How to Overcome Negative Feelings

Even as we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel of the coronavirus pandemic, we're also experiencing stress and exhaustion after more than a year of disruption. Many of us are still not feeling quite like ourselves — and with good reason.

So, I thought it was a good time to revisit the core ideas of positivity. These principles have made a big difference for both me and my clients over the years. And they can be an important part of our toolkits for dealing with stress and restoring and replenishing ourselves as these challenging times continue.

Image by ShonEjai from Pixabay

Negative Emotions Are Big, But Brief

Positive and negative emotions both play important roles in our lives. Because negative emotions help us deal with threats, we're wired to pay a lot of attention to them, according to Dr. Barbara Frederickson, a researcher on the science of emotions. (Be sure to check out her books Positivity and Love 2.0). However, over time, negative emotions may create “lingering lenses" — for example, the tendency to see danger in every situation. It's helpful to remember that emotions, by nature, are brief. If you're having negative emotions right now, it may not feel like they'll ever pass. But they will. Also remind yourself that a negative emotion might feel "big" not because of its actual magnitude, but rather because that's just how our brains work.

Positivity Is Good Medicine

It's not just important to manage our negative emotions right now. We also need to cultivate positive emotions. Positivity has very real effects on our physical and emotional well-being and is tightly linked to how long we live and how healthy we are. Research shows a direct correlation between positive emotions and heart health, immune health and resilience. Positive emotions can even increase your sense of purpose. If this is a time of transition for you, positive emotions can help you find your new path.

3 Steps to More Positivity

Using the power of positivity to tackle your pandemic fatigue doesn't mean telling yourself to "just think positive" or constantly reading positivity quotes or memes on social media. To become more positive, you need intentional strategies. It isn't about suppressing negative feelings.

As an example, let's say that you want to start working out regularly again after letting your fitness habits slide during the pandemic. Based on Dr. Frederickson’s teachings, you could use this simple reflection to get started:

1. Notice how often you actually think about the activity – in this case, exercising. Once or multiple times a day? Weekly? Never? 

2. Identify what percentage of your thoughts about the activity is positive and what percentage is negative. 

3. Finally, think about how positive your experience is while you are engaging in the activity.

In other words, tweak the experience so that it becomes more enjoyable, rather than just focusing on the accomplishment. When I used to go to spinning classes regularly with friends, I loved it — even when I was too tired to do it. I enjoyed catching up with my friends, listening to the upbeat music and picking a person in the class to secretly “compete” with. If I had been focused only on the outcome (getting through the one-hour class) I wouldn’t have enjoyed it nearly as much. 

Reprogram Your Negative Thoughts

Once you have greater awareness about your thoughts about an activity, you can actually “program” your spontaneous thoughts to be more positive. Frederickson suggests using an “if (this), then (that)” approach. Continuing with our example of exercise, here’s what it would look like in practice:

• If I am too tired to exercise after work, then I will remind myself how good I will feel once I start exercising.

• If it is a nice day outside, then I will go for a walk in my favorite park or trail.

These quick strategies will help you develop effective ways to counteract some of the challenges and negative thoughts you may be facing lately. I have been trying them myself and am surprised at how quickly they start to work. How can you put positivity into action in your own life this week? For more self-care strategies like the ones in this article, pick up a copy of "Staying in the Driver's Seat," part of my Leadership EDGE℠ series.

Women Leaders Shine at Two Events

As a board member for Texas Women’s Foundation, I’m passionate about the organization’s mission to make Texas a better place for women and girls. These past few weeks, it’s been especially exciting to be part of the foundation, thanks to two events that addressed some of the major challenges of our times.

Leadership Forum & Awards

On April 29, TWF presented its Leadership Forum & Awards Celebration to celebrate the impact of women leaders across Texas.

The keynote speaker was Adriana Gascoigne, the founder and CEO of Girls in Tech, a nonprofit organization that empowers, educates and engages women in the tech industry.

Gascoigne talked about how we've lost 50 years in gains for women during the pandemic. The time to invest in women is now. She also shared research from her organization about the tech industry. Findings include a high rate of burnout among women with male bosses.

Gascoigne left her audience with this advice:

• Every failure is an opportunity to learn and build resilience. Fail fast and be open to change.

• Keep your voice. Find your passion and purpose and stick with them.

• Partner with the right people and get advocates.

Congratulations to co-chairs Hattie Hill and Jana Etheridge for this meaningful and valuable event. I also want to extend warm congratulations to the award honorees: Trisha Cunningham, Jin-Ya Huang, Rani Puranik, Judy Treviño, Cheryl Polote Williamson, Diana Mao and Kim Roxie.

Orchid Giving Circle POWER Leadership Forum

Orchid Giving Circle at Texas Women’s Foundation is an Asian sisterhood that provides grants and fosters philanthropy primarily within and for the North Texas Asian community. On May 7, the Circle hosted the POWER Leadership Forum. I was honored to be on the planning committee for this event and to serve as one of the conversation leaders. Sponsors also receive access to my New Lens® app. I’m excited to share that we had almost 600 attendees and 100% of the funds will go to nonprofit organizations.

One key component of the forum was the Fireside Chat with Anne Chow, CEO of AT&T Business. Anne addressed the recent rise in bias against Asian Americans. A few of her key points:

• Asian Americans are often talked about as the “model minority” (successful, overachievers). Remember to lean on the power of your core cultural values — to serve, achieve and perform.

