Is Your Communication Style Undermining Your Credibility?

Every day you shape how others view your leadership, through how you communicate. You send messages directly and indirectly all the time. Although this sounds really obvious, most people don’t take time to think about how their communication style affects their credibility.

The biggest opportunities to improve how we communicate typically exist when we know exactly what we mean and are laser focused on our message, because this is when we may forget to provide important context. We can leave people confused or making incorrect assumptions about our intentions.

So, here are three important questions to ask yourself before you engage someone, or to have your team think through before they approach you:

1. What do I want the other person to do with the information?

When you approach someone with information, the first thing she typically wonders is, “Why are you telling me this?”

• Do you want me to take action? Help you problem-solve?

• Are you just giving me an update?

• Are you venting? Do you just need me to listen?

Remember to Connect the Dots for others to help them understand how the information impacts them and what you expect from them.

2. How important is this?

Next, ask yourself what level of priority the topic really warrants. Remember that by having a conversation focused on a single topic you may inadvertently give it more emphasis than you intended. Even the method of communication — face-to-face vs. phone or email — can convey relative importance.

Given the level of priority (high, medium, or low) what method and timing make sense? Should this topic be bundled with others? Can it wait to be discussed at a meeting you already have scheduled on another topic? Each approach communicates a different level of priority.

3. How can I connect this to the bigger picture?

Finally, consider the strategic significance of the information you want to share. If you are like most people, you have a bigger issue or business priority in mind even when you are “in the weeds.” How consistently do you make that connection for others in how you frame your message?

If you are in a leader’s office frequently talking about what seem like minor things at a surface level, it can undermine your credibility over time. Ensure the leader understands how each item relates to a bigger picture.

This week, I want to challenge you to think about these three questions as you communicate. Where do the biggest opportunities lie for you? What one step can you take to build your credibility through your communication style? Don’t forget that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Are You Being Strategic About Relationships?

I get asked all the time about how to build a strong network of advocates. Advocates are people with power and influence who can give you important exposure, shield you from negative consequences and criticism, and recommend you for new positions or visible assignments.

If you aren’t paying attention to building these relationships, here are three steps to help you be more strategic about your approach:

1. With whom do you want to cultivate relationships?

In the context of your professional goals, identify the top three people with whom you need to develop stronger relationships. They may be people you don’t know at all or individuals who have had some exposure to you. Often they can be people who already have a positive impression of you, but you haven’t asked them to take any action on your behalf in the past. Be specific about what you would want them to do on your behalf and make it easy for them to do so. Come prepared with the right information.

2. What would success look like for your next conversation with them?

What would you want to have as the outcome of that conversation? How do you want to “show up”? In other words, think about any aspects of your brand that you’d want to focus on or what you would want them to know about you. Think about not only your key strengths, but also experiences and results. For example, if you want to come across as competent, you can do that through the quality and caliber of the questions you ask in addition to the types of examples you share about the work you’ve done. Figure out what approach works best for you.

3. What can you offer them?

Offer them something of value. For example, you might be able to share articles or other resources relevant to their interests or specific challenges they’re facing. You may have contacts with similar interests who might be beneficial for them to know. You may be able to give them exposure by inviting them to speak or be on a panel in a professional association that you participate in. Or you may be able to invite them to an event that would be of interest to them.

One of the most important things to remember is to be consistent. Allocate time to cultivate these relationships each month. It doesn’t have to be time-consuming. The key is to stay top of mind so that when opportunities do arise they will think of you. So, what step will you take this week to put this into play? Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Turn Frustration into Empowerment

My client Debra is a high performer so frustrated with her boss that she is ready to find another job. So, I asked her, “What would have to happen for you to recommit to your current company?” This simple question helped her start moving from frustration to empowerment.

As we talked, I quickly learned that Debra’s boss is under tremendous stress and often micromanages. This leaves Debra feeling mistrusted and underutilized. She feels that the company just isn’t benefiting from her skills and experience because a disproportionate amount of her time now focuses on administrative rather than strategic activities.

Here's how I helped her think through the situation. These strategies may help you the next time you are frustrated:

1. Assume that you have to work within the current set of parameters.

Start by assuming that nothing major will change in the short term. For example, you can’t get any more resources than you have today. You can’t add anyone else to the team or get more time. If resources aren’t the challenge for you, identify the other parameters you must work within.

2. Get clear about what's really going on for you underneath the frustration.

Debra’s frustration made her forget what she enjoys about her role. At the end of the day, she just wants to contribute to the success of the company in a way that helps her grow and feel like she’s making a difference.

3. Identify what's really going on for the other party involved.

Debra pointed out that her boss is laser focused on delivering high-quality work, regardless of the timeline. If her boss understood that her own actions are actually putting the quality of the work at risk (through impending team burnout or turnover), she might make different choices. But no one has yet had the courage to give her feedback.

4. Identify one or two steps you can immediately take.

As you begin to develop solutions, remember that they must address the underlying needs of both parties involved, and must assume the current constraints will still exist in the short-term. Taking this approach will force you to get creative and view the situation from different vantage points.

