4 Breakthrough Insights from Ali Brown's Event

Last week was a big one for me.  

I participated in a two-day conference with Ali Brown, a self-made multi-millionaire who works with women entrepreneurs. I did this because I wanted to learn more about the challenges and strategies at that level and to be with a peer group of women who want what I want — to make a bigger difference, break the mold and lead the way.

The attendance at this conference, Repower, was limited to only 35 entrepreneurs with high six- or seven-figure businesses. FYI, only 2 percent of all women-owned businesses have revenues of $1 million or more, so you know there were a lot of smart, successful women in the room.

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I decided to invest in Repower for my leadership development because I realized that I’m not someone who is just here to build a business. I want to have an impact on the world — in a big way. And this was my first step to really own that.

Many of my clients are incredible leaders who also want to make a big difference. So, in that spirit, I want to share my takeaways. Hopefully, this will get you thinking about a next step for you.

Trust your gut

You should know that, going into this event, I had been in the thick of trying to implement a strategy for my business, one that I thought I had to, to take my company to the next level. It has been so frustrating and has sucked the life out of me for months now. No wonder I just couldn’t seem to get it over the goal line.

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am a go-getter and get things done fast, especially when I know it’s the right thing to do. I initially thought my hesitation was because I was entering unchartered waters, but now I realize that it was the wrong approach for me and my business.

If you keep resisting to something in a big way, pay attention. I fell into the trap of ignoring my resistance and rationalizing my approach. My advice to you: Get out of your head and listen to your gut, that intuition that you have developed over a lifetime.

Break the mold

One of the reasons I stuck to the wrong strategy for so long is that I overemphasized other people’s definitions of success, the models that seem to be working in the marketplace. In fact, I did it so much that I discounted my 20+ years of experience developing business strategies, restructuring operations and developing strong leaders. In retrospect, what was I thinking?

Well, I now know that I was simply overthinking. Just because many others have grown their businesses using one model, it doesn’t mean that I have to. This is my golden opportunity to shake things up and do it another way, and stand out from the pack.

It’s easy to get caught up in how others define success or how something “should” be done. Next time that happens for you, ask yourself whether it’s time to break the mold, solve the problem in a new way and be a thought leader. (If you need to get back in touch with your own "true north," try the vision exercise from last week's post.)

Go where your energy is

As I mentioned, the past few months have felt heavy despite the fact that I really love what I do. I get unbelievable gratification from helping high-performing leaders bring out their best, especially knowing how one leader affects so many lives. I realize now that what gives me the most energy is being part of that ripple effect.

I have decided that I will pour myself into where my energy is and put aside all the “should’s” in my head that suck the life out of me. There’s something exhilarating about pursuing a strategy that plays to my passion and strengths — and, by the way, makes more sense for my company!

Surround yourself with the right people

I have wanted to challenge myself to do more and have a bigger impact for a while. I now know that I needed some validation, motivation and inspiration to do that. So, one of the most valuable aspects of the Ali Brown event was meeting the amazing women in attendance. Although we’ve gone our separate ways and live in different parts of the country, I know they will continue to challenge my thinking and give me the support I need from a place of understanding.

I strongly encourage you to make sure you have that kind of support for yourself in your leadership development. Shake things up a bit, go outside your industry and the people you have had in your circle for a while. It is so worth the investment.

As you think about where you are today in your life and career, remember to invest in what’s going to help you take things one step further. Check out the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM or my book — Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. — to get you started. And remember that small steps can lead to big results.

How to Stay Committed to Any Goal

Did you try the life wheel exercise we talked about in last week's blog post?

Using what you learned from the wheel, you've probably been setting some goals related to areas you'd like change in your life.

Setting a goal is only the first step, though. To keep moving toward your goals, you've got to feel emotionally connected to them.

That's why I take my executive coaching clients through exercises to help them visualize achieving their goals, and feel what it would be like.Getting a taste of those satisfying emotions can help them push toward what they want to achieve even when things get tough. Having detailed goals has been linked to future success. You can try something similar with any goal you are working toward right now. I want you envision, in as much detail as you can, what your future will be like after you've achieved your goal. To get started, answer the questions below. You can write down the answers or talk them through with a coach or someone else you trust.

• What is happening in your life now that you've achieved this goal? This could range from where you work to what you do outside of work.

• What do you spend your time doing? Think about what a typical workday and weekend looks like for you in this future, especially the most enjoyable parts.

• Who is part of this future? Visualize your colleagues or clients, and other important relationships.

• What's going on with your family in this future? Picture how you spend time together and what's changed about your relationships with them.

• What's different about your life after achieving this goal? Imagine even the smallest details from your commute to your work environment.

• How do you feel after achieving this goal vs. how you feel today? Think about any differences in your stress level, energy, and happiness and how that impacts your life.

I just recently did this exercise with one of my clients who was ready to make a career change. Let’s call her Michelle. In the future she envisioned, Michelle saw a life that fit more closely with her priorities, one that allowed her to pursue her passion at work without sacrificing her personal life. She had also transitioned from a larger organization to a smaller one that offered more freedom and flexibility. Michelle had also received additional certifications to further build her expertise and credibility in her field. But most importantly, she felt more energized and excited, and so much “lighter” knowing that she was doing the right thing for her career and her family.

In my WOW! Women On the Way to Peak Performance Program℠, I take you through the process of defining concrete goals and overcoming the roadblocks that may prevent you from achieving them. This week, I encourage you to answer the questions in this post or to get started with the WOW! Program℠ if you’re ready to dive deeper. You'll find that the time you invest will pay off. We’ll help you use what you learn in this visioning exercise in my other posts this month.

