3 Powerful Questions to Finish 2021 with Intention

We’re now in the last quarter of 2021. For many of us, that means navigating both a final push at work as well as the hectic holiday season.

While your schedule might be full right now, you may also feel like your fuel tank is running on empty. And you’re not alone. The new Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey & Company and Lean In found that 42% of women say they often or almost always feel burned out. For women who manage teams, the crisis is even worse. More than half of women leaders report experiencing burnout.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

The unprecedented demands on us these days amplify the need to be intentional in how we approach these busy final weeks of the year. Answering these three questions can help you reduce your stress and increase your sense of control.

1. What Does the Road Ahead Look Like?

When there’s a lot going on, life can feel overwhelming. Getting everything out of your head and onto a piece of paper can do wonders to make it feel more manageable. So, take a moment to jot down what you foresee happening at work and in your personal life through the end of 2021. This will reduce the level of uncertainty for you, start to set your expectations and allow you to strategize. 

2. What Can You Do for Yourself?

As you think about the rest of the year, determine what would help you the most. Start by identifying strategies that have worked well for you this year and choose one to use proactively. For example, if distractions and interruptions are out of control, talk to your team about alternative ways to effectively communicate and work with them. Or if delivering performance reviews stresses you out, set aside some time to explore how to make feedback easier and more effective. Or if you have to spend time with family members who drain your energy, counteract that by scheduling time doing something fun or energizing.

3. Whose Support Do You Need?

Even before Covid-19, loneliness was being called an epidemic in its own right. Amid our busy lives, it’s all too easy to let our connections with others fray. But those connections can be the very thing that gets us through busy or stressful times. Don’t try to soldier through on your own. Instead, reach out in advance to someone who can give you the kind of support you need over the coming weeks. Describe the “warning signs” of stress that they should look for and how they can best help you if they arise. For example, you could ask your spouse, “If you notice that I’m working long hours and getting irritable, could you please remind me that starting my day with a walk or run always helps me feel better and be more productive?” 

If the person whose support you really crave is no longer with you, write down the words you would need to hear from that person and keep them accessible. If, for example, your late mom always used to know what to say to help you bounce back, keep some of her words of wisdom in the notes app on your phone.

By spending a few minutes this week to answer these questions, you’ll be taking a powerful step to protect your health, energy level and peace of mind as the year winds down. For a deeper dive into managing your energy as a leader, check out our tools and resources, ranging from the New Lens® app to books and audio training to executive coaching. You’ll find solutions that fit both your needs and your busy schedule.

4 Ways to Take Responsibility for Your Energy

Recently, I shared a photo on LinkedIn that struck a chord with thousands of people. The photo shows a sign posted at an Indiana University Health facility which reads:

Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.

Your words matter. Your behaviors matter. Our patients and our teams matter.

Take a slow, deep breath and make sure your energy is in check before entering.

Thank you.

I wonder if those words resonated with so many people because we all know what it’s like to be affected by someone else’s energy — for better or for worse.

As leaders, we have to watch the energy we project. We don’t have to be perfect but do have to remember that we’re always in the “invisible spotlight” and that our behavior and presence sets the tone for others. 

So how can you take ownership for the energy you bring as a leader — even when things get crazy and stressful? Here are a few strategies that consistently work for my executive coaching clients.

1. Take Care of Yourself

You can’t bring positive energy if you’ve depleted your own tank. Are you getting enough sleep, breaks, exercise or healthy food? Too many of us fall into the trap of thinking, “How can I possibly take time for ME right now when there’s so much to do?” But experience and research show that self-care will boost your productivity and help you better support others. Taking care of yourself is not “nice to have” but rather a critical leadership strategy that affects how you show up.

2. Notice Your Energy Patterns

To maximize your energy, plan your activities with your personal energy patterns in mind. For example, if you typically feel more energetic in the morning, complete your most challenging or creative work then. Don’t save it for when your energy is already drained. And don’t schedule most of your draining work activities on one day. Your body will always give you clues about when it’s time to walk away (such as headaches, back pain, fatigue, and the inability to focus) and give yourself a break.

3. Build Your Executive Presence

Think about all the times when someone else’s energy affected you. Their energy probably had less to do with what they said and more to do with how they said it – perhaps with an edge to their tone, impatience, or frustration. Before you dial into your next call or log into your next videoconference, ask yourself, “How do I want to show up? What energy do I want to bring?” By simply pausing to do this, it will affect your executive presence including your tone, body language, and energy.

4. Boost Your Confidence

Your confidence level significantly impacts how you show up with others. Sometimes, all it takes to give yourself a confidence boost is setting aside a little more time – even 15 minutes – to prepare more fully. Go beyond the subject matter to think through the audience, their potential questions and resistance, and your own presence. And remember that taking even 5 minutes a week to jot down a few of your accomplishments and the value they created for your organization, will build your confidence over time.

Your energy as a leader has a ripple effect on other people. I want to challenge you to identify one strategy that you will use to keep your energy in check this week. To take a deeper dive into the topics explored here — including self-care, boosting your energy, developing your executive presence, and building confidence — take a look at our tools and resources ranging from the New Lens® app to books and audio training to executive coaching.  You’ll find solutions that fit both your needs and your busy schedule.

