The 4 Essentials of Influence

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To lead well, you need influence. And this month we're talking about how to build it. Last week, I took you through an exercise to help you figure out what influence looks like for you. This week, I'll help you better understand influence — and how to increase your own — by breaking it down into four key components.

1. Credibility

This is the big one. Influence starts with credibility. Without it, you can’t effectively influence, no matter what approach you take. If you're not sure whether others see you as credible, seek some feedback. If you hear questions about your credibility, correct that by helping others see your strengths and the value you bring. If you’re like many high performers, you may underestimate the positive impact you have. So, take the time to identify and share examples of how you consistently add value, in a way that's relevant for the audience. 2. Connection to the Big Picture

Part of being influential is being known as someone who brings a lot to table — intelligence, insight, etc. But you also have to be known as someone who's not just in it for yourself. Connect what you do to the big picture of what's right for the organization. If you speak just about your (or your department's) goals and priorities, it can leave others wondering whether your motivation is self-serving. That can quickly erode your credibility.

3. Relationships

All organizations have formal leaders whose power ties to their positions. But they also have informal leaders who shape what really gets done. Your influence depends on the strength of your relationships with both formal leaders and informal leaders. Take a few minutes to review and assess these.

4. Processes

The final part of the influence equation relates to the processes you use to build influence. In other words, be strategic about how you leverage and engage others. For example, how often do you hold the "meeting before the meeting" to get buy-in from others and avoid surprises? Have you thought through the right messenger for advancing your goals? Sometimes it isn't you.  Look at what you do today, and small tweaks you could make to bring others along more effectively.

Next week, I'll have a tool to help you gauge how you're doing in developing your influence. To get the most out of this assessment, make a point this week to notice where you currently stand in each of these key areas. And to learn more about building influence and other key career skills, check out my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM. Pick what’s most relevant for you or invest in the complete set of eight for a 20% savings.

What Does Influence Mean to You?

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We're talking about building your influence this month. Last week, I explained why you need an influential network. This week, I want to help you zero in on what kind of influencer you want to be. "Being influential" can mean different things to different people. These questions will help you take stock of what you want your influence to look like in the context of your own leadership style.

1. What do you want others to say about how you influence others?This is a variation of the question I ask clients when I help them define their leadership brand. What are the top three things you'd want someone else to say if they were describing your influence style to someone else? A few examples to spark your thinking: You are thoughtful (you bring relevant information forward). You focus on win/win approaches. You have the other party’s best interest at heart.

1. What kinds of decisions do you want to influence? We all have our strengths. What types of decisions could you more easily influence today based on how others view your strengths? These could include shaping vision, defining strategies, making changes to business operations or staffing decisions. What types of decisions would be harder for you to influence?

1. Whom do you want to influence? In addition to clarifying your realm of influence, take time to define whom you want to influence. In other words, do you want to be viewed as more of an external thought leader with clients or other leaders in your industry? Or do you want to influence others inside your organization such as peers, direct reports and company leaders? Even if it is a mix of both, defining your target audience will help you build influence faster.

1. What are your goals as an influencer? Whether you want to build influence in an area where others don’t see you as a key influencer today or one where you are already recognized as an expert, it helps to set concrete goals. For example, how long would it realistically take you to build the knowledge and track record needed to exert the influence you want to have? Whom do you need to engage along the way? To focus your efforts, define two or three small steps along with deadlines. Once you’ve completed those steps, define the next two or three. This will help you move forward without feeling overwhelmed.

Spend some time this week thinking about these questions and how to show influence in a way that fits your own leadership style. To help you further build your influence at work, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on Building Influence or get the complete set for bigger savings.

How Influential Is Your Network?

Influence is a key leadership skill, and we'll be talking about it throughout April. I want to kick off the discussion by looking at a blind spot some women have around influence: the power and influence of their network. As an executive coach who specializes in working with high-performing women leaders, I've noticed that women often don't think about whether their networks include the right influencers to help them achieve their business or professional goals.

This involves taking a step beyond creating a network of leaders who support you. It's also making sure that people with the power and influence to help you advance your goals are in this group.

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Think about the business results you have committed to delivering or how you want to take your career to the next level. Who needs to be on board to make your goals happen? Be strategic about making sure that your network includes those people.

This approach can make some people uncomfortable, so I want to stress something. Being strategic about who's in your network does not mean you have to be disingenuous. Sometimes women get stuck here because they assume that they can't strategically build their network and still be authentic.

I help the leaders I work with learn how to add key influencers to their network in a way that’s true to who they are. I'll tell you what I tell my clients: Start by clarifying your intent around your network-building. In other words, how would it benefit the organization and your team, even if you will personally benefit? With that in mind, what words would you use to engage someone while keeping your values and leadership principles in mind? If you are someone who is always focused on doing the right thing for the business or adding value, below are three examples of what you might say to initiate a conversation.

“I want to learn more about the priorities and challenges in your part of the business so that my team knows how to best work with you and develops solutions to meet your needs. Can we schedule 15 minutes to talk?”

“I want to keep expanding my knowledge of the business, so I better understand where my skills and experience can add the most value. Can we meet for a few minutes?”

“I’m committed to growing and learning, so I can fully leverage my skills at the company. Can we meet for a few minutes so I can ask you what’s made the biggest difference in your career?”

This week, I challenge you to identify and engaging one influential person in a way that aligns with your values. Let me know how it turns out.

If you want to go deeper on the topic of Influence, check out our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet on Building Influence or my book, Show Up. Step Up. Step Out.

How to Turn Conflict Into Teamwork

It isn't enough to talk about peace, one must believe it.And it isn't enough to believe in it, one must work for it.                                                                             - Eleanor Roosevelt

One of my clients is in a predicament that will feel familiar to a lot of leaders. On her team, two peers aren't collaborating, and they keep escalating their conflict. When she tries to intervene, they just dig in deeper.

