Simply choose something, no matter how big or small, and celebrate it in a way that has meaning for you. And remember that small steps lead to big results.

Clean Up Your Physical and Mental Clutter

In a recent article, I told you that I'd kicked off the year with a big physical and mental decluttering project. Since we're in spring-cleaning season, I want to share more about the value of freeing up space in your life, especially since research shows that it can affect your happiness.

Clear Your Space

In our busy lives, sometimes we become blind to our physical workspaces and the effect they have on us. Bring a fresh eye to your surroundings. What does your office or workspace look like? How does that affect your mindset? How much do you enjoy versus feel distracted working there? What can you remove from your workspace? For me, it was reams of back issues of magazines that I had to admit I was never going to read. Getting them out of my space was a huge weight off my shoulders. And with them gone, I'm now making much better use of my office bookshelves.

Also think about what else you need in your workspace, from an organization tool to an inspirational or meaningful photo or memento.

Clear Your Mind

Just like my office, my mind felt cluttered. I kept thinking about the same things over and over again, which disrupted my sleep.

One thing that helped me break the pattern was keeping a journal by my bed. I use it to get everything out of my head before bedtime – or when I would toss and turn for too long. I started by writing out the question "What am I worried about?" and then let the words flow unedited. Once I filled up almost two full pages! By dumping it out of my head and seeing it on paper, I noticed some themes and could more easily pick one or two things to start addressing. When I let it keep rolling around in my head, it took so much effort just to keep up with it. If you try this exercise, handwrite everything because doing so engages your brain differently.

If you want to take this practice a step further and get a little adventurous with some fire, you can try a burning bowl ceremony. On a small piece of paper, write down something you want to let go of — perhaps it's something you no longer want to tolerate or something that's holding you back. Light it on fire with a candle and place it in a nonflammable bowl to disappear before your eyes. The symbolic power in this action can really shift your mindset to eliminating this constraint from your life.

If playing with fire and journaling aren’t appealing, meditation can be another powerful tool. I don't practice traditional, sitting meditation, but the rhythmic cadence of running along with being out in nature, really centers me in the present moment. I usually listen to a guided meditation as I run. If running isn’t something you enjoy, simply go for a walk outside and purposefully notice the beautiful things around you can ground you. And, of course, traditional meditation is always an option. The point is to be fully present and deliberately create more mental space.

Where Is Your Clutter?

Now, think about any clutter in your own life. Is physical or mental clutter making you feel irritable and anxious? Perhaps it’s a bit of both. Pick one action to take this week it. If decluttering is something you mastered a long time ago, jot down what you do that works and refer to it periodically to make sure you stay on track. Whatever you choose to do, know that you are making space for something better to enter your life.

3 Questions to Keep Your Year on Track

Have you had a hard time finding your groove as 2018 kicked off? Well, you’re not alone. I am surprised at how many people I’ve talked to spent the first few weeks of the year trying to recover from or continue to work through issues from last year. With spring break season starting (it's this week for many of us here in Texas), take time to catch your breath, reflect on the year so far, and make any necessary tweaks. Use these three simple questions to guide you:  

1. How has the first quarter of the year unfolded for you?

For me, 2017 ended with a bang with some life-changing decisions and lots of unexpected new business. I thought this year would kick off with a crazy pace but it has been even keel, allowing me to take time to clear some physical and mental clutter out of my life. It’s amazing how much lighter I feel after taking time to organize my office, purge old paperwork, and finish important tasks that I kept putting off.

2. What's working — and what's not?

Some of you might remember that at the end of last year, I decided to stop tolerating what isn’t working for me. I’ve continued to focus on that and it has worked well, freeing up space in my life to cultivate stronger relationships and focus on the right work. And a short but miserable bout with the flu reminded me how important it is to keep self-care at the forefront. I realized that I had let that slip a little.

3. Based on your answers to the first two questions, what's one shift you want to make?

As you consider fine-tuning your approach for the rest of the year, what tweaks would you make?  Remember that you can make shifts either to amplify a strategy that's working well or to make a course correction. For example, my cathartic mental and physical decluttering in January reminded me that I need to continue to make more room in my life for people who energize me and limit my exposure to those who drain me.

I also realized that I have to adjust my workout routine because I’m struggling to keep my cadence. So, I’ve changed it up with some more basketball and weight lifting with my son. That makes it much more fun (especially when we take silly pictures of our “bulging” biceps). And I’m heading out to surround myself with beautiful landscapes and physically challenge myself with some hiking in Arizona later this week.

There's tremendous power in pausing—even if it’s just for a few minutes each week. So, I challenge you to answer the three questions above today and identify one action to take based on what you learn. For other strategies to stretch yourself, pick up a copy of my book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out: Leadership Through a New Lens. You can read the first five chapters for free now.