How to Stop the Loop of Negative Self-Talk

I’m usually a positive person, but earlier this summer, I noticed that my inner voice (and sometimes my outer one!) was starting to drone on like Charlie Brown’s teacher. 

During my treatment for and recovery from cancer, I was vigilant about maintaining a positive mindset and keeping people with positive energy around me. But as the ongoing challenges of recovery and a global pandemic continued, I found it hard to consistently be positive. My attention shifted more to my fatigue and desire for things to be different.

Photo by Julia Avamotive from Pexels

What I experienced is sometimes called ruminative thinking. The thing about rumination is that the more you do it, the easier it is to keep doing it.

I knew I needed more than resilience tools to snap me out of the cycle. A vacation did the trick. It was my first “real” time off in a year and a half, where I could unplug instead of dealing with medical issues. And it allowed me to break the loop of negative thoughts and feel like myself again. 

After vacation, I had the mental energy to start using the resilience tools that I know work for me. And I discovered that many of my clients couldn’t seem to shut off their negative thoughts. It’s understandable, given that stressful events can lead to rumination. And we’ve certainly had no shortage of stress lately! But when negative thoughts start spiraling, you can break the cycle. Here are a few strategies to try.

Give Your Brain a Break

Shaking things up and taking a break from the grind of daily routines can reboot your brain – especially if you focus on what energizes you.

I did this by using my vacation to reconnect with close friends, get out in nature, and challenge myself — hiking, rafting, ziplining and other outdoorsy adventures. Being in the middle of nowhere and away from my technology helped me unplug. Researchers have found that a 90-minute walk in nature or exercise reduces ruminative thinking. Learning is another research-backed way to short-circuit rumination because it helps you focus your thoughts on the moment. For my son and I, learning to fly fish did the trick.

How can you shake things up and recharge? Even a one-day staycation can be mentally invigorating. Do something to get you out of your daily patterns and reconnect you with your authentic self.

Honor Your Feelings

Until you can make time for a break, you can turn down the volume on your ruminative thoughts.

I work with high performers, who often use logic as a key driver in how they approach the world. Logic is valuable but you can’t rationalize your way out of a loop of negative thinking.

Your logical mind may tell you that it makes more sense to forget about whatever is bothering you and just move on. But your emotional mind won’t let go as easily. Rather than trying to talk yourself out of your feelings, see what happens when you acknowledge what’s happening. By giving yourself permission to feel the way that you do — even if you don’t want to feel those emotions – you will move through your emotions more quickly.

Enlist Some Help

Get an outside perspective to help you stop ruminating. Ask someone whom you trust and who will be honest with you to help you snap out of negative thinking. Give them some guidance about how to help you in advance. For example, tell them that if they notice you complaining about the same things over and over, to remind you of the tools and tactics that help you feel more resilient. Below are some resources you can have on hand for when you need them.

• How to Discover Your Resilience

• Escape These 7 Thinking Traps

• How to Move Forward Amid Uncertainty

• 10 Ways to Use Your Body to Change Your Mind

• How to Overcome Negative Feelings

Remember that the goal isn’t to stop negative self-talk from ever happening. It’s to help you break the cycle more quickly. If you’ve found yourself ruminating lately, what’s the first step you will take this week to make a shift?

One Thing Video Series: Reclaiming Yourself

Have you gotten lost in the shuffle with everything going on in the world? In the latest installment of my One Thing You Can Do Video Series, listen for what you can do to reclaim more of who you are and recharge.

One Thing Video Series: Dealing with Difficult People

Some people just have a knack for pushing our buttons. You can’t avoid them forever — no matter how much you might want to. But what can you do instead to protect your sanity? In my latest One Thing You Can Do Video, I share a simple strategy that might surprise you.

One Thing Video Series: Pause and Reflect

With so much going on these days, you might not feel like you even have a moment to pause and catch your breath. But in times like these, it’s more important than ever to check in with yourself. Why? All of these challenges you’ve been facing do have a silver lining: They’re teaching you so much that you can use going forward. In my latest One Thing You Can Do Video, I talk about the power of looking at where you are and setting your course for the rest of the year.

What to Do When You Can’t Get a Response

You have a simple question. Or at least that's what you thought. But, for some reason, the colleague you are asking keeps saying they'll have to get back to you. Or perhaps they do respond to you, but their answer isn't relevant to what you need to know.

Image by Ernesto Eslava from Pixabay

When someone isn’t responsive to your questions, you might feel frustrated or even invisible. Getting the information you need while maintaining a good relationship with the other person takes both strong communication skills and emotional intelligence.

Clarify the Core Message

One reason the other person may not respond is that they may be getting lost in the details. Whether you're asking a question in conversation or via email, remember to present your "headlines” first. In other words, directly ask about what you want to know. Save the backstory and details. The other person will ask for more information if they need it.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

Perhaps more than ever, many of us spend our days in a state of stress and distraction. When we're busy, our listening skills suffer. So even if you are clearly stating your question, the other person may not be processing what you are really saying. Consider your audience and tailor the approach accordingly.  What tends to work best? How can you make things easier?