This situation is an example of how a leader can set the tone. That's a theme we've been looking at throughout March in honor of Women's History Month. In this case, your leadership skills can make the difference in whether a conflict drags on (draining everyone's productivity) or gets resolved (boosting your team's results).

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If you have a couple of team members who just can't seem to work together, try these ideas to get everyone back on track.

1. Look at your role. How might you be enabling the conflict to continue? Has communication gotten fragmented between your quarreling team members because you've put yourself right in the middle of things? Remember that you can be supportive without being in the middle. Make it clear to the team members that while you can offer help, they own the problem and its resolution.

1. Establish the big picture. One good way to help without getting stuck in the middle of the conflict is by giving your team members a perspective check. Let's say that one of them is accountable for creating the highest margins for the company while the other is accountable for customer satisfaction. The two of them are being rewarded for very different things that can lead to different business decisions, which might explain one of the sources of conflict in the first place. As a leader, you can remind them to think in terms of the company's overall success and how both goals can be met, not just how well their individual area performs.

1. Help them see everyone's place in that picture. Talk with the team members about how they both fit into the company's larger goals, even though they are accountable for different things. Help them see how the big-picture success of the company might involve balancing their two individual goals. In our example, that could mean helping your team members understand that while margins are important, prices can't be so high that they run off customers. On the other hand, happy customers are vital, but so are sustainable margins. Sometimes as leaders we feel that employees should "just know" things like this and instinctively do what's right for the company. But you might have to help them connect the dots.

This week, take a look at whether there are any conflicts on your team that might come from team members being too focused on their own areas and not enough on the bigger picture. How can you help your feuding team members see beyond differences and align with higher level goals? This is a great opportunity to make a real impact with your leadership skills. In my online store, you can find many more resources to help your team members' leadership development, including the WOW! Highlight AudioSM.

Turning Down an Employee Who's Not Ready for a Promotion

“People are definitely a company’s greatest asset. It doesn’t make any difference whether the product is cars or cosmetics. A company is only as good as the people it keeps.” — Mary Kay Ash

March is Women's History Month, so we've been celebrating the words of some great women leaders and taking a look at the impact and influence of your own leadership. The way you lead makes a huge difference in your team members' difficult moments. Today, let's look at a really tricky one: What should you do when an employee wants a promotion but just isn't ready? How you lead through this situation can help determine whether the employee keeps improving and stays with your company or disengages and moves on.

Leaders have to get skilled at the art of tough conversations, and this one is among the toughest I see my clients face. If you're currently dreading having a talk like this with an employee, I have three ideas that can make the conversation easier for you both and more likely to help your team member's career growth.

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1. Set the stage.

How you frame this conversation is crucial. Communicate that you are here to help your team member succeed and that you're vested in her leadership development and her success. The key thing here is not just telling your employee that you're an ally, but reminding her of the evidence of how you've helped her develop and grow.

2. Agree on the criteria.

Lay out what the company is looking for from people at the level where she'd like to be. Then talk about your employee's strengths and where her gaps are. Maybe she's great at building a high-performing team, but she needs to improve her ability to focus on what matters most. Or she tends to get "in the weeds" with her direct reports while the position she wants requires more strategic thinking. Getting clear on criteria helps the conversation feel more objective and less personal.

3. Bring in the big picture.

People who are set on getting promoted often make the mistake of looking at it (and communicating about it) only from the standpoint of their own career path, not what's best for the company as a whole. If that's true of your employee, help her shift her thinking. The company is interested in making the highest and best use of her skills, and helping her grow and advance. It may seem a little counterintuitive to her, but when she focuses less on getting promoted and more on what’s best for the company, she will become more promotable.

If you have an employee who wants to move up but isn't ready, I encourage you to have this conversation as soon as you can. This is a difficult situation, but one where your leadership can really make the difference for the company and for your team member. In my online store, you can find many more resources to help your team members' leadership development, including the WOW! Highlight AudioSM.

Top Women Leaders Share Their Advice

In honor of Women's History Month, Newberry Executive Solutions sponsored the Texas Women in Business segment which aired on WBAP/KLIF radio in Dallas. These segments featured interviews with some of the most inspiring women leaders I know. Here is just a sampling of the advice and insights.

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"Women should focus on the things that give them energy and make them want to get to work every day."

"Don’t underestimate the importance of having the right people in your corner to help you."

—Donna Epps

Partner, Deloitte Financial Advisory Services LLP

"I took on tough roles no one else wanted and then focused on demonstrating results within them."

"Be known for your unique skill set or the way you get things done."

— Nancy Loewe

Senior vice president and chief strategy officer, Kimberly-Clark Corp.

"I think about my relationships as a bank account. In order to make withdrawals from that relationship account, you have to take the time to make lots of deposits. I remind myself every day I benefit from people who were willing to sponsor and mentor me along the way."

"When you make a decision, embrace it and don’t lose sleep thinking about 'what if.'"

— Deborah Gibbins

Chief financial officer, Mary Kay Inc.

"The best leaders don’t necessarily have the best answers, but are highly skilled at knowing the right one when they see it."

"There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but few will capture your heart.  Pursue those."

— Debbie Storey

Senior vice president talent development and chief diversity officer, AT&T

"Find the place where you can excel. Each of us has strengths and passions, so figure out what role will allow you to leverage your strengths the majority of the time."

"Don’t sacrifice anything you believe in – especially your values and family."

— Lisa Amoroso

Senior director, Diversity and Inclusion, Frito-Lay North America

I want to express my gratitude to all the leaders who took part in this series. Listen to each of their 1-minute audio segments here. I hope that you'll be as inspired by their wisdom as I have been.

For more ideas on developing your leadership, take advantage of our special offer in March for the WOW! Highlight AudioSM. It gives you a sample of proven strategies and tips from all six modules of the full WOW! WomenOn theWay to Peak Performance ProgramSM and this month it's only $97 (a $100 savings).

