The Power of Saying, “It Is What It Is”

Have you ever had a day that made you wonder " Hmm, what the heck is going on?!"

I experienced one recently. It all started when my flight got canceled. Then my new flight had mechanical issues, and bad storms were brewing between Houston and Dallas.

A few hours later, when I finally got back to Dallas, I discovered that the airport valet had lost my car key. The staff were frantically running around trying to find it. When they finally did, somehow my black convertible had turned into a red Infiniti. When they really found my car, they said it had died in the valet lane midday and still wouldn't start.

So, I pulled the jumper cables out of my trunk, and fortunately the car started after a little boost. I drove to my dealership a few blocks away, knowing it was closed. What did I have to lose by driving over? A security guard happened to be walking outside, took pity on me and let me park inside — after I reminded her that hail and tornadoes were coming. I called an Uber and quickly crammed my bag with things from my car, including a water bottle. When we arrived at my house, I picked up my bag to get my wallet. Water was seeping out of the bottom — it had spilled all over my laptop and papers during my Uber ride home. Minutes later, my whole bathroom had sheets of wet paper laid out to dry. To top it all off? A couple of days later, I lost my driver's license.

As all of this weirdness was unfolding, I just kept thinking, "What should I be taking from this?" That one little question made a huge difference for me in the moment. It reminded me that this series of events was out of my control but that I could still choose how I responded. By repeating “It is what it is” and asking “What should I be taking from this?,” I stayed calm and curious about what was happening. As I've written before, true resilience means paying attention to your thoughts and feelings and realizing that you can make a different choice.

Meanwhile, my laptop is perfectly fine, my car is fixed after three more trips to the dealership and I made some new friends in line at DPS when I went to get a new driver's license. But the biggest surprise? My doorbell rang a few days later, and someone had found my original license (I had dropped it while I was out on a run) and stopped by to return it. What a great act of kindness.

To prepare for the next time your day throws you for a loop, remember that it is what it is. The question is, “What do you want to do about it?” This week, notice what you’re thinking and feeling and make a deliberate choice about how you want to show up — a choice that reflects the person you want to be.

5 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Centered Fast

Sometimes it feels hard just to find some solid ground beneath our feet. At work, many of us are dealing with restructuring, reorganizing and the mandate to do more with less. Outside work, the world as a whole feels unsettled, too. Every day seems to bring headlines about some new upheaval.

Through it all, we have to keep on making decisions and handling our responsibilities. At times like this, it can be easy let the practices that keep you centered slip to the back burner. So it's a good idea to take a few minutes to remind yourself what keeps you going and think about how to make room for it in your life.

These are the five tried-and-true tactics that work for me no matter how hectic life gets. What practices and habits would you put on your own list?

1. Get enough sleep. You won't be surprised to find out that work and family demands cut into our sleep time. But the irony is that you'll be more effective in both your career and your personal life if you get adequate rest, which means breaks throughout the day and quality sleep.

2. Monitor your energy. Life will be easier if you can shape your schedule to accommodate your ebbs and flows of energy. Learn more about how to do this in my article "What Is Your Unique Energy Pattern?"

3. Exercise. Squeezing a workout into your busy schedule isn't easy, but it's worth it. And remember that every little bit of movement counts, so just get started. Even as little as exercising for 10-15 minutes will motivate you to do more.

4. Breathe. You don't have to meditate in silence for an hour to enjoy the benefits of mindfulness. A little diaphragmatic breathing can help you get back to the present moment when you feel anxious: Inhale to a count of 3, exhale to a count of 6. You should feel your belly rising when you breathe, not your chest.

5. Surround yourself with the right people. The company you keep can either give you a boost or drain your energy. My article "The Secret to More Energy Isn't What You Think" will teach you how to do an energy audit of the people in your life. The goal is to minimize the effects of the people who drag you down and free up time to spend with people who fire you up.

This week, pick a strategy to focus on from this list or from your own personal list of best practices for getting centered. For more on staying at your best, check out my book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. Leadership Through a New Lens. You can download five free chapters on my website.

I'll See It When I Believe It

When we are confronted with one roadblock or challenge after another, many of us say to ourselves, "I'll believe it when I see it" when we know how hard an outcome may be to accomplish (and the finish line keeps moving). As I have become immersed in the land of software development, I've told myself this far more in the past year than I have in my entire life.

As I sat on a flight recently, I was listening to a Deepak Chopra meditation. On it he asked what if you said, "I'll see it when I believe it" instead? As much as I am a take-the-bull-by-the-horns person, in that moment I realized how much I was tolerating — and that my defeatist attitude was sucking the life out of me. How did I get here?!

But my realization wasn't enough for me to take action right away. I had to recharge. I was drained. For the past 12 years, I have been disciplined about not working on weekends so I knew I needed more than that to re-energize. So, I went to the mountains to surround myself with beauty, hike for miles and spend quality time with people I care about.

I made a commitment to be fully present and leave everything else behind. And I decided to start being more of "me" again (someone who typically sets a goal and constantly asks "What would it take to make this happen?").

It's been quite a journey. And I'm excited to say it's turned out really well. I have put strategies that have worked well for me in the past back into practice, I am hyper-aware of how to keep my mindset positive, and I feel empowered again.

So, today I want to challenge you to find one thing you've been tolerating (something that is making you skeptical or negative) and to consider saying, "I'll see it when I believe it (the outcome that I want)." I'm pretty sure that it will lead you down a different path and that you might be surprised at what happens.