Maybe They Just Don't Know

Some people are reluctant to say "I don't know" out of fear of coming across as incompetent or incapable.

Usually, the leaders I coach have already tried different strategies to make sure they are understood. But they often don't pick up that the other person is uncomfortable admitting they don't have an answer — especially if they themselves have no problem saying they don't know something.

Consider whether this might be going on in your situation. What does the evidence tell you about whether the other person actually has an answer to your question? Don't let their title or level distract you.

If you suspect they don't have an answer, you may have to help them figure one out in a way that spares their ego. For example, give them a couple of ideas to consider and get their reaction.

If you'd like to learn more strategies for leading confidently in any situation, check out my WOW! (Women on the Way to peak performance) Program℠. I've delivered WOW! at top corporations, and now it's available as a self-paced program that you can complete on your own, with a colleague or through your own informal learning circle.

How to Overcome Negative Feelings

Even as we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel of the coronavirus pandemic, we're also experiencing stress and exhaustion after more than a year of disruption. Many of us are still not feeling quite like ourselves — and with good reason.

So, I thought it was a good time to revisit the core ideas of positivity. These principles have made a big difference for both me and my clients over the years. And they can be an important part of our toolkits for dealing with stress and restoring and replenishing ourselves as these challenging times continue.

Image by ShonEjai from Pixabay

Negative Emotions Are Big, But Brief

Positive and negative emotions both play important roles in our lives. Because negative emotions help us deal with threats, we're wired to pay a lot of attention to them, according to Dr. Barbara Frederickson, a researcher on the science of emotions. (Be sure to check out her books Positivity and Love 2.0). However, over time, negative emotions may create “lingering lenses" — for example, the tendency to see danger in every situation. It's helpful to remember that emotions, by nature, are brief. If you're having negative emotions right now, it may not feel like they'll ever pass. But they will. Also remind yourself that a negative emotion might feel "big" not because of its actual magnitude, but rather because that's just how our brains work.

Positivity Is Good Medicine

It's not just important to manage our negative emotions right now. We also need to cultivate positive emotions. Positivity has very real effects on our physical and emotional well-being and is tightly linked to how long we live and how healthy we are. Research shows a direct correlation between positive emotions and heart health, immune health and resilience. Positive emotions can even increase your sense of purpose. If this is a time of transition for you, positive emotions can help you find your new path.

3 Steps to More Positivity

Using the power of positivity to tackle your pandemic fatigue doesn't mean telling yourself to "just think positive" or constantly reading positivity quotes or memes on social media. To become more positive, you need intentional strategies. It isn't about suppressing negative feelings.

As an example, let's say that you want to start working out regularly again after letting your fitness habits slide during the pandemic. Based on Dr. Frederickson’s teachings, you could use this simple reflection to get started:

1. Notice how often you actually think about the activity – in this case, exercising. Once or multiple times a day? Weekly? Never? 

2. Identify what percentage of your thoughts about the activity is positive and what percentage is negative. 

3. Finally, think about how positive your experience is while you are engaging in the activity.

In other words, tweak the experience so that it becomes more enjoyable, rather than just focusing on the accomplishment. When I used to go to spinning classes regularly with friends, I loved it — even when I was too tired to do it. I enjoyed catching up with my friends, listening to the upbeat music and picking a person in the class to secretly “compete” with. If I had been focused only on the outcome (getting through the one-hour class) I wouldn’t have enjoyed it nearly as much. 

Reprogram Your Negative Thoughts

Once you have greater awareness about your thoughts about an activity, you can actually “program” your spontaneous thoughts to be more positive. Frederickson suggests using an “if (this), then (that)” approach. Continuing with our example of exercise, here’s what it would look like in practice:

• If I am too tired to exercise after work, then I will remind myself how good I will feel once I start exercising.

• If it is a nice day outside, then I will go for a walk in my favorite park or trail.

These quick strategies will help you develop effective ways to counteract some of the challenges and negative thoughts you may be facing lately. I have been trying them myself and am surprised at how quickly they start to work. How can you put positivity into action in your own life this week? For more self-care strategies like the ones in this article, pick up a copy of "Staying in the Driver's Seat," part of my Leadership EDGE℠ series.

Women Leaders Shine at Two Events

As a board member for Texas Women’s Foundation, I’m passionate about the organization’s mission to make Texas a better place for women and girls. These past few weeks, it’s been especially exciting to be part of the foundation, thanks to two events that addressed some of the major challenges of our times.

Leadership Forum & Awards

On April 29, TWF presented its Leadership Forum & Awards Celebration to celebrate the impact of women leaders across Texas.

The keynote speaker was Adriana Gascoigne, the founder and CEO of Girls in Tech, a nonprofit organization that empowers, educates and engages women in the tech industry.

Gascoigne talked about how we've lost 50 years in gains for women during the pandemic. The time to invest in women is now. She also shared research from her organization about the tech industry. Findings include a high rate of burnout among women with male bosses.

Gascoigne left her audience with this advice:

• Every failure is an opportunity to learn and build resilience. Fail fast and be open to change.