Crazy Day? Here's How to Get Centered

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If I don't put my own physical and emotional health first, then I'm not really useful to any movement, to any work of art, to any creative endeavor. I have to be aware — not selfish and self-absorbed and self-obsessed — but I have to be self-aware of what my needs are and be willing to take care of my own needs. —    Kerry Washington

Happy Women's History Month! As we celebrate the impact and influence of women throughout March, I want to help you recognize the powerful influence you have and how your leadership and executive presence set the tone.

I'll also be sharing quotes from notable women past and present. Today's quote from everyone's favorite Gladiator, Kerry Washington, hits on some themes that are at the very heart of how you influence as a leader.

Now while you aren't (I hope!) dealing with all the travails that Washington's character, Olivia Pope, faces, I'm sure that a lot gets thrown at you as a leader. One of the most constant themes I see with my executive coaching clients is how to stay centered when things get tough. It's a key part of your executive presence. When you're centered, you can bring calm to chaos. When you're not, you risk escalating stressful situations. What Knocks Us Off Center?

I think Kerry Washington is really on to something in that quote: We have to care for ourselves to be at our best. If you're cheating yourself on your basic physical needs, especially sleep, it leads to behaviors that amp up your stress and the stress of others. You might get grumpy or not remember what others have told you — which makes them grumpy because they think you aren't listening.

And, as leaders, there is no shortage of people and situations that push our buttons. It's the nature of our jobs, after all, to deal with challenging situations.

I've noticed that what really gets my clients off kilter is someone acting in a way that goes against the values they hold dearest at work, like respect and professionalism. I call this getting "triggered." It's a state beyond being annoyed or stressed, and it's a real physical phenomenon. Recovering after you're triggered takes at least 20 minutes. A sure sign that you've been triggered is a rush of negative emotions that you have trouble letting go of. And, you guessed it, when you're run down physically, it's easier to get triggered.

Breathing Your Way Back to Center

That's why I always advise clients to prioritize self-care. If you've been skimping on sleep, what shifts can you make in your routine to get more rest? Even getting rest by taking more breaks during the day when you know you'll be working late can help. "Powering through" is the worst thing you can do.

A great way to rest and rejuvenate even when you just have a few minutes is diaphragmatic breathing: Inhale to a count of 3, exhale to a count of 6. You should feel your belly rising when you breathe, not your chest.

Diaphragmatic breathing can help you keep calm when you sense you are starting to get triggered. Even better, practice it proactively throughout the day to head off stress.

Defusing the Trigger

Besides deep breathing, you can take other steps to avoid getting triggered in the first place.

First, it helps just to be aware that you can get triggered and what happens when you do. When you understand what happens to your body when you're triggered and how long it takes to recover, you can be more deliberate about not going there.

Start noticing what types of people and situations trigger you and how you feel when you start to get triggered. The bad news is that the people who trigger you probably aren't going to change. The good news is you are empowered to exercise more control in your interactions with them.

When you know you'll have to be around someone who shows up in a way you don't like, get really clear about how you want to show up. Regardless of how he or she behaves, how do you want to behave?

For example, let's say you have a colleague who tends to fly off the handle in meetings, which usually goads you into sniping back and then fuming after the meeting about his behavior. Before you're in another meeting with him, play it out in your mind. How will you react when he starts his usual angry behavior? At one point will you simply end the conversation with him? Even if you take just a few moments to mentally rehearse it when you're on the way to the meeting, it can make a big difference. (By the way, you can also protect your own peace of mind by noticing when others are triggered and not trying to engage them then.)

This week, I encourage you to make two small shifts: 1) Pay more attention to self-care. 2) Start noticing what triggers you and how you can change your response. Both should help you start to feel more calm and centered no matter what's going on around you. For more strategies to build your leadership, check out my WOW! Highlight AudioSM . It's a sampling of material from the complete WOW! WomenOn theWay to Peak Performance ProgramSM and this month it's $100 off.

The Secrets of True Influence

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One of the biggest mistakes I see among my executive coaching clients is confusing position and influence. They aren't the same thing, although a person’s position could potentially increase his or her influence.  

Remember that although titles on the org chart can be helpful, they don't tell the full story of how things really get done. Effective leadership means looking beyond formal structures and recognizing that it's not just your position (or someone else's position) that makes things happen. At the heart of it, influence is all about understanding, cultivating and leveraging relationships.

I work with leaders who must collaborate across organizational boundaries to influence others to deliver business results all the time. Today, I want to share some of the process we go through to develop an effective approach.

First, identify who really makes certain types of decisions. If you aren’t sure about the political dynamics in your company, ask people you can trust who have been around long enough to know. Frame your questions in the right context by communicating how a better understanding of the landscape will help you avoid landmines and more quickly deliver what the business needs. But don’t stop there. Go beyond identifying this group of decision-makers to also understanding who they trust and rely on for advice and input.

Once you have mapped out how things really get done in your company, consider how to best share your ideas. In other words, who would be the best messenger(s) for your ideas? To influence the outcome you want, it may not be you. Never forget how much the messenger matters.

Once you have thought through the dynamics and who can help you, frame your ideas to enlist the support of key stakeholders. What is important to you and to each of these individuals? What are the key points of connection, and how should you communicate those? Choose the right words to help others see your focus on what's best for the business and not your own personal agenda. Remember that influence is not about manipulation. It is about helping your company achieve desired results, in a way that is authentic, genuine, and relationship-oriented.

This week, try out one of these strategies to help you develop the right approach to effectively influence someone to take action. Two booklets from my Leadership Edge SeriesSM can help you learn more. "Communicating With Impact" will show you how to frame your ideas to get more buy-in and overcome potential resistance. And "Building Influence" can help you identify the unwritten rules in your organization.