• We have to take care of ourselves. Have people in your life with who you can talk to truthfully. Let it out.

• We all own a part of helping each other be better.  We all have biases. Start with yourself by understanding and reframing your own biases.

Anne also talked about how to manage your energy in challenging times:

• It’s not about achieving work/life balance. Balance is bogus — you have one life to live; not separate personal and professional lives.  In your time-pressed life, focus on the quality of time you spend with others, not the quantity.  Optimize your life to the success measures that you define.

• We all face choice points about where to put our time and energy. When you are making a choice, think about whether it is a “no do-over” moment  — one when you or the other person would always remember that you weren’t there. 

• No one needs to know what your “no do-over” moments are or should tell you what they should be.  You can frame it as an “immovable commitment.”

• Science shows that we are not truly happy unless we are helping others. Pick your head up, get involved in your community, and lift others up.

I also appreciated the takeaways from other panelists:

• Be intentional with your time. Manage your moments.

• Ask for what you need; wish out loud.

• Do not just focus on tasks; take time to consistently invest in relationships.

• Learn from your mistakes and quickly move forward.

• Strategically use your energy.

• Your voice matters, especially during this challenging time for the Asian community.

• Volunteering in the community is a way to grow your skills in a safe environment and build your network of influence.

I hope that you’ll consider joining in Texas Women’s Foundation’s work to drive change for women. To learn more about donating or volunteering, visit the Get Involved page on the organization’s website.

The 5-Minute Strategy to Prepare for a Meeting

Meetings are opportunities to both advance your business goals and strengthen your personal brand as a leader. To make the most of every meeting, your preparation should include not just reviewing the subject matter, but also paying attention to the critical nuances that really drive success. Taking just five minutes to review these five questions can make a real difference in how your next meeting goes.

1. How Do You Want to Show Up?

If you only have time to think about one question from this article before your next meeting, make it this one.

Every meeting you attend affects how others perceive you as a leader. What do you want your colleagues to understand about your leadership? And how can you convey that through your presence and behavior during the meeting?

Also think about how you can align your demeanor with the qualities people associate with strong leadership. For example, if you tend to talk fast, you might be perceived as stressed and harried. So you can make a point at your meeting to speak in a way that sounds grounded.

2. How Will Others Show Up?

It's a pretty safe bet that the other people at your meeting are going to behave in the ways they typically do. Today is probably not going to be the day that your grumpy co-worker becomes optimistic or that the chronic interrupter starts allowing others to speak. If you go into the meeting expecting others will behave in their usual ways, you may take their actions less personally and be more open to engaging in a different way.

At the same time, though, it's important to be aware of any events or situations that could change how others show up. Does anyone attending have an especially heavy workload right now? Is anyone dealing with a family situation? If you have trouble answering questions like those about your colleagues, that could be a sign to start paying some extra attention to strengthening your relationships with them.

3. What Questions Might Others Have?

Many times, if someone questions your ideas, opinions or decisions at a meeting, it's because they don't understand the connection between your actions and the big picture of what's right for the organization. If you speak just about your (or your department’s) goals and priorities, others may wonder whether your motivation is self-serving. So, as you prepare for your meeting, think about how you can "connect the dots" and help others understand your intent if they ask questions.

4. What Resistance or Objections Might Arise?

Even if you're proposing something at this meeting that seems like it should be a slam dunk, take a moment to think about any obstacles you might run into. What concerns might the other meeting attendees have? Preparing for pushback will keep you from being blindsided and help you disagree without being disagreeable.

5. How Will You Respond to Those Objections?

If you do encounter resistance, you can respond to it in a way that helps others feel heard and respected even as you are trying to win them over to your way of thinking. Different people can be influenced in different ways. The Center for Creative Leadership identifies three styles of influencing: 

• Head – a logical appeal focused on organization and individual benefits and typically full of data and facts

• Heart – an emotional appeal linked to something the person cares about such as individual goals and values

• Hand – a cooperative appeal that offers collaboration, consultation and alliances

The best tactic, of course, depends on your audience. So consider which approaches would work best for the different people at your meeting.

If you have a few minutes right now, answer these questions for the next meeting you have coming up. Want more leadership strategies you can put to use immediately? Pick up a copy of my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out." It will help you start taking small steps that lead to big results.

10 Ways to Use Your Body to Change Your Mind

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

As high performers, we're used to thinking of solutions for challenges. But sometimes all that thinking just doesn't work. Trying to think your way out of feeling stressed, frustrated or stuck often ends up making things worse. In the same way, it's hard to think yourself into feeling energetic, confident or calm.

Instead, there's another approach that can be a lot more effective — and a lot more fun. I'm a big believer in using your body to change your mind. More and more research shows us the power of the mind-body connection. Because of this connection, some activities that might not feel productive can actually help you be at your best.

So the next time you find yourself thinking about how to solve or fix something (especially if that "something" is your own mood or mindset), turn your brain off for a while and try one of these ideas instead. 

1. Get Moving

Exercise doesn't just enhance your physical fitness. It also gets your brain in shape. Studies have found a pretty amazing list of mental benefits from exercise. To name just a few, a good workout helps your brain produce feel-good endorphins, improves your stress response, boosts your confidence and reduces anxiety. The next time you feel stressed or stumped, step away from your desk for a walk. Even a quick break for some physical activity can lift your mood and clear mental blocks.