• Keep your voice. Find your passion and purpose and stick with them.

• Partner with the right people and get advocates.

Congratulations to co-chairs Hattie Hill and Jana Etheridge for this meaningful and valuable event. I also want to extend warm congratulations to the award honorees: Trisha Cunningham, Jin-Ya Huang, Rani Puranik, Judy Treviño, Cheryl Polote Williamson, Diana Mao and Kim Roxie.

Orchid Giving Circle POWER Leadership Forum

Orchid Giving Circle at Texas Women’s Foundation is an Asian sisterhood that provides grants and fosters philanthropy primarily within and for the North Texas Asian community. On May 7, the Circle hosted the POWER Leadership Forum. I was honored to be on the planning committee for this event and to serve as one of the conversation leaders. Sponsors also receive access to my New Lens® app. I’m excited to share that we had almost 600 attendees and 100% of the funds will go to nonprofit organizations.

One key component of the forum was the Fireside Chat with Anne Chow, CEO of AT&T Business. Anne addressed the recent rise in bias against Asian Americans. A few of her key points:

• Asian Americans are often talked about as the “model minority” (successful, overachievers). Remember to lean on the power of your core cultural values — to serve, achieve and perform.

• We have to take care of ourselves. Have people in your life with who you can talk to truthfully. Let it out.

• We all own a part of helping each other be better.  We all have biases. Start with yourself by understanding and reframing your own biases.

Anne also talked about how to manage your energy in challenging times:

• It’s not about achieving work/life balance. Balance is bogus — you have one life to live; not separate personal and professional lives.  In your time-pressed life, focus on the quality of time you spend with others, not the quantity.  Optimize your life to the success measures that you define.

• We all face choice points about where to put our time and energy. When you are making a choice, think about whether it is a “no do-over” moment  — one when you or the other person would always remember that you weren’t there. 

• No one needs to know what your “no do-over” moments are or should tell you what they should be.  You can frame it as an “immovable commitment.”

• Science shows that we are not truly happy unless we are helping others. Pick your head up, get involved in your community, and lift others up.

I also appreciated the takeaways from other panelists:

• Be intentional with your time. Manage your moments.

• Ask for what you need; wish out loud.

• Do not just focus on tasks; take time to consistently invest in relationships.

• Learn from your mistakes and quickly move forward.

• Strategically use your energy.

• Your voice matters, especially during this challenging time for the Asian community.

• Volunteering in the community is a way to grow your skills in a safe environment and build your network of influence.

I hope that you’ll consider joining in Texas Women’s Foundation’s work to drive change for women. To learn more about donating or volunteering, visit the Get Involved page on the organization’s website.

The 5-Minute Strategy to Prepare for a Meeting

Meetings are opportunities to both advance your business goals and strengthen your personal brand as a leader. To make the most of every meeting, your preparation should include not just reviewing the subject matter, but also paying attention to the critical nuances that really drive success. Taking just five minutes to review these five questions can make a real difference in how your next meeting goes.

1. How Do You Want to Show Up?

If you only have time to think about one question from this article before your next meeting, make it this one.

Every meeting you attend affects how others perceive you as a leader. What do you want your colleagues to understand about your leadership? And how can you convey that through your presence and behavior during the meeting?

Also think about how you can align your demeanor with the qualities people associate with strong leadership. For example, if you tend to talk fast, you might be perceived as stressed and harried. So you can make a point at your meeting to speak in a way that sounds grounded.

2. How Will Others Show Up?

It's a pretty safe bet that the other people at your meeting are going to behave in the ways they typically do. Today is probably not going to be the day that your grumpy co-worker becomes optimistic or that the chronic interrupter starts allowing others to speak. If you go into the meeting expecting others will behave in their usual ways, you may take their actions less personally and be more open to engaging in a different way.

At the same time, though, it's important to be aware of any events or situations that could change how others show up. Does anyone attending have an especially heavy workload right now? Is anyone dealing with a family situation? If you have trouble answering questions like those about your colleagues, that could be a sign to start paying some extra attention to strengthening your relationships with them.

3. What Questions Might Others Have?

Many times, if someone questions your ideas, opinions or decisions at a meeting, it's because they don't understand the connection between your actions and the big picture of what's right for the organization. If you speak just about your (or your department’s) goals and priorities, others may wonder whether your motivation is self-serving. So, as you prepare for your meeting, think about how you can "connect the dots" and help others understand your intent if they ask questions.

4. What Resistance or Objections Might Arise?

Even if you're proposing something at this meeting that seems like it should be a slam dunk, take a moment to think about any obstacles you might run into. What concerns might the other meeting attendees have? Preparing for pushback will keep you from being blindsided and help you disagree without being disagreeable.

5. How Will You Respond to Those Objections?

If you do encounter resistance, you can respond to it in a way that helps others feel heard and respected even as you are trying to win them over to your way of thinking. Different people can be influenced in different ways. The Center for Creative Leadership identifies three styles of influencing: 

• Head – a logical appeal focused on organization and individual benefits and typically full of data and facts

• Heart – an emotional appeal linked to something the person cares about such as individual goals and values

• Hand – a cooperative appeal that offers collaboration, consultation and alliances

The best tactic, of course, depends on your audience. So consider which approaches would work best for the different people at your meeting.