What to Do When Your Boss Skips Feedback

Last week, we talked about how leaders can help a "stuck" employee improve. This week, let's take a look at the same situation from the employee's perspective: What can you do when a boss isn't happy with your work, but isn't giving you the information and performance feedback you need to improve?  

I've seen from my executive coaching clients that this is a tough spot to be in. They don't want to look incompetent and may have trouble admitting that they don't know what their boss wants from them. But at the same time, they need some help to succeed. We talk about strategies that let them save face and maintain their credibility while still discovering the shifts they need to make to meet their boss's expectations.

Remember that it's part of your boss's job to help you succeed. These ideas can help you get the support you need.

Frame Things the Right Way

How you present things to your boss can do a lot to open up communication between the two of you. For starters, think about how you typically frame up issues you need help with. Instead of just saying you don't fully understand an assignment she's given you, communicate your intentions before you ask any questions. For example, "I want to make sure I am delivering the right results and making the best use of your time and mine. So, can I get some clarification and more information about X, Y and Z?". Communicating your intent in a positive way can help your boss see how you are focused on meeting her expectations.

Clarify Expectations

Some bosses just aren't that skilled at delegating or clearly communicating their expectations when they make assignments. It's OK — and much better for you in the long term — to ask what you need to know to get a handle on what your boss really wants. If he hasn’t shared this with you, you can prompt him with questions to clarify:

• interim and final deadlines

• budget parameters including time and money

• your decision-making authority

• the type and timing of any follow-ups or check-ins

• how involved your boss wants to be throughout the assignment

Debrief on Your Own

Ideally, your boss should give you specific performance feedback. But this is another area where many leaders fall short. If that's true of your boss, take some steps on your own. When you complete a project, ask yourself and your project team the following questions:

• What worked well?

• What fell short of your expectations?

• What would you do differently next time, given what you know now?

You can also ask your boss for input and suggestions, based on your own debrief, if she isn't forthcoming with them.

Look Beyond Your Boss

If you're struggling and your boss isn't a good resource for help, who else can you talk to? Don’t underestimate the value of your peers. Because you share the same boss and may face similar challenges, your peers might provide useful insight and advice. Depending on your specific needs, also consider reaching out to mentors or other experienced professionals in your network.

Keep Communicating

Communicate with your boss even if you're having trouble. Just don’t go "off the grid" if you get overwhelmed or don't know what to do! It is one of the worst mistakes I have see leaders make. Your boss may get frustrated, wonder why you just aren’t taking this assignment seriously or start questioning whether you really understand the importance of it.

If you're struggling with a boss who seems hard to please and doesn't give performance feedback, try one or more of these ideas this week. Even in difficult situations like this, small steps can start you on the road to big results – including more open communication in your relationship. Another resource that can help you is "Building Executive Presence" from the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM. You'll learn strategies to help others see you as someone who can move up and how to identify and correct detracting behaviors that might be getting in your way.

Why Your Underperformer Isn't Changing

Have you ever been frustrated with a team member who isn't performing as you need — and who's showing no signs of changing?  

I've seen this issue come up several times lately with my executive coaching clients. And I've noticed that as frustrated as leaders are in this situation, sometimes they aren't giving employees the honest advice and specific feedback they need to change. They might be worried about damaging the relationship, or they think that an employee should "just know" what to do.

You can take an approach, though, that helps the employee (and keeps your relationship healthy) while getting you better results. Here's the process I advise for leaders who are dealing with a "stuck" employee.

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Look at Your Mindset

Think about how you've been engaging with this employee. What role are you playing in the current situation? How are you enabling it to continue as it is? For example, I’ve noticed that when a leader starts showing frustration or micromanaging, it can put his team member in a place of fear and self-doubt. That can make it much more difficult for the employee to make change happen. What would help you get centered so you can address the situation in a more constructive way?

Set Clear Expectations

Sometimes leaders assume an employee should know, without being told, how to handle an assignment. Then they're disappointed when the employee doesn't read their mind and meet all of those unvoiced expectations. You'll do more to boost the employee's performance when you delegate with clear expectations. Spell out the deliverables, define their decision-making authority, and specify how often the employee should check in and any other key parameters of the project.

One of my clients has a boss who's discouraged by her performance but doesn't communicate expectations. He gives her assignments to test her capabilities – but doesn't tell her this upfront, or let her know what skills he's looking to assess or build. That approach hasn’t served either one of them well. He would improve his effectiveness if he communicated at the outset, "I'm giving you this assignment to see how you'll do and where I need to coach you, to help you be successful."

Give Specific Feedback

Think about whether you're offering the employee tangible, specific feedback. Are you communicating regularly about what's working and what's not? If you want her to make a shift in a certain area — say, being more strategic instead of tactical — are you letting her know this and explaining why this would help her succeed?

I teach my executive coaching clients a two-part formula for giving feedback. This approach gives the employee useful information she can take action on and keeps the emphasis on performance and results instead of personal criticism.

1. As objectively as possible, tell the employee what you observed her doing. Share facts without interpreting them.

1. Describe the impact of those actions. Your goal is to help the employee understand what she did and how it affected others. For example, did the actions she took (or didn't take) lead to a missed deadline? Misalignment of goals? Wasted time?

This week, apply at least one of these ideas to help a team member grow and improve. You'll find more ideas on giving feedback and helping your team members develop in Building a Strong Team, part of my Leadership EdgeSMseries. And you can get a sampling of the team-building advice from the WOW! Women on the Way to Peak Performance ProgramSMin the WOW! Highlight AudioSM. Start taking some small steps and you'll see big changes with your employee.

PS: If you're on the other side of this situation — dealing with a boss who's frustrated with you but not telling you how to improve — I'll have tips for you next week.

Are You Ready to Invest in Your Own Leadership Development?

