Getting From ‘No’ to ‘Yes’

At a program I was facilitating once, I heard a speaker give some career advice that really resonated with me. Her message: Find ways to say yes.

Saying yes could mean that you have to challenge yourself to find a way to make something work. But sometimes it can be as simple as changing the way you frame your response: Maybe you’re trying to say yes, but it sounds more like no.

For example, I coached a client who was telling me about a project that her boss wanted her to complete in a short timeframe. She said, “I have to tell him I can’t get the whole thing done.”

I talked to her about the importance of framing things in a positive way and emphasizing what she can do. She could tell her boss, “I hear what you’re asking. I can get more than half of it done. Let me work with you to figure out how we can get the other half completed.”

That tweak didn’t change the essence of what she was saying. We just reframed her reply to demonstrate that she is control, dedicated to moving things forward in a positive way, and a team player. “I can’t get the whole thing done” would have made her sound more like a roadblock.

Need ideas for finding your way to “yes”? Here are three tips.

1. Notice. Start by simply noticing how often you say no instead of yes, at work and beyond.

2. Pause. Pause before you reply. In those short seconds, challenge yourself to respond in a positive way to demonstrate that you are aligned.

3. Ask. Ask for what you need, if anything, to follow through on your yes. Perhaps it’s additional resources or help from your boss to reprioritize your other projects to accommodate this new request.

This week, look for opportunities to turn no into yes. By consistently taking small steps respond more positively, your mindset and how others view you will shift. And remember, small steps lead to big results.

What Legacy Will You Leave?

I was lucky enough to have known Fritzi Woods, President and CEO of the Women’s Foodservice Forum, who passed away on Sept. 18. Fritzi brought so much energy and life to everything she touched. We shared a passion for helping women succeed. Only 53 years old, she left behind a tremendous legacy. In a letter to Fritzi’s family, first lady Michelle Obama called her “a leader, an innovator and a role model for women across our country.”

As I mourn the loss of this amazing person, I’ve been thinking about what it means to leave a legacy. Today, I encourage you to think about your own legacy and what you can do today to align your life with what you want to leave behind. These three questions can be a starting point.

1. What three things would you want someone to say about you?

2. How aligned are your time and energy with your desired legacy?

3. What one action will you take toward your desired legacy?

It could mean a small step like saying no to something that doesn’t fit, making a different everyday choice or shifting your mindset.

Sometimes it takes a jolting event like the loss of a friend or loved one or a brush with illness to get us to stop and consider what’s truly important and what we most want to create with our lives. As we remember the life and work of Fritzi Woods, let’s honor her this week by taking at least one small step toward the legacies we each want to leave.

5 Questions to Get Back on Track

With all of the roles we play — colleagues, leaders, mentors, parents — and a long list of things to be done each day, it’s easy to let our routines take over. In the rush of it all, we may miss the subtle ways we’re undermining our effectiveness and our happiness. Today, I want you take a few minutes for a quick tune-up. These five questions can help.

1. How are you showing up?

Whether you realize it or not, you are always communicating something. Sometimes it can be far from what you intend. During your next meeting, notice what you’re thinking. How are those thoughts affecting the way you’re participating and what messages you’re sending to others? An example: You find yourself thinking that the meeting is a waste of time, and you notice that you’re doodling and watching the clock. You realize you might be sending the message that you are disengaged and self-important.

2. Is your focus on the right work?

Keep in mind that 80 percent of your results come from 20 percent of your effort, so imagine what might be possible if you consistently focus on what matters most. I spend time on this with every client. Identify the three areas where you can have the most impact – what I like to call your “Big 3.” Having this clarity will help you make more deliberate choices about how you invest your time and energy.

3. Are you seeing the opportunities in front of you?

When we’re busy, we can overlook the power of individual moments. Remember that every meeting, phone call or interaction is an opportunity to reinforce your brand, build your credibility or bring a unique perspective. Take a minute to clarify what you want to get out of the interaction before you walk into one of these situations. It can make a big difference in your approach.