The First Step to Feeling More Calm and In Control

Maybe you're feeling just the opposite of calm and in control right now. And maybe you've assumed this is just how things are — that with all the demands we deal with every day at work and at home, feeling stressed or anxious is just par for the course.

I get how you feel — I've been there, too. But I've also proactively used some simple solutions to help me come out on the other side, and I’ve helped my clients do the same.

The first step when you're feeling off-kilter is to look at the big picture, by identifying where things are in or out of sync in your life. I take my clients through a “wheel of life” assessment to help them quickly notice where they need to make shifts. Use the blank wheel below and label each of the six sections with one of your top priorities. Then rate yourself on each area using the 0 (low) to 10 (high) scale. See the completed example for reference.

If you rated yourself a perfect 10 in all areas, you would have a smooth, round wheel. Most of us, however, find that our wheel is bumpy and far from perfect. In this example, the wheel shows a very low score in health because this person is burning the candle at both ends and not getting enough sleep, rest or exercise.

If your self-assessment shows more than one area for improvement, start with the highest priority for you. Tackling too many priorities can set you up for failure. Likewise, don’t go overboard in trying to change too much at once. Simply identify the first step you want to take and exactly when you will take it. Once you have accomplished that step, define the next step. Trust me, I have learned the hard way that if you attempt to tackle it all at the same time, you will likely get overwhelmed or stuck. So, keep my mantra in mind: Small steps lead to big results.

This week, take five minutes to complete the wheel to help you take charge and start closing the gaps between where you are now and where you want to be. Giving yourself some time to check-in and map out some steps to self-care is a great way to reach success.

Are You Taking the Right Steps to Build Influence?

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Influence: You know you want more of it, but do you have a plan for building it? Last week, we talked about the different facets of influence, a key leadership skill. I asked you to pay attention to how you're doing in four areas: credibility, connection to the big picture, relationships and processes. Today, I want you to take what you noticed about yourself and use it to complete this assessment tool. Your results will point you toward the actions you should take to build your influence.

Take a look at the following statements related to the different aspects of influence. On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being "very true"), think about true each statement is for you right now.

Credibility

• I recognize my strengths and the value I bring.

• I consistently share examples of my strengths and how I add value with others in a way that's relevant for them.

Connection to the Big Picture

• I consistently help others see the connection between the value I add and what's best for the organization.

• I speak in terms of the organization's goals and priorities, not just those of myself or my department.

Relationships

• I know who holds both the formal power (power connected to a role) and informal power (power not connected to a role).

• I cultivate relationships with both formal and informal leaders.

Processes

• I engage others and create buy-in in a way that is authentic to who I am as a leader.

• I recognize when to leverage others to deliver a message, even if I could deliver it.

So what did you discover in this self-assessment? Look at the statements where you gave yourself the lowest numbers. Developing your skills in those areas should be the heart of your plan to build influence. If you want to bring up your numbers across the board, start by focusing on your credibility. That's the root of influence.

To help you put your plans into action, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on Building Influence or get the complete set for bigger savings.

What do you think makes someone influential? Let's continue the conversation in comments or on social media.

The 4 Essentials of Influence

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To lead well, you need influence. And this month we're talking about how to build it. Last week, I took you through an exercise to help you figure out what influence looks like for you. This week, I'll help you better understand influence — and how to increase your own — by breaking it down into four key components.

1. Credibility

This is the big one. Influence starts with credibility. Without it, you can’t effectively influence, no matter what approach you take. If you're not sure whether others see you as credible, seek some feedback. If you hear questions about your credibility, correct that by helping others see your strengths and the value you bring. If you’re like many high performers, you may underestimate the positive impact you have. So, take the time to identify and share examples of how you consistently add value, in a way that's relevant for the audience. 2. Connection to the Big Picture

Part of being influential is being known as someone who brings a lot to table — intelligence, insight, etc. But you also have to be known as someone who's not just in it for yourself. Connect what you do to the big picture of what's right for the organization. If you speak just about your (or your department's) goals and priorities, it can leave others wondering whether your motivation is self-serving. That can quickly erode your credibility.

3. Relationships

All organizations have formal leaders whose power ties to their positions. But they also have informal leaders who shape what really gets done. Your influence depends on the strength of your relationships with both formal leaders and informal leaders. Take a few minutes to review and assess these.

4. Processes

The final part of the influence equation relates to the processes you use to build influence. In other words, be strategic about how you leverage and engage others. For example, how often do you hold the "meeting before the meeting" to get buy-in from others and avoid surprises? Have you thought through the right messenger for advancing your goals? Sometimes it isn't you.  Look at what you do today, and small tweaks you could make to bring others along more effectively.

Next week, I'll have a tool to help you gauge how you're doing in developing your influence. To get the most out of this assessment, make a point this week to notice where you currently stand in each of these key areas. And to learn more about building influence and other key career skills, check out my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM. Pick what’s most relevant for you or invest in the complete set of eight for a 20% savings.

What Does Influence Mean to You?

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We're talking about building your influence this month. Last week, I explained why you need an influential network. This week, I want to help you zero in on what kind of influencer you want to be. "Being influential" can mean different things to different people. These questions will help you take stock of what you want your influence to look like in the context of your own leadership style.

1. What do you want others to say about how you influence others?This is a variation of the question I ask clients when I help them define their leadership brand. What are the top three things you'd want someone else to say if they were describing your influence style to someone else? A few examples to spark your thinking: You are thoughtful (you bring relevant information forward). You focus on win/win approaches. You have the other party’s best interest at heart.

1. What kinds of decisions do you want to influence? We all have our strengths. What types of decisions could you more easily influence today based on how others view your strengths? These could include shaping vision, defining strategies, making changes to business operations or staffing decisions. What types of decisions would be harder for you to influence?