2. Go Outside

That walk will benefit your productivity even more if you can take it outside. Time in nature is a scientifically proven mood booster. It lowers your blood pressure and levels of cortisol, the "fight or flight" hormone. And when it comes to boosting your energy, a nature break is right up there with a cup of coffee. When you return to your desk, it should be easier to focus and concentrate.

3. Laugh It Up

If you tend to check social media during your breaks, skip your news feeds and go straight to the page of your friend who shares the funniest memes. Or perhaps watch a few minutes of a standup special or comedy series. I don't have to tell you that a good laugh feels great. But it also has profound effects on your body and mind. Laughing raises your energy and lowers stress and negative feelings. It can even help you process something that's been bothering you.

4. Let the Tears Flow

Crying may not feel as good in the moment as laughter does. But it's just as beneficial for you. When you cry, your body releases chemicals that can actually help ease both physical and emotional pain and leave you feeling calmer. Some researchers even think crying purges stress hormones and other toxins from your body. If you tend to hold back tears and "push through," see what happens when you give yourself the time and privacy to release all that tension in a good cry.

5. Give and Get Hugs (Safely)

One of the hardest things about the Covid pandemic is that it has limited our physical contact with people we care about. But now, as more of us get vaccinated, there should be more hugs in our future. And not a moment too soon. Touch lowers stress hormones and raises our body's feel-good chemicals, like serotonin. If you live with others, don't forget to spread the hugs to them, too. Sometimes we get lost in our phones in an effort to de-stress. But it would actually lower your stress a lot more to put down the phone and call for a group hug.

6. Maintain Your Appearance

As the pandemic continues on, many of us are feeling lethargy and apathy. In the words of one woman interviewed by The New York Times, remote work has us stuck in "deep pajamaville." Getting out of pajamaville can help us cope with pandemic fatigue. We often talk about maintaining a professional appearance in terms of how it makes others perceive us. But don't forget that the way you look, and the level of care you put into your appearance, also affects how you perceive yourself. This week, devote a little extra time to getting ready even when you don't have a Zoom call. Pull a favorite outfit or accessory back out. Pay attention to how changing your physical appearance affects your confidence and energy.

7. Boogie Down

One advantage of remote work? You have the privacy to get your groove on to your favorite music when you need a break. Dancing can help you stave off anxiety and depression, research has shown. Need some new moves? Get your kids to teach you viral dance trends from TikTok.

8. Belt One Out

While you're dancing, feel free to sing along (even if your kids cringe). Like spending time in nature or getting a big hug, singing lowers the stress hormone cortisol. So go ahead and unleash your inner Beyonce or Bruno Mars.

9. Strike a Pose

No time to take a walk — or stage your own mini musical production number? Just take a moment to stand up and put your hands on your hips (think Wonder Woman). Researcher Amy Cuddy has found that "power poses" like this one help us become "happier, more optimistic, more confident, more creative, more likely to take action, more likely to seek rewards and opportunities, (and) more physically energetic."

10. Be Still

A lot of the ideas in this article involve moving your body in some way. But sometimes what we need most is to quiet the body and, in turn, the mind. Meditation allows us to pause our relentless doing to just be. Practicing mindfulness meditation changes your brain activity — even when you are not meditating.

Your body holds as much wisdom as your mind does. What is it telling you it needs right now? Commit to trying at least one of these ideas this week. For more self-care strategies like the ones in this article, pick up a copy of "Staying in the Driver's Seat," part of my Leadership EDGE℠ series.

Strategies to Stay Calm & Focused in Uncertainty

Did you ever think you’d get this much experience navigating the unknown in this short a timeframe? Well, I certainly didn’t. In addition to all the changes that the coronavirus pandemic brought to my business and personal life in 2020, I was diagnosed with breast cancer on January 2. Although I’m cancer free now, there are still days where I ask myself, “Did all that really happen in 2020?” It was slow and fast all at the same time.

The good news is that I learned some incredible lessons – ones that will serve me for a lifetime and that I will share with others. For starters, the four surgeries and four rounds of chemotherapy in the middle of a pandemic reaffirmed for me that we have far more control over how things unfold than we realize.  I hope that some of these strategies resonate with you, especially as you navigate what’s happening in your life.

Focus on What You Know

When there's a lot of uncertainty in your life, where do your thoughts go? For most of us, it’s all too easy to zero in on everything that you don't know, or the gap between where you are today and where you want to be. Instead, ground yourself in what you do know. What information do you have about your situation? And what else do you know that can be helpful now? For starters, you have shown resilience in the past and know what's helped you during other tough times. And you know who can provide the kind of support you most need, and how they can best do so.

Be Fully Present

We can all play the “What if…?” game. It can be exhausting. Worrying about all the different scenarios and how they might play out in the future can drain the energy right out of you. Take a minute to notice how often you hit your mental "fast forward" button and project into the future when you are stressed out. 

After chemotherapy, I remember how I would go through unpredictable waves of feeling good and feeling bad. For example, I would feel fine for a half hour and then terrible the next half hour. At first, I would get disheartened when I realized that the “feeling good” was only temporary. But, over time, I recognized that I needed a different strategy. I didn't want to ruin the time that I actually felt good anticipating and worrying about when or if I would start feeling bad again. By focusing on the present moment and how I could make the most of it, it changed everything. What would change for you if you shifted your attention from the future to the present—to what’s happening right in front of you?