Because Debra won’t get the luxury of more time, she has to make better use of the time the team already has – by rationalizing and refocusing team meetings and one-on-one time, and identifying what the team will stop doing. We quickly identified several changes that could be easily made.

We also discussed how Debra could get more meaning from her administrative work. Because she often collaborates with business leaders as she does this work, the exposure and relationship-building opportunities are tremendous – but only if she recognizes and maximizes them. Taking advantage of those opportunities would further engage her in this work.

Hopefully you now have some ideas on how to turn a frustrating situation into one where you can more directly effect change. This approach doesn’t fully address the underlying issues, but it starts to create the capacity and energy to do so.

Remember that you work in a system and when one part of that system changes (i.e., you), it can create a shift in another part. So, what small step will you take this week to drive the change you would like to see?

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

How Hierarchy Impacts Your Presence

When you participate in events with professionals who hold a much higher or lower position than you, does it make you uncomfortable? As someone not yet in the executive ranks, do you wonder how you can make a positive impression on that senior leader who barely knows you? Or, as a senior leader, do you wonder how awkward it will be to talk to someone who is at a completely different stage in his or her life and career?

Colleen Barrett, President Emeritus of Southwest Airlines, has truly mastered the art of removing hierarchy from the equation when she engages with others. I have learned a lot from observing her, and she wrote the foreword to my book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. – Leadership Through a New Lens. As I have gotten to know Colleen, I have noticed three things that she consistently does. As simple as these strategies may seem, they can make a huge difference.

1. Relate to people as people

Imagine for a moment that titles and positions have no relevance. How would you approach the person if you were just trying to get to know her and trying to make her feel comfortable talking to a stranger? What would you want to ask? What would you share about yourself?

2. Be yourself

People can always sense authenticity. Rather than trying to live up to a certain image, remember what others appreciate about you and let that show – whether it’s your sense of humor, ability to tell stories, or some other aspect of your personality. In advance of your interaction, think about how you want to “show up” and what you want others to take from their conversation with you.

3. Take a genuine interest in others

The simplest way to take an interest in others is by asking questions and being fully present as they answer. Allow yourself to go beyond surface level small talk. To get started, you can always ease into a conversation by inquiring about people's interests, families, or vacation plans. This will allow you to quickly find common ground to build on and set the stage for an even better conversation next time.

So, this week, I want to challenge you to think about how hierarchy impacts your presence and to try one of the strategies above. You might be surprised at the difference it makes.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

Put Your Network to Work

When people think of networking, they often think about how to expand the size of their network. But you can also harness the power of your existing network to achieve your goals.

Take the example of my client Susan. When I began coaching her, Susan was frustrated with her job and was ready to make a career change. However, she had been so focused on doing her day-to-day work that she had invested little to no time maintaining or building her network within or outside the company. Sound familiar? Read on to learn more about the process we used to help her make a change and put her network to work:

1. Brainstorm a list of five contacts who can help in the context of your specific goal.

After outlining Susan’s ideal next role in marketing, we brainstormed names of five individuals to whom she should reach out. I challenged her to think about personal and professional relationships. Just taking ten minutes to go through this exercise helped Susan think of people she had completely overlooked.

2. Determine the current and desired strength of your relationship with them.

Using a scale of 0-10, we rated the strength of Susan’s existing relationships with each of these five individuals. She rated the people she had very strong relationships with already a 10, while those she had never met were rated a 0. We used the same scale to determine what she wanted the strength of each relationship to become over the next six months to a year. These ratings helped her focus and prioritize her efforts.

3. Identify someone who can introduce you to the people you have not met.

For the individual Susan did not personally know on her list, she identified someone in her current network who knew him or could at least help identify the right next step to meet him.

4. Develop specific relationship-building strategies by person.

Next, Susan and I brainstormed at least one or two strategies to further build the relationships with each of the five individuals. Sometimes, this is where people get stuck — especially if they already feel pressed for time. But networking doesn’t have to be time-consuming. It can be as simple as sending someone an article that’s relevant to her, sharing information on an upcoming event she may want to attend, making a point to introduce yourself at a meeting, or asking her for a 15-minute meeting to get career advice or her input about something you’re working on.

Just remember that the goal is to network in a way that is authentic for you and leaves a positive impression. So, as you develop these strategies, think about what you want the other person to remember about you.

5. Set deadlines for each strategy.

Finally, to really put some accountability in place, I asked Susan to set deadlines for each of the networking strategies she identified. This helped her maintain focus and track progress.

Susan put her network to work and got her dream job (which was also a promotion for her) in three months! She moved into a very different type of role than she had held in the past. Even though this example is about career transition, the steps above can be applied to any goal. How do you want to put your network to work?