1. Whom do you want to influence? In addition to clarifying your realm of influence, take time to define whom you want to influence. In other words, do you want to be viewed as more of an external thought leader with clients or other leaders in your industry? Or do you want to influence others inside your organization such as peers, direct reports and company leaders? Even if it is a mix of both, defining your target audience will help you build influence faster.

1. What are your goals as an influencer? Whether you want to build influence in an area where others don’t see you as a key influencer today or one where you are already recognized as an expert, it helps to set concrete goals. For example, how long would it realistically take you to build the knowledge and track record needed to exert the influence you want to have? Whom do you need to engage along the way? To focus your efforts, define two or three small steps along with deadlines. Once you’ve completed those steps, define the next two or three. This will help you move forward without feeling overwhelmed.

Spend some time this week thinking about these questions and how to show influence in a way that fits your own leadership style. To help you further build your influence at work, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on Building Influence or get the complete set for bigger savings.

How Influential Is Your Network?

Influence is a key leadership skill, and we'll be talking about it throughout April. I want to kick off the discussion by looking at a blind spot some women have around influence: the power and influence of their network. As an executive coach who specializes in working with high-performing women leaders, I've noticed that women often don't think about whether their networks include the right influencers to help them achieve their business or professional goals.

This involves taking a step beyond creating a network of leaders who support you. It's also making sure that people with the power and influence to help you advance your goals are in this group.

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Think about the business results you have committed to delivering or how you want to take your career to the next level. Who needs to be on board to make your goals happen? Be strategic about making sure that your network includes those people.

This approach can make some people uncomfortable, so I want to stress something. Being strategic about who's in your network does not mean you have to be disingenuous. Sometimes women get stuck here because they assume that they can't strategically build their network and still be authentic.

I help the leaders I work with learn how to add key influencers to their network in a way that’s true to who they are. I'll tell you what I tell my clients: Start by clarifying your intent around your network-building. In other words, how would it benefit the organization and your team, even if you will personally benefit? With that in mind, what words would you use to engage someone while keeping your values and leadership principles in mind? If you are someone who is always focused on doing the right thing for the business or adding value, below are three examples of what you might say to initiate a conversation.

“I want to learn more about the priorities and challenges in your part of the business so that my team knows how to best work with you and develops solutions to meet your needs. Can we schedule 15 minutes to talk?”

“I want to keep expanding my knowledge of the business, so I better understand where my skills and experience can add the most value. Can we meet for a few minutes?”

“I’m committed to growing and learning, so I can fully leverage my skills at the company. Can we meet for a few minutes so I can ask you what’s made the biggest difference in your career?”

This week, I challenge you to identify and engaging one influential person in a way that aligns with your values. Let me know how it turns out.

If you want to go deeper on the topic of Influence, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on Building Influence or my book, Show Up. Step Up. Step Out.

How to Turn Conflict Into Teamwork

It isn't enough to talk about peace, one must believe it.And it isn't enough to believe in it, one must work for it.                                                                             - Eleanor Roosevelt

One of my clients is in a predicament that will feel familiar to a lot of leaders. On her team, two peers aren't collaborating, and they keep escalating their conflict. When she tries to intervene, they just dig in deeper.

This situation is an example of how a leader can set the tone. That's a theme we've been looking at throughout March in honor of Women's History Month. In this case, your leadership skills can make the difference in whether a conflict drags on (draining everyone's productivity) or gets resolved (boosting your team's results).

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If you have a couple of team members who just can't seem to work together, try these ideas to get everyone back on track.

1. Look at your role. How might you be enabling the conflict to continue? Has communication gotten fragmented between your quarreling team members because you've put yourself right in the middle of things? Remember that you can be supportive without being in the middle. Make it clear to the team members that while you can offer help, they own the problem and its resolution.

1. Establish the big picture. One good way to help without getting stuck in the middle of the conflict is by giving your team members a perspective check. Let's say that one of them is accountable for creating the highest margins for the company while the other is accountable for customer satisfaction. The two of them are being rewarded for very different things that can lead to different business decisions, which might explain one of the sources of conflict in the first place. As a leader, you can remind them to think in terms of the company's overall success and how both goals can be met, not just how well their individual area performs.

1. Help them see everyone's place in that picture. Talk with the team members about how they both fit into the company's larger goals, even though they are accountable for different things. Help them see how the big-picture success of the company might involve balancing their two individual goals. In our example, that could mean helping your team members understand that while margins are important, prices can't be so high that they run off customers. On the other hand, happy customers are vital, but so are sustainable margins. Sometimes as leaders we feel that employees should "just know" things like this and instinctively do what's right for the company. But you might have to help them connect the dots.

This week, take a look at whether there are any conflicts on your team that might come from team members being too focused on their own areas and not enough on the bigger picture. How can you help your feuding team members see beyond differences and align with higher level goals? This is a great opportunity to make a real impact with your leadership skills. In my online store, you can find many more resources to help your team members' leadership development, including the WOW! Highlight AudioSM.

Turning Down an Employee Who's Not Ready for a Promotion

“People are definitely a company’s greatest asset. It doesn’t make any difference whether the product is cars or cosmetics. A company is only as good as the people it keeps.” — Mary Kay Ash

March is Women's History Month, so we've been celebrating the words of some great women leaders and taking a look at the impact and influence of your own leadership. The way you lead makes a huge difference in your team members' difficult moments. Today, let's look at a really tricky one: What should you do when an employee wants a promotion but just isn't ready? How you lead through this situation can help determine whether the employee keeps improving and stays with your company or disengages and moves on.