The Big Impact of the 'Second Shift'

With Mother's Day coming up, I wanted to call your attention to some research about the challenges that women and families as a whole face.  

I was struck by an article that my sister shared with me recently: "Study reveals that women are literally working themselves to death." The article discusses research showing that long work hours increase the risk of heart disease, cancers other than skin cancer, arthritis and diabetes. But here's the really shocking thing: "For women ... the side effects of working long hours were much more dire. For example, working 60 or more hours per week tripled the risk of diabetes, cancer, heart trouble and arthritis in women."

Researchers theorize that this is because women work a longer "second shift" tending to home and family responsibilities than men do.

Consider these findings from Pew Research Center:

• 56 percent of dads say chores are split evenly between parents, but half of moms say they do more around the house.

• Moms spend twice as much time on childcare as dads do.

• Mothers are more likely to interrupt their careers to attend to family needs than fathers are. Thirty-nine percent of mothers said they had taken significant time away from work to care for a family member.

• Women are twice as likely as men to say that responsibility for caring for a seriously ill family member falls primarily on women.

• 40 percent of working moms say they always feel rushed.

• 56 percent of working mothers (and 50 percent of fathers) say it's hard to balance family and work responsibilities.

What Leaders Can Do

Let these statistics serve as a reminder to pay attention to what's going on with your team members, both women and men. Are any of them facing challenges in caring for children or other family members? Keep in mind your employees might not be revealing the full picture of what's happening with them. Some people might feel that they should just "soldier on" and not share their situation or ask for help.

But if you can offer help to employees overburdened by their second shift, you're both improving your team's effectiveness in the short term and helping your employees succeed in the long term. One possible starting point: looking for ways to offer more flexibility. According to Pew, a flexible schedule is the quality that working moms value most in a job.

This week, look at how the second shift impacts your staff. You can find more ideas on helping your staff members thrive in Building a Strong Team, part of the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

How to Give Feedback to Your Boss

Delivering feedback is one of the most challenging and most important things leaders do. Usually we think about feedback in terms of our direct reports, but your boss may need some, too. After all, your boss has a big impact on how you and others work. Today, we'll look at three kinds of bosses who can make your job more difficult. We'll look at how you can help your boss make some important tweaks, without it feeling awkward or painful. These strategies can show your boss the impact of his behavior while reinforcing that you're on the same team. As always, the goal is to take the discomfort out of feedback by making it more about working together toward shared goals.

The MIA Boss

Some bosses are great at delegating and empowering others. You might appreciate the level of trust and independence this boss gives you. But the downside is that giving employees feedback is the exception, not the rule, for him. In fact, you may only hear from him when something goes wrong. That means you could be missing opportunities to address problems earlier or to leverage your strengths more fully.

Don't expect this boss (or any boss, for that matter) to suddenly change his style. He's busy, and may not be skilled at giving feedback because he doesn't do it that often. So, if you want to know how you’re doing, take the initiative to schedule time to talk and facilitate the conversation. For example, you can go into the meeting with a one-page bulleted list of your accomplishments and results, feedback you have received from others and what you're working on to further develop your skills. Asking your boss to react to something like that can be far less daunting than asking him, "How am I doing?"

The Micromanager Boss

On the other hand, some bosses constantly look over your shoulder. Although it may not feel like it, their intent is usually positive: ensuring high quality work and supporting you. But they may get bogged down in minute details, or take over part of your responsibilities or decision-making authority. An employee with a boss like this often feels mistrusted and gets frustrated by the redundancy between their roles.

When giving feedback to this kind of boss, acknowledge her intent and show that you are aligned with it. Let's say your boss values responsiveness to senior executives. You could start your conversation with her by acknowledging the importance of this and then making suggestions: "I know we need to make sure we're being responsive to senior executives. If you can share the turnaround time and the relative importance of each key area, I can do more of the critical legwork before getting you involved. This will help me make more progress on my own, take less of your time on the detailed work, and allow me to leverage you more for a high-level review."

The 'Fire Drill' Boss

Then there are the bosses who are focused on showing their responsiveness to their own boss — and they expect the same level of responsiveness from you, even at the expense of larger priorities. They're so reactive that they don't have a sense of the big picture. A typical behavior: They don't start a presentation early enough to undergo the needed levels of review and then try to cram everything into a really tight time frame. They don't think about the impact that habits like that have on their team.

Because this kind of boss probably doesn't notice the damage he's doing, it can help to frame this in the context of what you want to achieve. To the boss who always rushes presentations, you could say: "I've noticed we often have a short turn-around time on presentations, which makes it difficult to ensure the level of quality that you want. So, I have some suggestions that may help.”  This positions you as a steward of quality, not a critic of the boss. From there, you can suggest improvements like establishing a timeline and milestones for the presentations.

This week, take 10 minutes to think about your working relationship with your boss. What could he or she do to help you achieve the results that are important to you both? What one small tweak can you make to frame the feedback in a way that guides your boss’s behavior while protecting your relationship? You can find more advice about managing all of your work relationships — bosses, peers, directs — in my book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. Leadership Through a New Lens. And you can download five free chapters on my website.

Best of the Blog: 4 Qualities All Influential People Share

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To lead well, you need influence. Over the years, I've found that truly influential people have these four things in common.

1. They Demonstrate Credibility

This is the big one. Influence starts with credibility. Without it, you can’t effectively influence, no matter what approach you take. If you’re not sure whether others see you as credible, seek some feedback. If you hear questions about your credibility, correct them by helping others see your strengths and the value you bring. If you’re like many high performers, you may underestimate the positive impact you have. So, take the time to identify and share examples of how you consistently add value, in a way that’s relevant for the audience.