How to Neutralize a Setback and Empower Yourself

If you’re like most people, you will probably encounter a few disappointments and bumps in the road. The most important thing is how you respond to them.

When you feel disappointed, it can be hard to see a way around it or past it. So, today I want to share a framework that will help you approach setbacks more productively. To get the most out of it, identify an obstacle or disappointment that you are dealing with right now or one you recently experienced. It can be personal or professional. This framework will give you three new lenses to help you start viewing the same situation differently.

Reverse lens — Look back at what might have led up to the disappointing situation and do some role reversal. For example, let's say you were turned down for an assignment you really wanted. Think about why the decision-maker thought it made sense. What would you have thought or done if you were in their shoes, based on the information at hand? This should give you insight that could come in handy the next time you seek an opportunity. For example, what or whom did you overlook as you sought the assignment? Maybe you'll realize that key people weren't aware of your value and that you need to more consistently and tastefully self-promote.

Wide lens — How does this setback fit into the bigger picture of your career? Maybe you had your heart set on this assignment because it would have given you exposure to some senior leaders and the chance to demonstrate your readiness for a promotion. It's unlikely, though, that this assignment is the only way to do that. Brainstorm your "Plan B" so that you have additional options for accomplishing the same goals.

Long lens — At first, setbacks can feel insurmountable. You might think, "That's it. I lost this opportunity, so my career plans are stalled." But as you examine this from a longer-term perspective, you'll probably realize that this setback won’t hold you back as much as you originally feared. When you begin to look at it this way, you'll start to find ways to keep things on track.

Sometimes your emotions may be so strong that you need to acknowledge what you’re really disappointed about before you move forward. Use this framework to start seeing things from different vantage points, to help you renew your sense of possibility and start mapping out next steps. For more proven strategies, pick up a copy of my book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out: Leadership Through a New Lens. You can read the first five chapters for free now.

Five Traps of High Performers

I thoroughly enjoy my work with high performers. They motivate me, challenge me and help me bring my best. But they can also be their own worst enemies. Take a look at the five common traps of high performers to see how you might be getting in your own way.  

1. When you make a mistake, you beat yourself up for longer than those impacted by the mistake. (In fact, some may not even think of what you did as a mistake.)

High performers expect so much of themselves. That helps them achieve tremendous results but can also result in harsh self-judgment. Keep in mind that you were doing the best that you could in the moment, based on what was going on.

2. You keep expecting the frustrating people in your life to change.

To keep from going out of your mind, expect people to show up exactly as they always do. Your frustration may change into amusement as you realize how consistent people are with their behavior—and how valuable that information can be for you, as you develop new strategies to engage them.

3. You don’t celebrate successes. You simply move on to the next thing you need to get done.

By simply noticing and enjoying the impact of your results, you can amplify the power of your strengths. You don’t have to plan a huge celebration, but start taking some steps in this direction and see how it feels.

4. You pay more attention to information that validates your hypotheses.

We all have our moments when we know our opinions or conclusions must be true. When you have that strong sense of conviction, that’s when you should ask yourself, “What else could be going on?” That will help you eliminate those blind spots.

5. You're not fully present. You may be sitting in front of someone, but you're not really “here.”

Divided attention steals so much from our daily lives. Once you decide to be in the moment, you may be surprised at how much you notice about what’s happening around you. As a leader, this will arm you with invaluable information.

This week, notice if you fall into any of these traps. How can you choose a different course of action next time? As you continue to build the skills and habits that support sustainable success, I think you'll also enjoy exploring my WOW! Women On the Way to Peak Performance Program℠.

The Invaluable Lessons of 2017

With so much family in town over the holidays, it’s taken me a while to decompress and truly process what happened in 2017. As I said a few weeks ago, it had extreme highs and lows.

I began the year with my first Super Bowl and a trip with my son to the slopes in Utah for his first snowboarding experience. As work stress crept in by April, I got my “fix” with my first trip to Asheville, N.C., to hike on 30 miles of beautiful trails through waterfalls. Beyond these “firsts” was a life-changing experience to Africa. I have visited many developing nations, but this experience was like no other. It was my first trip to Uganda and second to Kenya. Witnessing the harshness of extreme poverty, and what day-to-day survival looks like for both humans and wild animals, affected me in ways I hadn’t expected. The incredible tenacity, hope and resilience I saw filled my heart with gratitude for the gifts in my life and compelled me to make an even bigger difference in others’ lives.

I left that trip mentally exhausted, knowing that I needed to reflect about my own life. It was time to take a closer look at what I said I wanted in my life relative to what I was actually doing. As I attempted to process all of this over the next two months, I injured both ankles twice (another “first”). After some excruciating therapy, I finally stopped and asked, “What is my body trying to tell me about my life?”