Communicating from a Position of Strength

At one time or another, we have all hit major bumps in the road – challenging us in ways we haven’t been before and testing our resilience. I remember participating in a meeting where I noticed how two people communicated very differently about the same difficult situation. Both people knew there was a lot more work to do to resolve the issues at hand, but one person came at it from a position of strength, conveying more confidence and optimism about the road ahead, while the other person left the impression that this experience had derailed everything and would take substantial recovery time.

Regardless of how you feel deep down inside, how often do you communicate from a position of strength? To help you determine how you “show up” after challenging situations, answer the questions below. If you are not sure of an answer, ask others for feedback.

1. What does your body language look like?

• I sigh or take a deep breath before I speak.

• I roll my eyes or look down or away.

• I slump over or have my head in my hands.

• I make direct eye contact.

• I sit up straight.

• I smile often.

• I appear engaged.

2. What does your tone sound like?

• I sound like I have no energy left.

• I have an edge, sounding irritated or frustrated.

• I am soft-spoken.

• I sound calm and in control.

• I sound energetic.

• I laugh.

3. What language do you use?

I use words that indicate that I:

• can't believe what has happened

• am in the middle of chaos or transition

• am exhausted or frustrated

• blame others

• have a positive attitude and will march forward

We all have our moments of frustration. The question is how long you allow yourself to stay in that place. So, this week, define one small step you will take to communicate from a position of strength, conveying confidence in your ability to move things forward and engaging others to help you if necessary. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

3 Ways to Build Trust With Colleagues

Authenticity often comes up as a theme with my clients. As leaders, to get anything done we have to work with and through others. That is so much harder to do if our colleagues question our intentions.

Take a look at the three questions below to better understand how you “show up” and what that might say about your authenticity.

1. Is what you say in sync with what you do? Take this example: You and a colleague agree on a course of action. In later discussions with others, you find out more information, realize that your original plan isn’t optimal, and set a new one. The next day, your colleague is caught off guard, hearing about your new plan at a meeting. Although you had good business reasons for changing direction, she now questions your motives. To prevent this from happening to you, don’t forget to close the loop to ensure that your actions and your intent are well understood.

2. Do you always walk in with an agenda? A drive for results can often cause this common misstep. Are you more focused on getting what you need from the other person, forgetting to assess what’s going on in his world and adjusting accordingly? Remember to be in the moment and be flexible. Is this really the right time to press forward with what you need, or does the person in front of you need something else right now?

3. Have you truly invested time to get to know your colleagues? Taking just a few minutes a week to find out what’s going on personally or professionally with colleagues or to offer help can go a long way. It will communicate a genuine interest and will increase their responsiveness when you need something.

From the questions above, choose one area to focus on in your interactions this week. You may find that minor tweaks to your approach can make a major difference in building trust. Remember small steps can lead to big results.

How to Communicate Like a Strategic Leader

What is one of the biggest ways to demonstrate that you are ready for a promotion or bigger opportunities? Show that you can think strategically. How often do you take advantage of everyday opportunities do so? Although you may not realize it, you have a chance to communicate your strategic perspective every time you speak at a meeting or deliver a presentation. Use these tips to take your communication up a notch.  

Reinforce the Big Picture

First, make sure others "connect the dots" to the bigger picture. In other words, help them understand the "why" behind everything you say and do. As you prepare for a meeting or presentation, think about how the topic you will discuss relates to broader business strategies, goals or priorities. Even if the connection seems obvious to you, remember that people may not be stopping to reflect about it. So take a moment to frame your ideas and thoughts in a way that makes the linkage for others.

Headlines First

Many leaders think that they have to demonstrate in great detail that they have done their homework or socialized ideas with the right people before they share their conclusions or recommendations. They think that if they convey all the steps they took, others will recognize that their ideas are solid. In concept, this is true, but the way people often do this can have the opposite effect. For example, in a meeting, the leader may come across as lost in the weeds or failing to understand the audience or the strategic issues at hand.

To keep this from happening, I coach leaders to start with the "headlines" (the two or three key messages they want others to leave with) and then share any supporting information as needed. The audience can always ask for more details. But if they are inundated with details right out of the gate, they will probably tune out before the leader gets to the most critical messages.

Keep it Short and Sweet

Whatever your message, keep it concise. Using too many words can confuse or bore your audience. Bryan A. Garner puts it this way in "HBR Guide to Better Business Writing": "Wordiness can exist on many levels, from rambling statements to unnecessary repetition to verbose expressions that could be replaced by shorter, sharper alternatives." When you curb wordiness in your presentations, you make it easier for others to understand and apply your ideas, Garner says. Take time to boil your messages down to the most important takeaways.

Focus on Continuous Improvement

Finally, take time to understand how you’re coming across, and use that information to continue to hone your communication skills. If you want to go one step further, pick up a copy of "Communicating with Impact” which is part of my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

Related
Part 1: Build a confident executive presence

Part 2: What your boss won't tell you (but you need to know)

Don’t Let Results Compete with Relationships

I recently worked with a smart, hard-working client who made a career mistake I see far too many other high performers make.  

