The Value of Being “Speechless”

Once I lost my voice to the point of a whisper. It was truly a first for me. As an extrovert and someone who provides coaching and consulting services, it was so hard to refrain from talking. To add another interesting dimension, I also had my 6-year-old son solo that weekend, so writing down what I wanted to say wasn’t an option — unless of course I wanted to limit myself to simple three-letter or four-letter words!

So, between losing my voice and starting off that week teaching coaching skills to a group of leaders, it reminded me of two simple but important ideas relevant to leadership.

1.Notice themes in your nonverbal communication.

Sometimes we forget how much we communicate without ever uttering a word. Whether it’s that scowl on your face, the hand on your hip, or that big smile — you constantly send messages. And the nonverbal cues speak so much louder than words, carrying much more weight if there’s a “disconnect” between the two.

So, right now, take a minute to think about what you are communicating on a day-to-day basis. Do you constantly look rushed, stressed out, or too busy to stop and have a conversation? How do your nonverbal messages align with your leadership brand (i.e., what you want to be known for as a leader)? If you are unsure about what you’re communicating nonverbally, ask for feedback from people you trust.

2.Recognize how the simple act of listening can propel things forward.

During the session I facilitated, I helped leaders practice coaching skills that they can apply to any role or situation. As you might expect, we focused on listening as one of those critical skills. Through various coaching scenarios and interactive role play, the leaders focused on:

• giving their undivided attention

• being “in the moment”

• listening with genuine curiosity

• withholding judgment as they listened

As we talked about the experience, several leaders mentioned how listening in this way can make a huge difference because the other person feels heard. They went on to say how taking this approach generated more engagement, opened the other person up to exploring solutions, and ultimately helped them take action faster.

Think about this for a minute. As a leader, if your team members feel that you are willing to listen and care about their perspectives, they will get more engaged in solving their own problems — giving you more capacity to work on other priorities.

So, right now, look at the questions below to assess how effectively you listen:

• How often do you multi-task as others are talking?

• How much do you focus on how you would solve the person’s problem or what you would say next while the other person is talking?

• How much do you REALLY pay attention to the person’s tone of voice, energy, nonverbal cues, and words?

Hopefully these two simple reminders have made you pause, as I did that week, to consider a small tweak you’d like to make. I urge you to identify one small step you‘ll take in the next five days to align your nonverbal communication with your leadership brand or to fine tune your listening skills. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

What’s Your Impact?

Every day we engage with people from all walks of life in our professional and personal lives. Each interaction results in an exchange of energy, information, and ideas—positive and negative. Through the following three questions, I challenge you today to think about the impact you have on others.

What kind of energy are you giving off?

First, are you the kind of person who brings a conversation to a halt with your “healthy dose of realism” that others might call pessimism, or are you someone that people receive positive energy from? As you go through your day, notice how people respond to you by observing their body language, tone and actions. Recognize that some of their reactions may be more about them than you, but others may be directly related to what you are saying and doing. By paying attention more closely, you may notice some important patterns.

How do you impact results?

Next, ask yourself how the company or others benefit from your involvement or participation, whether you’re participating in a meeting or on a conference call. What do you typically contribute? Are you the person that “hangs back” or dives right in with your ideas? How much do you focus on moving things forward versus staying below the radar or just trying to wade through? Even if you’re “showing up” to participate, are you actually adding value?

What do others take from your behavior?

To bring the last point home, I want to share something from a meeting I was facilitating with an executive women’s group last week. We talked about how leaders are always in an “invisible spotlight.” In other words, people are constantly watching them, noticing what they are doing and drawing their own conclusions.

So, whether you realize it or not, you are sending indirect messages with everything you do. What are yours? Is it that you’re overwhelmed and need to be managed carefully or you might make life miserable for everyone? Or are you that unwavering leader that can provide direction and guidance consistently no matter what is going on? Recognize that small actions can add up to big messages when you put them all together.

Remember that you have an impact on everyone you interact with, but you do have a choice about what kind of impact you want have. So be intentional and purposeful about it and make sure that what you do reinforces your leadership brand and aligns with your values.

So, what one small step will you take this week to have the type of impact that’s important to you and your team?

Is Self-Care Really Selfish?

I have to give my sister credit for inspiring this article. She wrote a book on successful working women, the challenges they face in making marriage work, and how to overcome them. As we talked about common themes that we see in our respective worlds working with high-performing women, we talked about the difficulty women have with the concept of self-care.