2. They See the Big Picture

Influential people are known for bringing a lot to table — intelligence, insight, etc. But you also have to be known as someone who’s not just in it for yourself. Connect what you do to the big picture of what’s right for the organization. If you speak just about your (or your department’s) goals and priorities, others may wonder whether your motivation is self-serving. That can quickly erode your credibility.

3. They Build Relationships

All organizations have formal leaders whose power ties to their positions. But they also have informal leaders who shape what really gets done. Your influence depends on the strength of your relationships with both formal leaders and informal leaders. Take a few minutes to review and assess these.

4. They Act Strategically

Influential people are strategic about how they leverage and engage others. For example, how often do you hold the “meeting before the meeting” to get buy-in from others and avoid surprises? Have you thought through the right messenger for advancing your goals? Sometimes it isn’t you. Look at what you do today, and small tweaks you could make to bring others along more effectively.

To learn more about building influence and other key career skills, check out my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

Best of the Blog: Build Resilience in Just 2 Steps

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Have you ever caught yourself wondering why you can’t get over a setback, a mistake (yours or someone else’s), a conflict or a big change? Sometimes we easily shrug off frustrations or difficulties. Other times, they really get under our skin. We may stay stuck in frustration even as we push ourselves to move forward and show more resilience.

People often misunderstand resilience. It doesn’t mean that we will move past roadblocks effortlessly or just have to find a way to survive them. Instead, true resilience requires delving into our thoughts and feelings and taking a look at successes and failures – so we can learn from them and make different choices.

Recently, I worked with an executive coaching client to help her navigate a tough situation. Someone at her office “threw her under the bus” in a meeting by doing exactly the opposite of what he had committed to doing. Not only did his behavior fall short of my client’s expectations, it also felt dishonest and disrespectful.

She kept telling herself, “Fine, it happened. I’m not happy about it. But I need to just get over it.” Instead of allowing herself to fully explore her feelings, she kept trying to set them aside like they didn’t matter.

As you might expect, she just couldn’t. She kept replaying the scenario in her head again and again. Does this sound familiar? When you are stuck in anger or frustration for days, it’s typically an indicator that a core value that you hold near and dear is involved. By taking the time to identify which specific value was violated (in this case, honesty) instead of ignoring it, my client figured out how to work through this challenging situation. She gave the other party constructive feedback about what happened and how it affected her, which finally allowed her to move on.

To help her further develop her resilience, we used a simple two-step process. Here’s how it works.

Step 1: Increase Your Self-Awareness

Although it might seem counterintuitive, it’s important to ask yourself, “What am I feeling? Let it all out, uncensored. It’s OK to feel how you feel, even if you’re not feeling very kind in that moment! Acknowledging and naming your emotions, whatever they are, will go a long way toward helping you process them.

The next question to ask yourself is “What am I thinking?” Are you falling into any thinking traps, such as assuming you know what others are thinking or downplaying positives while exaggerating negatives? Notice the story you are telling yourself about what happened in this situation. Take a few minutes to write your specific thoughts and feelings down. It may help you make connections you otherwise might not notice.

Next, ask yourself “How am I framing the situation?” For example, maybe you’re framing a colleague’s lack of enthusiasm for your idea as dismissive or disrespectful. Look at the evidence to better understand how you’re interpreting the situation, and whether or not your interpretation is accurate. You might realize that your colleague’s behavior had nothing to do with you.

Step 2: Make a Different Choice

Once you’ve identified your feelings and thoughts, and how they are helping or getting in your way, you will notice more options in front of you. And remember that you get to decide how you want to show up in this situation, regardless of how others are showing up. You may still decide to let all your frustration go and just move on, but that’s very different than just “sucking it up” and repressing your feelings. Treating yourself with compassion and gaining more insight about yourself and others will serve you well. You’ll also be a lot happier and more effective without those repressed feelings threatening to bubble up at any moment.

This week, give yourself a little more space to process any setbacks, changes or frustrations that come your way. Take time to notice what you’re thinking and feeling — it’s the first step toward true resilience. And remember that small steps can lead to big results.

Best of the Blog: How to Communicate Negative Stuff in a Positive Way

One of my clients reached out to me recently because he is unhappy with his new job. He hasn’t yet developed a strong relationship with his boss and doesn’t want to come across as whiny. He is struggling with how to have the conversation, especially since he isn’t ready to throw in the towel.  Keeping a positive tone in a difficult, high-stakes conversation like this one is a key leadership skill. In my work with this client, we talked through several strategies that can make a big difference when you’re in a situation like his.

Use Positive Language  

When my client and I first talked about his unhappiness with his new job, this is what he told me:

• “This role isn’t what I was expecting. My skills are underutilized, and I’m bored and frustrated.”

• “I’m not sure where this experience is really going to lead me or my career.”

• “I want a better relationship with my boss, but he is so different from other bosses I have had. My last boss was so supportive. I’m not sure where I stand with this one.”

Sharing this information with his boss using words like the ones he used with me seemed risky, given the situation. After all, this is a conversation that will set the tone for my client’s relationship with his boss. The choices he makes about how to handle the conversation will have a ripple effect throughout his time at this company.   That’s why I gave my client this strategy: Even if you’re feeling negative, share it in a more positive way. The easiest way to do this is by first clarifying your underlying intent. In other words, stop and ask yourself what this is really about for you.   Here’s how my client used his intent to communicate the situation to his boss:

• “I value my relationship with you and the company, so I want to be transparent about what is going on for me.”