New to his company, he was responsible for making major changes to improve financial performance, strengthen the team, and increase market share. Given the challenges in front of him, in his first few months he kept his head down driving for results. In fact, he focused so intently on his goals that he prioritized them over investing in building relationships with key stakeholders.

With their limited exposure to him, corporate leaders began to worry because they weren't seeing results, didn’t know why, and didn’t fully understand his game plan to achieve them. And why wouldn't they worry?  A lot was at stake, and they needed reassurance.

From his vantage point, he was appropriately focusing on critical business issues and thought others were communicating well enough on his behalf. Ironically, he was so results-oriented that he underestimated the importance of him personally cultivating and leveraging the very relationships that could ultimately accelerate his results.

Relationships Aren’t Nice to Have. Building Them Is a Big Part of Your Job.

So many people believe that their performance will be just as high, even when they only invest in relationship-building and networking sporadically. They may think, “Surely everyone can see how hard I’m working,” not realizing that people may be too busy to notice. Remember that the quality of your work is no guarantee that you'll get the credit you deserve, especially when others don’t know your role in achieving the results.

On the other hand, high performers know that a consistent investment in relationships will yield big dividends—stronger allies, influence, and support to get critical business results. They don’t choose between results and relationships, or make them compete against each other. They understand that the two are inextricably linked and an investment in both is necessary.

Hard work and passion can propel your career, but when coupled with an investment in key relationships, it will take you much further. So, what can you do? Here are a few ideas to build relationships and get results. Choose one of the strategies to focus on this week.

• Make a list of key stakeholders. How are your relationships with them? My article "Strengthen Your Leadership by Building Relationships" shows you how to turn key people into advocates for you.

• Prioritize communication with your bosses, even when things aren't going well.

• Get to know your peers and look for ways you can be a resource for them. They can be valuable supporters in your corner when you seek a promotion.

• Give your boss and others "strategic snapshots" of your performance. You may dislike "bragging," but sharing your results in a business-relevant way can help others.

• Constantly hone your relationship-building skills. My book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. can help you navigate the full spectrum of work relationships. You can read the first five chapters for free now.

Best of the Blog: How to Communicate Negative Stuff in a Positive Way

One of my clients reached out to me recently because he is unhappy with his new job. He hasn’t yet developed a strong relationship with his boss and doesn’t want to come across as whiny. He is struggling with how to have the conversation, especially since he isn’t ready to throw in the towel.  Keeping a positive tone in a difficult, high-stakes conversation like this one is a key leadership skill. In my work with this client, we talked through several strategies that can make a big difference when you’re in a situation like his.

Use Positive Language  

When my client and I first talked about his unhappiness with his new job, this is what he told me:

• “This role isn’t what I was expecting. My skills are underutilized, and I’m bored and frustrated.”

• “I’m not sure where this experience is really going to lead me or my career.”

• “I want a better relationship with my boss, but he is so different from other bosses I have had. My last boss was so supportive. I’m not sure where I stand with this one.”

Sharing this information with his boss using words like the ones he used with me seemed risky, given the situation. After all, this is a conversation that will set the tone for my client’s relationship with his boss. The choices he makes about how to handle the conversation will have a ripple effect throughout his time at this company.   That’s why I gave my client this strategy: Even if you’re feeling negative, share it in a more positive way. The easiest way to do this is by first clarifying your underlying intent. In other words, stop and ask yourself what this is really about for you.   Here’s how my client used his intent to communicate the situation to his boss:

• “I value my relationship with you and the company, so I want to be transparent about what is going on for me.”

• “I want to more fully utilize my skills to support the business and have a bigger impact. Here’s where I see an opportunity. …”

• “I am committed to the company and want to better understand the career path.”

Can you see how those words would land very differently with his boss than how he originally described the situation to me?  

Focus on How You Want to Show Up  

The second way to find the right words is by focusing on how you want to show up vs. how you don’t want to show up. For example, if you want to come across as proactive and positive vs. whiny and negative, what words, tone and body language would convey that? Practice speaking out loud and in front of a mirror so you can make sure these three things are in sync.  

Work on the Relationship  

Finally, consider one of these options to develop a stronger relationship with your boss over time:

• Pay attention to what he cares about and how he communicates. This helps you position things more effectively.

• Ask others whom you trust, and who know him well, how to best engage him.

• Get to know him as a person.

• Tell him how to best work with you. Many leaders have a hard time figuring this out on their own, so make it easy for them. For example, tell him what management style works well for you (hands on or hands off) and the most effective communication approach (e.g., direct, face-to-face, etc.) and ask what works best for him. This will allow the two of you to co-design your working relationship.

• If he doesn’t give feedback, offer your own self-assessment and ask him what he thinks.

I’ve shared a lot of different ideas here. Which one resonates most with you? I challenge you to pick a strategy and get started. Let me know how it goes!

For more resources to help you get going, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on "Communicating with Impact" or go even deeper with the WOW! Women On the Way to Peak Performance Program℠.