We discussed that women often confuse self-care with selfishness. A woman may think, “How could I possibly take time for me right now when there’s so much to do and others rely on me?” In this view of the world, self-care is a luxury, a “nice-to-have.”

A man, on the other hand, knows that self-care allows him to keep going so he can provide the support others need from him. In this view of the world, self-care is a “must have” that provides energy. That doesn’t mean a man will put himself first no matter what. However, he is much less likely to confuse self-care with selfishness.

At the end of the day, what we’re talking about is energy management. Resist the temptation to keep giving and giving without taking enough time to renew your own energy. As you may know from firsthand experience, it can lead to burnout or resentment pretty quickly.

Think about what you will do for yourself this week to give yourself that essential energy you need to stay productive and avoid burnout. Here are some ideas.

1. Say no to something you really don’t want to do.

Whether it’s a personal or professional request, resist the temptation to say yes to something you don’t want to do — and know you shouldn’t be doing. If you feel guilty about saying no, you can always help the person find another resource to help. Remember that this task could be a good developmental opportunity or exposure for someone else.

2. Get exercise without putting any judgment around it.

You might just have 15 minutes to exercise, so adopt the mindset that 15 minutes is better than nothing. If exercise gives you energy, make the most of whatever time you have by taking a quick walk, going for a short run, grabbing some dumbbells, or doing a few pushups and crunches.

3. Give yourself time to decompress before you walk into the house.

Take time to transition out of work mode, so you can leave work stress at the office. Do something to deliberately make that shift, whether you sit in the car for a few minutes to get the solitude you need before you immerse yourself into a house full of children, or just don’t take that conference call on the drive home.

If you regularly put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, identify one step you will take this week to take care of yourself — so you can be there for others. Remember that self-care isn’t selfish.

The Power of Simply Noticing

Most of us are so busy each day, going from one thing to the next and shifting across the many roles we play (colleagues, leaders, mentors, or parents), that in the midst of it all, we may overlook the opportunities right in front of us. So, this week, I would like you to try the exercise of “simply noticing.” As you’re sitting in that next meeting or conference call, pay attention to the following:

1. How You Are Showing Up

What thoughts are running through my head?

You may be thinking to yourself:

• “I really don’t want to be here.”

• “These meetings are always run poorly.”

• I have way too much to do, and this meeting is a waste of my time.”

• “Maybe I can leave early. Will anyone care?”

How do those thoughts affect how I am participating?

Jot down what you’re doing or not doing:

• I’m watching the clock, doodling, and am disengaged.

• I am not giving any thought to how I can really add value and move the discussion forward. I just want this to end.

• I’m planning my escape.

What’s the message I’m indirectly sending others?

Whether you realize it or not, you are always communicating something. Sometimes it can be far from what you intend. Continuing with the scenario above, here are some potential messages you may be sending:

• My time is more important than yours.

• What you care about doesn’t matter to me.

• I am not willing to roll up my sleeves and get in the game. I just want to sit on the sidelines.

2. How Others Are Showing Up

In addition to noticing what you’re doing, paying attention to group dynamics can tell you volumes. To help you glean more information, ask yourself the following questions:

• Who are the informal leaders and influencers in this group?

• Who seems aligned with whom?

• What does each person seem to really care about in this discussion?

• What does the body language and energy level of each person tell you?

3. What It All Means

Now that you’ve had a chance to “simply notice” what’s going on around you, take the time to think about what it means – even if it’s just for five or ten minutes.

• What actions do you want to take as a result of your observations?

• In your next meeting, how do you want to show up instead?

• What can you do to reinforce what you want others to know about you and the value you bring?

• How can you maximize the opportunities in that next meeting, even if you do consider it a waste of your time?

This week, I challenge you to simply notice what’s going on around you, even if it’s in just one meeting, and identify an action step you would like to take. You may be surprised at how quickly it changes your perspective. Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

The Impact of the Company You Keep

I do a lot of speaking about building a network of powerful advocates, something

that women often underestimate. When you really take time to think about it, whom you surround yourself with makes a huge difference. Think about your network and how you might strengthen it. As you think about the three questions below consider the people you currently rely on regularly (e.g., your core network).

1. Do they look like you?

One of the most valuable things you can do is surround yourself with people who challenge your ideas and bring different perspectives. How many of the people in your core network have thinking styles, perspectives, and experiences similar to your own? If most are like you, you may be inadvertently limiting your ideas.

2. Do they extend your expertise?

Another important dimension that you may underestimate is expertise. To what extent do the people in your network, whether personal or professional contacts, expand your knowledge and understanding? Do they work in different industries? How much can you learn from them?