4. Do you take time for self-care?

Women often confuse self-care with selfishness. But what we’re really talking about is energy management. Resist the temptation to keep giving and giving without taking time to renew your own energy. As you may know from firsthand experience, it can lead to burnout or resentment pretty quickly.

5. Are you open to help?

For high-performing women who are used to being self-reliant, asking for help can take courage. What prevents you from asking for or accepting help? Maybe you’re a perfectionist, or you don’t want to impose or be viewed as incapable. Remind yourself that allowing others to help is not just about you: You’re giving them the chance to make a difference, develop their skills or get exposure.

This week, I challenge you to focus on one question from this list and identify one action you will take. You may be surprised at what you learn about yourself and how small steps can lead to big results.

'I'm Kind of a Big Deal!'

How long has it been since you’ve thought about your strengths? As I coached two clients through moments of frustration and self-doubt, I was reminded of how important it is to simply notice the value we bring. It can be the difference between staying where you are or moving past the hurdles in front of you.

For example, one of my clients wants to transition into a new role but has been questioning her qualifications for her dream job. So I asked her to present her business case to me, the skills and experience that demonstrate that she has what it takes. She quickly shared at least ten things that clearly showed she would be able to hit the ground running in that role.

“How does that feel saying all that?” I asked her.

“Wow,” the client replied. “I’m kind of a big deal!”

And I couldn’t agree more with her. She is “kind of a big deal.” After our coaching session, my client had the evidence she needed to move forward.

As high performers, we can set the bar so high for ourselves that we may not notice what we have to offer. Or we may have a skewed definition of “average” performance, one that others would see as exceptional performance.

Take a few minutes to notice how you are “kind of a big deal” and what that means for others around you.

1. Identify your top 3 strengths.

The first step is to simply take a step back to consider your biggest strengths. For example, is your integrity unwavering? Do you build strong relationships? Do you influence others? Are you approachable?

2. Identify the "so what" for each strength.

What does each strength allow you to do that other people cannot do? How does each of your strengths make a difference or add value (to the business, your colleagues, or teams)? Challenge yourself to come up with at least two things, and don’t underestimate yourself.

Even something simple, such as being approachable, can make a big difference and may generate a different result than someone else with the same strength. For example, for one leader, being approachable means that her peers feel comfortable coming to her with problems. This keeps her well-informed about what’s really happening across the company and gives her an edge at getting to the crux of an issue and finding effective cross-functional solutions. Another executive may also be approachable, but the impact is greater team engagement, commitment, and performance.

3. Create your personal "headline."

As you examine your strengths and how they make you uniquely valuable, what “headline” would sum it up?

“I can get results even under the worst circumstances.”

“If anyone can get it done, I can.”

“People want to follow me.”

For one of my other clients, his headline was “I have influence.” At the beginning of our conversation, he was feeling ineffective in trying to drive enormous change in the face of resistance. As we talked further, he realized that top executives are listening and taking action based on his recommendations. Think about how that shift — from seeing himself as ineffective to realizing he is influential — will affect his work.

By being more conscious of the value you bring, you’ll see yourself in a new light and put your strengths into play more deliberately each day. And when challenges feel insurmountable or self-doubt kicks in, you can pull out your headline to give you the boost you need to get back on track.

This week, I want to challenge you to take 15 minutes to go through the three steps above. This small investment of time will pay off many times over. Who knows, you may discover that you’re “kind of a big deal,” too. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

What's Next? Where to Find the Clues

Sometimes we can be ready to make a career move, but may not know quite what we want it to look like. A simple exercise called the Career Timeline can take you from being stuck to getting the ball rolling. Through this exercise, you will mine your past experiences for guidance about what to do next. As you examine your career and life, you’ll gain more insight than you would from just outlining what you want on a blank sheet of paper. Use these four steps to get started.

1. Define the time frame for your timeline.

Begin by choosing a point in time to begin your one-page Career Timeline. Draw a horizontal line on a piece of paper and label the starting point at the left with the first year of the timeline. Remember that it can go back as far as you’d like (e.g., 5 years, 10 years, or can span your whole career) and will extend to the current year.