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I’m always amazed at what high performers get done from day to day and week to week. In the flurry of it all, I typically find that they invest so much time and energy on business results and working with others but very little in themselves. If this sounds like you, when was the last time you stopped to think about your professional growth and investing in your leadership development?

Remember that we all need a little TLC. Let Valentine's Day remind you of the power of giving yourself what you need to thrive. As you think about the next six months, what would help you take your leadership up a notch? How are you investing in yourself? Remember that the solutions can be really simple. If you haven’t thought about this in a while, consider the following:

Engage the right people to help you. Whether it’s surrounding yourself with the right mentors or engaging an executive coach, think about who could really help you think and play bigger. I truly believe in the power of executive coaching. I don’t just “talk the talk” — I even work with a coach on my own leadership development and it has paid off exponentially. If you don't know how coaching works, check out these resources to learn more.

Carve out time and space. I offer my clients Leadership Breakthrough SessionsSM to clarify their goals and develop strategies at crucial times, such as the first 90 days in a new job or as they position themselves for the next level. This year, I carved out time for my own Breakthrough Session to set clear business goals and develop a plan for the year. And on a daily basis, I make time for a gratitude practice, where I take 5-10 minutes to notice what I am grateful for and what I am accomplishing. It helps me stay motivated and notice what’s working.

Add tools to your toolkit. I’m constantly thinking about how to help leaders get results in dynamic, time-pressured environments. If you're looking for simple tools and programs to build your own success, check out our online store. As I consider what’s next for Newberry Executive Solutions, I'll be leveraging some new tools myself as I aim to take my business to the next level in reach and impact.

This week, I encourage you to take a step to nurture yourself and your success as a Valentine's Day gift to yourself. Even a small step to support your leadership development can open the door for big results.

Career Mentorship: Give It AND Receive It

I firmly believe that using our skills, experiences and knowledge to provide career mentorship is a privilege. So it might not surprise you that mentoring has always been one of my passions. I am excited that I get to play out my passion in several ways – in my role as an executive coach, in how I use career mentorship to help others grow and develop, and through my decisions which range from how I focus my volunteer work, choose interns for my team, and the tools and resources I create for others.

In the spirit of helping others grow, I also serve as faculty and a mentor for the Women's Initiative Fellows Program of the George W. Bush Institute. Though this pro bono work, I get to play a role in the program’s primary focus: empowering women to catalyze change around the world. Talk about exciting! I have to admit that this experience is just as rewarding for me as it is for the Fellows from Tunisia.

I just returned from a trip to Rome where the mentors met with the Fellows to reinforce what they have learned in the past 9 months, and to prepare them to teach and mentor others as they wrap up their program. I'm honored to be part of this group of mentors who are serious movers and shakers, like Diane Paddison (a former global executive of two Fortune 500 companies), Judy Verses (President, Global Enterprise & Education at Rosetta Stone), Jan Langbein (CEO of Genesis Women’s Shelter) and former ambassador Kristen Silverberg.

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The Other Side of Career Mentorship

As I continue my journey, I recognize that I still need career mentorship myself because I'm at a different professional stage than when I started my business almost seven years ago. To think and play bigger, I need to keep inviting people with fresh ideas, experiences, and perspectives to help me have the kind of impact I want to have.

If finding mentors seems to be harder for you now than it was when you started out in the corporate world, here are a few tips on finding career mentorship. They're useful no matter your situation, but they're especially helpful for people who are midcareer and/or working outside of a corporate structure.

• Get serious. Maybe you had more structured mentoring relationships earlier in your career but have let those fall away as you advanced. In my situation, I have had mentors on and off, but as I focus on a new stage of my business, I know I need more structured career mentorship again.

• Be clear about what you need. Think about what you need for your leadership development or business growth at this stage of your career. Then look for mentors who have already have those skills and accomplishments and who can share their know-how with you.

• Take a team approach. Chances are, one mentor won't have all the knowledge and insights you're looking for right now. That's why it's helpful to think in terms of having an advisory board rather than a single mentor. Maybe one of your mentors has a long track record of starting businesses, another has relationship skills you want to model and a third has the product expertise to advise you.

• Tap your network. Now that you know the kind of career mentorship you need, you can look for the right advisers. The best starting point is your own network. Does anyone currently in your network fit the career mentorship roles you need? If not, can they introduce you to people who do? Because you've taken the time to get specific about what you need ("I'm looking for mentors who can advise me on repositioning a company for growth and product marketing."), they'll have an easier time connecting you with the right people.

This week, take a look at the role mentoring currently plays in your career. How are you giving and receiving career mentorship? And how does that sync up with your career goals and the support you need to meet them? How do you share your most important skills and insights? For more advice on career mentorship and other essential career relationships, check out my Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet, "Building a Powerful Network" or the WOW! ProgramSM.

Sharing Your Ideas as a Leader – In or Out of the Shark Tank

Have you ever watched the ABC show "Shark Tank”, where entrepreneurs present their business ideas to a panel of tough businesspeople (aka “sharks”) to earn their financial backing? And have you ever wondered what sharing your ideas in that setting would be like? I got to serve as one of the "sharks" during a recent YPF event inspired by the show. The group YPF teaches entrepreneurship to the teens of the Boys & Girls Club of East Dallas. Four teams of students developed business ideas down to the business case, financial projections, and marketing tactics. Each team pitched their ideas to panel of strong business leaders who fired questions at them and challenged them to think about what else they need to successfully launch their startup. As one of the "sharks" on the panel, I was excited to help these young entrepreneurs learn from my questions and feedback.

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Congratulations to the winning team, Sara Mike and Amber Lopez. Through this experience, all of the teens developed critical leadership skills that they'll use throughout their careers — skills you also need if you want to make a difference by sharing your ideas and creativity:

• Bringing your idea to life for others.Having a great idea is only the beginning. To get others on board with your idea, you have to help them visualize the idea and the problem that it solves as clearly as you do. Help them understand how your idea would work and the benefits it offers from their perspective. This is a key strategy in influencing others.