Tap Into the Power of Passion to Create Your Ripple Effect

600p011916Ripple

When I left Deloitte, I was mentally and physically exhausted and knew I needed some space to figure out what was next. I am so grateful for each of my 14 years at that company, which helped me develop invaluable skills for the work I do today.  

As my wave of fatigue lifted in mid 2008, I began to reconnect with my passion and ultimately launched my leadership development company, right before the economy tanked. Yes, perfect timing! What I learned from building a business in a downturn is to never underestimate the power of passion. Not only does it fuel creativity, initiative and tenacity; it helps people overcome fear and roadblocks. When I started my company, I knew I wanted to use my experience and skills to have a bigger impact – to create a ripple effect. I just didn’t know exactly how. Today, I’m doing it, and my company continues to grow and have a broader reach.

But I’m certainly not the only one. Every day, I see people who want to make a difference in the lives of others, regardless of whether they are recognized for doing so.

For example, I recently attended a screening of an independent film called "I Dream Too Much." This was especially meaningful to me because I facilitated a strategy session with the team that made this movie a reality, The Pantheon of Women. The team reached out to me very early in their process, as they were strategizing about how to best use their passion for portraying women and girls differently in the media.

Pantheon of Women includes the CEO of a chemical company, a successful attorney and other successful businesswomen with limited experience in filmmaking. Despite this, their passion ignited their resourcefulness and they assembled a strong creative team to help them make it happen. Now they have a successful film to show for it, and are well on their way to making their second one. I was so excited to see "I Dream Too Much" with my dear friend Donna Cole, one of the key leaders who brought it to fruition.

As you go back to your day, think about one small step you can take to create a ripple effect. Perhaps it’s simply lifting someone else up, providing some words of encouragement or advice or moving forward on an idea you have been sitting on. And remember, small steps lead to big results.

3 Communication Strategies to Boost Your Executive Presence

The way you communicate is the cornerstone of your executive presence. The words you choose and the way you frame your ideas have a big effect on how others see you. That's why I teach my executive coaching clients that success doesn't just depend on doing great work. It also hinges on how you communicate and how that communication shapes your relationships with others. Try these three ideas for communicating more clearly and effectively. I think you'll find that even small tweaks help others hear what you're saying — and that, in turn, helps you make an impact with your leadership.  

Make your intent clear.

Don't assume that other people understand why you're acting, speaking or responding the way that you are or that they've made the connections you want them to make, even if you think it should be obvious to them. Maybe it would be obvious to others in a stress-free, static environment, but I don't know anyone in that situation!

Misunderstanding about intent was at the heart of a conflict I helped a client with recently. A colleague had asked my client for help with something. Her way of helping was to start asking questions to understand more about what was going on so that she could help with a solution. But the other person misunderstood my client's intentions and thought that she was challenging her, not helping. I helped my client see how she could create different outcomes in future scenarios like this one by taking a moment to acknowledge what the other person is saying and to explain her response. In this case, she could have said something like, "I am asking a lot of questions so I understand how I can best help you in this situation." Frame your words and actions to help others understand where you are coming from and what your intentions are. "Connecting the dots" for others is a valuable habit for any leader.  

Show that you get the big picture.

Part of your executive presence is showing others that you understand what's truly important. Communicate in a way that helps them understand the "so what?" of what you're saying. For example, when you're telling your boss about a decision you've made, describe your conclusion first, not all the details that led up to it. There'll be times when it's appropriate to dive in to details, but first show that you can summarize and synthesize at a higher level and that you have a firm grasp on business priorities. Reinforcing that you're someone who works for the broader benefit of the organization is one of the most powerful things you can do to build your influence.

600w072815CommunicationFocus

Demonstrate your focus on the solution.

Let's say your team is having trouble working with one another. There's a big difference between telling your boss or colleagues "I'm frustrated by how they don't collaborate" vs. "I’ve been thinking about how we can work more effectively together." When you're talking about a problem, one of your main goals should be to convey that you are focused on finding solutions. This doesn't mean that you single-handedly have to find the right answer — you just want others to know that you're on top of things and have a mindset and attitude that will move things forward. Instead of framing things in terms of solutions or opportunities, some people highlight the risks or frustration. To avoid coming across as someone who may be emotionally hijacked, practice pausing before you speak and think about how you want to show up. This will allow you to frame your responses in a positive way.

This week, pay attention to how you communicate and then start implementing the strategy that will make the most difference for you. To develop your communications skills even more, read "Communicating with Impact," part of my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

How to Communicate Negative Stuff in a Positive Way

One of my clients reached out to me recently because he is unhappy with his new job. He hasn’t yet developed a strong relationship with his boss and doesn’t want to come across as whiny.

He is struggling with how to have the conversation, especially since he isn’t ready to throw in the towel. Keeping a positive tone in a difficult, high-stakes conversation like this one is a key leadership skill. In my work with this client, we talked through several strategies that can make a big difference when you're in a situation like his.  