If you have a few minutes right now, answer these questions for the next meeting you have coming up. Want more leadership strategies you can put to use immediately? Pick up a copy of my book "Show Up. Step Up. Step Out." It will help you start taking small steps that lead to big results.

10 Ways to Use Your Body to Change Your Mind

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

As high performers, we're used to thinking of solutions for challenges. But sometimes all that thinking just doesn't work. Trying to think your way out of feeling stressed, frustrated or stuck often ends up making things worse. In the same way, it's hard to think yourself into feeling energetic, confident or calm.

Instead, there's another approach that can be a lot more effective — and a lot more fun. I'm a big believer in using your body to change your mind. More and more research shows us the power of the mind-body connection. Because of this connection, some activities that might not feel productive can actually help you be at your best.

So the next time you find yourself thinking about how to solve or fix something (especially if that "something" is your own mood or mindset), turn your brain off for a while and try one of these ideas instead. 

1. Get Moving

Exercise doesn't just enhance your physical fitness. It also gets your brain in shape. Studies have found a pretty amazing list of mental benefits from exercise. To name just a few, a good workout helps your brain produce feel-good endorphins, improves your stress response, boosts your confidence and reduces anxiety. The next time you feel stressed or stumped, step away from your desk for a walk. Even a quick break for some physical activity can lift your mood and clear mental blocks.

2. Go Outside

That walk will benefit your productivity even more if you can take it outside. Time in nature is a scientifically proven mood booster. It lowers your blood pressure and levels of cortisol, the "fight or flight" hormone. And when it comes to boosting your energy, a nature break is right up there with a cup of coffee. When you return to your desk, it should be easier to focus and concentrate.

3. Laugh It Up

If you tend to check social media during your breaks, skip your news feeds and go straight to the page of your friend who shares the funniest memes. Or perhaps watch a few minutes of a standup special or comedy series. I don't have to tell you that a good laugh feels great. But it also has profound effects on your body and mind. Laughing raises your energy and lowers stress and negative feelings. It can even help you process something that's been bothering you.

4. Let the Tears Flow

Crying may not feel as good in the moment as laughter does. But it's just as beneficial for you. When you cry, your body releases chemicals that can actually help ease both physical and emotional pain and leave you feeling calmer. Some researchers even think crying purges stress hormones and other toxins from your body. If you tend to hold back tears and "push through," see what happens when you give yourself the time and privacy to release all that tension in a good cry.

5. Give and Get Hugs (Safely)

One of the hardest things about the Covid pandemic is that it has limited our physical contact with people we care about. But now, as more of us get vaccinated, there should be more hugs in our future. And not a moment too soon. Touch lowers stress hormones and raises our body's feel-good chemicals, like serotonin. If you live with others, don't forget to spread the hugs to them, too. Sometimes we get lost in our phones in an effort to de-stress. But it would actually lower your stress a lot more to put down the phone and call for a group hug.

6. Maintain Your Appearance

As the pandemic continues on, many of us are feeling lethargy and apathy. In the words of one woman interviewed by The New York Times, remote work has us stuck in "deep pajamaville." Getting out of pajamaville can help us cope with pandemic fatigue. We often talk about maintaining a professional appearance in terms of how it makes others perceive us. But don't forget that the way you look, and the level of care you put into your appearance, also affects how you perceive yourself. This week, devote a little extra time to getting ready even when you don't have a Zoom call. Pull a favorite outfit or accessory back out. Pay attention to how changing your physical appearance affects your confidence and energy.

7. Boogie Down

One advantage of remote work? You have the privacy to get your groove on to your favorite music when you need a break. Dancing can help you stave off anxiety and depression, research has shown. Need some new moves? Get your kids to teach you viral dance trends from TikTok.

8. Belt One Out

While you're dancing, feel free to sing along (even if your kids cringe). Like spending time in nature or getting a big hug, singing lowers the stress hormone cortisol. So go ahead and unleash your inner Beyonce or Bruno Mars.

9. Strike a Pose

No time to take a walk — or stage your own mini musical production number? Just take a moment to stand up and put your hands on your hips (think Wonder Woman). Researcher Amy Cuddy has found that "power poses" like this one help us become "happier, more optimistic, more confident, more creative, more likely to take action, more likely to seek rewards and opportunities, (and) more physically energetic."

10. Be Still

A lot of the ideas in this article involve moving your body in some way. But sometimes what we need most is to quiet the body and, in turn, the mind. Meditation allows us to pause our relentless doing to just be. Practicing mindfulness meditation changes your brain activity — even when you are not meditating.

Your body holds as much wisdom as your mind does. What is it telling you it needs right now? Commit to trying at least one of these ideas this week. For more self-care strategies like the ones in this article, pick up a copy of "Staying in the Driver's Seat," part of my Leadership EDGE℠ series.

Strategies to Stay Calm & Focused in Uncertainty

Did you ever think you’d get this much experience navigating the unknown in this short a timeframe? Well, I certainly didn’t. In addition to all the changes that the coronavirus pandemic brought to my business and personal life in 2020, I was diagnosed with breast cancer on January 2. Although I’m cancer free now, there are still days where I ask myself, “Did all that really happen in 2020?” It was slow and fast all at the same time.