3. Do they span different levels?

Finally, knowing people at different levels of the hierarchy can benefit you immensely. Consider the value a network like this would hold if you were leading a change effort across the company and needed to get the pulse of the organization. It could also bring forward new ideas and perspectives from people who are closer to the day-to-day business activity. Don’t forget to consider leaders with power and influence, a group that women often focus less on. Remember that they can be valuable advocates and resources to get things done.

As you read through the questions above, what jumped out at you about your own network? Where do you see opportunities to strengthen it? Remember the breadth of your network impacts your diversity of thought, knowledge, access to resources, and ability to get things done quickly.

So, your challenge is to identify one person whom you would like to strengthen a relationship with in the next six months and the first step you will take to do so. Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Is Your Communication Style Undermining Your Credibility?

Every day you shape how others view your leadership, through how you communicate. You send messages directly and indirectly all the time. Although this sounds really obvious, most people don’t take time to think about how their communication style affects their credibility.

The biggest opportunities to improve how we communicate typically exist when we know exactly what we mean and are laser focused on our message, because this is when we may forget to provide important context. We can leave people confused or making incorrect assumptions about our intentions.

So, here are three important questions to ask yourself before you engage someone, or to have your team think through before they approach you:

1. What do I want the other person to do with the information?

When you approach someone with information, the first thing she typically wonders is, “Why are you telling me this?”

• Do you want me to take action? Help you problem-solve?

• Are you just giving me an update?

• Are you venting? Do you just need me to listen?

Remember to Connect the Dots for others to help them understand how the information impacts them and what you expect from them.

2. How important is this?

Next, ask yourself what level of priority the topic really warrants. Remember that by having a conversation focused on a single topic you may inadvertently give it more emphasis than you intended. Even the method of communication — face-to-face vs. phone or email — can convey relative importance.

Given the level of priority (high, medium, or low) what method and timing make sense? Should this topic be bundled with others? Can it wait to be discussed at a meeting you already have scheduled on another topic? Each approach communicates a different level of priority.

3. How can I connect this to the bigger picture?

Finally, consider the strategic significance of the information you want to share. If you are like most people, you have a bigger issue or business priority in mind even when you are “in the weeds.” How consistently do you make that connection for others in how you frame your message?

If you are in a leader’s office frequently talking about what seem like minor things at a surface level, it can undermine your credibility over time. Ensure the leader understands how each item relates to a bigger picture.

This week, I want to challenge you to think about these three questions as you communicate. Where do the biggest opportunities lie for you? What one step can you take to build your credibility through your communication style? Don’t forget that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Strategies to Create a High Performing Team

Whether you are forming a new team for a specific project or leading an existing team, there are some very practical things you can do as a leader to develop a high-performing team. Here are four simple strategies to consider.

1. Toot your own horns

In the early stages, create a forum for team members to share their strengths and past experiences. This can be as simple as taking some time in a team meeting. Although some may be reluctant to toot their own horns, ask each person to share what she wants others to know or understand about her background and skills, and how that information can be useful to the team. This will help team members reach back into their past experiences, be more intentional about applying those experiences, and understand the variety and richness of the team’s collective capabilities.

2. Use the team experience to enable individual goals

Take time with each individual to understand what he wants to get from his participation on the team in the context of his professional goals. This will create more ownership and accountability — for you and for your team members — as they identify what they want to get out of the team experience, and as you proactively use this information to give them exposure to the areas of expressed interest.

3. Prevent silos

Help people see beyond their areas of responsibility and notice relationships across the team. Try this simple exercise called “Visiting New Lands” to have your team walk in each other’s shoes. This can apply to a department with different functional areas or an entire team with different areas of responsibility. Start by taping off and labeling a section of the floor for each functional area. Then pick a functional area to start with and have everyone physically stand in it together. Then ask all members of the team except for the people who work in that function to collectively answer the two questions below as if they worked there (e.g., if standing in the Finance section, everyone but the Finance team members would answer these questions as if they worked in Finance):

1. What are your top three challenges?

2. What are your top three priorities?

After everyone has answered the questions for that particular area, the team members who do work in that functional area can share their actual challenges and priorities. Then move to the next area and repeat the exercise until you have discussed each area. This exercise can provide invaluable insight into each functional area, highlight common themes across the entire team, create empathy within the team, and ignite the team’s commitment to helping one another.