Leaders have to get skilled at the art of tough conversations, and this one is among the toughest I see my clients face. If you're currently dreading having a talk like this with an employee, I have three ideas that can make the conversation easier for you both and more likely to help your team member's career growth.

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1. Set the stage.

How you frame this conversation is crucial. Communicate that you are here to help your team member succeed and that you're vested in her leadership development and her success. The key thing here is not just telling your employee that you're an ally, but reminding her of the evidence of how you've helped her develop and grow.

2. Agree on the criteria.

Lay out what the company is looking for from people at the level where she'd like to be. Then talk about your employee's strengths and where her gaps are. Maybe she's great at building a high-performing team, but she needs to improve her ability to focus on what matters most. Or she tends to get "in the weeds" with her direct reports while the position she wants requires more strategic thinking. Getting clear on criteria helps the conversation feel more objective and less personal.

3. Bring in the big picture.

People who are set on getting promoted often make the mistake of looking at it (and communicating about it) only from the standpoint of their own career path, not what's best for the company as a whole. If that's true of your employee, help her shift her thinking. The company is interested in making the highest and best use of her skills, and helping her grow and advance. It may seem a little counterintuitive to her, but when she focuses less on getting promoted and more on what’s best for the company, she will become more promotable.

If you have an employee who wants to move up but isn't ready, I encourage you to have this conversation as soon as you can. This is a difficult situation, but one where your leadership can really make the difference for the company and for your team member. In my online store, you can find many more resources to help your team members' leadership development, including the WOW! Highlight AudioSM.

Top Women Leaders Share Their Advice

In honor of Women's History Month, Newberry Executive Solutions sponsored the Texas Women in Business segment which aired on WBAP/KLIF radio in Dallas. These segments featured interviews with some of the most inspiring women leaders I know. Here is just a sampling of the advice and insights.

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"Women should focus on the things that give them energy and make them want to get to work every day."

"Don’t underestimate the importance of having the right people in your corner to help you."

—Donna Epps

Partner, Deloitte Financial Advisory Services LLP

"I took on tough roles no one else wanted and then focused on demonstrating results within them."

"Be known for your unique skill set or the way you get things done."

— Nancy Loewe

Senior vice president and chief strategy officer, Kimberly-Clark Corp.

"I think about my relationships as a bank account. In order to make withdrawals from that relationship account, you have to take the time to make lots of deposits. I remind myself every day I benefit from people who were willing to sponsor and mentor me along the way."

"When you make a decision, embrace it and don’t lose sleep thinking about 'what if.'"

— Deborah Gibbins

Chief financial officer, Mary Kay Inc.

"The best leaders don’t necessarily have the best answers, but are highly skilled at knowing the right one when they see it."

"There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but few will capture your heart.  Pursue those."

— Debbie Storey

Senior vice president talent development and chief diversity officer, AT&T

"Find the place where you can excel. Each of us has strengths and passions, so figure out what role will allow you to leverage your strengths the majority of the time."

"Don’t sacrifice anything you believe in – especially your values and family."

— Lisa Amoroso

Senior director, Diversity and Inclusion, Frito-Lay North America

I want to express my gratitude to all the leaders who took part in this series. Listen to each of their 1-minute audio segments here. I hope that you'll be as inspired by their wisdom as I have been.

For more ideas on developing your leadership, take advantage of our special offer in March for the WOW! Highlight AudioSM. It gives you a sample of proven strategies and tips from all six modules of the full WOW! WomenOn theWay to Peak Performance ProgramSM and this month it's only $97 (a $100 savings).

Crazy Day? Here's How to Get Centered

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If I don't put my own physical and emotional health first, then I'm not really useful to any movement, to any work of art, to any creative endeavor. I have to be aware — not selfish and self-absorbed and self-obsessed — but I have to be self-aware of what my needs are and be willing to take care of my own needs. —    Kerry Washington

Happy Women's History Month! As we celebrate the impact and influence of women throughout March, I want to help you recognize the powerful influence you have and how your leadership and executive presence set the tone.

I'll also be sharing quotes from notable women past and present. Today's quote from everyone's favorite Gladiator, Kerry Washington, hits on some themes that are at the very heart of how you influence as a leader.

Now while you aren't (I hope!) dealing with all the travails that Washington's character, Olivia Pope, faces, I'm sure that a lot gets thrown at you as a leader. One of the most constant themes I see with my executive coaching clients is how to stay centered when things get tough. It's a key part of your executive presence. When you're centered, you can bring calm to chaos. When you're not, you risk escalating stressful situations. What Knocks Us Off Center?

I think Kerry Washington is really on to something in that quote: We have to care for ourselves to be at our best. If you're cheating yourself on your basic physical needs, especially sleep, it leads to behaviors that amp up your stress and the stress of others. You might get grumpy or not remember what others have told you — which makes them grumpy because they think you aren't listening.

And, as leaders, there is no shortage of people and situations that push our buttons. It's the nature of our jobs, after all, to deal with challenging situations.

I've noticed that what really gets my clients off kilter is someone acting in a way that goes against the values they hold dearest at work, like respect and professionalism. I call this getting "triggered." It's a state beyond being annoyed or stressed, and it's a real physical phenomenon. Recovering after you're triggered takes at least 20 minutes. A sure sign that you've been triggered is a rush of negative emotions that you have trouble letting go of. And, you guessed it, when you're run down physically, it's easier to get triggered.

Breathing Your Way Back to Center

That's why I always advise clients to prioritize self-care. If you've been skimping on sleep, what shifts can you make in your routine to get more rest? Even getting rest by taking more breaks during the day when you know you'll be working late can help. "Powering through" is the worst thing you can do.