• Tapping into others’ expertise and experience.Chances are pretty high that you alone don't have all the perspective you need to fully develop your idea. Asking a few questions of people with diverse backgrounds can go a long way. How would others be affected if you brought your idea to life? How would they use your idea? What would make it work for them? What would make it a nonstarter? Get some outside perspectives to test and refine what you have developed.

• Knowing how good is good enough.It's easy to get hung up on trying to perfect the details about your idea before you share it with the world. It may never feel totally "done" to you, but if you take the time to follow the first two tips, it may be "done" enough to take flight.

This week, draw some inspiration from these entrepreneurial teens. Think about how to refine and share your ideas with more impact. What can you do to help others see the benefits of your idea? Whose feedback and perspective could help you fine-tune your idea? Who knows — maybe we’ll see you in the real “Shark Tank” someday!

Build Your Personal Brand by Claiming the Spotlight

You've heard me make the case for "tastefully tooting your own horn" as a way to build your personal brand. Well, recently, I got a chance to take this to a whole new level for myself – one way outside my comfort zone. At the tail end of 2014, I found out I was a finalist in four categories for the Stevie Awards for Women in Business.

Initially, I didn’t even consider going to the awards ceremony in New York, and the thought of stepping into that kind of spotlight made me really uncomfortable.

But then I had a change of heart during a conversation with my executive coach. As we talked, I realized the importance of raising the visibility of my personal brand. People who know me well know how much I care about having a bigger impact – to reach more people, give them valuable resources and make a difference. I realized that this would be an important step in that direction. So I bought a plane ticket and headed for New York.

I was surprised at how vulnerable I felt about the whole thing. After all, in a situation like this you are being evaluated by a panel of judges and compared to your peers. And not everyone goes home with an award. So, it was a big deal for me to show up at the awards ceremony, and it was an even bigger deal to take a friend along. I went into that evening figuring I had no chance at gold, and certainly no need to prepare an acceptance speech. The Stevies drew 12,000 nominations from more than 20 countries.

Early in the evening, though, things began to unfold differently than I had predicted: I won a gold award! By the time the whirlwind of an evening was over, I had two gold awards: Mentor and Coach of the Year-Business and Female Entrepreneur of the Year for businesses in my size and category. I also came away with one silver award and one bronze. Because I was seated with honorees from PepsiCo and AT&T, two of my clients, I had my own cheering section. By the end of the night, I was excited — and drained (in fact, too drained to go and celebrate that night in NYC)! When I got back to Dallas, my executive coach laughed out loud when I told her I “survived” my awards ceremony.

This story might surprise you, given how often I’m in the spotlight speaking and presenting and successfully coaching others on tasteful self-promotion. But being in this kind of spotlight was really different, and stretched me in new ways. I am so glad I went, and I urge you to find opportunities to step out, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Here's why:

• We all need to acknowledge and celebrate success. As high performers, we often push ahead to the next project without pausing to notice the impact of what we've already done and how many people we've affected. As I reflected about my company’s growth and performance, I realized how many lives we have touched and in what way. If I didn’t have to find a way to fit four awards in my luggage, I’m not sure I would have really noticed in the way I did that night.

• Increasing your own visibility can help others. To tap into your knowledge and strengths, people have to know what you have to offer! Look for opportunities to showcase your value, impact, and skills so that others can leverage and learn from them, and you can make a bigger difference.

• Being open to the possibilities can take you to places you never expected. I had to really stretch to put myself in a situation that might not have gone as well as I'd hoped. It has taught me lessons that will benefit me and my clients.

If you normally shy away from the spotlight, think about how you can step out more in 2015. Maybe it's applying for an award; maybe it's taking on a high-visibility role or project that scares you. Get motivated with my videos on self-promotion as a way to build your personal brand or the Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet "Strategically Standing Out." And remember, small steps can lead to big results.

P.S. Check out the full list of Stevie Awards for Women in Business winners.

What a Classic Rock Band Can Teach Us About Success

Empty asphalt road towards cloud and signs symbolizing success.

Sometimes career inspiration comes when we least expect it. For me, it came from some classic rock. I got in my car and turned on the radio to the song "Don't Look Back" by the band Boston. Remember that one?

I was a huge rock fan when I was a teenager, so this was very nostalgic for me. I cranked up the volume and sang along.

Maybe it's because I hadn't heard the song in a while, or maybe it's because I was hearing it at the right time, but the song's lyrics really hit me:

Don't look back

A new day is breakin'

It's been too long since I felt this way

I don't mind where I get taken

The road is callin'

Today is the day

I can see

It took so long to realize

I'm much too strong

Not to compromise

Now I see what I am is holding me down

I'll turn it around

I think Boston got it right: There will always be something that isn't going exactly how you want. But everything that has happened to you so far, good and bad, has led you to where you are. And you’re exactly where you are supposed to be.  

Think about where your focus is. If you are dwelling on the regrets of the past, look for what you learned from those experiences and how that opens up possibilities for the future. On the other hand, if you tend to "fast forward" in your mind, try to bring yourself more into the present moment. It's great to make plans and look ahead, of course, but you don't want to overlook opportunities that are available right now (and that includes mini-epiphanies from listening to the radio!). Remember to be open to those little moments that re-energize you in big ways.

Three Kinds of People to Be Grateful For

Gratitude is one of the most powerful ingredients in your recipe for happiness and success. One thing that has really hit home for me lately is the power of having a regular practice to give thanks and appreciation. I started making that shift last spring when a couple of injuries derailed me from my usual activities. And I got a great reminder of what a consistent gratitude practice can do for us when I recently attended my first Tony Robbins event.