Use Positive Language  

When my client and I first talked about his unhappiness with his new job, this is what he told me:

• “This role isn’t what I was expecting. My skills are underutilized, and I’m bored and frustrated.”

• “I’m not sure where this experience is really going to lead me or my career.”

• “I want a better relationship with my boss, but he is so different from other bosses I have had. My last boss was so supportive. I’m not sure where I stand with this one.”

Sharing this information with his boss using words like the ones he used with me seemed risky, given the situation. After all, this is a conversation that will set the tone for my client's relationship with his boss. The choices he makes about how to handle the conversation will have a ripple effect throughout his time at this company.   That's why I gave my client this strategy: Even if you’re feeling negative, share it in a more positive way. The easiest way to do this is by first clarifying your underlying intent. In other words, stop and ask yourself what this is really about for you.   Here’s how my client used his intent to communicate the situation to his boss:

• "I value my relationship with you and the company, so I want to be transparent about what is going on for me."

• "I want to more fully utilize my skills to support the business and have a bigger impact. Here’s where I see an opportunity. …"

• "I am committed to the company and want to better understand the career path."

Can you see how those words would land very differently with his boss than how he originally described the situation to me?  

Focus on How You Want to Show Up  

The second way to find the right words is by focusing on how you want to show up vs. how you don't want to show up. For example, if you want to come across as proactive and positive vs. whiny and negative, what words, tone and body language would convey that? Practice speaking out loud and in front of a mirror so you can make sure these three things are in sync.  

Work on the Relationship  

Finally, consider one of these options to develop a stronger relationship with your boss over time:

• Pay attention to what he cares about and how he communicates. This helps you position things more effectively.

• Ask others whom you trust, and who know him well, how to best engage him.

• Get to know him as a person.

• Tell him how to best work with you. Many leaders have a hard time figuring this out on their own, so make it easy for them. For example, tell him what management style works well for you (hands on or hands off) and the most effective communication approach (e.g., direct, face-to-face, etc.) and ask what works best for him. This will allow the two of you to co-design your working relationship.

• If he doesn't give feedback, offer your own self-assessment and ask him what he thinks.

I’ve shared a lot of different ideas here. Which one resonates most with you? I challenge you to pick a strategy and get started Let me know how it goes!

For more resources to help you get going, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on Communicating with Impact or go even deeper with the WOW! WomenOn the Way to Peak Performance Program℠.

Why Your Underperformer Isn't Changing

Have you ever been frustrated with a team member who isn't performing as you need — and who's showing no signs of changing?  

I've seen this issue come up several times lately with my executive coaching clients. And I've noticed that as frustrated as leaders are in this situation, sometimes they aren't giving employees the honest advice and specific feedback they need to change. They might be worried about damaging the relationship, or they think that an employee should "just know" what to do.

You can take an approach, though, that helps the employee (and keeps your relationship healthy) while getting you better results. Here's the process I advise for leaders who are dealing with a "stuck" employee.

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Look at Your Mindset

Think about how you've been engaging with this employee. What role are you playing in the current situation? How are you enabling it to continue as it is? For example, I’ve noticed that when a leader starts showing frustration or micromanaging, it can put his team member in a place of fear and self-doubt. That can make it much more difficult for the employee to make change happen. What would help you get centered so you can address the situation in a more constructive way?

Set Clear Expectations

Sometimes leaders assume an employee should know, without being told, how to handle an assignment. Then they're disappointed when the employee doesn't read their mind and meet all of those unvoiced expectations. You'll do more to boost the employee's performance when you delegate with clear expectations. Spell out the deliverables, define their decision-making authority, and specify how often the employee should check in and any other key parameters of the project.

One of my clients has a boss who's discouraged by her performance but doesn't communicate expectations. He gives her assignments to test her capabilities – but doesn't tell her this upfront, or let her know what skills he's looking to assess or build. That approach hasn’t served either one of them well. He would improve his effectiveness if he communicated at the outset, "I'm giving you this assignment to see how you'll do and where I need to coach you, to help you be successful."

Give Specific Feedback

Think about whether you're offering the employee tangible, specific feedback. Are you communicating regularly about what's working and what's not? If you want her to make a shift in a certain area — say, being more strategic instead of tactical — are you letting her know this and explaining why this would help her succeed?

I teach my executive coaching clients a two-part formula for giving feedback. This approach gives the employee useful information she can take action on and keeps the emphasis on performance and results instead of personal criticism.

1. As objectively as possible, tell the employee what you observed her doing. Share facts without interpreting them.

1. Describe the impact of those actions. Your goal is to help the employee understand what she did and how it affected others. For example, did the actions she took (or didn't take) lead to a missed deadline? Misalignment of goals? Wasted time?

This week, apply at least one of these ideas to help a team member grow and improve. You'll find more ideas on giving feedback and helping your team members develop in Building a Strong Team, part of my Leadership EdgeSMseries. And you can get a sampling of the team-building advice from the WOW! Women on the Way to Peak Performance ProgramSMin the WOW! Highlight AudioSM. Start taking some small steps and you'll see big changes with your employee.