2. List each role or notable experience.

For each year on your timeline, list each role or notable experience in chronological order. Feel free to include significant personal or volunteer experiences, such as living overseas or serving on a nonprofit board. Depending on your work or volunteer history, you probably won’t have something to list for each year because some of your roles may have spanned several years.

3. Evaluate each experience.

For each role or experience on your timeline, ask yourself two questions:

• What did I take from this experience that I want to carry forward (i.e., would like to experience again)? Think about what you enjoyed about each situation. Maybe you’ll realize that while the work wasn’t that exciting in your first job, you loved the environment and laid-back colleagues. Or perhaps your fond memories of a specific volunteer experience will remind you how much you enjoy creativity and collaboration.

• What about this experience do I want to leave behind? Looking back at your last two jobs, you may realize that you cannot work with a boss you disrespect, or that you would willingly trade off some financial compensation to gain more stability in your work environment. Or you may realize that you never again want to be part of a disorganized group like the one you worked with on a fundraiser last year.

4. Look for themes.

Once you’ve answered the two questions above about each experience on your timeline, look for themes. What do you notice? Each person’s themes may not be at the same level of detail. For example, you may discover that you thrive in workplaces that afford you a high degree of independence, flexibility, and creativity. Or, perhaps, you gravitate toward roles that allow you to use your analytical skills to develop practical, business-driven solutions.

Sometimes it can help to talk through your timeline with someone you trust – a coach, friend, or family member. It may lead you to notice additional themes and gain further insight.

If you’re contemplating a change within or outside your current company, take the first step – go back in time. You might be surprised at what you learn about yourself and how much easier it will be to define your path forward. Remember, small steps lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Making Awkward Feedback Easier

Whether you’re a new manager or veteran executive, there’s a certain kind of employee conversation that never seems to get any easier.

I’m sure you’ve been faced with it: An employee has a behavior, habit, or mannerism that’s giving people the wrong impression of her or diminishing her effectiveness. It’s not a performance issue, but it affects how the employee is perceived. And she probably doesn’t even realize she’s engaging in it.

I’ve worked with clients who dread these conversations and put them off. They’re worried that their feedback will be misunderstood, that they might damage the relationship or create needless drama. To help them take action, I remind them that as difficult as this kind of feedback can be to deliver, they are offering it out of genuine concern for the employee and a desire to help her succeed.

Here are three simple steps that can make these conversations easier.

1. Start with your intent

Remember that you’re having this conversation because you care about the employee and want to help her remove an obstacle that’s holding her back. You can always acknowledge that this is an awkward situation for both of you, but that it’s important to talk about the behavior. If you were in her shoes, you would want to hear the feedback. Expressing compassion and your own vulnerability can create a stronger connection in the moment and may help defuse the tension.

2. Communicate the impact

Help the employee understand her behavior by identifying it, providing information on when and where you’ve noticed it occurring, and sharing its impact. For example, maybe her sour expression surfaces primarily in long meetings with a key stakeholder group. Talk about the effect, from what you see or what you’ve heard from others. “I know this isn’t what you intend, but I’ve heard others say that your facial expressions sometimes leave them with the impression that you are resistant to their ideas.”

3. Be part of the solution

Offer ideas about what she should do more or less of. Sometimes it can be very powerful to ask the employee to focus on how she wants to show up in the interaction. In other words, by helping her identify what she does want others to notice or take away from their interaction with her (e.g., openness to ideas), she may stop engaging in the other limiting behavior.

After that, it’s a matter of finding tactics that work for her. That could mean using a visual reminder like a note with the word “open” on it, so she can see it during her meeting and pay more attention to her body language. If an employee is receptive to it, offer to help her monitor the behavior. That could involve giving a cue when the employee starts to engage in the distracting behavior during a meeting or setting aside time for feedback after the meeting.

This week, consider whether there’s an awkward conversation you’ve been putting off and decide how you will approach it with the mindset of helping your employee succeed. While it may be a difficult moment for both of you in the short term, ultimately you will find that it strengthens your relationship and builds trust in the long run. Remember, small steps lead to big results.