A great way to rest and rejuvenate even when you just have a few minutes is diaphragmatic breathing: Inhale to a count of 3, exhale to a count of 6. You should feel your belly rising when you breathe, not your chest.

Diaphragmatic breathing can help you keep calm when you sense you are starting to get triggered. Even better, practice it proactively throughout the day to head off stress.

Defusing the Trigger

Besides deep breathing, you can take other steps to avoid getting triggered in the first place.

First, it helps just to be aware that you can get triggered and what happens when you do. When you understand what happens to your body when you're triggered and how long it takes to recover, you can be more deliberate about not going there.

Start noticing what types of people and situations trigger you and how you feel when you start to get triggered. The bad news is that the people who trigger you probably aren't going to change. The good news is you are empowered to exercise more control in your interactions with them.

When you know you'll have to be around someone who shows up in a way you don't like, get really clear about how you want to show up. Regardless of how he or she behaves, how do you want to behave?

For example, let's say you have a colleague who tends to fly off the handle in meetings, which usually goads you into sniping back and then fuming after the meeting about his behavior. Before you're in another meeting with him, play it out in your mind. How will you react when he starts his usual angry behavior? At one point will you simply end the conversation with him? Even if you take just a few moments to mentally rehearse it when you're on the way to the meeting, it can make a big difference. (By the way, you can also protect your own peace of mind by noticing when others are triggered and not trying to engage them then.)

This week, I encourage you to make two small shifts: 1) Pay more attention to self-care. 2) Start noticing what triggers you and how you can change your response. Both should help you start to feel more calm and centered no matter what's going on around you. For more strategies to build your leadership, check out my WOW! Highlight AudioSM . It's a sampling of material from the complete WOW! WomenOn theWay to Peak Performance ProgramSM and this month it's $100 off.

The Secrets of True Influence

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One of the biggest mistakes I see among my executive coaching clients is confusing position and influence. They aren't the same thing, although a person’s position could potentially increase his or her influence.  

Remember that although titles on the org chart can be helpful, they don't tell the full story of how things really get done. Effective leadership means looking beyond formal structures and recognizing that it's not just your position (or someone else's position) that makes things happen. At the heart of it, influence is all about understanding, cultivating and leveraging relationships.

I work with leaders who must collaborate across organizational boundaries to influence others to deliver business results all the time. Today, I want to share some of the process we go through to develop an effective approach.

First, identify who really makes certain types of decisions. If you aren’t sure about the political dynamics in your company, ask people you can trust who have been around long enough to know. Frame your questions in the right context by communicating how a better understanding of the landscape will help you avoid landmines and more quickly deliver what the business needs. But don’t stop there. Go beyond identifying this group of decision-makers to also understanding who they trust and rely on for advice and input.

Once you have mapped out how things really get done in your company, consider how to best share your ideas. In other words, who would be the best messenger(s) for your ideas? To influence the outcome you want, it may not be you. Never forget how much the messenger matters.

Once you have thought through the dynamics and who can help you, frame your ideas to enlist the support of key stakeholders. What is important to you and to each of these individuals? What are the key points of connection, and how should you communicate those? Choose the right words to help others see your focus on what's best for the business and not your own personal agenda. Remember that influence is not about manipulation. It is about helping your company achieve desired results, in a way that is authentic, genuine, and relationship-oriented.

This week, try out one of these strategies to help you develop the right approach to effectively influence someone to take action. Two booklets from my Leadership Edge SeriesSM can help you learn more. "Communicating With Impact" will show you how to frame your ideas to get more buy-in and overcome potential resistance. And "Building Influence" can help you identify the unwritten rules in your organization.

What to Do When Your Boss Skips Feedback

Last week, we talked about how leaders can help a "stuck" employee improve. This week, let's take a look at the same situation from the employee's perspective: What can you do when a boss isn't happy with your work, but isn't giving you the information and performance feedback you need to improve?  

I've seen from my executive coaching clients that this is a tough spot to be in. They don't want to look incompetent and may have trouble admitting that they don't know what their boss wants from them. But at the same time, they need some help to succeed. We talk about strategies that let them save face and maintain their credibility while still discovering the shifts they need to make to meet their boss's expectations.

Remember that it's part of your boss's job to help you succeed. These ideas can help you get the support you need.

Frame Things the Right Way

How you present things to your boss can do a lot to open up communication between the two of you. For starters, think about how you typically frame up issues you need help with. Instead of just saying you don't fully understand an assignment she's given you, communicate your intentions before you ask any questions. For example, "I want to make sure I am delivering the right results and making the best use of your time and mine. So, can I get some clarification and more information about X, Y and Z?". Communicating your intent in a positive way can help your boss see how you are focused on meeting her expectations.

Clarify Expectations

Some bosses just aren't that skilled at delegating or clearly communicating their expectations when they make assignments. It's OK — and much better for you in the long term — to ask what you need to know to get a handle on what your boss really wants. If he hasn’t shared this with you, you can prompt him with questions to clarify:

• interim and final deadlines

• budget parameters including time and money

• your decision-making authority

• the type and timing of any follow-ups or check-ins

• how involved your boss wants to be throughout the assignment

Debrief on Your Own

Ideally, your boss should give you specific performance feedback. But this is another area where many leaders fall short. If that's true of your boss, take some steps on your own. When you complete a project, ask yourself and your project team the following questions:

• What worked well?

• What fell short of your expectations?

• What would you do differently next time, given what you know now?

You can also ask your boss for input and suggestions, based on your own debrief, if she isn't forthcoming with them.