I've also noticed how a gratitude practice has impacted my son's life. We started out by talking every night about three things he was thankful for that day. He then started keeping his own gratitude journal. And let me tell you: This kid is on fire about gratitude. Even on difficult days, he goes to his journal and writes down the good things that happened despite all the stuff he would change. This has helped show him that even "bad" days aren't all bad, and he's able to end the day on a positive note.

I want to share a simple practice that can help you bring more gratitude to your life. Think about being grateful for these three kinds of people:

1. Your supporters and advisers.

   Who have you turned to again and again? How will you let them know what a difference they've made in your life? One idea: Positive psychology pioneer Martin Seligman recommends "Gratitude Visits" as a way not only to honor that special person but also to improve your own well-being.

2. Your high performers.

   How and when will you recognize and reward the people that deliver time and again? In the hustle and bustle of life, sometimes we leap from one project to the next without taking time to celebrate successes. Or we may take our high performers for granted as we redirect our time to underperformers who need more help to get the job done. Don’t forget that when someone feels appreciated, it can affect their engagement, morale and productivity.

3. The people who have tested you.

   At first, you may not see any reason to be grateful for your abrasive boss or difficult colleague who puts everyone on edge. But, whether you realize it or not, these individuals have taught you a lot about your values and who you are as a leader. I suggest writing thank-you notes (not to be sent!) to the people who drive you crazy. This practice can be liberating and help you identify the positives in a difficult situation.

When you express gratitude and appreciation to others, you’ll notice that it will give you a boost of positive energy too. Consider the three categories above and identify at least one person you will express appreciation to this week. A small shift toward gratitude will yield powerful results for you.

Give Yourself a Confidence Boost

Are you taking on a new or bigger leadership role in the coming year? As my clients as continue to step up and show what they can do, many of them find themselves in this situation. Although a promotion, stretch assignment, or new role can be exciting, it often comes with some performance anxiety. So, when a transition like this is happening, I find myself coaching leaders on how to boost their self-confidence. 

One of my clients will take on a new job over the next few months — and she's feeling a little nervous about it, especially since her predecessor won’t be around as an ongoing resource. If you find yourself stretching out of your comfort zone, make a list of all the reasons you will succeed and what you bring to the table. Even if some of the items don't seem all that consequential, write them down anyway. You might be surprised at the length of your list.   Remember to include your skills, experience and results; your understanding of the inner workings of the company; and the relationships you've cultivated. If you’re a woman, this list might help you step up even more. Research shows that women believe they should have all of the competencies required of a new role before they take it on, while men have more confidence that they can succeed in a new role even if they don’t have them all.  

Nine times out of 10, relationships will be the most critical factor to success in your new role. And, I'm betting, your relationship skills are one of the biggest reasons you got the promotion in the first place. If you're feeling insecure about the skills you'll need in the new job, take a look at what has worked successfully for you in the past (i.e., your personal best practices). And don’t forget to give yourself some space to grow in your new job; it's supposed to be a stretch.

Conveying confidence  

As someone who’s stepping into something new, keep in mind that people will pay more attention to how you show up when you first start but they will also give you some latitude. Having a strong executive presence can position you well because your confidence comes through in the way you carry yourself. Make sure your body language and posture convey your positive energy and that you have something valuable to contribute.   So, as you prepare for your new role, think about how you want to show up. What behaviors do you need to develop further?  

Let’s take a simple example. If you have a habit of taking copious notes in meetings, recognize that doing this in your new role might send some unintended messages: “I have a lot to learn” (I’m not ready for the role) or “Your opinion carries a lot of weight” (I’m giving away my power by deferring to your perspective).”   To be clear, I am not suggesting that you stop taking notes. Just do it in a way that instills confidence and demonstrates strong leadership. Show others that you are actively listening and value their perspective, while showcasing your own confidence and capability. In other words, pay attention to what you do and how you do it.  

This week, I encourage you to:

1. Give yourself a confidence boost by noticing the value of your unique strengths and accomplishments. Our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet: Strategically Standing Out has more tips on how you can differentiate yourself.

1. Show up with confidence and capability. Take at look at our Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet, Building Executive Presence for ways to do this.

Remember that small steps lead to big results. So the small changes you make now to build and show your confidence will deliver big results for you.

The Gift of Time and Space

In the hubbub of your holiday season, I hope there's been room for one very important non-material gift you can give your yourself: the gift of some time and space to get clarity.  

I'm a firm believer in downtime, but that wasn't always the case. In my first few years as a consultant, I bought into the idea that it was a badge of honor to not take all my vacation time. Everyone around me left unused vacation days on the table.

Then I realized that was simply crazy.

So I started making changes. I began taking more of my vacation days, but often stayed plugged in while I was gone. When I felt that I had built up enough credibility and earned trust from others, I began to unplug more and more on vacation. I quickly learned that the sky wouldn't fall without me at work, and that others would willingly step up.

From there, I began to make a stronger connection between down time and how it impacted my productivity. I began to view my time away as an important strategy to boost my performance, and I started to communicate how much getting away and recharging helped me do just that. I continue to honor a practice I put into place years ago, work-free weekends.

650self-reflection

At four different points in my career, I also took extended sabbaticals when I faced major life changes. During those sabbaticals, I made a point not to think about the big decisions waiting for me when I got back. Instead, I focused on doing what I enjoyed most and what energized me. I'm convinced that this kind of down time, the kind that reconnects you to who you are, truly unlocks our insights and guides us to the right answers.

Today, as a mom and business owner, it's much harder to take off for an extended break. I'm sure you can relate. But it's still important to regularly take time and space for ourselves, and the good news is that it's achievable. Here are a few ideas.

• Schedule time to reflect. This is one of the best habits you can establish to increase your productivity and lower your stress. Start by scheduling just 15 minutes once a week to prepare for upcoming meetings and reflect on ones you've already attended. I'm betting that you'll see results quickly, which will inspire you to add even more strategic reflection time. Learn more about getting started with strategic reflection in the post "The Real Secret to Being More Productive and Effective."