Had It Up to Here? Say Thank You

We are used to writing thank-you notes when someone gives us a gift or does something kind for us. But there's also power in writing a thank-you note when it may be the last thing that you want to do. This is a strategy I’ve used with clients and for myself, in both professional and personal situations. It has the power to produce profound insights and critical shifts in your mindset.

It might seem counterintuitive, but writing a thank-you note to a person who drives you crazy can be one of the most freeing things you can do. When someone pushes our buttons, irritates, or offends us and we know he isn’t going to change, we can fall into a cycle of frustration. Maybe you don’t like his values or how he treats people or even his approach to work.

But challenge yourself to think about what you have gained from being around him. In some way, this aggravating person has probably shed more light on who you want to be. His actions may inflame you because they bump up against one or more of your deeply held values. If your constantly critical boss is getting on your nerves, perhaps that signifies how much you value appreciation. Your thank-you note might read. “Thank you, John, for reminding me how important it is to give positive feedback and recognize individual contributions.”

Or, if you’re troubled by a selfish colleague, you might write: “Thank you for helping me notice that each of us is motivated by something different, and I need to keep that in mind.”

The key is to look for the positive in what feels like a relentlessly difficult situation. Perhaps your co-worker’s frequent outbursts have caused you to more proactively manage your own work stress, or your boss’s lack of professionalism has kept you in check when you were tempted to engage in similar behavior.

Remember that you don’t have to actually give your thank-you note to the recipient, and you don’t even have to keep it yourself (although it can become a valuable reference if you do). But do take the time to write your thoughts down on paper. Seeing your words in black and white will help you more quickly uncover what’s bothering you, identify the lessons in the situation at hand, and move on to a more positive place.

This week, take ten minutes to write a thank-you note to someone you find challenging to be around. You may be surprised at how much there is to be grateful for in a frustrating relationship or situation. And remember, small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

For Faster Results, Slow Down

Does this sound familiar? You’re often unmatched at analyzing and zeroing in on the core issues in a situation and setting a course of action. And you can do this very quickly, often in a matter of minutes. You relish driving for results and achieving them efficiently.

This level of competence and self-motivation means you’re probably a high- performer in your workplace. But as I have coached similar clients, I’ve noticed potential pitfalls to being so results-oriented. For example, if you tend to skip straight to a decision without sharing much information about how you arrived at it, your colleagues may misunderstand your rationale and deliver results inconsistent with your intent. Plus, you may be missing out on their valuable insights or deprive your colleagues of the chance to learn from your knowledge and experience.

Here are three simple strategies to ensure that others are on the same page as you before you move forward with decisions.

Connect the dots.

Even if you immediately know what your company’s course of action should be, take a moment to show others how you got from Point A to Point B. What are your criteria for success? What factors did you consider as you evaluated options? What other options did you look at? And what makes your preferred plan the best way to proceed? These points are self-evident to you, but remember that others don’t have your knowledge and experience. Taking even five minutes to educate your colleagues on your thought process will not only help guide their work now but also help them make more consistent decisions later.

Read the room.

You may be excited about getting your plans moving, but before you do, pause to gauge your colleagues’ reaction. What does their body language tell you? Do they look anxious, confused, or frustrated? Look for nonverbal cues so you can determine whether you need to build more buy-in.

Solicit a response.

If people have questions, they’ll ask, right? Well, not necessarily. Because of your expertise, they may feel too intimidated to speak up. Or they might worry about looking foolish, especially if you’re their boss. Take the time to solicit questions and feedback, and confirm for understanding. Remind them that generating ideas is a mutual learning experience and that their input could yield insights that you would have otherwise missed.