PS: If you're on the other side of this situation — dealing with a boss who's frustrated with you but not telling you how to improve — I'll have tips for you next week.

Sharing Your Ideas as a Leader – In or Out of the Shark Tank

Have you ever watched the ABC show "Shark Tank”, where entrepreneurs present their business ideas to a panel of tough businesspeople (aka “sharks”) to earn their financial backing? And have you ever wondered what sharing your ideas in that setting would be like? I got to serve as one of the "sharks" during a recent YPF event inspired by the show. The group YPF teaches entrepreneurship to the teens of the Boys & Girls Club of East Dallas. Four teams of students developed business ideas down to the business case, financial projections, and marketing tactics. Each team pitched their ideas to panel of strong business leaders who fired questions at them and challenged them to think about what else they need to successfully launch their startup. As one of the "sharks" on the panel, I was excited to help these young entrepreneurs learn from my questions and feedback.

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Congratulations to the winning team, Sara Mike and Amber Lopez. Through this experience, all of the teens developed critical leadership skills that they'll use throughout their careers — skills you also need if you want to make a difference by sharing your ideas and creativity:

• Bringing your idea to life for others.Having a great idea is only the beginning. To get others on board with your idea, you have to help them visualize the idea and the problem that it solves as clearly as you do. Help them understand how your idea would work and the benefits it offers from their perspective. This is a key strategy in influencing others.

• Tapping into others’ expertise and experience.Chances are pretty high that you alone don't have all the perspective you need to fully develop your idea. Asking a few questions of people with diverse backgrounds can go a long way. How would others be affected if you brought your idea to life? How would they use your idea? What would make it work for them? What would make it a nonstarter? Get some outside perspectives to test and refine what you have developed.

• Knowing how good is good enough.It's easy to get hung up on trying to perfect the details about your idea before you share it with the world. It may never feel totally "done" to you, but if you take the time to follow the first two tips, it may be "done" enough to take flight.

This week, draw some inspiration from these entrepreneurial teens. Think about how to refine and share your ideas with more impact. What can you do to help others see the benefits of your idea? Whose feedback and perspective could help you fine-tune your idea? Who knows — maybe we’ll see you in the real “Shark Tank” someday!

The Power of One Conversation

Have you ever had one of those moments when someone tells you that something you said made a real difference in his or her life? Maybe it's a conversation you don't even remember, but it helped the other person make a change or shift perspective. As busy as we all are, it's important to realize how much you can affect another person with a single conversation. Just making someone feel validated, supported or heard makes a big impact and takes only a few minutes of your time.

We all have those times when we feel stuck or frustrated and need to talk through a challenge. To be a great conversation partner when someone needs a sounding board, you don't have to have all the answers or come up with an action plan. He may be in a frustrating situation that he can't change in the short term, but even helping him shift his attitude about the situation can be extremely valuable.

The key thing is just to be fully present for the other person. Take in what she's saying, both with her words and with her tone and her body language. That kind of deep listening is a gift. Take time to reflect what you notice: "You sound very upset about this." “You sound drained.” "You just don't seem like yourself."

These three questions can be helpful to ask the other person move forward:

• How do you feel right now?

• What do you really need right now?

• What do you most want right now?

(They're also great questions to ask yourself when you're feeling frustrated or stuck.)

The first two questions can help the other person identify her emotions and think strategically. Perhaps she feels disappointed and needs to feel appreciated. Sometimes we tend to stay "in our heads" about tough work challenges, so also getting in touch with our emotions can help us find the best solutions.

The "what do you want" question helps the other person start to take action to get centered again. That could mean getting positive encouragement from someone else, taking a break, getting some sleep, going for a stress-relieving run, or spending quality time with family.

This week, notice the colleagues around you who may need you to lend an ear or share your insight, and make yourself available for conversation. This small step for you can lead to big results for someone else.

Increase Your Influence in One Conversation

We’re sharing ideas this month to help you be the kind of leader you want to be. This week, I want to tell you about a strategy that can make all the difference in managing a work relationship. I spent a large part of my career in various leadership roles at Deloitte. Every time I started a new project with a team, I would have a conversation with each person at the outset. Our discussion topics ranged from goals to strengths to communication styles.

First, we would talk about that person’s goals for the year and for her career as a whole.

• What skills and exposure do you want?

• Who do you want to work with and why?

• What are your specific goals for the current project?

• What would make you feel that the project was a great experience?

Next, I asked questions to get a handle on her strengths and preferences:

• In the context of the work we’re about to do, what should I know about what you’re really good at and any relevant past experiences? (This reveals critical information that otherwise might not surface as quickly and can be a good team exercise.)

• What is the best way to communicate with you (face-to-face or email)?

• If I need something from you quickly, what’s the best way to approach it?

As I learned more about each team member, I also shared what worked for me and my preferences as a leader.