4. Drive alignment through team goals

Last but not least, don’t underestimate the importance of having a common definition of success for your team as a whole — i.e., team goals and guidelines. This will allow you to drive alignment within the team and depersonalize differences of opinion by allowing the deciding factor to be whether something enables or detracts from the team’s goals.

As you know, there are many strategies to develop a high-performing team — and many of these may be reminders of what you already know. I want to challenge you to put one of these into play over the next month, if you haven’t already.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Are You Being Strategic About Relationships?

I get asked all the time about how to build a strong network of advocates. Advocates are people with power and influence who can give you important exposure, shield you from negative consequences and criticism, and recommend you for new positions or visible assignments.

If you aren’t paying attention to building these relationships, here are three steps to help you be more strategic about your approach:

1. With whom do you want to cultivate relationships?

In the context of your professional goals, identify the top three people with whom you need to develop stronger relationships. They may be people you don’t know at all or individuals who have had some exposure to you. Often they can be people who already have a positive impression of you, but you haven’t asked them to take any action on your behalf in the past. Be specific about what you would want them to do on your behalf and make it easy for them to do so. Come prepared with the right information.

2. What would success look like for your next conversation with them?

What would you want to have as the outcome of that conversation? How do you want to “show up”? In other words, think about any aspects of your brand that you’d want to focus on or what you would want them to know about you. Think about not only your key strengths, but also experiences and results. For example, if you want to come across as competent, you can do that through the quality and caliber of the questions you ask in addition to the types of examples you share about the work you’ve done. Figure out what approach works best for you.

3. What can you offer them?

Offer them something of value. For example, you might be able to share articles or other resources relevant to their interests or specific challenges they’re facing. You may have contacts with similar interests who might be beneficial for them to know. You may be able to give them exposure by inviting them to speak or be on a panel in a professional association that you participate in. Or you may be able to invite them to an event that would be of interest to them.

One of the most important things to remember is to be consistent. Allocate time to cultivate these relationships each month. It doesn’t have to be time-consuming. The key is to stay top of mind so that when opportunities do arise they will think of you. So, what step will you take this week to put this into play? Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

How Do You Define Success?

When was the last time you stopped to clarify what success looks like for you? Although it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of life, take a minute to read and answer the following questions.

1. If you had to write a one-sentence description of success, what would it say?

Writing a personal definition of success can propel you forward by leaps and bounds. The key is to think about the most important elements and remember that this sentence is for YOU, to guide you as you move forward. This definition of success should take a holistic view. Consider sharing it with others as a way to help them understand what influences your choices.

2. How would you measure it?

Come up with three measures of success to help you realize when you have achieved it. High performers can be really good at taking action but don't always recognize when they have accomplished their goals, since new ones quickly take their place. Your measures should reflect what’s important to you personally and professionally. For example, one may be the number of hours of quality time you spend with your family each week.

Take a few minutes to answer the questions above or even ask others how they define success. Just having it top of mind will get your wheels turning. I urge you to take just one step to get more clarity. Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Turn Frustration into Empowerment

My client Debra is a high performer so frustrated with her boss that she is ready to find another job. So, I asked her, “What would have to happen for you to recommit to your current company?” This simple question helped her start moving from frustration to empowerment.

As we talked, I quickly learned that Debra’s boss is under tremendous stress and often micromanages. This leaves Debra feeling mistrusted and underutilized. She feels that the company just isn’t benefiting from her skills and experience because a disproportionate amount of her time now focuses on administrative rather than strategic activities.

Here's how I helped her think through the situation. These strategies may help you the next time you are frustrated:

1. Assume that you have to work within the current set of parameters.

Start by assuming that nothing major will change in the short term. For example, you can’t get any more resources than you have today. You can’t add anyone else to the team or get more time. If resources aren’t the challenge for you, identify the other parameters you must work within.

2. Get clear about what's really going on for you underneath the frustration.

Debra’s frustration made her forget what she enjoys about her role. At the end of the day, she just wants to contribute to the success of the company in a way that helps her grow and feel like she’s making a difference.

3. Identify what's really going on for the other party involved.

Debra pointed out that her boss is laser focused on delivering high-quality work, regardless of the timeline. If her boss understood that her own actions are actually putting the quality of the work at risk (through impending team burnout or turnover), she might make different choices. But no one has yet had the courage to give her feedback.

4. Identify one or two steps you can immediately take.

As you begin to develop solutions, remember that they must address the underlying needs of both parties involved, and must assume the current constraints will still exist in the short-term. Taking this approach will force you to get creative and view the situation from different vantage points.