Ensuring alignment between you and your colleagues can deliver big payoffs in short-term results and long-term staff development and engagement. The next time you are barreling ahead in your drive for results, slowing down a bit might be the most productive thing you can do. So, which of the three strategies will you focus on this week to get faster results? Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

The Power of Clarity

I recently bought a house and feel like the past eight weeks have been all about choosing paint, texture, tile, granite, and bathroom fixtures. For those of you who know me well, you know this doesn't fit my definition of fun. In the spirit of full disclosure, I have to admit that my house was already in great condition so none of this had to be done. As others have commented on the pace and intensity with which I completed the unpacking and remodeling, I realized my underlying motivation. Contrary to what people thought, it wasn't about getting it done as fast as possible. This was more about successfully completing a multi-phased move that began two-and-a-half years ago. And now that I'm on the other side of it, I am thrilled to have a place I can call home again for years and an inviting space to spend quality time with my family and friends.

This whole experience reminded me about the power of clarity, a concept that people often underestimate. Simply put, when you can envision what you want and understand what makes it so important to you, it can give you that extra motivation to just get it done. It can help you rise above the task and connect to the bigger picture. So, if you find yourself procrastinating or stuck on an important goal, ask yourself:

• What's so important about achieving this goal or resolving this issue?

• What would it feel like to achieve it? Describe it in details

• How can I help others understand what this is about for me?

Spending just a few minutes to answer these questions may give you more insight about yourself, allow you to engage others in supporting you, and ultimately motivate you to go for it. Remember, a little bit of clarity can go a long way.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Recharge and Renew

As I think about my own summer and the flurry of activity I see my clients immersed in, I want to give you three simple tips to help you recharge and renew.

1. Notice your mindset

Pay attention to what you tell yourself each day. Everything begins with your mindset. Do your thoughts reflect frustration, fatigue, or positive energy and excitement? If they are more negative, identify a counteracting positive thought you will replace them with – or a small step you will take to shift your perspective.

2. Identify what you can stop doing

Most of us focus more on what we should be doing rather than what we should delegate to others or stop doing altogether. Challenge yourself to identify one change you will make to free up your time or delegate with a team member's development in mind.

3. Take short breaks

Research shows that taking a short break every 90 minutes can help you sustain your energy and productivity throughout the day. Simply get up from your desk, take a walk outside, or get a drink of water. Forcing yourself to plow through without breaks can actually make you less productive, requiring more time to complete your work.

This week, I want to challenge you to take one small step to renew and recharge. Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Lessons from Nicaragua

In 2013, I took a trip to Nicaragua after a personally challenging month. As we drove to the airport through the rough roads of this beautiful but impoverished country, I thought about my experience. Two things emerged for me that may serve as valuable reminders for you.

1. Attitude

As I reflected about the day-to-day hardships Nicaraguans face, with many living in structures just one notch above what we would consider camping, I was struck by their positive attitudes.

Most people we met took such pride in their vocations, whether it was the small boy on the street making an honest living quickly washing windshields as cars stopped at the red light, or the roving mariachis dressed in nicely pressed pants and long-sleeved shirts in the 90+ degree weather, or the street vendor proudly showcasing his wares as we passed by.

The Nicaraguan culture reminded me about the simple power of a positive comment, an offer to help, or a warm smile. Every day, we get to make choices about how we want to show up. How are you showing up?

2. Gratitude

Spending five days around Nicaraguans who were grateful for the simple pleasures in life reminded me how easy it is to lose perspective when life feels stressful and complicated. A person’s ability to make rational decisions can get vastly diminished by fatigue and emotion, especially when things do not go as expected.

The next time you feel this way, remember the power of gratitude. Challenge yourself to look for the lesson in the tough situation you are drowning in, to give you what you need to stay afloat. Or simply make a list of what is going right or the things for which you are thankful, or express appreciation to others. These quick exercises can give you the energy you need to move forward.

My trip to Nicaragua came at time when I really needed it. But I realized that I didn’t need a trip to keep my perspective in check. Rather, I needed to remember the power of positive thinking on a day-to-day basis. As you know, it all starts with your mindset. If you can successfully shift your thoughts from negative to positive, it can work wonders.

This week, I want to challenge you to take one small step to put the power of attitude or gratitude into play. Remember that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Do You Have Executive Presence?