Look Beyond Your Boss

If you're struggling and your boss isn't a good resource for help, who else can you talk to? Don’t underestimate the value of your peers. Because you share the same boss and may face similar challenges, your peers might provide useful insight and advice. Depending on your specific needs, also consider reaching out to mentors or other experienced professionals in your network.

Keep Communicating

Communicate with your boss even if you're having trouble. Just don’t go "off the grid" if you get overwhelmed or don't know what to do! It is one of the worst mistakes I have see leaders make. Your boss may get frustrated, wonder why you just aren’t taking this assignment seriously or start questioning whether you really understand the importance of it.

If you're struggling with a boss who seems hard to please and doesn't give performance feedback, try one or more of these ideas this week. Even in difficult situations like this, small steps can start you on the road to big results – including more open communication in your relationship. Another resource that can help you is "Building Executive Presence" from the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM. You'll learn strategies to help others see you as someone who can move up and how to identify and correct detracting behaviors that might be getting in your way.

Why Your Underperformer Isn't Changing

Have you ever been frustrated with a team member who isn't performing as you need — and who's showing no signs of changing?  

I've seen this issue come up several times lately with my executive coaching clients. And I've noticed that as frustrated as leaders are in this situation, sometimes they aren't giving employees the honest advice and specific feedback they need to change. They might be worried about damaging the relationship, or they think that an employee should "just know" what to do.

You can take an approach, though, that helps the employee (and keeps your relationship healthy) while getting you better results. Here's the process I advise for leaders who are dealing with a "stuck" employee.

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Look at Your Mindset

Think about how you've been engaging with this employee. What role are you playing in the current situation? How are you enabling it to continue as it is? For example, I’ve noticed that when a leader starts showing frustration or micromanaging, it can put his team member in a place of fear and self-doubt. That can make it much more difficult for the employee to make change happen. What would help you get centered so you can address the situation in a more constructive way?

Set Clear Expectations

Sometimes leaders assume an employee should know, without being told, how to handle an assignment. Then they're disappointed when the employee doesn't read their mind and meet all of those unvoiced expectations. You'll do more to boost the employee's performance when you delegate with clear expectations. Spell out the deliverables, define their decision-making authority, and specify how often the employee should check in and any other key parameters of the project.

One of my clients has a boss who's discouraged by her performance but doesn't communicate expectations. He gives her assignments to test her capabilities – but doesn't tell her this upfront, or let her know what skills he's looking to assess or build. That approach hasn’t served either one of them well. He would improve his effectiveness if he communicated at the outset, "I'm giving you this assignment to see how you'll do and where I need to coach you, to help you be successful."

Give Specific Feedback

Think about whether you're offering the employee tangible, specific feedback. Are you communicating regularly about what's working and what's not? If you want her to make a shift in a certain area — say, being more strategic instead of tactical — are you letting her know this and explaining why this would help her succeed?

I teach my executive coaching clients a two-part formula for giving feedback. This approach gives the employee useful information she can take action on and keeps the emphasis on performance and results instead of personal criticism.

1. As objectively as possible, tell the employee what you observed her doing. Share facts without interpreting them.

1. Describe the impact of those actions. Your goal is to help the employee understand what she did and how it affected others. For example, did the actions she took (or didn't take) lead to a missed deadline? Misalignment of goals? Wasted time?

This week, apply at least one of these ideas to help a team member grow and improve. You'll find more ideas on giving feedback and helping your team members develop in Building a Strong Team, part of my Leadership EdgeSMseries. And you can get a sampling of the team-building advice from the WOW! Women on the Way to Peak Performance ProgramSMin the WOW! Highlight AudioSM. Start taking some small steps and you'll see big changes with your employee.

PS: If you're on the other side of this situation — dealing with a boss who's frustrated with you but not telling you how to improve — I'll have tips for you next week.

Are You Ready to Invest in Your Own Leadership Development?

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I’m always amazed at what high performers get done from day to day and week to week. In the flurry of it all, I typically find that they invest so much time and energy on business results and working with others but very little in themselves. If this sounds like you, when was the last time you stopped to think about your professional growth and investing in your leadership development?

Remember that we all need a little TLC. Let Valentine's Day remind you of the power of giving yourself what you need to thrive. As you think about the next six months, what would help you take your leadership up a notch? How are you investing in yourself? Remember that the solutions can be really simple. If you haven’t thought about this in a while, consider the following:

Engage the right people to help you. Whether it’s surrounding yourself with the right mentors or engaging an executive coach, think about who could really help you think and play bigger. I truly believe in the power of executive coaching. I don’t just “talk the talk” — I even work with a coach on my own leadership development and it has paid off exponentially. If you don't know how coaching works, check out these resources to learn more.

Carve out time and space. I offer my clients Leadership Breakthrough SessionsSM to clarify their goals and develop strategies at crucial times, such as the first 90 days in a new job or as they position themselves for the next level. This year, I carved out time for my own Breakthrough Session to set clear business goals and develop a plan for the year. And on a daily basis, I make time for a gratitude practice, where I take 5-10 minutes to notice what I am grateful for and what I am accomplishing. It helps me stay motivated and notice what’s working.

Add tools to your toolkit. I’m constantly thinking about how to help leaders get results in dynamic, time-pressured environments. If you're looking for simple tools and programs to build your own success, check out our online store. As I consider what’s next for Newberry Executive Solutions, I'll be leveraging some new tools myself as I aim to take my business to the next level in reach and impact.

This week, I encourage you to take a step to nurture yourself and your success as a Valentine's Day gift to yourself. Even a small step to support your leadership development can open the door for big results.