Because Debra won’t get the luxury of more time, she has to make better use of the time the team already has – by rationalizing and refocusing team meetings and one-on-one time, and identifying what the team will stop doing. We quickly identified several changes that could be easily made.

We also discussed how Debra could get more meaning from her administrative work. Because she often collaborates with business leaders as she does this work, the exposure and relationship-building opportunities are tremendous – but only if she recognizes and maximizes them. Taking advantage of those opportunities would further engage her in this work.

Hopefully you now have some ideas on how to turn a frustrating situation into one where you can more directly effect change. This approach doesn’t fully address the underlying issues, but it starts to create the capacity and energy to do so.

Remember that you work in a system and when one part of that system changes (i.e., you), it can create a shift in another part. So, what small step will you take this week to drive the change you would like to see?

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

Helping Others Step Up

Working to finalize three new products with my team was a good reminder for me about several key leadership principles. As I moved through the process with them, I realized I needed to keep the following in mind to ensure a successful outcome. These are things we all know, but sometimes don’t fully put into play.

1. Ensure everyone has the same definition of success

It sounds so simple, but people often forget the importance of defining and communicating what success looks like as they quickly dive into action mode. Taking this step can help you surface any differences in expectations that may exist in the team, and help all of you better understand what it will really take to achieve the ultimate goal. This step alone can vastly increase the likelihood of the team delivering the right outcome.

2. Keep things in perspective

When things go wrong, as they often do, think about the true underlying cause. Most people do not intentionally make mistakes. When you can identify what’s really going on, it will help you stay centered and able to solve the problem productively.

3. Keep things on track

Identify what’s working and what’s not, and take the time to help others understand that. In an effort to problem-solve, people often go straight to what needs to be fixed or addressed and overlook the importance of helping others see how to put what they are doing right into play even more. To give you a more balanced view and constructively share your thoughts, ask yourself what the person should keep, start, and stop doing to be more effective.

How you engage as a leader can be the difference between a painful path and a smooth road. Think about one principle you’d like to put into play more powerfully in the next week and one step you’ll take to do that. Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

What Are Your Top Five?

Today, I want to challenge you to put the power of self-appreciation into play. It’s something people often overlook, but it can change how you “show up” and participate in everything you do. And, as you know, it’s hard to help others see the value you bring when you don’t have this information top of mind.

1. What are the Top Five things you appreciate about yourself?

For those of you high performers with a constant eye toward self- improvement, creating this Top Five list will help you simply notice what differentiates you and how you uniquely add value. For example, your list might include the following:

• "I am a quick study."

• "I enjoy learning and growing."

• "I am authentic."

• "I am tenacious."

• "I am fun to be around."

If you have a hard time limiting your list to five, keep going!

2. How do the Top Five make a difference?

Next, write down how the Top Five allow you to do things others can’t easily do. For example, as a quick study and someone who enjoys learning, you may dive into opportunities that stretch you beyond your comfort zone. For your company, this means that they can put you in challenging situations and you will quickly figure out what you need to do and how to add value. Even if you have been doing this for years, remember that not everyone has this ability.

3. How will you put your Top Five into play even more?

So, now that you have your Top Five list and the "so what" of each item on the list, think about what's going on in your world – personally and professionally.

• How can you leverage your Top Five to make a bigger difference?

• Who could use your help?

• How can you reframe your ideas to make your Top Five more obvious to others, so they can benefit from them?

This week, take 5-10 minutes to answer at least the first two questions above. It will get your wheels turning and you will start “showing up” differently as you consider what you have to offer. Remember that small steps can lead to big results – and the first step here is to simply appreciate what you bring to the table.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

How Hierarchy Impacts Your Presence

When you participate in events with professionals who hold a much higher or lower position than you, does it make you uncomfortable? As someone not yet in the executive ranks, do you wonder how you can make a positive impression on that senior leader who barely knows you? Or, as a senior leader, do you wonder how awkward it will be to talk to someone who is at a completely different stage in his or her life and career?

Colleen Barrett, President Emeritus of Southwest Airlines, has truly mastered the art of removing hierarchy from the equation when she engages with others. I have learned a lot from observing her, and she wrote the foreword to my book Show Up. Step Up. Step Out. – Leadership Through a New Lens. As I have gotten to know Colleen, I have noticed three things that she consistently does. As simple as these strategies may seem, they can make a huge difference.

1. Relate to people as people

Imagine for a moment that titles and positions have no relevance. How would you approach the person if you were just trying to get to know her and trying to make her feel comfortable talking to a stranger? What would you want to ask? What would you share about yourself?