From there, we set some agreements on working together. I let the team member know what I could offer through the current project that fit her goals. We could decide on a communication approach that worked for us both and on how we would gauge our progress along the way.

This conversation was a great way to set the stage for an open and effective working relationship. It allowed us to become more proactive about creating the right opportunities, and the team member understood that I was coming from a place of genuine interest in her goals and development.

Whether you’re working with a new team or an existing one, it’s never too late to ask some of these questions. This week, I challenge you to identify one conversation you’d like to have, or one question you would like to ask from the list above. You can find more ideas like this one in the chapter “Strategies to Create a High-Performing Team” in my book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. Leadership Through a New Lens. Remember, small steps can lead to big results

Get More Out of Your Meetings

This month, we've been talking about how to lift others up. We've already discussed helping them grow professionally and celebrating their successes. Another way you can bolster your team and your colleagues is by helping them work smarter and avoid practices that stand in the way of their best results. I'm willing to bet that most people would cite meetings as one of the things that hamper their productivity — and happiness — at work. But a few surprisingly simple tweaks can shift that.

• Request at least one expected outcome and objective when people ask to meet with you. Ask for these before you commit the time for the meeting. This will help you and the other person clarify what you want to get out of it and make better use of the time.

• For meetings that you lead, restructure your agenda so that the purpose of the topic is clear: to provide an update, get input, or make a decision. (See my gift to you below). If the agenda involves mostly updates, challenge the need for the meeting. Look for other more efficient ways to provide them. Reserve meetings for topics that require input and discussion.

• Set expectations about how far in advance you need meeting materials so that you can prepare and contribute to the meeting.

• Shorten your meetings. For example, reduce one-hour meetings to 45 minutes. This will give you time to process what happened in the meeting and follow up before your next one.

• Show up with intention and purpose. What would make this meeting worthwhile, and how can you make sure that occurs? By simply asking yourself this before you walk in, you will be more deliberate about how you use the time.

As our gift to you, we're offering a free, downloadable agenda template to focus your meetings by clarifying the purpose of each topic. It is simple, but effective. Give it a try this week and let me know how it worked for you. Find more tips for working smarter and having more impact in the "Getting the Right Work Done" module of the WOW! Women On the Way to Peak Performance ProgramSM and in the WOW! Highlight AudioSM.

Set the Tone for 2014 with the Right Conversations

As last year ended, I encouraged you to reflect on what you learned in 2013 and what you want to take forward and leave behind. To support your goals and set the tone for the new year, consider three potential conversations that could move the ball in the right direction:

Your boss Kick off the year with a clear idea about what’s expected of you and your priorities for the next twelve months. To avoid misdirected time and energy, clarify and confirm with your boss what success really looks like. If your boss can’t articulate it for you, define success as you see it and ask for feedback.

Your team Make the highest and best use of your time and talent while building stronger capability within your team. Talk to individual team members about potential projects that can help them expand their skills and/or expertise. Look for opportunities within existing projects, whether that involves delegating some of your own work or redefining project roles. It may free up some of your time, and give you capacity to focus on where you can add the most value.

Your support staff Leverage your support staff to keep you focused. Have a conversation to make sure they are clear about your highest priorities (e.g., specific projects, relationships, and results) so they can help you focus and manage your time more effectively.  Enlist your staff to protect time for what matters most, including appointments with yourself to reflect and follow up, and to ensure that you are accessible.

Whether it’s these topics or others, this week I challenge you to initiate at least one conversation to lay the groundwork for a successful 2014. And remember, small steps can lead to big results.

Getting From ‘No’ to ‘Yes’

At a program I was facilitating once, I heard a speaker give some career advice that really resonated with me. Her message: Find ways to say yes.

Saying yes could mean that you have to challenge yourself to find a way to make something work. But sometimes it can be as simple as changing the way you frame your response: Maybe you’re trying to say yes, but it sounds more like no.

For example, I coached a client who was telling me about a project that her boss wanted her to complete in a short timeframe. She said, “I have to tell him I can’t get the whole thing done.”

I talked to her about the importance of framing things in a positive way and emphasizing what she can do. She could tell her boss, “I hear what you’re asking. I can get more than half of it done. Let me work with you to figure out how we can get the other half completed.”

That tweak didn’t change the essence of what she was saying. We just reframed her reply to demonstrate that she is control, dedicated to moving things forward in a positive way, and a team player. “I can’t get the whole thing done” would have made her sound more like a roadblock.

Need ideas for finding your way to “yes”? Here are three tips.

1. Notice. Start by simply noticing how often you say no instead of yes, at work and beyond.

2. Pause. Pause before you reply. In those short seconds, challenge yourself to respond in a positive way to demonstrate that you are aligned.

3. Ask. Ask for what you need, if anything, to follow through on your yes. Perhaps it’s additional resources or help from your boss to reprioritize your other projects to accommodate this new request.

This week, look for opportunities to turn no into yes. By consistently taking small steps respond more positively, your mindset and how others view you will shift. And remember, small steps lead to big results.