Career Mentorship: Give It AND Receive It

I firmly believe that using our skills, experiences and knowledge to provide career mentorship is a privilege. So it might not surprise you that mentoring has always been one of my passions. I am excited that I get to play out my passion in several ways – in my role as an executive coach, in how I use career mentorship to help others grow and develop, and through my decisions which range from how I focus my volunteer work, choose interns for my team, and the tools and resources I create for others.

In the spirit of helping others grow, I also serve as faculty and a mentor for the Women's Initiative Fellows Program of the George W. Bush Institute. Though this pro bono work, I get to play a role in the program’s primary focus: empowering women to catalyze change around the world. Talk about exciting! I have to admit that this experience is just as rewarding for me as it is for the Fellows from Tunisia.

I just returned from a trip to Rome where the mentors met with the Fellows to reinforce what they have learned in the past 9 months, and to prepare them to teach and mentor others as they wrap up their program. I'm honored to be part of this group of mentors who are serious movers and shakers, like Diane Paddison (a former global executive of two Fortune 500 companies), Judy Verses (President, Global Enterprise & Education at Rosetta Stone), Jan Langbein (CEO of Genesis Women’s Shelter) and former ambassador Kristen Silverberg.

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The Other Side of Career Mentorship

As I continue my journey, I recognize that I still need career mentorship myself because I'm at a different professional stage than when I started my business almost seven years ago. To think and play bigger, I need to keep inviting people with fresh ideas, experiences, and perspectives to help me have the kind of impact I want to have.

If finding mentors seems to be harder for you now than it was when you started out in the corporate world, here are a few tips on finding career mentorship. They're useful no matter your situation, but they're especially helpful for people who are midcareer and/or working outside of a corporate structure.

• Get serious. Maybe you had more structured mentoring relationships earlier in your career but have let those fall away as you advanced. In my situation, I have had mentors on and off, but as I focus on a new stage of my business, I know I need more structured career mentorship again.

• Be clear about what you need. Think about what you need for your leadership development or business growth at this stage of your career. Then look for mentors who have already have those skills and accomplishments and who can share their know-how with you.

• Take a team approach. Chances are, one mentor won't have all the knowledge and insights you're looking for right now. That's why it's helpful to think in terms of having an advisory board rather than a single mentor. Maybe one of your mentors has a long track record of starting businesses, another has relationship skills you want to model and a third has the product expertise to advise you.

• Tap your network. Now that you know the kind of career mentorship you need, you can look for the right advisers. The best starting point is your own network. Does anyone currently in your network fit the career mentorship roles you need? If not, can they introduce you to people who do? Because you've taken the time to get specific about what you need ("I'm looking for mentors who can advise me on repositioning a company for growth and product marketing."), they'll have an easier time connecting you with the right people.

This week, take a look at the role mentoring currently plays in your career. How are you giving and receiving career mentorship? And how does that sync up with your career goals and the support you need to meet them? How do you share your most important skills and insights? For more advice on career mentorship and other essential career relationships, check out my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet, "Building a Powerful Network" or the WOW! ProgramSM.

Sharing Your Ideas as a Leader – In or Out of the Shark Tank

Have you ever watched the ABC show "Shark Tank”, where entrepreneurs present their business ideas to a panel of tough businesspeople (aka “sharks”) to earn their financial backing? And have you ever wondered what sharing your ideas in that setting would be like? I got to serve as one of the "sharks" during a recent YPF event inspired by the show. The group YPF teaches entrepreneurship to the teens of the Boys & Girls Club of East Dallas. Four teams of students developed business ideas down to the business case, financial projections, and marketing tactics. Each team pitched their ideas to panel of strong business leaders who fired questions at them and challenged them to think about what else they need to successfully launch their startup. As one of the "sharks" on the panel, I was excited to help these young entrepreneurs learn from my questions and feedback.

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Congratulations to the winning team, Sara Mike and Amber Lopez. Through this experience, all of the teens developed critical leadership skills that they'll use throughout their careers — skills you also need if you want to make a difference by sharing your ideas and creativity:

• Bringing your idea to life for others.Having a great idea is only the beginning. To get others on board with your idea, you have to help them visualize the idea and the problem that it solves as clearly as you do. Help them understand how your idea would work and the benefits it offers from their perspective. This is a key strategy in influencing others.

• Tapping into others’ expertise and experience.Chances are pretty high that you alone don't have all the perspective you need to fully develop your idea. Asking a few questions of people with diverse backgrounds can go a long way. How would others be affected if you brought your idea to life? How would they use your idea? What would make it work for them? What would make it a nonstarter? Get some outside perspectives to test and refine what you have developed.

• Knowing how good is good enough.It's easy to get hung up on trying to perfect the details about your idea before you share it with the world. It may never feel totally "done" to you, but if you take the time to follow the first two tips, it may be "done" enough to take flight.

This week, draw some inspiration from these entrepreneurial teens. Think about how to refine and share your ideas with more impact. What can you do to help others see the benefits of your idea? Whose feedback and perspective could help you fine-tune your idea? Who knows — maybe we’ll see you in the real “Shark Tank” someday!

Build Your Personal Brand by Claiming the Spotlight

You've heard me make the case for "tastefully tooting your own horn" as a way to build your personal brand. Well, recently, I got a chance to take this to a whole new level for myself – one way outside my comfort zone. At the tail end of 2014, I found out I was a finalist in four categories for the Stevie Awards for Women in Business.

Initially, I didn’t even consider going to the awards ceremony in New York, and the thought of stepping into that kind of spotlight made me really uncomfortable.

But then I had a change of heart during a conversation with my executive coach. As we talked, I realized the importance of raising the visibility of my personal brand. People who know me well know how much I care about having a bigger impact – to reach more people, give them valuable resources and make a difference. I realized that this would be an important step in that direction. So I bought a plane ticket and headed for New York.