2. Be yourself

People can always sense authenticity. Rather than trying to live up to a certain image, remember what others appreciate about you and let that show – whether it’s your sense of humor, ability to tell stories, or some other aspect of your personality. In advance of your interaction, think about how you want to “show up” and what you want others to take from their conversation with you.

3. Take a genuine interest in others

The simplest way to take an interest in others is by asking questions and being fully present as they answer. Allow yourself to go beyond surface level small talk. To get started, you can always ease into a conversation by inquiring about people's interests, families, or vacation plans. This will allow you to quickly find common ground to build on and set the stage for an even better conversation next time.

So, this week, I want to challenge you to think about how hierarchy impacts your presence and to try one of the strategies above. You might be surprised at the difference it makes.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

How to Stop Working All the Time

At the University of Houston’s Women’s Studies Table Talk event, I facilitated an invigorating discussion about how we live in a 24/7, “give me what I’m asking for right now” world. Many of us work in companies with a high performance, immediate response culture that makes it so hard to stop working all the time. Well, I’m here to tell you that it is possible to stop work from taking over your life if you start with what you can control.

Here are four simple strategies to get you started:

1. Recognize your mindset.

Your mindset plays a huge role in all of this. I’ll give you an example. A retired nurse at our table asked a great question, “Why can’t something wait until tomorrow? In nursing, if you don’t get everything done during your shift, a patient could die. I just don’t understand what can’t wait in business.”

As you know, when you’re “in it,” it is so hard to see how crazy it might look or sound from an outside perspective. It’s hard to keep in mind that for most of us, in our jobs no one will die if everything doesn’t get done today. Just remember to focus on completing what does matter the most. In the end, that’s what really counts.

2. Help others see your focus on business goals and results.

Do you worry about what others will think if you start setting boundaries? For example, will others look at how you work (e.g., your hours or schedule, and whether you’re in the office or working at home) as a bigger indicator of your commitment and performance than your actual results? For example, if you leave work at 5 p.m. every day, even if you don’t have a socially acceptable excuse like a child to pick up, will they think you’re just not working hard enough even if you’re getting the job done?

If this sounds familiar, think about how you can proactively communicate and manage up. Just remember that others, including your boss, are far too busy to notice everything you’re doing, so what they do see is often their picture of reality. Be strategic about providing positive snapshots of your performance — but do it with integrity and authenticity. For example, keep them regularly informed about important issues and how you are managing through them, or your progress on a key business goal.

3. Set personal boundaries.

Setting personal boundaries that allow you to maintain your energy and productivity is critical. Let’s look at a couple of examples. A woman at our table agreed to start turning off her BlackBerry at 8 p.m. every day, which will also help her stop dreaming about work! Another woman said she consistently leaves the office at 5 to make a 5:30 class at the gym, and she has a workout buddy meet her there (which makes it much harder not to show up). As a result, others around her know how important exercise is to her, and she has in effect “trained them” to expect her to leave at 5 no matter what. Both of these women will be so much more productive by setting limits that allow them to recharge, instead of just working more hours that lead to burnout.

4. Ask for help.

I know that asking for help is particularly hard if you’re a high-achieving perfectionist. I will just ask you one question: When you say “yes” to doing everything perfectly, what are you saying “no” to by default? It may be exercise, time with your kids, or time for yourself — the possibilities are endless.

Perfectionist or not, I would urge you to stretch yourself to think about creative ways to ask for and get help. Remember, there are plenty of eager young professionals out there wanting to develop themselves, even if they don’t report directly to you.

Pick one of the four areas above to start with, and find someone to hold you accountable for whatever action step you decide to take. You might be surprised that once you start making changes to stop working all the time, others may be eager to make changes, too.

Three Important Questions to Ask Yourself

I had the opportunity to hear from several leaders at the 2012 national Women’s Foodservice Forum Conference. The theme was “Aspire Higher.” Their wisdom and reminders prompted me to ask you these three questions:

1. Are you “living” your goals?

Carin Stutz, then-CEO of Cosi and WFF chair, kicked of the conference by challenging us to think about whether we are truly “living” our goals. If you’re like most people, you may get caught up in the day-to-day flurry of life and not stop to evaluate whether your goals and actions are in sync. Even taking five minutes to reflect on this can raise your awareness and help you recognize major gaps. If some do exist, identify one step you can take to move in the right direction. For example, many of my clients carve out time each week to reflect (even if it’s starting with 15 minutes) to help them maintain their focus.