The good news is that I learned some incredible lessons – ones that will serve me for a lifetime and that I will share with others. For starters, the four surgeries and four rounds of chemotherapy in the middle of a pandemic reaffirmed for me that we have far more control over how things unfold than we realize.  I hope that some of these strategies resonate with you, especially as you navigate what’s happening in your life.

Focus on What You Know

When there's a lot of uncertainty in your life, where do your thoughts go? For most of us, it’s all too easy to zero in on everything that you don't know, or the gap between where you are today and where you want to be. Instead, ground yourself in what you do know. What information do you have about your situation? And what else do you know that can be helpful now? For starters, you have shown resilience in the past and know what's helped you during other tough times. And you know who can provide the kind of support you most need, and how they can best do so.

Be Fully Present

We can all play the “What if…?” game. It can be exhausting. Worrying about all the different scenarios and how they might play out in the future can drain the energy right out of you. Take a minute to notice how often you hit your mental "fast forward" button and project into the future when you are stressed out. 

After chemotherapy, I remember how I would go through unpredictable waves of feeling good and feeling bad. For example, I would feel fine for a half hour and then terrible the next half hour. At first, I would get disheartened when I realized that the “feeling good” was only temporary. But, over time, I recognized that I needed a different strategy. I didn't want to ruin the time that I actually felt good anticipating and worrying about when or if I would start feeling bad again. By focusing on the present moment and how I could make the most of it, it changed everything. What would change for you if you shifted your attention from the future to the present—to what’s happening right in front of you?

Take One Step at a Time

A big change can leave you with an overwhelming list of items to work through. That's true whether we're talking about a serious illness, a job loss or even a crisis like the winter storm we recently went through in Texas. If your focus is on solving that giant issue or project looming over your head, it can be paralyzing. If you find yourself in this situation, ask yourself, “What is one step that I can take now to start moving in the right direction?” When you’ve completed that step, identify the next. Framing things this way makes even the toughest challenges a lot more manageable. By not focusing on solving the whole problem, you will be able to solve it faster. There is a reason why my mantra is “small steps can lead to big results.”

Before you move on to the next thing in your day, I want to challenge you to try one of these strategies now. And if you'd like to hear more ideas on building a change mindset, check out Patti Johnson's interview with me on the "Be a Wave Maker: Conversations on Change" podcast. I’ve even gone back and listened to it myself to make sure I don’t lose sight of some of those small, but powerful steps that can make a big difference.

One Thing Video Series: Choose Hope and Positivity

In my latest video, you'll learn a quick perspective shift that will help you re-energize. Remember, hope is not a destination. It's a practice we live every day.

[Podcast] Building a Change Mindset

Patti and I dive into how we think about change – right where our ability to navigate uncertainty begins. I share strategies from my experience helping leaders work through the craziness of 2020, cancer treatment during a pandemic, and creating a successful business.

Listen to the podcast here...

How to Speak Up in Meetings (Best of the Blog)

Meetings can be tricky to navigate for anyone. But women often have some extra challenges that men don't face. Researchers have found that women speak less than men do at meetings, and, as a result of this, their contributions are often underestimated. But they can also be judged more harshly than men if others perceive that they speak a lot.

Today, I want to give you both the confidence and the practical strategies you need to be heard.

What Keeps You From Speaking at Meetings?

In your next meeting, pay attention to your comfort level voicing your ideas and opinions. If you find yourself not saying much, take a few minutes to reflect about what's really holding you back. Here are some common reasons I see time and again in my work with leaders. Which ones resonate with you?

• You feel like you don't know enough about the topic or that you know less than everyone else. This is not your area of expertise.

• You're not comfortable speaking off the top of your head.

• Putting your idea out there feels risky. What if they reject it?

• You hesitate to speak up around people with more experience or tenure than you have.

• You feel that it's rude to talk over or interrupt others, especially if they're more senior than you are, and that’s what it would take to share your idea in this setting. Or you don't want to seem pushy.

How to Speak Up More

Now that you have a better sense of why you don’t speak up in meetings, you can work on reducing your hesitation. For many people, this involves shifting their mindset and expectations of themselves.

If you're not comfortable speaking off the cuff or putting your ideas out there, realize that you're expected to do both more and more as you advance as a leader. Consider making these areas a focus of your leadership development, and look for safe ways to practice, such as volunteer opportunities.

If talking over others or interrupting feels rude to you, remember that you can be heard while still honoring your value of respecting others. First, hone your ability to read the room (even if the "room" is on video) and adjust your style accordingly. In a meeting where everyone is being loud, passionate and outspoken, you can "amp up" your typical approach without stepping on others' toes. In a meeting with this kind of crowd, it can be helpful to make your points early before everyone really gets charged up. 

Also consider whether any beliefs from your culture or your family might impact whether you speak up. For example, "I should always defer to people who are older and more experienced" or "No one likes women who talk too much." These ideas can be so deeply engrained in you that you're not even aware of them until you start reflecting about your underlying assumptions or values.