Take One Step at a Time

A big change can leave you with an overwhelming list of items to work through. That's true whether we're talking about a serious illness, a job loss or even a crisis like the winter storm we recently went through in Texas. If your focus is on solving that giant issue or project looming over your head, it can be paralyzing. If you find yourself in this situation, ask yourself, “What is one step that I can take now to start moving in the right direction?” When you’ve completed that step, identify the next. Framing things this way makes even the toughest challenges a lot more manageable. By not focusing on solving the whole problem, you will be able to solve it faster. There is a reason why my mantra is “small steps can lead to big results.”

Before you move on to the next thing in your day, I want to challenge you to try one of these strategies now. And if you'd like to hear more ideas on building a change mindset, check out Patti Johnson's interview with me on the "Be a Wave Maker: Conversations on Change" podcast. I’ve even gone back and listened to it myself to make sure I don’t lose sight of some of those small, but powerful steps that can make a big difference.

One Thing Video Series: Choose Hope and Positivity

In my latest video, you'll learn a quick perspective shift that will help you re-energize. Remember, hope is not a destination. It's a practice we live every day.

[Podcast] Building a Change Mindset

Patti and I dive into how we think about change – right where our ability to navigate uncertainty begins. I share strategies from my experience helping leaders work through the craziness of 2020, cancer treatment during a pandemic, and creating a successful business.

Listen to the podcast here...

How to Speak Up in Meetings (Best of the Blog)

Meetings can be tricky to navigate for anyone. But women often have some extra challenges that men don't face. Researchers have found that women speak less than men do at meetings, and, as a result of this, their contributions are often underestimated. But they can also be judged more harshly than men if others perceive that they speak a lot.

Today, I want to give you both the confidence and the practical strategies you need to be heard.

What Keeps You From Speaking at Meetings?

In your next meeting, pay attention to your comfort level voicing your ideas and opinions. If you find yourself not saying much, take a few minutes to reflect about what's really holding you back. Here are some common reasons I see time and again in my work with leaders. Which ones resonate with you?

• You feel like you don't know enough about the topic or that you know less than everyone else. This is not your area of expertise.

• You're not comfortable speaking off the top of your head.

• Putting your idea out there feels risky. What if they reject it?

• You hesitate to speak up around people with more experience or tenure than you have.

• You feel that it's rude to talk over or interrupt others, especially if they're more senior than you are, and that’s what it would take to share your idea in this setting. Or you don't want to seem pushy.

How to Speak Up More

Now that you have a better sense of why you don’t speak up in meetings, you can work on reducing your hesitation. For many people, this involves shifting their mindset and expectations of themselves.

If you're not comfortable speaking off the cuff or putting your ideas out there, realize that you're expected to do both more and more as you advance as a leader. Consider making these areas a focus of your leadership development, and look for safe ways to practice, such as volunteer opportunities.

If talking over others or interrupting feels rude to you, remember that you can be heard while still honoring your value of respecting others. First, hone your ability to read the room (even if the "room" is on video) and adjust your style accordingly. In a meeting where everyone is being loud, passionate and outspoken, you can "amp up" your typical approach without stepping on others' toes. In a meeting with this kind of crowd, it can be helpful to make your points early before everyone really gets charged up. 

Also consider whether any beliefs from your culture or your family might impact whether you speak up. For example, "I should always defer to people who are older and more experienced" or "No one likes women who talk too much." These ideas can be so deeply engrained in you that you're not even aware of them until you start reflecting about your underlying assumptions or values.

One of the biggest shifts you can make is realizing that you can add value to a meeting even when you don't have expertise or experience in the area being discussed. Sometimes your fresh perspective is the very thing that makes you valuable. When everyone else has been immersed in a topic, they may be unable to "see the forest for the trees" the way that you can as a relative outsider. 

You don't always have to have the answer or solution, either. Others can benefit just from hearing how you think about the problem. Your approach might be one that they had not considered. You can even add value just by synthesizing and summarizing what you are hearing. When you make statements like "Here are the key opportunities and roadblocks I'm hearing …" or "Kevin, it sounds like you and Debra actually have similar goals here, but you're just stating them a little differently …" you help keep meetings on track and focused.

Don't Go It Alone

As with so many other aspects of developing as a leader, speaking more in meetings gets easier when you enlist an ally in your cause. Ask a trusted colleague to help you enter the conversation. They can say something like "Mona, you've handled situations like this. I'd love to hear your insights."

I also have a variety of products and services to help you build your confidence around speaking up. A great starting point is the title "Communicating With Impact from my Leadership EDGE Series℠. 

One Thing Video Series: Is Stress Affecting Your Relationships?

For busy professionals, prolonged stress affects how we show up for others, both at work and at home. And who isn't experiencing consistent stress these days? In my latest One Thing You Can Do video, I talk about protecting yourself, and your relationships, from stress.

Fed Up With Someone? Ask Yourself These 3 Questions

Have you lost your temper with a colleague recently — or had someone lose their temper with you?

Stress has a lot of us on edge lately. On top of that, remote work can make it more challenging to address conflicts before they boil over.

So how can you maintain your professionalism and protect your relationships when it seems like everyone is pushing your buttons? Let's take a closer look at what might be happening and how you can find a less stressful way to work.