2. How often do you accept help?

Karen Williams, executive director, Strategy Implementation at Applebee’s Services Inc., advised, “When someone offers to help, be brave enough to take it.” Especially for those of you high-performing women who are used to being self-reliant and self-sufficient, it can take a lot of courage to do this.

Think about what prevents you from asking for or accepting help. Maybe you don’t want to impose or be viewed as incapable? Or you have perfectionist tendencies? Keep in mind that allowing others to help is not just about you. When you accept help, you give others the opportunity to make a difference, develop their skills, or get exposure — things that matter to them.

3. Do you have a sustainability plan?

One of the speakers talked about the importance of a “sustainability plan.” That was the first time I had ever heard anyone use the term for an individual vs. an organization. But when I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. At the end of the day, this is about heading down a path that will give you the opportunities you want but will also be sustainable.

What will you do to maintain focus on what matters most to you personally and professionally? What is your game plan to make sure you have the support you need, get enough sleep and exercise, and proactively manage your energy? Identify one small step you can take in one of the three areas above. You know I’m a firm believer that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Put Your Network to Work

When people think of networking, they often think about how to expand the size of their network. But you can also harness the power of your existing network to achieve your goals.

Take the example of my client Susan. When I began coaching her, Susan was frustrated with her job and was ready to make a career change. However, she had been so focused on doing her day-to-day work that she had invested little to no time maintaining or building her network within or outside the company. Sound familiar? Read on to learn more about the process we used to help her make a change and put her network to work:

1. Brainstorm a list of five contacts who can help in the context of your specific goal.

After outlining Susan’s ideal next role in marketing, we brainstormed names of five individuals to whom she should reach out. I challenged her to think about personal and professional relationships. Just taking ten minutes to go through this exercise helped Susan think of people she had completely overlooked.

2. Determine the current and desired strength of your relationship with them.

Using a scale of 0-10, we rated the strength of Susan’s existing relationships with each of these five individuals. She rated the people she had very strong relationships with already a 10, while those she had never met were rated a 0. We used the same scale to determine what she wanted the strength of each relationship to become over the next six months to a year. These ratings helped her focus and prioritize her efforts.

3. Identify someone who can introduce you to the people you have not met.

For the individual Susan did not personally know on her list, she identified someone in her current network who knew him or could at least help identify the right next step to meet him.

4. Develop specific relationship-building strategies by person.

Next, Susan and I brainstormed at least one or two strategies to further build the relationships with each of the five individuals. Sometimes, this is where people get stuck — especially if they already feel pressed for time. But networking doesn’t have to be time-consuming. It can be as simple as sending someone an article that’s relevant to her, sharing information on an upcoming event she may want to attend, making a point to introduce yourself at a meeting, or asking her for a 15-minute meeting to get career advice or her input about something you’re working on.

Just remember that the goal is to network in a way that is authentic for you and leaves a positive impression. So, as you develop these strategies, think about what you want the other person to remember about you.

5. Set deadlines for each strategy.

Finally, to really put some accountability in place, I asked Susan to set deadlines for each of the networking strategies she identified. This helped her maintain focus and track progress.

Susan put her network to work and got her dream job (which was also a promotion for her) in three months! She moved into a very different type of role than she had held in the past. Even though this example is about career transition, the steps above can be applied to any goal. How do you want to put your network to work?

Communicating from a Position of Strength

At one time or another, we have all hit major bumps in the road – challenging us in ways we haven’t been before and testing our resilience. I remember participating in a meeting where I noticed how two people communicated very differently about the same difficult situation. Both people knew there was a lot more work to do to resolve the issues at hand, but one person came at it from a position of strength, conveying more confidence and optimism about the road ahead, while the other person left the impression that this experience had derailed everything and would take substantial recovery time.

Regardless of how you feel deep down inside, how often do you communicate from a position of strength? To help you determine how you “show up” after challenging situations, answer the questions below. If you are not sure of an answer, ask others for feedback.

1. What does your body language look like?

• I sigh or take a deep breath before I speak.

• I roll my eyes or look down or away.

• I slump over or have my head in my hands.

• I make direct eye contact.

• I sit up straight.

• I smile often.

• I appear engaged.

2. What does your tone sound like?

• I sound like I have no energy left.

• I have an edge, sounding irritated or frustrated.

• I am soft-spoken.

• I sound calm and in control.

• I sound energetic.

• I laugh.