I knew in my gut that it was saying that it was time to just stop. I had been tolerating too much for too long. It was well beyond the time to make some tough decisions. So, I made some big changes —including unwinding from a business partnership that I knew wouldn’t work in the long run, revamping my inner circle of support, shifting some of the personal relationships in my life and realigning my volunteer work with my passion.

I walked away from 2017 with so many more lessons than I had bargained for. (There really should be a limit on these for a single year.) I’m sharing them with you today because they may spark some important self-reflection or simply help you notice that you’re not on your journey alone.

• Clarify what you really want in your life. It’s amazing who and what will show up when you do this.

• One person can make a difference – and that one person is you.

• A high pain threshold, while a formidable strength, can make you tolerate things far longer than you should. Stop tolerating less than you deserve.

• Trust your gut. Most of the time, you already know what to do. Sometimes you simply need to just give yourself permission to do it.

• Let go of the need to proactively shape every outcome, especially if you’re used to taking the bull by the horns. Sometimes you just need to allow things to unfold. Balance “doing” with “being.”

• Sunk costs will hold you hostage if you let them. Take the lessons from your painful “investment” and use them to make different choices with your newly developed wisdom.

• When your body is screaming at you, stop and listen. What is it saying that you need to change in your life?

The year turned out so differently than I expected. My big decisions late in the year dramatically shifted things, personally and professionally. Miraculously, it turned out to be a record-breaking year for my business. And one of the last emails I received in December was from the Dallas Business Journal informing me that I would be honored with the Minority Business Leader Award in 2018. My son also had an amazing year. I’m so unbelievably proud of who he is as a person and what he’s accomplished academically and in sports. It has been the easiest transition to middle school. I’m not sure I could have predicted any of this.

So, now it’s time to shift the focus to you. What one lesson do you want to put into practice for yourself, whether it’s from my list above or one of your own? Take five minutes right now to think about it and identify one step you will take this week. And, as always, remember that small steps can lead to big results.

How to Deliver Tough Messages

All leaders have to deliver bad news or have difficult conversations. Sometimes it's in a one-on-one situation, such as telling a team member he was turned down for a promotion or will not be involved in a project he wanted to be part of. And sometimes you have to be the bearer of bad news — like restructuring, budget cuts, or layoffs — to a group.

Either way, these are stressful situations that will put your executive presence to the test. You can use the strategies below to avoid some common stumbling blocks that leaders face when delivering bad news.

Get Your Own Feelings Out of the Way

Before you share bad news, take a little time to check in with yourself. What are your feelings about the news itself? What impacts do you expect it to have? And how do you feel about delivering the news to others?

It's natural if you're feeling anxious. But you'll need to process this anxiety in order to communicate effectively.

If you're feeling frustrated or down yourself, you risk being overly negative when you share the news. Think about how you can reframe the situation. You don't have to pretend that bad news is good news. (That isn't helpful, either – which we'll talk more about below.) But you can present things in a more neutral, factual way that explains the business rationale behind the decision. That's ultimately more beneficial to your listeners.

It might help to consider things in the context of the long term or big picture to balance out any short-term discomfort. For example, if the raise you requested for one of your direct reports gets turned down, remember that while both of you are disappointed now, there will be future opportunities you can help her be ready for. (By the way, avoid distancing yourself from the bad news and take ownership of the leadership decision.)

Acknowledge the Impact

On the other hand, some people deal with the anxiety about bad news by minimizing its impact or quickly trying to look on the bright side. But sometimes scrambling to try to make others feel better has the opposite effect. As you present bad news, give the other person time to process it. Be mindful not to rush others straight to optimism. It's OK to say "I know this is disappointing to hear" or "This may have an impact on our team that you may have concerns about." Help the person feel heard, but pay attention to whether emotions are running too high to continue the conversation in that moment. You both might be better served by continuing at a later time.

Get Your Tone and Body Language in Sync

Even if your words convey the exact message you want to get across, your overall presence might convey something else entirely. For example, a hesitant voice could communicate your lack of confidence in what you're saying. A scowl you can't hide may look like you don't agree with what's happening, even though you claim to.

That's why it's important to work on your delivery in advance, especially if body language and tone have been tricky for you in situations like this in the past. Practice saying your message in front of a mirror so that you can see what else you might be inadvertently communicating with your body language, and adjust accordingly. Saying your message out loud three times beforehand will keep you from fully relying on notes when you're communicating it.

Hopefully, you won't need these strategies too soon, but keep them handy for the next time you have something difficult to discuss. To continue honing your communications skills, take a look at my book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. You can read the first five chapters for free now.

Start your year with the right focus

Before you hit the ground running in 2018, let’s review three key strategies that will help you stay grounded, productive and engaged all year long. Refer back to this list once a quarter to make sure you leverage these essentials of strong leadership.