• Make time for what you love. While you're scheduling reflection time on your calendar, also block out some time for what you love. Think about the things that give you energy — time with friends and family, a massage, exercise, meaningful volunteering — and make sure they get time on your schedule.

• Set regular practices. Keeping a log of your accomplishments or a gratitude journal will remind you to step out of the fray and think about the big picture more regularly.

• Need more time and space? Listen to your gut: Is it time for a more extended break like a vacation or sabbatical? Start planning now to make it happen in 2015.

How we give ourselves “space” changes throughout our lives, but its importance never goes away. Take a few minutes this week to think about how you can create some space for yourself both during the holidays and in the year ahead. (My Leadership EDGE SeriesSM booklet "Staying in the Driver's Seat" can be a helpful tool as you do this.) Whether you can set aside a few minutes or a few weeks, know that this investment in yourself will deliver big results.

Making It Easier to Give Performance Feedback

performancereview

Why is it so hard to give feedback?

I recently spoke to an executive who asked me about an issue that's probably troubled a lot of other leaders. She asked, “Why do leaders [at my company] continue to struggle with giving candid performance feedback although they've been given supporting tools and training time and again?”

It's an important question because feedback can make a huge difference in helping your people grow, and your company thrive.

I told her that no matter how much training people receive, it all starts with how you personally view the act of giving feedback. In other words, is feedback a gift that you give to someone or something painful for the other person to endure?

Mindset About Feedback

Let’s take a closer look at your thoughts about giving feedback. Which statements sound the most like you?

1. I worry that negative feedback will hurt the other person’s feelings.

2. I know how to depersonalize feedback by putting the focus on results and impact, rather than the individual’s personality.

3. I hesitate because I don’t want negative feedback to strain my relationship with the other person.

4. I see feedback as valuable information that someone should have.

5. Giving feedback takes more energy and effort than it is worth.

6. I don’t wait for annual performance reviews. I give feedback daily or weekly.

7. I dread giving feedback because of how poorly it has been delivered to me in the past.

8. If I prepare well, I can get more comfortable in giving feedback.

Feedback Tips

If the odd-numbered statements above resonated more with you than the even-numbered ones, you may be missing some valuable opportunities to help your employees grow through candid feedback. Here are a few ideas to make it easier for you.

• Reframe feedback as key to success.

Feedback works best when you approach it with a spirit of generosity. You're not being the "bad guy" by criticizing. Instead, remember that you're giving the employee valuable information to help her be successful. Wouldn't you be grateful if someone took the time to tell you what you should know – how you get in your own way, or the impact you have on others with certain behaviors? Convey to the recipient that this conversation is about setting her up for success, and that she may not be aware that she's doing something that could limit that. Presenting feedback in this way can put both of you at more ease.

• Use this feedback formula.

1. Describe what you observed the employee doing as objectively as possible by sharing the facts without interpreting them. 2. Describe at least 2-3 consequences of what you observed to help your employee understand the impact of her actions. This makes feedback sound less nitpicky by clarifying what’s really at stake. Your goal is to help your employee see that she has choices — and that there are consequences to each of them.

• Seize the moment.

Feedback doesn't have to take a lot of time or buildup. Get in the habit of sharing what you noticed right after you observe it. Even a couple of minutes after a meeting to point out what worked well and what would have been more effective can go a long way.

• Practice.

Giving feedback can be easier if you say it out loud before your actual conversation with the recipient. Ask someone you trust to role-play with you or to at least help you think through what might trigger your employee, based on how you've described the employee's personality. Anticipating the reactions the employee might have and how you would respond to them, will give you more confidence.

Giving feedback gets easier the more you do it and the more you see how helpful it is to recipients. If you usually feel uncomfortable giving feedback, challenge yourself to reframe it as something valuable, a gift. It will help you find the language you need to convey the intent of your feedback. You'll find more ideas on giving (and receiving) feedback in my book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. Leadership Through a New Lens. Remember that small steps to improve how you give feedback can lead to big results, for you and others.

Don't Overlook Peer Relationships

As an executive coach, I work with a lot of high performers who are thinking about how to get to the next level in their careers. At the end of a recent call with an executive at AT&T, I asked him what factors he thought people overlooked or underestimated in their quest to move up.  

His answer? Peer relationships.

When people are trying to advance, the first place they look is above them, this executive explained. Whom should they be trying to impress? Whom do they need exposure to?

His advice is to stop looking up as much and start looking around. Your relationships with your peers might not come into play for you every day, so they might fall of your radar. But remember that they do affect your career progression.

This executive considers one measure of success to be whether your peers seek out your opinion and advice. It's easier to look good to the people above you, he points out. But your peers really know what's going on "in the trenches" and will certainly weigh in if you are being considered for a promotion, especially if they might become your direct reports.

He gives this advice for building peer relationships:

• Cultivating relationships with your peers starts with how you treat your own team. You can't get support from peers if you're not treating your own people well.

• Share credit broadly with your own team and others. When something bad happens, take the fall instead of trying to assign blame.

• Focus on doing positive things for your peers. By lifting them up and investing in building strong relationships with them, you will foster loyalty and support.

And I'd add these tips:

• Take the time to get to know your peers: their challenges, their pressures, their goals and what's important to them personally and professionally.

• Invest time to listen, problem-solve or brainstorm with your peers. Being able to offer an outside perspective can be invaluable to them.

• Look for what you can offer your peers. How can you put your strengths, values and experiences to use for them?

Consistently working on your peer relationships will pay off when you are being considered for a promotion. You can bet that your peers will get asked what they think of you then.

You'll find more ideas on strengthening your peer relationships in my ebooklet "Building aPowerful Network." It's part of The Leadership EDGE SeriesSM.

This week, identify one peer relationship you would like to strengthen and one small step you can take to cultivate it. Remember that small steps can lead to big results – and in this case might help you advance.