• “I want to more fully utilize my skills to support the business and have a bigger impact. Here’s where I see an opportunity. …”

• “I am committed to the company and want to better understand the career path.”

Can you see how those words would land very differently with his boss than how he originally described the situation to me?  

Focus on How You Want to Show Up  

The second way to find the right words is by focusing on how you want to show up vs. how you don’t want to show up. For example, if you want to come across as proactive and positive vs. whiny and negative, what words, tone and body language would convey that? Practice speaking out loud and in front of a mirror so you can make sure these three things are in sync.  

Work on the Relationship  

Finally, consider one of these options to develop a stronger relationship with your boss over time:

• Pay attention to what he cares about and how he communicates. This helps you position things more effectively.

• Ask others whom you trust, and who know him well, how to best engage him.

• Get to know him as a person.

• Tell him how to best work with you. Many leaders have a hard time figuring this out on their own, so make it easy for them. For example, tell him what management style works well for you (hands on or hands off) and the most effective communication approach (e.g., direct, face-to-face, etc.) and ask what works best for him. This will allow the two of you to co-design your working relationship.

• If he doesn’t give feedback, offer your own self-assessment and ask him what he thinks.

I’ve shared a lot of different ideas here. Which one resonates most with you? I challenge you to pick a strategy and get started. Let me know how it goes!

For more resources to help you get going, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on "Communicating with Impact" or go even deeper with the WOW! Women On the Way to Peak Performance Program℠.

How to Fall In Love With Your Job Again

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Your relationship with your job is just like any other relationship: It can hit a rough patch, or you might get a case of the blahs. My executive coaching clients often confide that they really don't enjoy parts of their jobs anymore. But because some aspects still work for them — and the pain of staying put is less than the pain of looking for something new — they soldier on.  

If this sounds familiar, how does each day feel? When you're not as passionate about your work, it can be much more difficult to tap into your creativity and strengths. If you let this situation continue for too long, it could affect your performance and ultimately your career advancement.

But you don't have to break up with your current job to love your career again. In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm sharing three questions to help you rekindle your excitement.

What Initially Attracted You?

Think back to when you first started your job. What attracted you to this role? What did you enjoy most about it back then? Maybe it was the opportunity to work with a great team or a great boss. Or perhaps it was the chance to use certain skills, build something new or round out your experience. Your reasons don't have to be "exciting." They just have to be meaningful to you. Perhaps your job won your heart simply because it gave you financial stability and security.

Of those initial characteristics that made you fall in love with this job, which ones still remain? Take five minutes to jot them down — to help you remember and appreciate them. If something you used to love about your job has changed, you can still use the insights from this exercise to increase your job satisfaction. For example, if the boss you accepted this job to work with has since moved on to another role, brainstorm other ways to get the support your old boss used to give, such as finding a new mentor.

What Would You Love More Of?

Complete this sentence:

If I had more _________, I'd love my job again.

Get specific about your answer to this question, and notice what’s at the heart of it. For example, if you answered challenge (as many people do), what kind of challenge do you need? Have you been doing the same kind of work for so long that its routine nature no longer engages you? If so, getting the challenge you need may be more about helping you build new skills or applying your skills to different types of business issues.

What Would You Want Less Of?

Here's one more sentence for you to complete:

If I could stop (or get rid of) _________, I'd love my job more.

Think about the things you've been tolerating at work that you'd love to just resolve once and for all. Perhaps day-to-day you are so involved in managing details that you don’t have time to get to the strategic work you love.  Identify at least one thing that you would want less of, and one step you can take this week to make it happen. For example, if you’ve been tolerating performance issues on your team, review the strategies from my article "Why Your Underperformer Isn't Changing."

For some people, when they answer this question, it may surface lifestyle issues such as long work hours or a crazy schedule that encroaches on their personal time. If that’s true for you, these articles have helpful strategies: "How to Stop Working All the Time" and "4 Ways to Keep Your Busy Life From Taking Over."

If you'd like some outside perspective or support as you try to rekindle that passion for your job, consider booking one of our Leadership Breakthrough SessionsSM. These half- or full-day customized sessions are designed to help you get clarity about what matters to you, and arm you with practical strategies.

Stop Clashes that Stall Your Team

In this day and age, we all work in teams. There’s no getting away from it. Have you ever felt stuck in the middle when two of your team members can’t seem to get along?  

This kind of clash often creates silos and workarounds as people try to avoid each other, or suboptimal solutions because team members haven’t engaged in the right level of collaboration. It can put leaders in awkward situations, especially if they dislike conflict or expect their teams to just work it out.

As a leader, what you say and do in situations like this speaks volumes. Remember that you are always in the invisible spotlight. If you allow the situation to continue, people start wondering if you really know how to lead others. If you’re too involved in resolving the issue, people may ask if you know how to help your team members develop and grow.  Although there’s no cookie-cutter solution, let me share an example from one my executive coaching clients that may give you some insight.

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Reset Expectations and Focus on Common Goals

My client, Joe, had two team members who just couldn't get along, let alone collaborate to deliver a project. Almost every week, one of them would go to Joe and complain about the other team member. Not only did this create a negative work environment, it also took far too much of Joe’s valuable time. And with Joe in the center of the communication, it was easy for his employees to avoid each other and engage in passive-aggressive behavior, but difficult for Joe to figure out what was really going on.