Remember Your 'Big 3'

If you make just one shift year, this is one of the most critical. Identify the top three areas where you can have the biggest impact on the business, given your strengths and your role. Then redirect your time and energy around these “Big 3” to get results faster. Remember that this may mean letting go of some less value-added work that you’ve historically spent time on.

Take Time to Reflect

One of the biggest ways to step up your game as a leader is by investing time to reflect.  Start with as little as 15 minutes per week and gradually add more. As you do, you'll see that you can contribute more strategically because you are thinking about important issues and what you can do to help the organization address them.

Tastefully Self-Promote

This is something most people underestimate the importance of. To get results as a leader, and to keep your career thriving, the right people need to be aware of your contributions and impact. Remember that most people are too busy or preoccupied to notice all the ways you add value – even if they want to. So it’s up to you to help them understand how you’re making a difference and how to best tap into your strengths and experience.

Take a moment to identify which of these three strategies you will start with in 2018. To further invest in your success, take a look at our products and services. 

4 Key Questions to Answer a Year End

As you're wrapping up work for this year, your thoughts may start shifting to the new year and what you hope to accomplish in the year ahead.

But before this year is a distant memory, carve out as little as 10 minutes for some self-reflection. This will help you begin the new year with more clarity and purpose. Here are a few questions to guide you.

1. What was the biggest lesson you learned in the past year?

2. What did you learn about your leadership this year, whether it was through your own action or that of other leaders?

3. What do you want to take forward into next year?

4. What do you want to leave behind?

This week, take a few minutes to jot down your own answers so that you can go into the new year with more purpose and clarity. I also invite you to explore our products and services that can help you meet any goals you set for the new year. From books to audio training to executive coaching, you’ll find powerful ways to invest in your own success.

How I Navigated One of My Toughest Years

This year has been one of the most challenging years I have had in a really long time. It’s been filled with unbelievable highs, and some really low lows.   It has tested and stretched me in ways I hadn’t expected, but in the end has made me a stronger person. And, miraculously, this will be the most successful year for my business.

I didn’t fully recognize the strategies I had deliberately used, until I was recently preparing for a speech about Handling Curveballs. It forced me to reflect about how I stayed on track and kept putting one foot in front of the other despite my challenges.  Here are the five strategies that rose to the top of my list:

1. Revamping my inner circle That core group of people that I surround myself with and rely on is my inner circle. Over the years, I have learned to carefully select who I allow in it, and proactively adapt it over time, because it impacts my energy so much. We all have days when we know we need to distance ourselves from draining people and situations, and “fill the tank” with people who infuse more positive energy into our lives. Take a close look at your inner circle to ensure it includes people with a good balance of give and take and the right type of energy.

1. Staying in the here and now When anxiety kicks in, it’s easy to overwhelm and overload yourself with thoughts about what might happen. You may find yourself shifting out of the present moment to memories of the past when something left you scarred, or thoughts about the future which feels uncertain and unpredictable. I have become the queen of telling myself, “All you have to do is choose your next one or two steps. And then choose the next one or two. You don’t have to solve everything right now.”

1. Managing my pace Whether it’s about getting enough sleep or exercise, my physical health dramatically affects my ability to keep things in perspective and manage my stress. My typical go-to is being active outside – running or heading to the mountains and hiking (even when it’s a really bad time to be away from work). As long as I’m injury-free, that works. But some recurring ankle injuries this year forced me to find other ways to deal with life’s stressors. I have integrated daily guided meditations into my mornings and continue to be more disciplined about getting to bed earlier. By proactively slowing down my pace, I notice more of what’s going on for me and others, which has boosted my productivity and business success.

1. Asking for help Raised as an independent and self-sufficient woman, I don’t ask for help as often as I should. But when I remember that asking for help also provides others an opportunity to give and ultimately deepens my relationships, I can do it more easily. I know I’m still a work in progress and it is getting easier with practice. If it’s hard for you too, just try it on a smaller scale and notice how it impacts you and others.

1. Serving others No matter how busy my life gets, I make time to give back. I serve on nonprofit boards and committees at the United Way of Metropolitan Dallas, Dallas Women’s Foundation, Dallas Children’s Theater and Akola. It forces me to get out of my own world and into others. This year, I took a trip to Uganda with Akola. The women’s stories of hardship and resilience affected me so deeply. They have overcome challenges far beyond anything I will ever face, and are now paying it forward. So, my nonprofit work keeps my perspective in check, fills my heart with gratitude, and inspires me to do more. Whether you volunteer or not, make sure you have something in your life that gives you fulfillment.

Before you dash off to your busy day, I want to challenge you to choose one strategy to implement this week, whether it’s one from the list above or something else that helps you navigate through tough times.  And, as always, remember that small steps lead to big results.

How Open Are You Really?

Great leaders bring out the best in their team members. They create an environment in which employees feel inspired and empowered to go above and beyond their defined roles. Their passion, energy, and ideas are flowing.