Everyone has his or her own ideas about what executive presence looks and sounds like. Regardless of what someone’s personal definition may be, let’s look at three areas that can affect whether others consider you to be executive material:

1. Strategic focus

I constantly hear senior leaders noticing the difference between people who think strategically and those who focus more on tactics. Your ability to consistently tie what you say and do to what matters to the business can help others see that you “get it” – that you understand the big picture and won’t get derailed by details. Ask yourself how often you intentionally make these connections for others.

2. Confidence

I’m sure you’ve come across people who can be very convincing even when they are way beyond their scope of expertise. Remember that it is often less about what they say and more about how they say it. Think about yourself for a minute. How often does your tone convey a strong sense of conviction, high energy, or confidence? How does your body language add to or detract from your message? Nuances like this can make a big difference.

3. Competence

Your ability to integrate your life experiences into your message can quickly help others understand what you bring to the table – and why it matters. Integrating short contextual phrases helps others understand your strengths and skills and their relevance to the business. Take this brief example: “I learned three key principles from my experience marketing global products and brands. One of those applies to this situation today.”

At the end of the day, you may believe that you are strategically focused, confident, and competent. But the question is whether others see you that way. So, this week I urge you to take one small step, whether it’s asking others for feedback or focusing on one of the three areas above. I have found that starting with tweaks to how and what you communicate can dramatically affect your executive presence. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Little Things Can Say A Lot

As an executive coach working with high-performing leaders, I regularly hear candid feedback about my clients, often information that no one has shared with them. Over the years, I have noticed how managers can draw big conclusions about their direct reports based on the “little things” they do. Unfortunately, most people can’t see their own detracting behaviors unless someone points them out. Take a look at the examples below, note which ones you do, and the indirect messages those behaviors may be sending. If you’re unsure whether some of these apply to you, ask others you trust.

1. Nervous Habits

• Fidget with or flip your hair

• Shake your leg when sitting

• Tap a pen or the table

• Keep checking your phone

What these behaviors may tell others: You can’t focus, are nervous, or would rather spend your time elsewhere.

2. Presentation style

• Casually lean against something (e.g. podium, chair, etc.) when presenting

• Present seated instead of standing

• Let others take over or divert a discussion you are leading

• Focus more on detail than headlines/key messages

What these behaviors may tell others: You don’t understand the importance of the meeting, have the influence and capability to command a room, have confidence, or see the big picture.

3. Use of time

• Consistently run over in one-on-one or group meetings

• Spend too much time on topics outside the scope of the discussion (e.g., personal or business) before you cover the agenda items

• Have difficulty adjusting your approach when your presentation time gets compressed

What these may tell others: You lack time management skills, can’t manage your workload effectively, are not ready to take on more responsibility, or don’t respect others’ time.

Each of these behaviors should be considered in the context of your working environment, the company culture and what’s expected. If you engage in some of these behaviors, ask yourself (and possibly others) how they serve you or get in your way. That will help you decide what action to take, if any.

The point is to raise your awareness and make an intentional choice that aligns with your desired leadership brand. So, this week, ask others for feedback and identify one small step you will take to convey the right message to others about your capabilities. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Speak Up

Ever have one of those days where you feel like a full day has elapsed even before the official work day has really started?

One morning, I rushed to get my son up and ready early so I could drop him off and race to the airport for a flight to Houston. After I made it through security at the airport, I noticed that my flight had been canceled. Apparently I had missed the call from the airline. So, I went to the gate and stood in a long line to see whether I could get on the flight immediately before my scheduled flight, knowing I had a tight schedule of meetings. I knew it was a long shot since the earlier flight had almost finished boarding.

On the counter in front of me was a sign that clearly stated in capital letters “FORM ONE LINE” although there were three flights being served by three different agents in that area. As I stood there, a woman walked right up to one of the agents, bypassing all of us, and requested a seat on the earlier flight. The gate agent didn’t notice she had cut in line because her eyes had been glued to her computer screen. When the passenger first walked up, my first reaction was to think I was confused because no one in the line reacted. So I asked the man in front of me if there was in fact just one line and not three. He confirmed there was only one and confided that he was glad that he would have some time to decompress until the next flight. He was not in a hurry.