Joe knew that something had to change. So, we evaluated his role in the process. As long as he continued to meet individually with each team member, we knew this endless cycle would continue. To shift the dynamics, he decided to meet with both team members together to tackle the situation head on.

Joe acknowledged the differences in his team members’ working styles but also shared what he saw as their complementary strengths and experiences, and what they could learn from each other. He then clarified the criteria for a successful project, to refocus them on a common definition of success and the business results he expected them to deliver.

By the end of the meeting, he had cleared the air, refocused the team members on common goals, and shared how they could benefit from a better working relationship.

Let Go of Owning the Solution

Finally, we examined who really owned the resolution of the issues at hand. In this case it was Joe, not his employees.  Resisting the temptation to take over, he gave ownership of the solution back to them. He let them know that he expected them to work together, and when and how to engage him if they needed his support and guidance. In other words, he expected them to make a good faith effort to first resolve the issues themselves. He and HR were additional resources.

This week, think about whether any tension is brewing within your team. What can you do to get your team members back to a more constructive place? Do you need to evaluate your role, reset expectations, communicate shared goals, or shift ownership of the solution? Sometimes people simply need to know that, as their boss, you’ve noticed the problem and something has to change.

You can find more advice like this in the booklet "Building a Stronger a Team," part of my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

P.S. Know another leader who's grappling with a team conflict? Forward this article as a resource.

4 Key Strategies to Prepare for the Changes Ahead

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We never know exactly what's ahead. But I can tell you a couple of things for certain: First, you'll deal with change in some form in your job this year. But you can still have an impact no matter how much changes if you follow these four strategies.  1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

The key to managing through change is managing yourself. If the changes you're going through stir up strong emotions, you may think you just need to "suck it up" and soldier on. But that's not the most effective strategy.

Instead, take a timeout and ask yourself “What am I feeling?" Find a safe way to let it all out, uncensored. It’s OK to feel how you feel! Acknowledging and naming your emotions, whatever they are, helps you process them and move forward.

2. Analyze Your Stories

It's also helpful to notice what stories you're telling yourself about this change. For example, maybe you've created a story that your boss doesn't care about you because she hasn't reassured you about a restructuring at your office.

The next step is looking the evidence to better understand your stories and whether they're accurate. When you step back a little, you might realize that your boss hasn't been as supportive as she usually is just because she's overwhelmed.

Taking this time to work through your emotions and examine your perceptions should give you a greater sense of control about how you handle the changes in your workplace.

3. Keep Your Energy Up

When you're in the midst of change and transition, it's more important than ever to manage your energy. If you have tasks and events on your calendar that you know will drain your energy, plan to counter them with some activities that will help you recharge.

You can also get positive energy from your connections to others. Cultivate a support system among your colleagues to lift each other up.

4. Remember What's Constant

Finally, it helps to reconnect with a key truth that we often overlook when work gets tumultuous. Even when a lot is changing, some things will remain constant. It can help to focus on those (and, if you're a leader, to help your team focus on them as well). For example, maybe your company is changing its leadership structure, but the values and priorities that drive your work remain the same.

Whatever 2017 brings for your career, I'm here to help you navigate from a place of purpose, presence and power. Our leadership development products can show you how to meet any challenge and get where you want to go as a leader faster.  

Leave the Baggage Behind and Take the Gems with You

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As we end this year, I want to leave you with two questions that I ask my clients:  

• What do you want to leave behind from 2016?

Is there something you experienced this year that taught you about something you should steer clear of going forward? A type of situation you don’t want to find yourself in again? Or a painful but invaluable lesson that you learned?

• What do you want to take forward into 2017?

Building on our last post, what enabled you to achieve the successes you did?  Of those practices, what do you want to put into play in a bigger way? What do you want to teach others, so that you can have a bigger ripple effect? What kind of work motivates you? What kind of people?

We all have important lessons from this year. Take a few minutes to remember them, and make a conscious decision to take them into 2017.

Don’t Miss the Chance to Give with Impact

This time of year, I am reminded of how much I already have – and how much I can impact the lives of others. This holiday season, I encourage you to give with impact. Here are two opportunities you don’t want to miss.  

Dallas Children’s Theater

As one of the top 5 theaters for youth in the US, Dallas Children's Theater produces engaging educational plays that promote social values, moral integrity, and cultural diversity. DCT's pioneering efforts to develop innovative “arts-in-education” programs have equipped Dallas-area schools with a powerful resource. DCT also provides up to 10,000 free or reduced fee tickets for children in low-income neighborhoods.

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Support childhood education and get creative with your gift-giving

• Dedicate a performance to a loved one for $250

This includes an announcement of the dedication*, a certificate indicating the declaration of honoree’s official day, recognition in DCT materials and social media, a show poster signed by the entire cast, a special gift from the DCT store, and a youth admission ticket to an upcoming DCT show**.

*some productions excluded. **applied to new ticket orders only

Buy this gift online at dct.org/dedicate

• Sponsor an actor or character for $1,000

This includes a backstage tour, an autographed photo of their sponsored performer, and much more. Contact Michael Gonzales at michael.gonzales@dct.org or 214-978-0110 to buy your gift.

• Make a tax-deductible donation in someone’s name for $25, $50, $100 or more.

You choose the amount.  Donate online at dct.org/give

Akola

Akolanecklace

Akola empowers economically disadvantaged women through the income and skills they gain in making Akola's jewelry. At Akola, each necklace made represents a single woman and a single story. Each necklace empowers the woman who made it to actually re-design their stories to become ones read with dignity, grace and honor.