Most of us aspire to this kind of leadership. After all, it's a lot more rewarding to unleash other people's potential than to simply direct what they do. But beware of a few stumbling blocks that may either keep you from being open to others' ideas or cause people to see you as unreceptive:

Block 1: You Never Stop Talking

Just. Stop. If you always talk far more than you listen, others may think that you just want an audience; that you're not interested in them or their ideas.

Block 2: You're Not Actively Listening

But there's a lot more to listening than simply not talking when someone else is. There’s a big difference between waiting to speak and being fully present to take in what the other person has to say. Be curious. Ask more questions to ensure you really understand the other person’s underlying intent and key messages.

Block 3: You Don't Explain What You're Thinking

As a high performer, you're adept at processing information quickly. When someone presents an idea during a meeting, you've probably evaluated its viability before they've even finished speaking. You may know right away that the idea won't work, or that it needs to go back to the drawing board. But others may not understand the reasons behind your decision unless you spell them out. Remember to "connect the dots" so that it's clear you are giving thought to ideas and not merely dismissing them.

Block 4: Your Follow-Up Falls Short

How do you follow up when someone shares an idea with you? Does your follow-up look different if you think the idea is good or bad? If you don’t like their idea, don’t just hope they never bring it up again. Help the person understand how it does or doesn’t fit in with the criteria for a feasible solution, and use it as a learning opportunity.

Block 5: You Micromanage

You might tell your team that you're open to their ideas, but if you return every proposal marked up with your "red pen," they will take away a very different message. This kind of micromanagement doesn’t really leverage the value you bring, and it definitely doesn't help develop your team members.

This week, notice how open you are to others — and how your actions affect their perception of your openness. Then pick one of these strategies to implement. For more on bringing out the best in others, check out my guide Building a Stronger Team. It's part of the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

Don’t Let Results Compete with Relationships

I recently worked with a smart, hard-working client who made a career mistake I see far too many other high performers make.  

New to his company, he was responsible for making major changes to improve financial performance, strengthen the team, and increase market share. Given the challenges in front of him, in his first few months he kept his head down driving for results. In fact, he focused so intently on his goals that he prioritized them over investing in building relationships with key stakeholders.

With their limited exposure to him, corporate leaders began to worry because they weren't seeing results, didn’t know why, and didn’t fully understand his game plan to achieve them. And why wouldn't they worry?  A lot was at stake, and they needed reassurance.

From his vantage point, he was appropriately focusing on critical business issues and thought others were communicating well enough on his behalf. Ironically, he was so results-oriented that he underestimated the importance of him personally cultivating and leveraging the very relationships that could ultimately accelerate his results.

Relationships Aren’t Nice to Have. Building Them Is a Big Part of Your Job.

So many people believe that their performance will be just as high, even when they only invest in relationship-building and networking sporadically. They may think, “Surely everyone can see how hard I’m working,” not realizing that people may be too busy to notice. Remember that the quality of your work is no guarantee that you'll get the credit you deserve, especially when others don’t know your role in achieving the results.

On the other hand, high performers know that a consistent investment in relationships will yield big dividends—stronger allies, influence, and support to get critical business results. They don’t choose between results and relationships, or make them compete against each other. They understand that the two are inextricably linked and an investment in both is necessary.

Hard work and passion can propel your career, but when coupled with an investment in key relationships, it will take you much further. So, what can you do? Here are a few ideas to build relationships and get results. Choose one of the strategies to focus on this week.

• Make a list of key stakeholders. How are your relationships with them? My article "Strengthen Your Leadership by Building Relationships" shows you how to turn key people into advocates for you.

• Prioritize communication with your bosses, even when things aren't going well.

• Get to know your peers and look for ways you can be a resource for them. They can be valuable supporters in your corner when you seek a promotion.

• Give your boss and others "strategic snapshots" of your performance. You may dislike "bragging," but sharing your results in a business-relevant way can help others.

• Constantly hone your relationship-building skills. My book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. can help you navigate the full spectrum of work relationships. You can read the first five chapters for free now.

No One Wins in the Blame Game

As an executive coach, I usually work with individuals. But I also coach colleagues who work together on the same team. This provides a fascinating window into team dynamics.  

In your own career, you've probably seen — or even been part of — teams with a combustible combination of personalities. For some reason, they just can't seem to work together, and they butt heads at every turn.

From coaching teams like this, I've noticed one thing they all have in common. Team members excel at pointing out how others create the destructive dynamic, but have difficulty noticing their own contributions to the situation. But playing the blame game never turns teams around. In fact, it rapidly erodes trust.

If you're on a dysfunctional team, start by looking at how you are contributing to the dynamics. Take a look at some common individual behaviors that can derail a team:

• Jumping to conclusions. You assume the worst about others and don't give them the benefit of the doubt. If another team member is trying to change his own behaviors for the better, this may cause you to overlook his efforts.