Why Are Things So Tense?

First, please know that you're not alone. Communication in a dynamic, uncertain environment has its challenges. 

With added pressures and workload, many people are moving rapidly and less thoughtfully. Your colleagues may have gotten worse about looping you into discussions. Or perhaps your boss has started dumping more tasks on you at the last minute. 

Another factor is that we're missing out on a lot of the nonverbal communication that happens when we work face to face. Over email or instant messaging, we can't read each other's body language or tone of voice. As a result, we can come off as harsher than we intend. It's also harder to tell if we've offended someone else because we don't see them bristle or frown at our words.

Finally, it's easier to defer difficult conversations when we don't see the other person face to face everyday and when there's so much else going on. Although you might be thinking, "It's just not worth bringing this up right now," ignoring the issue won’t stop resentment from building up. And, eventually, it's going to blow.

How to Communicate Constructively

If an issue with a colleague has been nagging at you, stop ignoring your feelings. Instead, ask yourself these three questions:

1. What is this really about for you? 

When someone gets on your nerves, it can be less about what they did and more about them violating a value that you hold near and dear. If your boss's micromanagement drives you crazy, that's a sign that you value trust and respect. If you strongly value professional growth, your boss's failure to coach you and give performance feedback can feel out of sync.

2. What do you want this relationship to look like? 

To address these types of issues, get clearer about what you want and expect from the other person and yourself. For example, do you want to feel heard, respected or appreciated? 

And how do you want to show up in this relationship? What do you want the other person to understand about your leadership? For example, you may want to come across as calm, professional and reasonable — even under pressure. 

3. How can you provide "feedforward"?

I'm not going to recommend that you schedule a Zoom call with the other person so that you can share your frustrations. Instead, try Marshall Goldsmith's approach of providing "feedforward" instead of feedback. Frame the conversation in terms of the behavior you want to see and your positive intent. For example: "I appreciate how involved you are in my work and know that you're really busy. To maximize your time and give me an opportunity to grow, I am happy to take the lead on this project and schedule periodic check-ins to get your input and share the progress."

Business communication might look different these days, but fundamentals like clarity and respect still hold true. I want to challenge you to identify and address one communication sore spot this week. For additional strategies, pick up "Communicating With Impact" from my Leadership EDGE Series℠.

2 Questions to Shape Your New Year

Each new year, I encourage my clients and readers to complete a simple exercise that can have a profound effect on how they move forward. As we begin 2021, this exercise has never felt more important. So carve out as little as 10 minutes for some self-reflection and think about these two questions. You'll get the most out of this exercise if you write your answers out by hand.

1. What Do You Want to Leave Behind from 2020? 

Your first instinct might be to answer "everything!" And that's fine. But what comes up if you go a little deeper? Here are a few examples to spark your thinking:

• Do you need to leave behind any ways of working that just aren't relevant anymore in our reshaped business landscape?

• Has your perfectionism become more of a weakness than a strength lately?

• Are there ways you can reduce the amount of time you spend with people who drain your energy?

• Do you need to escape any thinking traps (like assuming that it's always your fault if something negative happens) that hinder your productivity and happiness?

• Are there any other situations you experienced in 2020 that you don't want to find yourself in again?

2. What Do You Want to Take Forward into 2021? 

This question might feel a bit harder to answer. But as difficult as 2020 was, it also left you with new wisdom and insights. Do any of the following examples ring true for you?

• From working under stressful conditions, you learned to make decisions more effectively and efficiently.

• You realized that self-care is non-negotiable.

• You saw how your strengths helped you get results even in difficult circumstances.

• You got better at delegating, at work and at home.

• You got a clearer sense of what you really value and the work you want to be doing.

By answering these questions, you will now be able to maximize the power of the things that are working for you and be more mindful about changing the things that aren't working. As you start your year, I also invite you to explore Newberry Executive Solutions products and services for both teams and individuals, including:

• The award-winning New Lens® App

• Executive coaching

• Corporate programs

• Self-paced tools

5 Ways to Recognize and Appreciate Your Team Members

As 2020 winds down, you might already be planning for 2021. One of the most powerful goals you can set for next year is giving your team members more recognition and appreciation.

Making employees feel seen and valued improves engagement and retention. And it doesn’t require a lot of time or money.

Image by Bob Dmyt from Pixabay

Here are five ideas for recognizing and appreciating your team members. Which ones are you already doing? Which ones do you want to try in 2021?

1. Be Deliberate About Giving Regular Feedback

Especially if your team is working remotely, it's all too easy to skip feedback in favor of other priorities. If you're doing this, though, your employees are missing out on valuable information from you that could make or break their future success.

2. Get Specific in Your Positive Feedback

Saying "Great job!" after a meeting might give your employee a mental boost. But telling her exactly what she did well and the impact of her actions will help her build on what she's doing right. Here's an example: "You asked great questions during that meeting, which allowed the team to notice opportunities we might have otherwise missed."

3. Use Meetings to Share Successes

Start team meetings by asking people to share their recent successes or what’s been going well. This doesn’t take long, and it makes people feel good as they start noticing what they’re actually getting done. Your employees can emulate this practice in meetings with their own direct reports, which helps build a culture of recognition throughout your company. Besides boosting everyone’s energy, getting into this habit gives you more information and insight about what is working.