At that point, I felt like it was too late for me to walk up to the passenger and say something. And my sense was that she was completely clueless – she was in her own world and didn’t even notice the sign let alone the potential impact she had on the rest of us.

By the time I got to the front of the line, the agent informed me that the last seat had just been taken. At that point, I expressed my frustration about the woman who had cut in line, to which the agent responded, “Next time speak up!” In that moment, I realized that I alone had made the choice that would affect the rest of my day. If I had said something, that seat would have been mine. I could have arrived early, but because I held my tongue, I had to cancel my first meeting and knew I would be racing to the next one once I arrived in Houston.

I guess I could have blamed the airline and the passenger for how my day would unfold, but I’m not sure what good it would have done me or anyone else. It was far more empowering to realize that I just need to use my voice and make a different choice next time.

So, when you find yourself standing there holding your tongue and feeling frustrated (whether it’s in a meeting, on a call, or at the airport) speak up. Remember that people are often distracted or just don’t realize the impact of their actions on others.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Is That Meeting Really Optional?

A theme has recently emerged with several of my clients. Some have expressed frustration when one of their direct reports misses a meeting that they consider to be important. I have also heard about this from the other vantage point, from my clients who have opted out of meetings like this when a legitimate scheduling conflict arises – and they just don't understand why it is a problem. Although it may seem minor in the grand scheme of things, remember that people draw conclusions about you from the small snapshots they see. They may not have time to explore what led to your decision, or to challenge their own conclusions about your decision, because of the competing demands on their time and attention.

So when you decline a meeting that your boss considers to be important, you may inadvertently send the wrong message – one that raises questions about your level of engagement, ability to manage your time effectively, or understanding of key priorities.

Here are three tips to help others take the right messages away:

1. Reverse roles

Put yourself in your boss's shoes. Even if you don't think missing that meeting is a big deal, your boss might. What is it really about for her? Perhaps it's less about the topics to be discussed and more about you showing your support, by making time to be there or contributing your valuable ideas. There is usually something bigger at play, so challenge yourself to notice it.

2. Clarify your underlying intent

If you decline a meeting, be sure to convey your underlying intent and distill it down to a few key messages. It could be this simple: you want to be there, you understand the importance of the meeting, and you are trying to balance it with moving another competing priority forward.

If you can't attend because you are spread too thin, then it may be time to reexamine how to leverage others or explore other strategies (perhaps with your boss).

3. Take responsibility for your absence

Have a game plan ahead of time, so that someone is prepared to share your input at the meeting and to give you a debrief afterwards. Sharing this with your boss may put her at ease. In some cases, your boss may want to be the person to update you on what you missed. Just be mindful not to create more work for her to do so.

I hope this article got you thinking about what you may be inadvertently communicating. Start by using the three tips as a checklist to help you notice what you already do well or may need to do more of, to send the right messages about your leadership.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Forge Ahead

This week, I’d like to express my gratitude to my father who played a big role in making me the person I am today.  He lost his battle with pulmonary fibrosis this Tuesday night after a difficult ten days. One of the most important lessons I learned from him was to never give up in the face of challenges that seemed insurmountable. Although he may not have fully realized it, throughout his life his actions taught me to always look for a solution first.   I saw him step forward with courage making big decisions that changed our lives forever.  He may have expressed more than his fair share of frustration about the circumstances at hand, but at the end of the day he was willing to make tough choices with the unwavering strength and support of my mother.

With my father showing me that he could do whatever he put his mind to, and my mother constantly telling me that I could as well; I have been armed with an amazing gift – one that allows me to forge ahead no matter what, and to believe that I can.

This week, in honor of my father, I want to challenge you to think about two things. First, consider the messages you send to others on a daily basis – whether it’s to your loved ones or co-workers. I assure you they are watching and learning. Remember you are always in the invisible spotlight.  You have so much to offer, so be purposeful about sharing the best of who you are.  Really think about how you want to show up in every interaction. Second, the next time you find yourself complaining over and over about a particular situation, challenge yourself to step out and do something different – perhaps something bold – to address it. One person does have the ability to make a big difference, one small step at a time…so forge ahead.