3. What language do you use?

I use words that indicate that I:

• can't believe what has happened

• am in the middle of chaos or transition

• am exhausted or frustrated

• blame others

• have a positive attitude and will march forward

We all have our moments of frustration. The question is how long you allow yourself to stay in that place. So, this week, define one small step you will take to communicate from a position of strength, conveying confidence in your ability to move things forward and engaging others to help you if necessary. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Enjoy the Journey

We can fall into the trap of moving from one thing to the next without taking the time to think about or enjoy the journey to get there. As I have coached high performers over the years, I’ve noticed that many of them quickly “check the box” and immediately start planning the next activity, often failing to celebrate their success.

I want to challenge you to think about where you are today – personally and professionally.

1. What do you enjoy the most?

I suspect that most of you, even in the midst of intense working hours, really enjoy certain aspects of what you do or your environment. No matter how big or small, what energizes you about what is going on around you, or what you are involved in? How can you integrate more of that into your life? What would it take to make it happen? Remember that recognizing “what works” can help you draw more satisfaction from it and more intentionally expand it.

2. What challenges you the most?

You might be right in the thick of a big challenge, one that is testing and stretching you in new ways. Sometimes the most difficult situations can lead to the biggest opportunities or offer the most valuable lessons. So take a minute to consider what you find most challenging about what you are doing today and how it is affecting you and your perspective.

3. How do you celebrate your success?

Acknowledging and celebrating your accomplishments can help you recognize what differentiates you – your unique talent, skills, and perspective – and help you put it more powerfully into play in the future. Sometimes humility can prevent people from paying attention to what they really did to achieve a successful outcome. Don’t gloss over it. Consider what each milestone means for you and how you got there, and then plan a celebration that would do it justice.

Remember that the journey is just as important as the destination. This week, take the time to answer at least one of the questions above to help you notice and enjoy your journey.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

Maintaining Focus in the Midst of Chaos

Life is moving at a fast pace for many people and shows no immediate signs of slowing down. If that sounds like what’s happening in your life right now, take a look at the three questions below to help you maintain your focus.

1. Are you focusing on the "right work?"

In the midst of the flurry, are you focusing on where you can have the biggest impact on the business and your career? Are you making the highest and best use of your talent and skills, and leveraging others effectively? If you answered no to these questions, what one step will you take to refocus your efforts?

2. Do you create space to be strategic?

High performers know that they can’t simply react to what’s going on around them and still get the results they want. Being strategic and intentional about what they say and do is key. When things get hectic, do you consistently carve out time on your calendar to reflect, so you can do just that? Even setting aside 15 minutes a week can help you be much more proactive.

3. Are you getting enough rest?

Maintaining your energy during demanding times can be the difference between thriving and surviving. When people work long hours, they may not get the rest they need – and sleep is a foundational source of energy. It can affect your attitude, outlook, perspective, and ability to make good decisions. If you aren’t getting 7-8 hours of sleep or taking short breaks throughout the day, what one step can you take to address this? Again, simply adding 15 minutes of rest can have a big impact.

If you are working in a high-pressure, fast-paced environment, it makes it harder to maintain your focus on what matters most. So, this week I challenge you to identify one small step you will take in one of the three areas above. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

3 Ways to Build Trust With Colleagues

Authenticity often comes up as a theme with my clients. As leaders, to get anything done we have to work with and through others. That is so much harder to do if our colleagues question our intentions.

Take a look at the three questions below to better understand how you “show up” and what that might say about your authenticity.

1. Is what you say in sync with what you do? Take this example: You and a colleague agree on a course of action. In later discussions with others, you find out more information, realize that your original plan isn’t optimal, and set a new one. The next day, your colleague is caught off guard, hearing about your new plan at a meeting. Although you had good business reasons for changing direction, she now questions your motives. To prevent this from happening to you, don’t forget to close the loop to ensure that your actions and your intent are well understood.

2. Do you always walk in with an agenda? A drive for results can often cause this common misstep. Are you more focused on getting what you need from the other person, forgetting to assess what’s going on in his world and adjusting accordingly? Remember to be in the moment and be flexible. Is this really the right time to press forward with what you need, or does the person in front of you need something else right now?

3. Have you truly invested time to get to know your colleagues? Taking just a few minutes a week to find out what’s going on personally or professionally with colleagues or to offer help can go a long way. It will communicate a genuine interest and will increase their responsiveness when you need something.

From the questions above, choose one area to focus on in your interactions this week. You may find that minor tweaks to your approach can make a major difference in building trust. Remember small steps can lead to big results.