4. Give Your Team Members Visibility

There are many ways to accomplish this. Nominating your team members for your company's internal recognition or awards programs will boost morale and help make others aware of their great work. You could also recommend your team members for promotions or high-profile projects, share their successes with higher-level managers, invite them to present in front of audiences they don't typically get exposure to or introduce them to others inside or outside of the company who could mentor or guide them.

5. Take the Time to Check In

The gift of your time and attention is a form of recognition and appreciation as well. Have regular one-on-ones with your team members that aren't about projects. Instead, simply ask how they are doing and how you can support them. By relating to your team members in a warm and human way, you are showing how much you value and respect them.

For more ideas on guiding your employees through challenging times, pick up a copy of "Building a Strong Team" from my Leadership EDGE℠ series.

Does Your Communication Style Show That You're Ready for a Promotion?

The way that you communicate at work sends big messages about your capabilities as a leader. Do your messages elevate your competence or undercut it? Let's take a closer look at your communication style and how it affects your career. In particular, I want to help you recognize and overcome a common communication mistake that trips up even the smartest professionals.

When it comes to deciding who gets promoted, who gets a raise or who lands that high-visibility project, your boss is looking for someone who can communicate strategically. But what exactly does that mean? A strategic communicator consistently links ideas to the big picture, tailors the message for the audience and demonstrates empathy.

By contrast, tactical communicators can get "lost in the weeds" — often in the world of their subject matter expertise. Their passion or desire to be thorough or educate others can bog them down in the details when they share ideas and suggestions. And pretty soon, people have lost interest.

Are You Strategic or Tactical?

Here are a few examples of how strategic and tactical communicators handle things differently:

Tactical: Is often “waiting to talk” vs. listening. Starts thinking about how to respond even before the other person has finished asking a question. They have a lot to share and they're eager to get it out!

Strategic: Takes time to notice and understand what is being asked, including the question behind the question. Provides information the other person really needs, even if it goes beyond the scope of the original question.

Tactical: Gives exhaustive answers to questions to demonstrate competence or because they believe the other person needs all that information in order to make a decision. Ideas are often presented sequentially, building up to the conclusion or direct answer.

Strategic: Responds with the one or two points that are most important to understand and allows others to ask for more details if they need them.

Tactical: Focused more on what they know. Sees things more from their own perspective and what they want others to understand.

Strategic: Keeps the audience in mind and how to tailor the message accordingly. Understands the fine balance between what they care about and what's relevant to others.

These two styles of communication create very different perceptions of your leadership ability.

If you tend to be more tactical and “in the weeds,” people may tune you out and miss valuable parts of your message. Instead of appreciating your expertise, they may become impatient and irritated. They may even start working around you and turn to others who can provide input more concisely. Worst of all, you risk developing a reputation as someone who is a deep subject matter expert but can’t take on a higher-level, more strategic role.

On the other hand, if you can communicate strategically, people are more likely to think that you understand business priorities and can advance the organization’s goals.

This week, pay attention to the way you communicate with your colleagues. How do they respond to you? And what does your communication style convey about your leadership? To further build your communication skills, pick up a copy of "Communicating With Impact" from my Leadership EDGE℠ series.

Grateful to Others? Let Them Know!

In this challenging year, it may be hard to remember the last time it didn't feel like your plate was full. When we're so busy, it's easy to overlook even important things — like the people who are making a difference in our lives.

As we get close to Thanksgiving, take a moment to reflect on the times this year when you've been elevated by the support and kindness of others.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Maybe this makes you think about the friend or former colleague who always seems to know when you need a cheerful call or text message. Or the boss who still finds the time to listen even though you know her schedule has gotten busier. Or your family members who have kept a good attitude despite changes in your routines.

Just by thinking about the people you are grateful for, you'll feel less stress. And who couldn't use that right now? But don't stop there. Let these people know how they've made your life better and how much you appreciate them. Your expression of gratitude will lift their spirits. And, again, you'll benefit, too. Positive psychology researcher Martin Seligman found that when people shared letters of gratitude with someone they had never properly thanked for their kindness, they immediately became happier — and stayed happier for the next month!

In my own life, I want to thank my sister, brother, aunt and cousins who have really gone the extra mile for me this year. Who is on your personal gratitude list? And how will you let them know about the important difference they have made for you?

How to Move Forward Amid Uncertainty

It all adds up: Election stress, pandemic stress, economic stress. Not to mention the regular stresses of our busy lives.

But no matter where we are emotionally right now, and no matter what lies ahead, we're all working to keep moving forward on the things that are important to us.

Your instinct might be to just keep pushing yourself. But that's not sustainable. Instead, I want to encourage you to take time today to think about where you are and to plot your path forward.

It's easy sometimes to overlook the first part of that process: checking in with yourself. But self-awareness, especially during times of change, is a crucial part of being a leader.

How Are You Right Now?

That's why I want you to pause to consider how you are doing at this moment. Where would you place yourself on a scale of 1 to 10?

A “10” means you consistently feel strong, optimistic or resilient. You developed strategies that have been working well for you this year. A “1” means you may feel depleted, drained or are struggling from week to week. You're at your lowest point of 2020. If neither of those extremes applies to you and how you feel vacillates, you may fall somewhere in the middle.

Remember that this exercise is less about the numerical rating and more about being honest with yourself and noticing what’s going on for you.