Progress Check Against the 3 P's

Through my work with leaders over the years, I have found that focusing on the 3 P's: Purpose, Presence, and Power can significantly affect their ability to impact the business and their careers. This is why we integrate the 3 P's into all of our services and products. So, today, check to see how you are doing relative to the 3 P's.

1. Purpose

How clearly have you defined the three areas where you can make the biggest impact in your role (i.e., the Big 3)? How consistently do you spend your time on the Big 3?

2. Presence

How consistently are you "showing up?" In other words, do your communication and actions clearly help others understand the three things most important to you as a leader? What type of energy are you giving off? Are you draining or energizing others?

3. Power

How effectively and authentically are you building and leveraging the power of your network to get better results for the business and for your career?

From this progress check, choose one area to focus on. If you were unclear about your Purpose, start there because it will affect how you think about your Presence and Power. Define one small step you will take this week and remember that small steps can lead to big results.

© 2013 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved. Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

Seven Important Reminders

The past few weeks have been full of introspection as I moderated two panels with senior executives and was on one myself. Through all of this I found myself offering the following advice the other day. I hope you find it valuable.

1. Identify what you are currently tolerating in your life (negative thoughts, the wrong people, or misaligned values). Suspend any self-judgment and come up with one change you will make.

2. Surround yourself with the right people in your personal and professional life, people who will elevate your game and give you energy.

3. Challenge yourself to think about how you can be authentic to yourself and play “the game” in a way that works for you. Remember that you can’t win a game you won’t play.

4. Learn from others but don't necessarily emulate them. There's no right or wrong way. Figure out what works for you.

5. When things feel overwhelming, ask yourself how you’ve successfully dealt with similar situations in the past. Then focus on the first step you will take to move forward.

6. Invest in yourself, particularly your health and well-being. By doing so, you will be there for those who matter most to you, have more energy and get more done in less time.

7. Celebrate your successes. You have earned each success and deserve to celebrate. Recognizing important milestones will help you notice what you do well and put your strengths into play more powerfully.

I hope at least one of these reminders resonated with you. Choose one to focus on and identify one step that you will take before the end of this month. Remember, small steps can lead to big results.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

Pause, Reflect, Give Thanks

In the flurry of day-to-day life, we can easily overlook what’s right in front of us – valuable lessons we’ve learned, people who have touched our lives and opportunities to express gratitude. So, take a moment to consider the following questions:

1. How have you been “tested” this year?

Although it might not have felt like a “gift”, what value did you get from the experience?

2. Who has given you the most support and guidance?

How will you help them understand the difference they’ve made?

3. Whose performance and contributions do you want to recognize?

How and when?

I hope you will take time this week to answer at least one of these questions and give thanks. Gratitude can be a huge source of energy – for you and the person receiving it.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.

What I Know Now

In the past month I have had the opportunity to speak, teach, coach, and meet several accomplished leaders. So, today I want to share a few words of wisdom that come from these recent interactions. I hope they will serve as important reminders for you.

“Don’t take things personally.”

Remember that someone else’s behavior is more about them than it is you.

“Don’t create your own ceiling.”

Don’t limit your opportunities today as you think about decisions you might make in the future. Forge ahead. You can decide which path you will take when the time comes.

“Keep an open mind.”

Approach things with a sense of curiosity. You know what they say about the word assume.

“Know yourself. Find the right environment.”

Fit matters. Find a professional setting and company in which you can thrive.

“Don’t compromise personal integrity.”

Stay true to your core values.

“If not you, then who?”

Take ownership and provide leadership. Don’t be afraid to step up and out.

“Never underestimate the power of investing in relationships.”

Invest in relationships like they are worth their weight in gold.

As you reflect about these quotes and what you have learned in 2012, what one piece of advice would you give to someone else? Take 5 minutes to think about it and share it with someone. Don’t underestimate the power you have to make a difference with what you know now.

© 2012 Neena Newberry | All rights reserved.