One of the biggest shifts you can make is realizing that you can add value to a meeting even when you don't have expertise or experience in the area being discussed. Sometimes your fresh perspective is the very thing that makes you valuable. When everyone else has been immersed in a topic, they may be unable to "see the forest for the trees" the way that you can as a relative outsider. 

You don't always have to have the answer or solution, either. Others can benefit just from hearing how you think about the problem. Your approach might be one that they had not considered. You can even add value just by synthesizing and summarizing what you are hearing. When you make statements like "Here are the key opportunities and roadblocks I'm hearing …" or "Kevin, it sounds like you and Debra actually have similar goals here, but you're just stating them a little differently …" you help keep meetings on track and focused.

Don't Go It Alone

As with so many other aspects of developing as a leader, speaking more in meetings gets easier when you enlist an ally in your cause. Ask a trusted colleague to help you enter the conversation. They can say something like "Mona, you've handled situations like this. I'd love to hear your insights."

I also have a variety of products and services to help you build your confidence around speaking up. A great starting point is the title "Communicating With Impact from my Leadership EDGE Series℠. 

One Thing Video Series: Is Stress Affecting Your Relationships?

For busy professionals, prolonged stress affects how we show up for others, both at work and at home. And who isn't experiencing consistent stress these days? In my latest One Thing You Can Do video, I talk about protecting yourself, and your relationships, from stress.

Fed Up With Someone? Ask Yourself These 3 Questions

Have you lost your temper with a colleague recently — or had someone lose their temper with you?

Stress has a lot of us on edge lately. On top of that, remote work can make it more challenging to address conflicts before they boil over.

So how can you maintain your professionalism and protect your relationships when it seems like everyone is pushing your buttons? Let's take a closer look at what might be happening and how you can find a less stressful way to work.

Why Are Things So Tense?

First, please know that you're not alone. Communication in a dynamic, uncertain environment has its challenges. 

With added pressures and workload, many people are moving rapidly and less thoughtfully. Your colleagues may have gotten worse about looping you into discussions. Or perhaps your boss has started dumping more tasks on you at the last minute. 

Another factor is that we're missing out on a lot of the nonverbal communication that happens when we work face to face. Over email or instant messaging, we can't read each other's body language or tone of voice. As a result, we can come off as harsher than we intend. It's also harder to tell if we've offended someone else because we don't see them bristle or frown at our words.

Finally, it's easier to defer difficult conversations when we don't see the other person face to face everyday and when there's so much else going on. Although you might be thinking, "It's just not worth bringing this up right now," ignoring the issue won’t stop resentment from building up. And, eventually, it's going to blow.

How to Communicate Constructively

If an issue with a colleague has been nagging at you, stop ignoring your feelings. Instead, ask yourself these three questions:

1. What is this really about for you? 

When someone gets on your nerves, it can be less about what they did and more about them violating a value that you hold near and dear. If your boss's micromanagement drives you crazy, that's a sign that you value trust and respect. If you strongly value professional growth, your boss's failure to coach you and give performance feedback can feel out of sync.

2. What do you want this relationship to look like? 

To address these types of issues, get clearer about what you want and expect from the other person and yourself. For example, do you want to feel heard, respected or appreciated? 

And how do you want to show up in this relationship? What do you want the other person to understand about your leadership? For example, you may want to come across as calm, professional and reasonable — even under pressure. 

3. How can you provide "feedforward"?

I'm not going to recommend that you schedule a Zoom call with the other person so that you can share your frustrations. Instead, try Marshall Goldsmith's approach of providing "feedforward" instead of feedback. Frame the conversation in terms of the behavior you want to see and your positive intent. For example: "I appreciate how involved you are in my work and know that you're really busy. To maximize your time and give me an opportunity to grow, I am happy to take the lead on this project and schedule periodic check-ins to get your input and share the progress."

Business communication might look different these days, but fundamentals like clarity and respect still hold true. I want to challenge you to identify and address one communication sore spot this week. For additional strategies, pick up "Communicating With Impact" from my Leadership EDGE Series℠.

2 Questions to Shape Your New Year

Each new year, I encourage my clients and readers to complete a simple exercise that can have a profound effect on how they move forward. As we begin 2021, this exercise has never felt more important. So carve out as little as 10 minutes for some self-reflection and think about these two questions. You'll get the most out of this exercise if you write your answers out by hand.

1. What Do You Want to Leave Behind from 2020? 

Your first instinct might be to answer "everything!" And that's fine. But what comes up if you go a little deeper? Here are a few examples to spark your thinking:

• Do you need to leave behind any ways of working that just aren't relevant anymore in our reshaped business landscape?

• Has your perfectionism become more of a weakness than a strength lately?

• Are there ways you can reduce the amount of time you spend with people who drain your energy?

• Do you need to escape any thinking traps (like assuming that it's always your fault if something negative happens) that hinder your productivity and happiness?

• Are there any other situations you experienced in 2020 that you don't want to find yourself in again?

2. What Do You Want to Take Forward into 2021? 

This question might feel a bit harder to answer. But as difficult as 2020 was, it also left you with new wisdom and insights. Do any of the following examples ring true for you?