Next, think about what has helped you navigate all the uncertainty of 2020 so far. What has kept you going and gotten you through the most difficult times? Here are a few possible answers to help spark your thinking:

• I've felt my best this year when I've protected my time for exercising even when my schedule is hectic.

• I've discovered that writing down my feelings really helps me de-stress.

• Talking with friends, colleagues or mentors who lift my energy has helped me deal with the hardest parts of 2020.

What Do You Really Need?

Finally, pick one of those helpful habits or activities and think about how you can bring it to the forefront. This is important no matter what your emotional state and stress levels are right now. If you're feeling good, understanding why this is so will help you keep building on your momentum. If you're not doing so great, the best way to start turning things around is going back to the tools and strategies that have worked for you before.

Either way, make sure the step you focus on is easy to implement. It should involve an action you can take immediately to give yourself more of what you need. You can even share what you are doing with someone close to you so that they can hold you accountable.

As always, I want to remind you that small steps lead to big results. That's never felt more true. And I'm here to support you as you take those steps. Here are a few more resources that can help:

• Why pausing makes you more productive

• How to use passion to overcome fear

• When you are tired of being strong

• The best leaders ask for help

• All self-paced tools from Newberry Executive Solutions

How to Stop Fixing and Start Coaching

As a high performer, you're good at solving problems. But do you ever feel too good at it?

I'm hearing from a lot of leaders lately that they're spending their days putting out fires, dealing with crises and answering questions for their team members. 

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

If that sounds a lot like your days, too, you may feel like you're stuck in this situation. Things are still busy and unpredictable. There's no end in sight for problems that need solving. But maximizing your impact as a leader does not mean always jumping in and coming to the rescue. Today I want to give you some alternate strategies that will benefit both you and your team.

The Downside of Solving

It's easy for leaders to get into the habit of being the fixer or the solver, especially in stressful times like these.

After all, you're a leader because you've proven that you can efficiently solve problems. When team members come to you with a quandary or crisis, you can probably identify a solution quickly. You really want to get this problem off your plate, and coaching your direct report through it seems a lot more complicated than dealing with it yourself. So, once again, you become the solver.

But while you are saving time and stress in the short term, you are setting yourself and your team members up for longer-term problems. When you regularly leap to solving instead of coaching or delegating for development, here's what can happen:

• You lose time for your most important work. As a leader, your priorities should include big-picture thinking and helping your team members develop. When you're neglecting these priorities to do the work your reports could be doing, you aren't adding all the value you can as a leader.  

• You get caught in an unproductive pattern. The more you solve for them, the more your team will ask you to solve. And the less time you will have for anything else.

• Your team members miss opportunities to grow. By over-relying on you, they're hampering their own career development.

• You sow discord on your team. If you're always solving problems for some team members instead of helping them develop, the rest of the team will notice — especially if their colleagues' underperformance creates more work for them. On the other hand, your direct reports who need development may not understand why others are your "go-tos" for important assignments.

3 Questions to Ask Yourself

So how can you balance the short-term concerns of getting things done quickly with the long-term concerns of strengthening your team, developing its members and maximizing your own leadership? Here are a few questions that can help you move from solving to coaching and developing.

• What is your role? Even if you complain about being "the solver," does your ego get a boost from playing this role? Becoming aware of this can help you get unstuck and start finding better ways to use your expertise.

• How do you want to show up? How do you want others to see you as a leader? If you’re always in the details problem-solving, you’re less likely to be viewed as someone with the capacity to move up and contribute more strategically.

• How capable is your team? If you feel nervous delegating to certain team members, is it because of their competence? If so, identify the need for additional training beyond coaching from you.

Making the Shift

With your answers to these questions in mind, what's one small shift you can make to go from short-term problem-solving to investing in your team’s longer-term development? For example, it might be as simple as pausing when someone comes to you with an issue and reminding yourself that this person has the ability to learn and that you can coach them.

As you do things differently, others might not know what to make of your changes in behavior. So remember to connect the dots for them by framing your actions, "I trust you and want to give you a chance to grow. I'm here to help, but I'm going to step back to let you own this project."

From time to time, you will find yourself in urgent situations where you need to jump in and take action. But you can still coach even in these cases. After the problem is resolved, meet with your team member to talk through what you did and prepare them to handle similar scenarios in the future.

As a leader, preparing your team members to lead is one of the most important things you can do. And it shows your own readiness for a bigger role. For more strategies like these, pick up a copy of  "Building a Strong Team" from my Leadership EDGE℠ Series.

Insights from America Ferrera

“Your identity is a superpower, not an obstacle.”

That was just one of my favorite quotes from the keynote conversation with actor, director and author America Ferrera at the Texas Women's Foundation's 35th Annual Luncheon.

TWF works for social and economic change for women, girls and families in Texas. I'm honored to support the organization's mission as a member of its board of directors. The theme of this virtual event was creating more inclusive communities across Texas. 

Ferrera delivered some powerful inspiration on the topic of inclusivity. You may know this Emmy and Golden Globe winner best from the shows "Ugly Betty" and "Superstore" or movies like "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." But Ferrera has also served as a producer and director on "Superstore" and other projects. She is the author of "American Like Me: Reflections on Life Between Cultures." As an activist, she was a founding member of Time's Up and has worked with the organization Voto Latino. She holds a bachelor's degree in international relations from the University of Southern California.