Over the last seven years, the Akola Project has blossomed into a thriving social business that empowers women across the globe. Shop with a purpose this season and give beautiful handmade pieces that not only give back, but that tell a powerful story.

Give the gift of beauty and empowerment.  Shop at http://akolaproject.org/

Akola is a full-impact brand, reinvesting 100% of the proceeds in supporting the women.

How to Stop Tolerating Underperformance

It's a trap I see leaders fall into all too often. They have a team member who just doesn't deliver. But they keep tolerating it.  

What holds them back?

“I just don’t have the time or energy to deal with this (the problem employee) right now.”

“There are bigger issues to deal with! I’ll get to this later.”

“I don’t know where to start to solve this problem.”

As the situation drags on, it creates bigger issues. The quality of the team's work suffers, other team members begin to grow resentful and the team member fails to get much-needed feedback and coaching. Or, even worse, you begin to lose credibility as a leader.

If all this sounds familiar, I've got a game plan to help you get the situation back on track.

What's The Real Issue?

To address your employee's poor performance, start by identifying the root cause of the problem. This may take some detective work. Does the employee lack some core skills or experience? If you’re not sure, find out by creating opportunities for him to take on tasks or projects so you can better assess his capabilities. Pick opportunities that minimize the risk for you and the company, but that will help you gain clarity about what’s really going on.

If you discover that a skills gap is the primary issue for the employee, create a development plan. It could include giving exposure to projects to develop critical skills, opportunities to work with peers who have strengths in areas the employee needs to develop and more real-time coaching and feedback from you. And don’t forget to identify formal training opportunities for the employee. (My WOW! Highlight AudioSM enables even the busiest people to squeeze in career development training.)

Emphasize the Impact

Of course, underdeveloped skills or lack of experience may not be the problem. Another common reason for underperformance is lack of self-awareness. If you, or the employee’s prior managers, haven’t clearly communicated the derailing behavior along with at least three impacts of that behavior, the employee may consider your feedback a mere difference of opinion or simply nitpicking.

So, when you deliver the feedback, help the employee understand the consequences of his actions. This will ensure that he understands what he is communicating to others when he exhibits this type of behavior. For example, instead of simply pointing out that the employee missed a deadline, explain how that missed deadline affected you, the team as a whole and the quality of the work.

Other Reasons Employees Underperform

There are a couple of more factors to explore as you evaluate your employee's performance issues.

First, does she clearly understand the expectations for her role? Make sure the two of you are on the same page about what success really looks like for her role. This could include a conversation about priorities, the quality of the work and timelines.

And don’t forget to examine one of the most important factors: your own role in the employee's underperformance. Have you fallen into the trap of micromanaging (which keeps her from growing), being too hands off or relying on others to deliver feedback that you should?

This week, I challenge you to tackle that employee performance issue that’s been lingering too long. Identify the first two steps you will take to either clarify the root cause or to address it if you already know what it is. The stakes are simply too high not to act now. You’ll be glad you did.

Do People Think You Play Favorites?

600BusinessMentor

Many executive coaching clients have expressed frustration recently that people think they're playing favorites. They didn't realize that how — and with whom — they spend their time sends powerful messages.

Leaders often forget they're in an "invisible spotlight." Their teams notice their choices, including who gets the most face time with them. I’ve seen situations where high performers may get less formal meeting time because they are self-sufficient go-getters, but their leaders may engage in far more informal hallway conversation with them or choose to sit by them in meetings.

Frequent access to a leader can be seen as a form of recognition. That's true even if the time is for legitimate business reasons: problem solving or coaching and advising that individual. But others may believe that the team member gets more of your time for other reasons.

Making two small shifts can help you use your time in the way that you need to, with fewer questions about favoritism.

First, proactively share your priorities and what’s front and center for you. Don't assume that your team knows why you're interacting more with some people than with others right now. A quick explanation — like "You'll notice I'll be meeting a lot more with the marketing team over the next couple of weeks while we make some important organizational changes" — goes a long way.

Second, even though you have certain priorities and issues that need attention now, still reach out to others on the team. Focus more on the quality versus the quantity of time you spend with them. It can be a quick check-in to see how things are going, to ask what they need, and to let them know what’s going on in your world. The point is to touch base without investing a lot of time, and to maintain an important connection. A regular cadence of one-on-one meetings with each of your direct reports can also help with optics and with allocating time to each person.

This week, think about how you've been spending your time lately and what signals you might be sending — directly or indirectly.

If you'd like more tips on managing the "invisible spotlight" and the messages you send as a leader, pick up a copy of my book “Show Up. Step Up. Step Out.” You can download five free chapters now.

Could This Mistake Derail Your Next Promotion?

Diagram on a green chalkboard of business continuity

If you wanted to leave your job tomorrow for another opportunity, would someone on your team be ready to fill in the gap?  

The answer to that question matters not just to your employer, but to your career advancement.

With so much corporate emphasis on short-term results, succession planning often doesn't get the attention it deserves on a daily basis. But it plays a crucial role as companies constantly restructure and reorganize.

What if someone on your team (and that someone might be you) leaves a key position? What kind of ripple effect would it create? If you haven’t given this much thought, you may be putting business results and your next career move at risk.

If leadership lacks confidence in potential successors for your role, it will be hard to support a promotion or a lateral move for you until they feel like someone can adequately fill your shoes. And that timeline might get extended if they have to do an external search.

How to Start Succession Planning

As the first step in your succession plan, identify one or two individuals who could step into your role fully or take on key parts of your role. Get creative. This might include people outside your immediate department.