• From working under stressful conditions, you learned to make decisions more effectively and efficiently.

• You realized that self-care is non-negotiable.

• You saw how your strengths helped you get results even in difficult circumstances.

• You got better at delegating, at work and at home.

• You got a clearer sense of what you really value and the work you want to be doing.

By answering these questions, you will now be able to maximize the power of the things that are working for you and be more mindful about changing the things that aren't working. As you start your year, I also invite you to explore Newberry Executive Solutions products and services for both teams and individuals, including:

• The award-winning New Lens® App

• Executive coaching

• Corporate programs

• Self-paced tools

5 Ways to Recognize and Appreciate Your Team Members

As 2020 winds down, you might already be planning for 2021. One of the most powerful goals you can set for next year is giving your team members more recognition and appreciation.

Making employees feel seen and valued improves engagement and retention. And it doesn’t require a lot of time or money.

Image by Bob Dmyt from Pixabay

Here are five ideas for recognizing and appreciating your team members. Which ones are you already doing? Which ones do you want to try in 2021?

1. Be Deliberate About Giving Regular Feedback

Especially if your team is working remotely, it's all too easy to skip feedback in favor of other priorities. If you're doing this, though, your employees are missing out on valuable information from you that could make or break their future success.

2. Get Specific in Your Positive Feedback

Saying "Great job!" after a meeting might give your employee a mental boost. But telling her exactly what she did well and the impact of her actions will help her build on what she's doing right. Here's an example: "You asked great questions during that meeting, which allowed the team to notice opportunities we might have otherwise missed."

3. Use Meetings to Share Successes

Start team meetings by asking people to share their recent successes or what’s been going well. This doesn’t take long, and it makes people feel good as they start noticing what they’re actually getting done. Your employees can emulate this practice in meetings with their own direct reports, which helps build a culture of recognition throughout your company. Besides boosting everyone’s energy, getting into this habit gives you more information and insight about what is working.

4. Give Your Team Members Visibility

There are many ways to accomplish this. Nominating your team members for your company's internal recognition or awards programs will boost morale and help make others aware of their great work. You could also recommend your team members for promotions or high-profile projects, share their successes with higher-level managers, invite them to present in front of audiences they don't typically get exposure to or introduce them to others inside or outside of the company who could mentor or guide them.

5. Take the Time to Check In

The gift of your time and attention is a form of recognition and appreciation as well. Have regular one-on-ones with your team members that aren't about projects. Instead, simply ask how they are doing and how you can support them. By relating to your team members in a warm and human way, you are showing how much you value and respect them.

For more ideas on guiding your employees through challenging times, pick up a copy of "Building a Strong Team" from my Leadership EDGE℠ series.

Does Your Communication Style Show That You're Ready for a Promotion?

The way that you communicate at work sends big messages about your capabilities as a leader. Do your messages elevate your competence or undercut it? Let's take a closer look at your communication style and how it affects your career. In particular, I want to help you recognize and overcome a common communication mistake that trips up even the smartest professionals.

When it comes to deciding who gets promoted, who gets a raise or who lands that high-visibility project, your boss is looking for someone who can communicate strategically. But what exactly does that mean? A strategic communicator consistently links ideas to the big picture, tailors the message for the audience and demonstrates empathy.

By contrast, tactical communicators can get "lost in the weeds" — often in the world of their subject matter expertise. Their passion or desire to be thorough or educate others can bog them down in the details when they share ideas and suggestions. And pretty soon, people have lost interest.

Are You Strategic or Tactical?

Here are a few examples of how strategic and tactical communicators handle things differently:

Tactical: Is often “waiting to talk” vs. listening. Starts thinking about how to respond even before the other person has finished asking a question. They have a lot to share and they're eager to get it out!

Strategic: Takes time to notice and understand what is being asked, including the question behind the question. Provides information the other person really needs, even if it goes beyond the scope of the original question.

Tactical: Gives exhaustive answers to questions to demonstrate competence or because they believe the other person needs all that information in order to make a decision. Ideas are often presented sequentially, building up to the conclusion or direct answer.

Strategic: Responds with the one or two points that are most important to understand and allows others to ask for more details if they need them.

Tactical: Focused more on what they know. Sees things more from their own perspective and what they want others to understand.

Strategic: Keeps the audience in mind and how to tailor the message accordingly. Understands the fine balance between what they care about and what's relevant to others.

These two styles of communication create very different perceptions of your leadership ability.

If you tend to be more tactical and “in the weeds,” people may tune you out and miss valuable parts of your message. Instead of appreciating your expertise, they may become impatient and irritated. They may even start working around you and turn to others who can provide input more concisely. Worst of all, you risk developing a reputation as someone who is a deep subject matter expert but can’t take on a higher-level, more strategic role.

On the other hand, if you can communicate strategically, people are more likely to think that you understand business priorities and can advance the organization’s goals.

This week, pay attention to the way you communicate with your colleagues. How do they respond to you? And what does your communication style convey about your leadership? To further build your communication skills, pick up a copy of "Communicating With Impact" from my Leadership EDGE℠ series.