• Withholding. Instead of communicating directly about disagreements and resolving them, you silently seethe until you can’t take it anymore. It's almost inevitable you'll blow up— but no one will understand why.

• Being too hands-off. Team leaders may fall into this trap more often than others. You think your direct reports can resolve the conflict themselves — even though there's plenty of evidence to the contrary. You don't use the power of your position or your influence to send a strong message that you expect them to work out their issues.

• Badmouthing. When you gossip about or criticize your colleagues behind the scenes instead of working directly with them, you amplify tensions and model bad behavior for others.

• Getting stuck in your emotions. You draw conclusions based solely on your feelings, failing to seek out or consider the facts or other perspectives that contradict them.

• Not managing your own stress. When you're perpetually grumpy, tired, or stressed out, you're more prone to getting triggered by others. (Sound familiar? Read my blog article "5 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Centered Fast" for some tips that can help.)

If you're part of a contentious team, keep this article in mind as you interact with your colleagues. Identify one behavior to watch out for, identify the impact it has on others, and decide how you will engage instead. For additional ideas and strategies, check out "Building a Strong Team," part of my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

Trust, Possibility and Letting Things Unfold

After I left Uganda, I traveled to Kenya for my first safari. On the first day, our guide asked which animals we hoped to see.  In my excitement, I rattled off a few animals not knowing the likelihood of seeing any of them. I was in the moment, simply thrilled to experience whatever unfolded – no expectations; just gratitude for anything that might happen.

As I mentioned an animal that I would like to see, within a matter of minutes we would see that animal. This continued, one after the other, in the order I mentioned for our entire first day. We witnessed the Great Wildebeest Migration, even thought it wasn’t expected to happen for another three weeks.  Although many people don’t get to see even one river crossing of the wildebeest, we actually witnessed four.  By the end of the first day, I was in disbelief that I had already seen every animal I wanted to.

Later on the trip, driving in the middle of the Northern Mara, a hailstorm came out of nowhere. We were told that they hadn’t experienced anything like this in this area for years. As we scrambled to quickly cover the top of the Range Rover and waited for the storm to subside, I said, "Wouldn't it be cool if we saw a rainbow after this?" A few minutes later, when the hail and rain had stopped, we got out of the Range Rover. I turned to look behind us, and to my surprise, there was a huge rainbow over the terrain. Having lived in cities all my life, I have never seen an entire rainbow, let alone one forming a double rainbow on one end – in Africa, of all places!

Like my crazy travel day earlier this year, this safari made me pause and reflect in a way I haven’t done in years. I kept asking myself, “What should I take away from this experience?”  I couldn’t simply say that what happened on this trip was a set of coincidences – there were just way too many of them.

What continues to resonate with me now, and speaks to what many of us may be experiencing in our lives, is the power of possibility— of saying "Wouldn't it be cool if …?" Sometimes we close ourselves off and take options off the table before giving them a chance.

If you’re a go-getter like me and most of my clients, you might find yourself often trying to control things too much (that's especially true now, as uncertainty seems all around us.) We can get caught up in our own expectations and driving to a specific outcome, especially when we feel like a lot is at stake. When we do, we put out a very different type of energy. Instead of having a sense of openness and possibility, we feel uptight and full of angst. And when we show up like this, we tend to get in our own way.

I’ve personally experienced the difference. A large project that I’ve been immersed in over the past year has tested me in ways I never expected. It has taught me that I have to let go of things beyond my control, be clear about the outcome that I want, and trust more that whatever happens next is what should. My Kenyan safari showed me this time and again, and made it real at a level I never expected.

My next step is to start applying this insight to other parts of my life. As I experiment, I want to challenge you to do the same:

• Get clear about something that you want or something that's important to you.

• Be open to it actually happening — even if you can't imagine how it could possibly could.

• Simply allow things to unfold without demands or expectations.

• Be grateful for whatever happens next.

Remember that small steps lead to big results. And even one small step toward being open to the power of possibility can have a big impact.

Hurricane Harvey and the Power of One

The past week and a half has touched me deeply, as I sat here in Dallas in the safety of my own home while many of my Houston clients and close friends dealt with Hurricane Harvey.  

The whole experience took me down a path of reflection that I hadn’t expected.  Many of you know that I lived in Houston for 17 years. I was working at Deloitte in Houston when Hurricane Katrina hit, and I jumped in to help lead the “war room” to coordinate our efforts to move many of our employees from Louisiana to Dallas. During Tropical Storm Allison, I remember watching the rain pouring down for hours and the water rising around us. At some point I fell asleep and woke up to loud banging on the front door. As I jumped out of bed startled, I landed in three feet of nasty brown water. I waded across my bedroom to find my good friend and neighbor checking to make sure we were okay.  I’ll never forget the view of Hwy 59 the next morning, which looked like a river flowing through the middle of the city.