Next, think about the readiness of each person in the context of these three areas:

• Skill set. How well do their experiences and expertise fulfill the most critical requirements of the position?

• Credibility. Your potential successors don't just need the right skills. They also need a solid reputation within your organization. Do key leaders at your company know who they are and what they bring to the table? Do they support their transition into your role?

• Relationships. Effective leaders get things done with and through others. Your potential successors should have strong relationships with the people who influence decisions at your organization. What do their networks look like?

Prepare Your Potential Successors

Finally, create a plan that accelerates the process of preparing succession candidates.

• Seek out special projects or assignments to help them develop specific skills or gain business knowledge. Identify meetings they should attend with you to learn more about the business, certain processes and organizational dynamics.

• Look for natural opportunities, such as upcoming meetings or events, to give these candidates exposure to senior leadership. Take a look at the "Building Executive Presence" booklet in my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM for practical strategies to enhance credibility and gain visibility.

• Another Leadership Edge title, "Building a Powerful Network," is a great resource for potential successors who want to develop authentic relationships that drive results.

This week, identify one step you can take to put succession planning on your radar. It will help clear the way for your next career move and minimize the risk to your company.

4 Ways to Keep Your Busy Life from Taking Over

Meditation in office

The end of the third quarter is a great time to think about maintaining or even boosting your energy for the rest of the year. No one wants to feel drained and burned out a few weeks from now when they’re supposed to be filled with holiday cheer. But that can happen when you constantly push yourself without taking time to refill your tank. As high performers, we can easily fall into this trap.

You probably already know what helps you stay centered and energized. The trick is integrating those healthy practices into your busy life. Here are a few ideas that can help you get there.

Sleep

How many conversations have you had with co-workers lately about how little sleep you're all getting — or how much coffee you need to get through the day? That's not a badge of honor. A lack of sleep decimates your productivity. The CDC has even declared that widespread sleep deprivation is a public health problem. What one step can you take today to give yourself more time for some much-needed rest? How about getting to bed 15 minutes earlier tonight or putting your technology away sooner so your mind can unwind from the day (and you can get more restful sleep)?

Get Moving (Even a Little)

If you're tempted to skip your workout when things get busy, remember that exercise is the best thing you can do for your brain. When you keep your body moving, you're more creative and confident, you learn faster and you get sick less often. If you're an "all or nothing" perfectionist about exercise, cut yourself some slack. Yes, your week might be too busy to fit in a long workout or your usual number of runs or exercise classes, but most people can carve out 10-15 minutes for some physical activity. And even a few minutes of exercise can have real benefits. Just get started.

Tap into the Power of a Pause

We're always doing — but when's the last time you paused just to be? You've probably read about all the benefits of meditation, including reduced stress and a stronger immune system. You may also be assuming, though, that meditation will never fit it into your tight schedule. But, as with exercise, every little bit helps when it comes to mindfulness. One of my favorite tools to get centered and bring myself back to the present moment is diaphragmatic breathing: Inhale to a count of 3, exhale to a count of 6. You should feel your belly rising when you breathe, not your chest. This simple practice is enough to trigger your body's relaxation response, and you can even do it in meetings without sounding like Darth Vader!

Experience Nature’s Magic

It's amazing what a few brief minutes outside to appreciate the nature’s beauty can do for your stress level. Researchers have found that walking in nature protects us from depression by helping us stop obsessing about whatever's bothering us. A nature break also helps us focus when we do go back to our work. So find a good spot and take a 10-minute stroll to give your productivity an energy boost. If you absolutely can't get away from your desk, even looking at photos of nature can reduce your stress.

This week, identify one action you’d like to take – whether it’s implementing one of these strategies or one that has worked well for you in the past. You should see results quickly. For more ideas on how to thrive personally and professionally, check out my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out." You can download five free chapters now.

3 Keys to Effective Team Communication

man and woman working

Do you ever feel like you spend most of your days communicating with your direct reports or others who need your support? It's a huge task, and it can affect your productivity if it takes too much time away from the “right work.” It also affects your team's productivity if they have trouble getting the information and feedback they need from you.  

Whether you're establishing practices with a new team or course-correcting with an existing team, you can manage communications in a way that respects everyone's time while still ensuring that essential information gets shared.

Maximize Meetings

One of the keys to effective team communication is setting a regular cadence of group and individual meetings.

For group meetings, get your team's input on frequency and what topics would be a worthwhile use of the team’s time. We all have plenty of meetings to go to already, so before you add new ones, make sure each has a well-defined purpose and that a team meeting is really the best way to serve that purpose.

  Group meetings work well if you need to share information across the team, get input or make important decisions. They can keep people from operating in silos and understand how what they do affects the team as a whole. On the other hand, status update meetings — which can eat up so much time— may not make the best use of the entire team’s time.

Use a clear agenda to clearly communicate the objectives and timeframe for each topic and keep the meeting on track.

Customize One-on-Ones

How often you schedule and approach one-on-ones may vary with different team members. With each team member, think about how hands-on he wants you to be — or how hands-on you feel that you need to be. How long has the team member been in his role, and how much coaching and support does he require from you? Experienced employees might need fewer meetings and less involvement.

Don't take your high performers for granted, though. Some leaders don’t invest much time with high performers because they are so self-sufficient. But everyone needs feedback, recognition and some degree of guidance.

Set Guidelines

When should team members call you, and when is it OK just to send an email? What warrants setting up a special one-on-one, and what should be discussed in team meetings? You and your team members may have very different ideas about the answers to those questions. So, take time to clarify the most effective ways to communicate, to reduce confusion and stay productive.