I was surprised at how vulnerable I felt about the whole thing. After all, in a situation like this you are being evaluated by a panel of judges and compared to your peers. And not everyone goes home with an award. So, it was a big deal for me to show up at the awards ceremony, and it was an even bigger deal to take a friend along. I went into that evening figuring I had no chance at gold, and certainly no need to prepare an acceptance speech. The Stevies drew 12,000 nominations from more than 20 countries.

Early in the evening, though, things began to unfold differently than I had predicted: I won a gold award! By the time the whirlwind of an evening was over, I had two gold awards: Mentor and Coach of the Year-Business and Female Entrepreneur of the Year for businesses in my size and category. I also came away with one silver award and one bronze. Because I was seated with honorees from PepsiCo and AT&T, two of my clients, I had my own cheering section. By the end of the night, I was excited — and drained (in fact, too drained to go and celebrate that night in NYC)! When I got back to Dallas, my executive coach laughed out loud when I told her I “survived” my awards ceremony.

This story might surprise you, given how often I’m in the spotlight speaking and presenting and successfully coaching others on tasteful self-promotion. But being in this kind of spotlight was really different, and stretched me in new ways. I am so glad I went, and I urge you to find opportunities to step out, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Here's why:

• We all need to acknowledge and celebrate success. As high performers, we often push ahead to the next project without pausing to notice the impact of what we've already done and how many people we've affected. As I reflected about my company’s growth and performance, I realized how many lives we have touched and in what way. If I didn’t have to find a way to fit four awards in my luggage, I’m not sure I would have really noticed in the way I did that night.

• Increasing your own visibility can help others. To tap into your knowledge and strengths, people have to know what you have to offer! Look for opportunities to showcase your value, impact, and skills so that others can leverage and learn from them, and you can make a bigger difference.

• Being open to the possibilities can take you to places you never expected. I had to really stretch to put myself in a situation that might not have gone as well as I'd hoped. It has taught me lessons that will benefit me and my clients.

If you normally shy away from the spotlight, think about how you can step out more in 2015. Maybe it's applying for an award; maybe it's taking on a high-visibility role or project that scares you. Get motivated with my videos on self-promotion as a way to build your personal brand or the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet "Strategically Standing Out." And remember, small steps can lead to big results.

P.S. Check out the full list of Stevie Awards for Women in Business winners.

What a Classic Rock Band Can Teach Us About Success

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Sometimes career inspiration comes when we least expect it. For me, it came from some classic rock. I got in my car and turned on the radio to the song "Don't Look Back" by the band Boston. Remember that one?

I was a huge rock fan when I was a teenager, so this was very nostalgic for me. I cranked up the volume and sang along.

Maybe it's because I hadn't heard the song in a while, or maybe it's because I was hearing it at the right time, but the song's lyrics really hit me:

Don't look back

A new day is breakin'

It's been too long since I felt this way

I don't mind where I get taken

The road is callin'

Today is the day

I can see

It took so long to realize

I'm much too strong

Not to compromise

Now I see what I am is holding me down

I'll turn it around

I think Boston got it right: There will always be something that isn't going exactly how you want. But everything that has happened to you so far, good and bad, has led you to where you are. And you’re exactly where you are supposed to be.  

Think about where your focus is. If you are dwelling on the regrets of the past, look for what you learned from those experiences and how that opens up possibilities for the future. On the other hand, if you tend to "fast forward" in your mind, try to bring yourself more into the present moment. It's great to make plans and look ahead, of course, but you don't want to overlook opportunities that are available right now (and that includes mini-epiphanies from listening to the radio!). Remember to be open to those little moments that re-energize you in big ways.

Three Kinds of People to Be Grateful For

Gratitude is one of the most powerful ingredients in your recipe for happiness and success. One thing that has really hit home for me lately is the power of having a regular practice to give thanks and appreciation. I started making that shift last spring when a couple of injuries derailed me from my usual activities. And I got a great reminder of what a consistent gratitude practice can do for us when I recently attended my first Tony Robbins event.

I've also noticed how a gratitude practice has impacted my son's life. We started out by talking every night about three things he was thankful for that day. He then started keeping his own gratitude journal. And let me tell you: This kid is on fire about gratitude. Even on difficult days, he goes to his journal and writes down the good things that happened despite all the stuff he would change. This has helped show him that even "bad" days aren't all bad, and he's able to end the day on a positive note.

I want to share a simple practice that can help you bring more gratitude to your life. Think about being grateful for these three kinds of people:

1. Your supporters and advisers.

   Who have you turned to again and again? How will you let them know what a difference they've made in your life? One idea: Positive psychology pioneer Martin Seligman recommends "Gratitude Visits" as a way not only to honor that special person but also to improve your own well-being.

2. Your high performers.

   How and when will you recognize and reward the people that deliver time and again? In the hustle and bustle of life, sometimes we leap from one project to the next without taking time to celebrate successes. Or we may take our high performers for granted as we redirect our time to underperformers who need more help to get the job done. Don’t forget that when someone feels appreciated, it can affect their engagement, morale and productivity.

3. The people who have tested you.

   At first, you may not see any reason to be grateful for your abrasive boss or difficult colleague who puts everyone on edge. But, whether you realize it or not, these individuals have taught you a lot about your values and who you are as a leader. I suggest writing thank-you notes (not to be sent!) to the people who drive you crazy. This practice can be liberating and help you identify the positives in a difficult situation.

When you express gratitude and appreciation to others, you’ll notice that it will give you a boost of positive energy too. Consider the three categories above and identify at least one person you will express appreciation to this week. A small shift toward gratitude will yield powerful results for you.