In 2008, during Hurricane Ike, we evacuated because my son was only two. I remember being glued to the TV wondering what would happen. Our house was one of the lucky few in our area that never lost power, didn’t flood, and had very little damage. It became a home for friends who didn’t fare as well. The Houston we came back to looked drastically different than the one we left.

This time, before Hurricane Harvey made landfall, I invited several friends to evacuate to Dallas but they all chose to stay put. One night, I spent hours reaching out to over 60 people individually to make sure they were ok.  Several of them were sitting in closets with their children listening to tornado sirens going off again and again, praying that everything would be ok (especially since water was going to be released from reservoirs as well).  I felt useless from this far away.

In the midst of it all, I was again reminded of the Power of One – the power that each of us has to make a difference in the lives of others.

During this tragedy, I am inspired by what I see—differences disappearing and people simply treating people as people.   People are coming together to offer emotional or financial support, or lend a hand in picking up the pieces. Houstonians have a can-do attitude and resilience like I have never experienced anywhere else. But this time, as I sit in Dallas, I am equally touched by the outpouring of support and kindness I see here.

Just remember that you can tap into your Power of One each and every day, in big or small ways. But if there were ever a time to use it, it is now. Twenty-seven trillion gallons later, the road ahead for many Houstonians is a long one.

The Power of One

Have you ever felt like you were in the right place at the right time?  

It has only happened a handful of times for me, and it did again when I decided to go to Eastern Africa just four short weeks before my departure date. Although it was peak tourist season, everything fell into place at the last minute. I had no idea what was in store for me and how it would change my life. And a few weeks later, I am still processing it all.

After 30 hours of travel, I found myself in Uganda with five fellow advisors and sponsors of Akola, a nonprofit that empowers, educates and elevates disadvantaged women.  As a member of the advisory board, I wanted to get more involved, and this was the perfect chance to see things firsthand. I met Brittany Merrill Underwood, who started this organization in Uganda at the young age of 19, through my work with the George W. Bush Presidential Center. Little did I know that meeting would ultimately lead me to Africa – and also allow me to play a role in Akola’s U.S. expansion.

Although I had seen the itinerary, I really didn’t know what to expect on this trip.

As we sat on the concrete floor of a modest 150-square-foot home of an Akola woman, she shared her story – one that began with extreme poverty and worry about basic needs like food and shelter. She talked in disbelief about how Akola had transformed her life. This woman, who by American standards would not be considered anywhere near wealthy, sounded like she had won the lottery. And she was ready to share what she had learned with others. She beamed as she told us that owning her own home, let alone being able to help others create a better life for themselves, was something she had never dreamed possible.

That home visit in a rural Uganda was such a moving experience. I have always believed in the Power of One: the power that one person has to make a difference. And in that moment, my belief was stronger than ever.

This experience reminded me how much each of us has to give – whether it’s on a small or large scale. A little bit of hope and reassurance goes such a long way.

The trip left me feeling compelled to use my years of business and leadership development experience to really help people like the women of Akola go beyond survival to truly thriving. And it reinvigorated my commitment to helping people see the value they have to offer, and how they can create a larger ripple effect.

Where these women were in their lives before Akola and what they have achieved is truly incredible. Sixty percent of them have gone from not having enough food to feed their children and other family members to earning a living wage, building their self-confidence and saving enough to start their own businesses. Akola has gone beyond giving these women hope, to instilling a strong belief in themselves and developing leadership skills.

I saw so many parallels with what motivates, inspires and gets results in the corporate world – painting a vision of the future, setting concrete goals, aligning rewards to incentivize the right behavior, using peers to drive accountability and investing in personal growth and development.

So, here I am back in the United States, wondering where this experience will ultimately take me. One of my first steps is to share some of it with you, to prompt you to think about the Power of One – the power each of us has to truly make a difference. What will you do this week to put it into play?

What Makes a Leader Genuinely Powerful?

This is the third and final part of a series on Purpose, Presence and Power: the three areas that consistently get results time and again for my executive coaching clients.

Previously, we talked about leading with Purpose and building authentic Presence. Today, I'll tell you about how successful leaders develop and leverage Power. This is a vital topic, since leadership is all about getting things done with and through others. Here are three proven strategies that my clients use time and again:

1. Invest as little as 15 minutes per week to build stronger relationships. Most of us have so much going on that we put networking on the back burner. Although it may feel optional, leaders should consistently dedicate time to deepen key relationships. The payoff is huge for your career and your ability to get better business results. As you build your network, use your desired outcomes and goals to guide you. But also remember to maintain the balance between giving value and asking for support. This will help you cultivate deeper, authentic relationships. If you focus on maximizing the opportunities in front of you (meetings, calls, or events you are already attending), or setting up meetings for as short as 15 minutes, you can typically accelerate the process.People respond to authenticity and passion, so be purposeful about how you want to show up and what you want others to know about you.