This week, review the communication practices and habits that are already in place for your team. What might you change or improve? For additional communication strategies to help you in any situation, pick up a copy of my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out." You can download five free chapters now.

Setting the Tone with a New Team

Asian Businesswoman Leading Meeting At Boardroom Table

One of my executive coaching clients didn't know what to make of the new team he was leading. They kept coming to him to ask for approval and guidance on things he felt they should be able to handle. What was going on here?  

Your first days as the leader of a new team — or serving in a leadership role such as project manager — set the stage for your working relationship over the long term. So it's important to communicate clearly and set a positive tone from the start.

These strategies helped my client better understand and work more effectively with his new team, and may help you the next time you're in a similar situation.

Get the Background

When you're leading a new team, one of the first things to do is to get a sense of the leadership style that they're used to. Ask about what the previous leader was like and how she worked with the team. In my client's case, he discovered that his predecessor was very hands-on and wanted to be involved with day-to-day decisions. My client's approach is totally different, so it's no wonder he felt surprised by how this team engaged him.

Manage Short- and Long-Term Expectations

The way that you operate at the outset of leading a new team might not be the same way you want to handle things over the long haul. For example, it's natural to focus on details and be more involved than you would normally be as you take on a new role. Remember, though, that your team is looking for clues about how you'll lead and may assume you'll always want to manage them closely. Give them a sense of where things are headed. You could say something like "I am more focused on diving into details now as I’m learning more about the team’s work and scope, but I'll back off over time."

Make Your Intent Clear

Let your team know how you like to work and communicate. Don't assume they should "just know," especially if the past leader had a very different style. Help them understand why you lead the way that you do. For example, my client explained to his new team that his style was more hands-off because his goal was to help them grow by giving them more responsibility and exposure and helping them develop new skills in a way they hadn't before.

Be Consistent

After you explain your intent, back it up with your actions. This will help build your team's sense of certainty about what to expect from you and what success looks like.

If you'll be leading a new team soon, take some time this week to get a head start by using these questions. To continue on the right track, pick up "Building a Strong Team," part of the Leadership EdgeSM series.

What Would It Take to Make You Unstoppable?

definition of unstoppable

Every now and then, I have an article pour out of my head. Today is one of those days. I’m about to launch a new app, and that’s what I should be working on during my three-hour flight. Instead, I’m writing this article. I’m trusting my gut that I should be doing this instead of being productive in other ways.  

I have been on an amazing journey over the past few months, really exploring how I can take things to the next level – for clients, my business and myself.  And I’m about to cross my next threshold.

It fills me with excitement and fear because I realize how much it means to me. At this stage of the game, it’s all about pursuing my passion — helping people really see who they are, truly own it and bring it in a much more powerful way to achieve unprecedented results —and it’s far less about hitting any type of financial target for myself. I am ready to have an even bigger impact, to create a huge ripple effect.

At times that feels daunting. When you feel like a lot is at stake, it can make you stop dead in your tracks. So, what does it take to keep moving forward, to be unstoppable? This hasn’t been an easy question to answer (especially as someone who’s been molded by the corporate world), and the answers may surprise you because they’re not focused on tactics like time management.

Get Out Of Your Head and Into Your Body

First, get out of your head and into your body. Regular exercise has been part of my life for at least 30 years, and continues to be a great way for me to relieve stress – whether it’s being outside playing baseball and basketball with my son, hiking somewhere or working out at the gym.

But this year, I’ve tapped into another way to get out of my head and into my body  – dancing.

Just cranking up a song that I love to dance to, whether it’s when no one is looking or when I’m driving my car, makes me smile and fill up with energy in less than five minutes. Yes, I often dance around like there’s no tomorrow (some of you have witnessed it – fortunately or unfortunately?). And, even better, I frequently start my day with a dance-athon in the kitchen with my son as we make breakfast. These simple moments of just being in your body fill you up with the energy you need to keep moving forward.

Get the Right Messages

Some of the most important words you need to hear will come from you – the everyday messages and stories you tell yourself. Notice what those are, write them down and replace them with more empowering ones. This takes practice, but it works.

You can also leverage the power of a song to pump you up. I recently came across a song by Sia called "Unstoppable." It has some of those key words that I need to hear when I feel stuck, and I listened to it as I wrote this article today.

Also be strategic about whom you allow in your core circle. That group affects your energy more than you realize. Over the past year, I have deliberately added more passionate, motivated people focused on making a difference and leaving a legacy. It has been so energizing. When you need that extra boost, your core circle will help keep you grounded and give you the encouragement you need in the way that you need to hear it.

Just Be

Being vs. doing?! Yes, this is one of the most powerful strategies of all so pay attention. A Type A personality like me (and most of my clients) can get so focused on charging ahead, especially when I’m focused on something I really care about. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve forged ahead and then hit a roadblock. Sometimes, I simply don’t understand what’s keeping me from moving ahead. In the past, I would have tried to analyze it or just pushed even harder.

Now, I do the exact opposite. I focus far more on being more present and open, by meditating or simply taking a break. It helps slow me down and notice the lesson I should be taking from what’s happening.  Every single time it helps me move forward faster, despite my fear that I’m losing precious time. Simply trust that things are happening for you, and that all you need to do is be more present to notice it.

I want to challenge you to try one of these strategies this week. You may be surprised by the results. I know I have been – and I’m achieving more than I ever imagined.