Being Whole and Authentic

During the TWF luncheon, Ferrera emphasized the importance of being your whole self. Many of us make decisions in the moment that may not fully reflect who we are. Perhaps we are compromising, concerned about being rejected or simply taking the path of least resistance. Over time, each of those small decisions can add up to a lot. What have you not explored in yourself or kept from others because of who you thought you had to be? What aspects of yourself have you had to strip away to fit in?

“What does success mean?" Ferrera said. "Does it mean just getting into the room, or does it mean who you can be once you’re in that room? My journey has taken me to: It only matters if I’m in those rooms if I can be my whole authentic self.”

In corporate America, we talk a lot about the business case for inclusion, but Ferrera brings a more personal perspective. She encouraged us to think of inclusivity as something that benefits each of us individually. When you empower someone else, you also empower yourself. When you help others be safer, you are safer as well. Investing in others means creating valuable opportunities for the world to benefit from their talents (talents that otherwise might have gone unexpressed). And to create the change we want to see, we need everyone's talents to come together.

To learn more about the work of the Texas Women's Foundation, please visit www.txwf.org. The organization's next event is Virtual Viewpoints: The 19th with journalist Emily Ramshaw on October 19.

One Thing Video Series: Get More Visibility for Your Accomplishments

Are you getting the recognition you deserve for all of the great work you are accomplishing? If not, my latest One Thing You Can Do video will teach you one of my top strategies for increasing your visibility.

5 Ways to Self-Promote While Working Remotely

Is remote work making you feel out of sight, out of mind with your boss and other key leaders?

A recent article in Harvard Business Review argues that while working from home creates benefits like flexibility, it also carries unique pitfalls for women that can hold us back from promotions and pay raises.

In my last article, I gave you some tactics for dealing with one of those pitfalls: increasing demands at work and at home. This week, let's tackle another key question of our new WFH reality: How do you build relationships, get recognized for your contributions and advance your career when you and your colleagues can’t just run into each other in the office? Here are five of my best practices.

1. Track Your Accomplishments

I have always recommended keeping track of your successes. But it's now more important than ever. With our days so busy, it's easy to overlook all the ways you're creating value. So make it a point to regularly jot down your accomplishments — even if some of them don’t seem like a big deal. Then write down the impact of each accomplishment to help you notice its relevance.  You’ll find that even those small successes can have a big impact. For example, just one productive meeting with an influential leader can set the stage for a strong working relationship.

When you track your accomplishments, you will have them top of mind – which will make it easier to communicate them to others. Trust me, it's also a great morale booster as you realize the difference you’re making!

2. Strategically Communicate Your Value

After you start logging your accomplishments, the next step is to tell others about them. Don’t assume that others will simply notice your hard work and recognize you for it. Remember, your boss has a lot on her plate, too. "Tastefully tooting your own horn" isn't bragging. It's helping your boss understand all the ways you add value so that she can more fully leverage them.

Without the impromptu interactions that happen in an office, you have to be even more intentional about communicating your accomplishments and their significance. That could mean being ready to share one of your team’s successes on your next Zoom call. As a bonus, it also recognizes your team members. Or you could simply email your boss regular updates about your progress as an FYI (which she can easily forward to others).

3. Reframe Career Conversations

If your organization has gone through restructuring or downsizing, you might feel awkward about asking your boss for time to discuss your career goals. But you can do this in a way that's helpful for both of you.

As always, you're more likely to get promoted or achieve other career goals when you make clear to others that you're thinking about more than what you want. That's especially true today. Your boss will be more receptive when you frame your message more like this:

Given the recent organizational changes, how can I best use my skills and experience to make a difference? I want to continue to grow as a leader and add more value to the company. 

4. Remember What Works for You

While our work environment has changed, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel when it comes to building relationships or raising your visibility. The same fundamental principles hold true. You may just need to adapt them a little for the work-at-home world.

That's the message I gave one of my former clients when we caught up recently. She had just started a new job and was worried about how to get to know her new colleagues and work effectively with them without ever meeting them face to face.

Here's the surprising thing: As an experienced executive in an externally facing role, she has built her career on her ability to successfully cultivate strong, authentic relationships. But during this period of significant change, she kept thinking about what may be difficult instead of focusing on what she already knows that can help her. 

Take a moment now to jot down strategies you have used to increase your visibility and advance your career so far. How would you adapt those strategies for the current environment? Some strategies you may not need to adapt at all. For example, you can establish a regular cadence of sharing one or two accomplishments each week, forward positive feedback you’ve received, or be fully present to engage more impactfully.

5. Keep Growing as a Leader

It's totally understandable if you haven't had a spare moment in the past six months to even consider professional development. But hopefully you've started to create some capacity in your schedule to reflect about where you are, where you want to go and how to get there. Investing in building your skills and expertise is one way to strategically advance your career, differentiate yourself and boost your confidence. 

Even before the pandemic, online learning opportunities were dramatically expanding. Think about the type of virtual experience that could help you develop your leadership skills. Start by checking out my WOW! (Women on the Way to peak performance) Program℠. I've delivered WOW! at top corporations, and it is now available as a self-paced program that you can complete on your own, with a colleague or through your own informal learning circle.

Your Pillars of Support

RBG inspired and touched so many. In honor of her memory, appreciate who has been there for you during these challenging times and tag them here.