2. Pay attention to the informal power at your company. Power doesn’t just come from a job title, although those big titles do help. Often, "informal" leaders – those who have power because of their experience, credibility, and network – shape what really happens in the workplace. Stop and reflect about who is connected to whom, and how those relationships impact each individual’s level of influence and how decisions get made. It will give you better insight into how to navigate the political landscape and how to get your projects over the goal line. And don’t forget the importance of mentors and sponsors to guide you and advocate for you along the way.

3. Lift other people up. Last but not least, remember that building power and influence requires looking at all levels of the organization (not just looking upward). One of the most impactful ways to build loyalty and engagement is by investing in others. There are many simple strategies to do this – offer support, provide perspective, or teach something you know how to do well. And don’t forget that this goes way beyond your team to include your peers, an often overlooked but critical group that can make or break your career path.

Taking even a few minutes each week to notice what’s happening around you and authentically building relationships can make a big difference in how much Power you have. This week, think about how you are doing in the three key dimensions of Power and choose one to focus on.

How the Most Successful Leaders Build Their Presence

This is the second part of a series on Purpose, Presence and Power: three key areas that get results — like raises and promotions — again and again for my executive coaching clients. Last time, we talked about leading with Purpose. Today, I'll share three strategies that successful leaders use to build a confident, authentic Presence that makes them more effective:

1. Tastefully toot your own horn in a way that's relevant and fits who you are. Many people hesitate when it comes to self-promotion because they view it as self-centered. When done correctly, it can have a big impact. Your boss is responsible for leveraging your talent for the company and helping you develop. To do those things, she needs to hear about your strengths, talents and successes. They key is to focus on information that's relevant and useful to others as you self-promote. For tips, check out my videos on tasteful self-promotion.

   1. Proactively manage your energy to stay productive and avoid burnout.Being reactive and stressed out (or, on the other hand, disengaged and unenthusiastic) doesn't do much for your effectiveness or executive presence (two big reasons why leaders have to be vigilant about managing their energy). When things are crazy-busy, you might be tempted to just power through, but it typically has the opposite effect, diminishing your productivity and how others perceive you. Be more intentional about infusing energy into each day. This could be as simple as taking more breaks during the day, going to sleep even 15 minutes earlier if you are sleep-deprived, or taking a quick walk after a draining meeting or conversation. Focus on the quality of the activity, not the quantity of time you spend on it.

   2. Consistently connect your ideas to the bigger picture.Remember that others will draw conclusions about what you say and do using their own filters – and they may take away something different than you intend. Even if something seems obvious to you, take a moment to explain the connection between your words or actions and how they advance business goals.

Proactively focusing on your Presence will help you build more credibility and ultimately help you achieve better results. This week, choose one of the three key facets of presence to focus on. And be sure to stay tuned to for the third part of this series, where we'll talk about Power.

How to Lead With Purpose and Have More Impact

As a leader, you're always striving to grow and improve. But there's a lot of leadership advice out there — how do you sort through it all? As an executive coach working with major companies, I've found that focusing on three areas — Purpose, Presence and Power — gets results time and again for my clients. Today, I'm kicking off a series of articles to help you put them into play more powerfully in your own life.

So let's start by talking about Purpose. I define Purpose as working strategically on the areas that drive results leveraging the unique ways that you add value as a leader.

Purposeful leaders consistently do three things:

1. They focus on the right work. Spend your time on your "Big 3": the top three areas where you can have the biggest impact on the business. Make sure you and your manager are on the same page about these areas. Once you've ensured alignment about your Big 3, take a look at how you currently spend your time. How well does your schedule sync up with your priorities? Look for ways to redirect your time from less-critical work to your Big 3.

2. They articulate what defines their leadership. Too often, high performers set the bar so high for themselves that they don't really notice how much they have to offer. Take a minute to identify your top three strengths, and the “so what?” of each. In other words, what does each strength allow you to do that other people cannot easily do? How does it really make a difference? For example, if you listed "approachability" as a strength, the "so what?" could be that you can get to the heart of issues and resolve them faster because people feel comfortable telling you what’s really going on.

3. They track their accomplishments weekly so they can share them with others. Another common trait of high performers is that they often rush from one project into another without taking the time to notice their successes and what led to them. If this sounds like you, taking even five minutes to identify your personal best practices after completing a project will allow you to more intentionally use those practices going forward. And by sharing your accomplishments and practices with others, others can learn from you and will know more about how and when to engage you.

When you lead with Purpose, you maximize the impact of your unique talents and skills. This week, choose one of the three areas above to focus on. And be sure to stay tuned to for the second part of this series, where we'll talk about Presence.